You Lost Me

Chapter Eight - Loss

Elena was stuck in her position for a few minutes. What did he mean by goodbye? She knew Damon wasn't one to be dramatic or do empty threats. If he stressed he didn't mean only bye it meant he was probably leaving… for good.

She had to go to the boarding house, she had to be pretty fast but when she reached the hospital's sidewalk she realized she didn't have her car and running faster than she did in a long time she ran towards her house and in less than five minutes she was there. She didn't even get properly inside the house. She just got the keys on the side table by the door and left without taking a second glance. Her legs were hurting and her chest felt like was going to explode. Her body missed her cheerleader practices.

Elena has never driven so fast like that. She could see Stefan giving her a lecture about taking the soil street that led to the boarding house in such high speed after the heavy pouring that came over Mystic Falls in the morning. But she tried to be as much careful as possible while making the turns abruptly and fast.

But her efforts paid off as she saw the house appearing in her sight and the blue Chevy parked in front of it. She was going to be able to make it on time to avoid his potential departure. She parked her car behind his and jumped in the moist grass, stumbling a little bit as she moved her legs too fast.

She was about to move her hand to the handle when he opened the door, suitcase in hand and a backpack hanging on his shoulder.

"Are you leaving?" she panted moving her hand to her chest.

"If you must know, yes I am" he showed his impatience in his tone.

"Where are you going?" she was still trying to even her breath, not only because how much she ran from the hospital to her house but also because of all the risks she took driving like a crazy woman.

"Not sure yet, where the wind takes me" he shrugged answering nonchalantly.

"Please, don't go" she pleaded him and for the first time in months she let herself touch him as her hand moved unsurely to his arm.

"I've got no reason to stay. Actually my time here is overdue. A few months now if you ask me" he didn't shake her hand off of him but didn't acknowledge it anyhow either.

"What about your brother?" she tried the easier way out. She has barely acknowledged those feelings or emotions he caused her. She was not nearly ready to voice them.

"Elena, I'd love to stay and open up my heart to you and let you know how much I cherish the no-hatred relationship Stefan and I progressed to and how I've missed him more than Katherine those 145 years. In addition to it being a big lie, I actually don't have time, so as I already bid you goodbye, now it's time for me to take the road again, as you wisely suggested earlier" he got passed her and walked towards his car.

"Damon" she called behind him and he could catch the edge in her voice.

"What now Elena?" he turned around by curiosity to know if her face matched her tone and much to his surprise it looked more desperate than she sounded.

"Are you going to pretend that I don't exist?" her voice was low. He said he had no reason to stay. It meant all his feelings for her were gone. But did it also mean he'd leave with Carla?

"I'm not pretending you don't exist otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you. I don't like talking to the air. I do acknowledge your existence it's just not relevant for me anymore. I lost you forever remember?" he was already annoyed. Why did she think that everything revolved around her? And there he thought he was selfish…

She was quiet after his words. She couldn't take the pain they caused anymore. Not even when he first arrived in Mystic Falls he has been so cold to her and she knew she couldn't handle it anymore.

"I've always called a truce when it came to important things, when other lives were at stake despite our differences at the time" she tried yet a different approach. She was going to show him how much she hurt because of his words.

"Yes, you did because you needed me, Elena. Every time you needed me to kill any vampire, to take care of Saint Stefan, save you or your friends, you came to me. I guess using and manipulating people might be a Pierce women trait because you girls sure know how to do it. But I'm a good apprentice and as you don't have something that might interest me, I guess a truce is out of my plans. There's nothing you can offer me that makes it worthy using you too. I'm definitely not putting my dashing and sexy body in Kat's crossfire for your friends' lame asses nor yours, Elena" and as he finished talking, he turned on his track and entered his car not giving her a chance to protest again.

