You Lost Me

Chapter Twelve - Alone

"Elena you need to let her go" Damon warned a few seconds after Elena started sucking the redhead but the newly turned vampire didn't answer anyhow.

"You're going to kill her, stop it Elena" Damon roughly broke the contact between the two women all while pressuring Carla's mouth who was screaming desperately but his hand didn't let it resonate through the hospital.

The moment Elena felt Damon pushing her and bringing Carla's body to his chest she lost it. He was there to save his human. She didn't believe in a word of what Carla said before about her status relationship with Damon and she certainly didn't believe it any more as she saw him protectively holding the girl while soothing her to call down. She couldn't stand to be there watching him doing it and in a blink of eye she was gone.

But she's fully misunderstood his actions. Yes, Damon was protecting Carla because he didn't want the girl to be killed. He has risked himself earlier by giving her grandmother blood and he cared about her. But even if that was the person he despised the most in the world, he wouldn't let Elena kill her because he knew Elena wouldn't deal well with killing someone. Ultimately he was doing it for the vampire, not the human.

He still had his doubts if she wanted to be a vampire or not but she's probably met Carla – who he hopefully thought was in the hospital to receive good news about Martha – and couldn't resist the smell of blood. But he couldn't elaborate any theories now, Elena was still missing and in danger and he feared what her probably overwhelming hunger would lead her to do. He turned Carla around, keeping her mouth blocked as he looked deep into her eyes.

"You're going to be quiet and calm, you won't scream, you won't say anything" he compelled her and she repeated the words after him.

"You won't remember of Elena attacking you, you bumped into her in the hospital when you came to visit your grandmother, you too talked and she left" he continued and she followed him once again.

"Good, now go check on your grandmother, you won't remember seeing me here either" he finished and once she nodded he let her go and left to look for Elena.

Elena felt the freezing rain drops on her face contrasting with her cool tears. She didn't know what to do. While it was rash of her to jump to those conclusions she couldn't erase the images of the Salvatore's holding other women in the past hour. Stefan seemed shocked about her death but he kept Katherine by his side and Elena wasn't stupid and her newly improved senses showed her they've been kissing before she woke up. She knew the vampire return had brought some impact to his life. He wasn't the brooding and sweet Stefan he used to be just a few months ago. He was edgier and more determined and somewhat colder. He reminded her of Damon. Thinking about the older Salvatore made her hurt even more. Her feelings were subtle, near to nonexistent while she was a human but they've been also amplified with all her emotions after the transition and she knew she felt something for him. She didn't love him or maybe wasn't even in love with him but she was attracted, more than this actually she felt drawn to him. It was hard to explain and the most confusing emotions she had now were related to him. Seeing him with her newly overpowered senses allowed her to see through what he showed, although he didn't put any effort to hide any of his feelings while he was apologizing for what he let happen to her. And there was their kiss, the simple and innocent kiss that now seemed like a hurricane. She still remembered how it felt when their lips crashed together. She could still feel the feelings flooding from him and what they caused at her. He seemed to love her and Carla seemed to know it but then why would Damon take the redhead's side? It's hurt her to see him bringing the woman so tenderly to his arms, after yelling at her to let Carla go because she'd kill her.

She started sobbing on her way to Bonnie's house as she took a decision. She wouldn't be around to know what Stefan and Damon would do. One moment she thought they'd fight till death to be with her, in other they'd go after Katherine to avenge her death, and then she thought that Stefan would give up on the plan and finally succumb to Katherine's charm and leave with his sire. Regardless if she thought they wanted her, Katherine, Carla or no one; any of those scenarios would bring her a lot of pain and she was lost. She was deeply lost. She was a creature of darkness now, despite her initial plan of simply dying. She had to handle with her needs and the only person that could help her now was her best friend although she didn't know if even Bonnie would be there for her, giving how the witch has been acting towards Caroline.

In less than five minutes she's crossed the city though and she was now knocking at her friend's house.

