(A/N):I prolly wont get this chapter out til 2nite. Im goin krazy stukk up in here. I actually liked the Angel/Cordy thing that was going on but Cordelia in Season 4 and 5 pissed me off 2 no end, so she's DEFINATELY not gonna b in this. Yea I guess u could say this is my own take on Season 5 and the ending.
Review if u wanna.
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It was past midnight by the time Connor trudged his way up to his room. His new room. He never liked it before, his "parents" having picked out every bit of decoration and detail, but now remembering his old place at the Hyperion, the room just felt odd and uncomfortable. Angel, not expecting a teenager so quickly, had given him a room next to his with a lamp, a bed, a desk with a GAMEBOY (surprisingly), and an empty closet, whereas there at the Rileys, he had a cluttered bedroom filled with things telling fake memories and lies. Connor hated lies, hated the people that told them, but mostly hated the lies about him. And now, he was completely surrounded by them.
Being in that room made him clench his jaw in disgust.
He flopped down on the bed. He didnt want to sleep there another night but he was tired. Really tired. He had fought that monster of legend, made the prophesy truth, gotten his memories back, and practically had a mental breakdown in front of his father.
Angel.
Angel had finally seen it. The vampire had finally seen him cry. As Connor's true psyche grew back rapidly, aided by restored memories, he became aghast at what he had done. He had shown the man his torment, his pain, his tears, and most importantly his weaknesses. He had laid out everything he, before, kept hidden and everything he had felt, and in doing so, completely broken down, not to mention begged. Embarrassment couldnt even constitute everything that he had done. He was weak, weak inside, and even past that, his father had witnessed it.
And then he just didnt care. Connor hadnt cared anymore. Though shame still had burned through his cheeks as his father's arms encircled him, he realized that was what he had wanted all along.
Angel's touch. Angel's acceptance.
The rage was deep below finally. The hatred was gone. The voices werent screaming anymore. All that was left was the sadness and the hope. The hope that his father would save him, finally rescue him from himself. From the guilt.
Falling was never easy, but getting back up was when you needed the real help.
And Angel had always been there; he'd been there from the beginning, trying to love him and help him understand. Understand the vampire and Holtz and the world and himself. But he knew himself already, knew what he was. And he thought he had known the man called Angel.
He had hated his father before. Hated him for making Holtz cruel, hated him for having people around him that cared, hated him for smiling when everything was far from ok, but mostly he had hated him for not trying hard enough. He hadnt tried hard enough to find him when he was taken. Connor truly had believed that. And that belief waged war with anything else that was thrown at him to help him believe otherwise. Connor was strong, but his beliefs were stronger. Nothing had a chance unless he changed his mind.
And Connor had been wrong.
His eyes shot to the door as the shouting became louder downstairs. They had been fighting ever since he had gotten home. His "parents". One scream after the next, it had lasted for hours, across the dinner table and into the hallways. When Dormon had stepped outside for a smoke, Connor made his move, silently making his way over to his "mother" to console her, but when she had turned and saw it was him, she only sobbed louder, hiding her face.
He frowned as he thought about it. He told himself he shouldnt really care about them now; they werent his real parents and whatever problems they had they should take care of by themselves, but in almost every yell, his name popped up. His unnatural hearing allowed him to pick up the louder conversations, the usual stuff like money and marriage troubles, but when the screams came from his father, they were always about him. They were jumbled and confusing and he didnt understand how that man could blame everyday problems on him.
But that lady...She wasnt his real mother but she had been nice to him and had kissed him on the cheek the few months he was actually really there. She was gentle but almost always upset. And her smiles were watery, never lighting up her eyes. Connor knew true smiles. They had always adorned Angel's face when he had gazed at him in the beginning when everything was kind of ok. The smiles had reached his eyes and his eyes had shone. Emily however only smiled at him when he was about to go to sleep. It was the only time they were alone.
Poundings were coming up the stairs now. He could smell it again.
"Connor!" There was a few stumbles before Dormon finally came crashing into the room. "Why didnt ya answer me, huh?"
Connor sighed before answering. He was getting really tired now. "Because you knew where I was."