Elena was dumbfounded by his words. Not only because he had yet again stated how little – or actually nothing – she meant to him but because of the truth behind those words. She has called truces when she was still having problems with him but always for her own benefit. She has used him, even when she suspected he felt something for her, but she did it anyway. Most of times she thought it was just in her mind the way he'd always looked to her. How he charmed his way to her. She was mostly convinced it was part of his Casanova personality but even before Isobel said he was in love with her, Elena had a few moments of suspicion. But then her mother opened the box and then he admitted it himself in her bedroom that night, not exactly but still she knew that was the closest he'd come to admit any feelings. And as this thought occurred she finally got any idea and jumping on her car again she stepped on gas after him. There was only one way he could go to take the road from the boarding house and she just hoped he was driving by the pace he did when he took her to Georgia.

Being a little bit less careful than she has been on her way to the boarding house it didn't take Elena too long to finally see the blue spot ahead of her in the rustic road. There was a lot of mud in it and her car slipped too easily on those.

Damon was too distracted in his thoughts to take a look at the rear mirror or to listen the car's tires as the radio was on. He wondered how Elena was so fast in his doorstep if she didn't have her car in the hospital... then he mind went back to one of the most confusing moments they 'shared'.

Of course he has seen her when he was first there with Carla. No matter how much he tried he could smell her probably a mile away. He'd listen to her heartbeat increasing with every step she took towards the hospital and he tilted his head back laughing about something Carla said just so he'd see her crossing the street and heading to the little square. He could sense that something was wrong with her but he didn't have a clue of what it was.

She seemed relieved when he finally started the car to leave but then he realized he still had Carla's iPod and ran after the redhead. The moment he kissed the girl standing in front of him he could listen to Elena's heart skipping a beat. And then it hit Damon for the first time that maybe Elena was jealous of Carla. That had to be the only reason why she reacted like that. She was clearly uneasy as she observed their interaction, though he didn't change any of his actions because Elena was seeing them. He was curious enough to see what other reactions she'd have but he wouldn't make a scene with Carla in front of the hospital just to test Elena, so he left as he had planned.

Of course he hasn't left as Elena assumed he had. He parked his car in the next corner and watched her from afar. It was clear to him that Elena was struggling and he was sure his perfect vision didn't fool him when he saw a tear or two rolling down her face. Whatever she was thinking at the moment was causing her any sort of pain and he was slightly disturbed by it but he brushed it off quickly. He wasn't there to reignite any feelings he has ever had for her. If anything he was leaving in some minutes just to make sure he'd never give those feelings a second thought. It'd help his cause if he didn't have to see her all the time and find himself needing to protect or save her like he did one week ago. But then Carla also headed to leave the hospital and seeing the brunette sat across the street for any reason the redhead walked towards her. Damon could say Elena was clearly uncomfortable with Carla around and he almost cursed the graduate when she mentioned that he liked Elena and he was hurt by story repeating itself but Elena seemed to be thinking of something else as she barely acknowledged the information. It was amusing for him to think of something as ridiculous as this but it crossed his mind that maybe even platonically Elena was indeed jealous. And as he thought it a burning went down his chest and he was sure he has never felt something like that.

And then just a couple of minutes after his ex bed buddy left Elena seemed to finally come to terms with herself and he knew she was going to leave too. He ran in inhuman speed to his car and headed to the hospital and what first seemed like fate was actually Damon's attempt to find out what was going on in her head. But that wasn't everything that kept Damon around. He really meant to give his blood a try with Mrs. Flowers condition. He didn't know if it'd work as normally vampires didn't use their blood to cure humans while they faced terminal diseases. At least he never heard of such a case but he knew for sure others had tried it before if he was doing it.

But his noble actions were almost fully forgotten when she confronted him about feeding on Carla. He understood then that he was totally wrong in his assumptions. She wasn't jealous, being Ms. Perfection herself, and understandingly a match made in the heaven to his brother, Elena was worried about Carla and of course has expected the worst from him. And that was the final push he needed to finally leave Mystic Falls for the next century or two.