"Elena! What you're doing in the rain? Why are you here? Get inside" the witch immediately offered to the vampire not knowing what she has just done but the moment Elena put her foot inside the house and Bonnie reached for her shoulders, the human jumped backwards.

"Katherine killed me" Elena blurted when she saw how shocked Bonnie looked and taking a step back, she stayed outside, offering her friend the chance to change her mind about the invitation.

Bonnie didn't say anything but as she looked to Elena's face she could see that she's been crying and how the liquid on her face wasn't only rain. Her eyes were red and puff.

Seeing how her best friend didn't say anything the undead girl decided to pour down her heart because she couldn't hold those emotions anymore.

"Damon, he has a new girlfriend, this Carla girl, Mrs. Flowers' granddaughter and he gave his blood to her grandmother to heal her cancer. But he was going to leave town, maybe with Carla now that her grandmother is healed and I couldn't let him go but my car hit a hole or something as I followed his, I didn't buckled the belt properly and I nearly died when the car flipped. He rescued me and gave me his blood, but then Katherine came and she snapped my head. I woke up in the boarding house and she was there, holding Stefan's hand, both of their lips covered with her lipstick and Damon was pleading me to forgive him for not being able to stop her from killing me. I decided to die, Bonnie, I've made my choice and went to the hospital to wait to death finally take me but then Carla came and she was so happy for what Damon did for her and her blood smelled so good and she moved her hand to my arm and pissed me off thinking that she knows Damon at all. The next thing I knew I was sucking her until Damon pushed me away, embracing her while he yelled at me. I don't know what to do, Bonnie, it feels like I have no one" Elena rambled while she summarized all the day's events to her best friend who barely took in everything the vampire was saying but she could see how broken Elena was about the whole situation. She couldn't understand many things of what she said; Stefan's reaction being one of them, but Elena clearly needed help. "I don't have anyone, Bonnie. I'm alone, as a dammed dark creature and I'm too coward to bring a stake down my heart now"

"Elena, I don't know what to say" she was honest but in the turmoil of emotions that led Elena to jump to the wrong conclusions about the brothers she thought her friend was also giving her the cold shoulder and her pain was written all over her face and she turned to leave but the witch stopped her.

"Where are you going?" she interjected surprised by Elena's reaction.

"I don't know" the vampire looked at her friend again, hoping for the best.

"Get inside, I may not know what to say but you have someone, Elena, you have me" Bonnie reiterated her earlier invitation and nodding Elena finally followed her. It was a good thing that she's been patching up her relationship with Caroline. She didn't know how she'd react to Elena's new condition if she hasn't been through it already. And then she felt deeply sad because both of her best friends were now dead although they still walked. She didn't feel bad for them as she would a few months ago, for the mere fact that they're vampires. But seeing Caroline's struggle and now Elena's devastated state she knew they were going through hell on earth and that was what made her sad and made her realize that they needed her more than ever.

It took Damon a few hours but if he's thought for a moment he should know that Elena could have been here. It was already night and at least he shouldn't be afraid of Elena dying because of the sun and it relieved him, though Katherine was still a threat. He didn't listen from the vampire and he purposefully ignored all of Stefan's calls. He couldn't afford being riled up by his brother when he was trying too hard to find Elena's trail.

But as he knocked the door he felt relieved, feeling Elena's scent all over the place and knowing that she was safe with the witch inside the house.

"What do you want here?" Bonnie asked him as soon as she saw his face across her.

"I came to check on Elena" he honestly offered and hoped it was good enough for the judgmental witch because he didn't have any other reason to offer her.

"Why do you care now?" she retorted, having more reason than ever to hate the vampire in front of her.

"I've always cared, okay? I've more than cared and I know all this is my fault. I know I should have protected her from Katherine instead of running away but I can't change the past. Believe me I'd give my life or sell my soul as long as Elena could be breathing again" he was worn down. He didn't have any more strength on him. The events of the day were finally taking their toll on him.