Dormon stared at him. "I don' think I like tha' kinda mouth on ya, boy," he slurred, leaning heavily on the desk by the doorway. Connor ignored him. He had been drinking more than usual tonight, probably even finished up the bottle. Connor had watched him one night, drink half of a bottle all to himself in less than a few minutes. He idly wondered how much the guy could consume. He had never drank before, never seen Angel doing it, but he had seen Lorne drink a little bit, only sipping on a glass full. Dormon definately wasnt a sipper.
"Yer mother's leavin' fer the night. To her sister's."
Connor nodded. She always went away to that woman's house. They didnt even look alike to be sister's. Emily was thin and tan with dark hair, but her sister was blonde and kinda plump with glasses and freckles on her nose. Family was suppose to look alike. He knew he looked like Angel. The eye color was different, all thanks to his mother who he inherited the blue from, but the shape wasnt and he had his father's bone structure and hair. Angel had confided in him once his hair was dyed; it was naturally a dark brown, Connor's color. He had his father's nose too. Everything else however was from Darla, giving him a sort of grace and unwanted femininity.
"Didja hear me, boy? Yer mommy's leavin' fer the night. Don' ya care?"
"Yeah," Connor peered at him warily, hoping he would just leave. "Um Im kinda tired. Can I go to sleep now?"
Dormon looked a bit miffed though and made no move for the door. "Its only twelve; boys yer age 'spose to be up late. They like that kinda shit."
Angel never swore in front of him, Connor realized in a tired daze, completely ignoring the inebriated man. He had heard Gunn swear once, something like DAMN but with a harsher sound, and had seen his dad give the look, completely shutting up the ex-gang member. Lorne said DAMN all the time, but that really wasnt swearing. That other vampire, Spike, looked like a swearer. Angel never swore though; he would catch himself, look at him, then switch the word. Connor never really thought about that until now.
"Boy, yer ignorin' me!" Suddenly Dormon was in front of him, standing non-too steadily. Connor wouldve flinched...if he had still been a Riley. Not even when the man raised his hand did he falter. He was just drunk. He had made a lot of empty threats in the past, even before the months he was there, so he didnt really trust those memories at all. They were fake. But the recent months werent. No, the man was a drunk, but he wasnt abusive.
He screamed alot though.
Dormon continued to stare as the boy's mind rambled, completely put-off by his silence. He finally straightened, the thought of sleep heavy in his mind. He turned and headed for the door. "Don' forget yer never to see that man again. Don' lemmee find ya over there or ya'll regret it highly, Connor."
Not hearing a reply, he turned. "Will I hafta drag ya back?"
Connor said nothing, looking down at his comforter. Please just leave, he silently begged. He really hated him when he was drunk. And he hated being there. He hated living there period. He wanted Angel; he liked living with his father. Angel was strong and protective- very protective. Connor never liked that before. He didnt like the feeling of having to rely on his father or having him come to his rescue all the time. But that was before, when he hated the vampire. He wanted it now. Connor would always be safe with him. And be loved. He would always be loved. He wanted that, too, he finally wanted all that.
"Connor!" Dormon thundered loudly, startling him. He looked back up at him, eyes wary.
"What?"
"Will I hafta drag yer fuckin' ass back here? Answer me!"
"...I-I...No, you-" Suddenly a glass was thrown across the room, shattering on the wall behind him. He flinched and covered his face, but too late- a shard had struck him, slicing across his cheek. It trickled blood as he tried wiping it away, all-the-while staring at his hand, stunned.
"Maybe next time ya'll listen whe-"
"Daddy?" a small voice interrupted from the doorway.
"Honey?" Dormon's voice dropped low as he struggled to bend and pick up his daughter, who was sleepily gazing at them from in the hallway.
"I heard shouting...Did something break?"
"It's nuthin', honey. Connor was being very bad. Where's yer mommy? I thought ya left already..."
Connor continued to rub his wound, glaring at the man's back.
"She told me to pack stuff," Val yawned. "You sound funny...Can I feed the fish before I go? Please?"
"O'course you can." He turned to Connor. "Remember what we talked about. I won' warn ya again." With that he finally left, trying not to stumble out the door with his daughter in his arms.
But Connor hadnt heard, his hatred for the man now building blood had stopped but glass still littered his bed. He pulled the comforter off and threw it onto his floor, watching as the glass flung up into the air.
He had already made up his mind...but he would wait first,...until Dormon passed out.