Still lost recapitulating everything that happened in the hospital, he tried to understand why she came after him to almost beg him to stay. He was pretty good in math and he knew it had taken her a lot of speeding up to make it to the boarding house as quickly as she did when she didn't even have her car in the hospital, as he made sure to pass by her house for the last time and saw her SUV there. But if Elena was only concerned about Carla's safety then why she risked her life driving probably very fast in a very slippery natural road to impede him from leaving? Was he right in his first assumptions and her strong reaction was only because she was in denial or has lost it? Nah, he thought to himself. He was being more arrogant than usual and normally Damon kept his feet on earth when he was being honest with himself. It was a very long shot to think that Elena went that far because she was jealous. Because she finally admitted that there was something between them. But it was too late and he surely didn't want to go through another heartbreak to find out that he's been fooling himself with his theories. Again.

He has barely abandoned his thoughts when a car almost hit his. Elena has paired up their cars and rolling down the window she yelled for him to stop the car but he refused and yelled back that she was crazy and just a spoiled girl that couldn't handle not getting what she wanted.

Neither of them paid a lot of attention in the road towards them. Damon because he knew it by heart and Elena because her vision was already blurred with tears because of his stinging words. But even if she had paid total attention she couldn't see the hole ahead of her, created by the storm earlier that day and covered with muddy water and leaves.

Everything happened too fast even for Damon's senses. Her car was by his side and then it wasn't anymore. All he could hear was the loud noise and looking at his car mirrors he saw her car flipping frontally. He nearly lost control of his own automobile as he stepped on the brake too violently, making his car slip in the mud and taking several feet to actually stop.

She was unconscious when he reached her. He assessed her injuries and they seemed worse than the first time he got her from inside a wrecked car. There was blood everywhere this time, plenty of it as it seemed like she didn't wear the seatbelt.

It was becoming a habit he didn't like but tearing his wrist he moved it to her mouth even before he moved her from distorted ironware. She hit the windshield and it was nasty. He could barely catch a heartbeat. Maybe it was too late as he forced his blood down her throat all while cursing her for her stupid actions but not without calling himself even worse names for being such a coward that couldn't handle a teenager's feelings or lack of them even if said teenager has been the woman he loved the most in his life both as a human and as an undead.

AN: So should I save Elena? Well I must confess I have most of next chapter done and a decision was already made but still I want to know what you think. Just because this is a Delena story it doesn't mean they have to be together, or does it?

Elena isn't ready to say out loud whatever it is that she feels for him. She doesn't even know what this is but she does know she doesn't love him. And she doesn't need to love him. Elena has high morals and she loves Stefan with all her heart and feeling the slightest attraction to his brother is already enough for her to question her loyalty to him and maybe their relationship as she may get to the conclusion that she can't love Stefan as much as she thinks if she feels anything for Damon, regardless of the intensity of those recently found feelings/emotions.

And Damon, poor Damon. He's tired of trying to understand and trying to fit. It breaks my heart how hard he tries in the show to fit and be a better man and that's why I take the opposite road here. He's okay with himself. With his humanity and the lack of it at certain points but how would he feel if his lack of it leads to Elena's death? But even if she doesn't die, how would he feel? He already felt a little bit bad about it when Katherine threw her in the wall, what would he feel now?

We've seen how Elena reacted at the potential loss of Damon, now the roles are inverted and we'll see how Damon will react towards potentially losing Elena.

Speaking of Katherine, don't you miss her in this fic? I do and that's why I'm bringing her again in the next update.

Thanks a lot to Nejlla, bluestriker666, , EtherealDemon (for both chapters), xLoveRyanx, xxxMrsDamonSalvatorexxx, Vampgirl144, tsukivamp, niadk, lizzie, WhiteLines, A True Dreamer, shadylady21, kat, alottalove and BMCuller for the reviews. This is the first time ever I've got over one page of reviews for one single chapter. It got me really happy and that's why I had almost the next chapter finished. I feel like I owe you more updates but this weekend I was traveling and that's why it took a little longer.

Talk to you soon.

Babi