Although Bonnie didn't have Elena's super senses she could still see the pain consuming Damon and she actually felt bad for him for the first time in her life. She could see the feelings crossing his face and she's never seen him looking so tired and broken.

"She's resting. She'll be with me for awhile. She's confused and lost and I guess some of her feelings and perceptions are a little bit unbalanced now. She needs some time alone, at least apart of you and your brother"

"Her emotions, they've been magnified. Turning into a vampire amplifies everything not only the physical senses. Right now it may be overwhelming and she might be overreacting to some things but soon she'll find balance again and she'll come to terms to what she really feels about everything and everyone. She can't be alone, Bonnie. It's okay if she doesn't want me or Stefan around but she can't be alone. Someone needs to be there for, someone needs to tell her that everything will be okay" he explained to her and hoped that she would put their differences aside for Elena. He couldn't think of her going through all the drastic changes alone and while it'd be better for her to have a vampire by her side, he'd just take anything as long as she had someone.

"Will it, Damon? There's a maniac vampire in the city and I don't think it's a coincidence that she only came after you and Stefan did. She killed innocent people, she turned both of my friends into vampires and I honestly don't think she's going to stop now. So tell me Damon, will everything be okay?" Bonnie challenged him but her voice cracked a little in the end.

"I don't know Bonnie. I wish I knew what to do to stop Katherine but I don't but that's not my priority here and I know it's selfish and pretty much crappy of me to say it but all I can worry now is about Elena. She needs all the help she can have and if you have any questions, if you think I can do anything to help don't refrain from calling me. I want to help. That's my mess and I'm the one who should be taking care of it but I guess I'm too fucked up and dammed even for that" he sighed and despite his best efforts the tears finally broke through his ducts and fell freely down his face. He couldn't hold them back anymore. The more he talked and thought about what happened, the more broken and guilty he felt.

"I'll do it" she assured him and somehow his tears hit her. She never expected Damon to cry because she assumed he never had feelings in the first place. But they were all written over his face. He cared about Elena and his feelings seemed to be more than he was comfortable with and he clearly blamed himself. While she's said that Katherine being around town was probably the brothers' fault she knew no one could be blamed for her evilness but herself. She was demoniac and unfortunately stronger and more experienced than the brothers and they actually didn't stand a chance against her. It was her fault that her friends were now monsters, although she couldn't look to Caroline and Elena and think of them as so and seeing Damon taking all the blame touched her heart and for a moment she thought about touching him and comforting him. But Elena needed her more than the devastated man in front of her.

"Thank you, Bonnie" he said relieved and the witch only nodded in return and he slowly walked away.

He wasn't too far from her house when he heard her scream and he immediately turned back. She wasn't simply screaming but yelling his name.

"What happened?" he panicked as he stopped in the invisible barrier that impeded him to get inside.

"She's left. There's a note. She left to die"

AN: The plot keeps thickening but I guess everything in now on the table. Elena doesn't want to live as a vampire at all so she chooses to die even after she completed the transition (more details to follow in the next update). Will she be able to do it? It needs a lot of courage to commit suicide as a vampire (more than to humans) as humans can try the painless way - which is not an option to vamps. The stake in the heart is quick but I guess too hurtful.

And Damon, poor baby, more things over his shoulder. He suspected Elena went to the hospital to die and now he had his confirmation. He knows her just that much. I will address Stefan and Katherine (briefly) in the next update. There's also Carla, Damon and Bonnie finish their conversation but my favorite is Carla's.

Thanks for the reviews: Vampgirl144, xLoveRyanx, MsMaeve18, niadk, bluestriker666, tsukivamp, damvampsal21, Avecia, shadylady21, WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl, Unicorn Filly and Kat. I lost some reviewers, which makes me sad but I'm very happy for the ones that keep letting me know what they think. I love to answer the questions you make about the story and future chapters :)

Talk to you soon

Babi