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A noise brought him out of his room and down the stairs. It was music. Nice music. It floated around the house like it was coming from everywhere. Was the stereo actually on? No one had touched the thing since he had been there. And Dormon didnt like music. Emily sang once in a while-Dormon allowed that.
Angel liked music. Connor remembered when they sang for Lorne. His father sang aweful though.
He walked down the stairs...No, more like floated.
Floated?
And everything was hazy, like the house was filled with a grayish-blue fog. Plus, he knew exactly where he was going to end up...The kitchen. Even though the kitchen wasnt by the stairs. And he couldnt even feel the stairs for that matter.
The kitchen opened before him as he got closer. The stairs hadnt even ended and he was already there. And the kitchen was lit with yellow, even though the overhead light wasnt on. All this, Connor found strange, but not terrifying like he shouldve. He didnt like having things unknown to him. But...He didnt even feel like he was there.
And then he saw her. She was sitting calmly at the table, a brilliant smile on her face, wearing pure white. Connor wondered idly about that. When you died, did you have to wear only white?
He hated that color.
"Connor."
"Mom."
Darla.
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Angel worked distractedly over case files, still within Wolfram & Hart. Everyone had gone home, save for Lilah, Eve, and Spike, which was an obvious. Also, his midnight staff worked dutifully around him, somewhat creeping him out. He liked the many nights at the Hyperion, was comfortable with them. He was almost always alone with nobody hanging around or constantly popping up in his office like there at the L.A. law firm. He was a loner, even more so as of late- running an evil corporation that you had been fighting most of your nights would probably do that to just about anybody. He didnt need them, but, he reluctantly admitted to himself, they were needed. Highly trustworthy-no, but there were many things he didnt know of the building and the grounds it was built on. Most of the night staff had worked dayshifts before he was even appointed head CEO, therefore they were most likely equipped and ready for anything the building had to throw their way from its underbelly.
He atleast trusted that much of them.
But the fact that the night staff had been working against him before still had him on edge. To his face, they easily accepted him, but behind his back...
He just didnt know at all.
He stopped flipping through papers and picked up his coffee. Three cups later, he was starting to think he had become immune.
"No rest for the vampire?" Lilah walked in, grinning her usual all-knowing grin.
Angel didnt look up. "Not when there's work to be done here."
"Aww sleeping's out then?" Angel ignored her, flipping through more files somberly. Not to his liking, numerous clients sought out his, or rather Wolfram & Hart's, mystics to help talk with restless spirits. Most of the dead they wanted were already classified as Dark in the W & H "guidebooks". Didnt people understand the consequences of speaking with Dark Souls?
"Yeah, I dont sleep much either nowadays," Lilah continued smoothly, unaffected. "But we should change that, Angel. You know, work together? After all," she moved to infront of his desk, winking down at him. "Sleeping around is good for the soul, you know. How lucky you are to now have one of those."
"I'll pass, thankyou."
"Well, passes do come back around-"
"State your business, Lilah," he cut her off harshly.
The undead woman folded her arms, mock pouting. "All work and no play...Whats with the doom-and-gloom, Angel? Is there something bothering you?"
He didnt reply, now shuffling through the papers he had to sign.
"Or maaaaaybe," her grin turned to a leer, "it's because Baby Blue Eyes gave da-"
"Youre fired, Lilah."
Lilah laughed. She knew it-daddy was still upset. "You cant fire me. Im the one who technically hired you!"
"You gave me a position thats higher than yours. Bad move."
"No, interesting move," Lilah interjected. "Dont you just love the irony of it? A vampire with an honest soul, named Angel no less, controlling all of Wolfram & Hart...The position does sound thrilling to me, I wont lie, but the fact that the Senior Partners picked you out of everybody to run here...Im so amused, you have no idea. And since Im dead," she grinned, motioning around herself," amusement's all I got left."
"Well, this conversation's not amusing me." He finally looked up at her, eyes stormy. "If you have nothing else to say then get out."
"...How does he do it?"
"Excuse me?"
"How does he make you smile when no one else now can?" she mused, not ridiculing, just curious. She seemed genuinely surprised.
Angel instantly stood up, quickly averting his gaze. "Actually, I am tired, Lilah." He shifted all the files to their original folders and threw them in the file cabinet behind him, making his way around his desk. "If you dont mind..." He headed for the door.
"Not at all." She gazed at his retreating back, smiling. "Just remember, Angel," she lowered her voice, knowing his vamp hearing would catch her words. "If you want him to have a normal life, you'll leave him to the family he's got now."
And Angel did hear, because just before exiting his office, he turned and did something very un-savior-like.
"Lilah."
Her grin was back in place. "Yes, Angel?"
"Fuck you." And he was gone.
Lilah raised her eyebrows, shocked, but said nothing.
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"Connor." Darla stood, smiling serenely at him.
"M-Mom, I dont-"
"Shhh." Her voice was soft but weak like she was speaking from another room and it was just drifting by him. It sounded distant but he could almost feel it. Maybe it was coming from inside him? He couldnt think clearly enough to find out. Everything was like a calm blur.
"I dont have much time," Darla was saying. "I cant warn your father; I cant speak to him the way I can with you. Do you know why that is?"
"Because we shared a soul..."
"Yes." Her smile glowed.
"You were here before. You were trying to tell me something." Yeah, thats how he knew where he was going-she had been trying to lead him downstairs a couple nights ago. Why couldnt he remember that before, when he had been awake?
"Yes," she confirmed again, moving around the table to stand in front of him, gazing steadily but now anxiously into his eyes. Connor didnt move, allowing her to grab his chin and tilt his head up at her. He really was short for his age, he knew. And small.
"You were not yourself then, though, and those false memories hindered our connection, but now that you are you again, Connor,...you must listen to me." He blinked up at her. "What you are about to face will be a painful ordeal. It will hurt you greatly. It will have the power to destroy you if you let it, but you must be strong, Connor. Not just for yourself but..." She paused, leaning in to brush her hand against his cheek. It wasnt a normal touch; he felt a wave of warmth wash down his body and almost completely forgot what she was talking about.
"...But also for your father."
His father? Connor scrunched up his face. Who was that again? He couldnt think clearly at all anymore. He stared up at her, confused. She saw his look.
"Its this place; I dont have much time." She looked at him urgently. "Please listen to me. You must be strong. If you had continued to be that other boy, you would have quickly died, but you are stronger, Connor. You are my son, my gift to your father, Angel."
Connor cocked his head to the side in thought. Angel. The vampire with a soul. Thats right, his father. He loved Angel, wanted to be loved by Angel. That was his one hope-he wanted to be with his father forever. Yeah, nothing else mattered. How could he have forgotten that?
He looked around and began to feel uneasy.
No, he didnt like that place anymore. It looked like the kitchen, but it was different. The blue fog made it different. It was making him forget things. He had always wondered if Darla had escaped her sentence of hell. Holtz had told him before how all vampires were destined for that place if they didnt seek retribution. Had his mother failed? Was she bringing hell with her now? Surely thats what that place was. Forgetting things,...forgetting Angel, in his mind, was a definate hell.
"Oh, Connor, please listen! Its this place, baby, this place makes the living mind ramble. Please listen to me. You must go to him. He will keep you safe and he will save you, but before that..." She stared meaningfully into his eyes. "You must save him first. Its the curse that was placed on him long ago- to grant love to others but never feel it himself, or else lose it completely. His only hope was to love from afar. And he was ok with that, at one time. He was alright with everything the Powers threw at him. It was his test you see, but now...He's losing his own battle, Connor. He has lost so much but now he thinks he's lost you. You see, losing you was what did it. He's slowly being pushed over the edge."
She grabbed his hands, clasping them to her chest, her eyes pleading. "Please, Connor, please, you must show him your love. And show him that your strong enough where you wont be taken. You broke through a curse before; you are a miracle. Save him and he will save you. Please leave here and go to him. "
But even while she was speaking, the fog had begun to lift, making the decision for him. And he felt the gentle pull to the upstairs.
"Leave here, Connor," Darla whispered, letting go of his hands.
"M-Mom?"
"Leave here."
And he was gone, drifting back up the stairs, praparing to awake in the real world.
Darla stared at where her precious son had stood, a pained look on her face, as the blue faded to the darkness of the Other Side. "My beautiful child...be strong and leave here...and never return."
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Connor awoke, disoriented at first, but then sat up. And he smiled before racing to the door.
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(A/N): Wow, this chap was long. Yeah sorry bout that. And sorry 4 not getting it out sooner.