You Lost Me

Chapter Fourteen - Difficult

Her family was devastated. Damon did as she asked in the note and made it look like Elena's car flipped and went straight to the river but he couldn't bring himself to do it in the same bridge she almost died a year ago. It'd be too cruel for her family and for herself if she ever decided to go back. It came to a relief for him to know that it was noon and Bonnie has just called to let him know that her spell told her Elena was still alive, even if an undead being. The witch did the spell during her classes break, in the bathroom and so far, so good, no dead-forever Elena.

He knew he couldn't keep the truth from Jeremy and he was now waiting for the teenager to come over from whatever he's gone after he found out about Elena's accident. He didn't know which story was worse, the real or the fake one. Knowing that Elena was a vampire with suicidal thoughts and going MIA was bad enough but he owed this to her little brother. After everything he made they go through, Jeremy needed the truth.

"Owww" the teenager yelled as he saw the vampire sitting on his bed.

"Hello, Jeremy" Damon offered with an emotionless voice. There was nothing, just like he felt inside. Not good or bad, only guilt.

"I know you used to come and do this to Elena and I know this must be really hard on you but I can't handle it now" Jeremy tried to show understanding but also let him know that losing his sister was that overwhelming. Losing Anna and Vicky couldn't be compared to the pain and angst he felt now.

"Actually I'm here to talk about Elena. I guess you should sit, it's just… complicated" Damon stood up, offering silently for the boy to take his place on the bed.

"Damon, Elena is dead and I'd like her memory to be respected. I don't want to know whatever complication happened, if she was killed by any vampire or whatever. It's all over… she's gone and it's over, I don't want to fight, I don't want to avenge, I just want to mourn my sister like any other brother in the world. I'm tired of it all, I don't want to be involved. Someone wanted my sister dead, they finally got it. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on but I want to forget it all. I really want… is the offer when Anna died still up because I can't take the weight over my shoulders anymore" the teenager opened his heart defeated. There was no reason for fighting anymore. Elena was gone and with that his resilience and strength.

"I'll share just one more thing with you and then you decide if you want to forget everything about vampires, werewolves and witches, okay?" Damon actually related to everything Jeremy said. The moment Bonnie finally confirmed Elena was dead he was positive he'd follow the same destiny. The darkness in his heart for the past 145 years wasn't worth it. He's found something that finally brought his humanity back and gave him a new perspective in his undead life but now that he's had a taste of that he wouldn't be able to go back to the vampire he's been until he met her.

"Damon…" Jeremy pleaded because he could sense that whatever Damon had to say would change his mind and he wasn't willing to have it changed.

"Elena is alive" Damon blurted not giving time for Jeremy to object any longer "As a vampire" he completed and observed the boy in front of him. All sort of emotions crossed Jeremy's face. Happiness, sorrow, relief, concern, confusion, frustration.

"How?" was everything the teenager said, avoiding Damon's gaze at any cost.

"Katherine, always her" Damon said bitterly.

"Where is she?" Jeremy finally looked up and in that moment it was clear to Damon that regardless of everything else he felt the most prominent feeling was definitely relief. It was better to have her somehow than not having her at all.

"That where out problems start. She left, she doesn't want this life for her. She left a note to Bonnie saying she'd burn in the sun but that was yesterday and Bonnie has made some spells ever since then and she can still feel Elena. She's alive but I couldn't find her. We have no idea where Elena is and if she's really willing to bring her plan to life" the vampire didn't want to spare any details. It wasn't fair with Jeremy and maybe her brother could make her change her mind if only they could communicate with her.

"She won't do it" Jeremy answered with conviction and it actually took Damon aback.

"Are you sure?" he sounded almost hopeful.

"I've know Elena for sixteen years, when we lost our parents she told me she felt guilty because she was happy she survived. She told me about all the dreams she had for her life and how the least she could give to them was to live her life to the fullest. She felt guilty because she thought she should want to be dead like them but she just couldn't bring her to feel like that. Our parents loved us too much and I was always the weak one. Elena was brave and courageous. She kept going because she knew she owed them that much and she still wanted to make them proud. They'd be absolutely sad to know that she's became a vampire, especially our father, who knew about it according to uncle John but they'd never wanted her to give up and she knows it. That's why I know she won't kill herself" Jeremy told some of Elena's deepest secrets and the only reason he knew it was because she tried to use it to help him get over his own suicidal thoughts back at the day.

"But where could be she? I have no idea but she needs someone. Becoming a vampire is bad as it is, doing it alone can lead you to take some no-way-back ways" Damon shared and Jeremy could see he was talking from experience.

"I don't know, Damon, I wish I knew but Elena can be unpredictable sometimes" the teenager sighed and just like Damon thought, he couldn't think of what was worse to bear, not having Elena at all or feeling like they've already lost her except that she wasn't absolutely gone, just lost and broken somewhere far from the ones she loved.

She bitterly laughed as she entered the dark, dusty and smelling place. Always trying to go full circle with Damon even unconsciously. First the hospital and now there. If the hospital was the beginning of the end, there was certainly the beginning of everything. She looked around, so many beating hearts and she knew it'd probably taste horrible, based on Damon's descriptions but she'd give it a try. She didn't know what else to do but she did know she was starving and looking around, she didn't think twice before attacking her victims. The taste wasn't as bad and definitely not as good but it satiated her somehow, so she kept going on, not really worrying about getting rid of the bodies. She didn't even know if she was attacking in the best way. She got no classes, she had no idea but she did her best, feeling disgusted by herself at first but not so much after the fourth or fifth.

Her days were going like that and she thought it couldn't get any worse. She had to compel the couple who owned the place and it felt horrible. Everything was so difficult and she didn't know how to make them get any better. But then an idea popped in her head. She didn't need to go through all of this alone. She still had her friend. She knew she could confide on her – or threaten her somehow and that was what she was going to do. She expected her family and friends to have already been through the funeral even if they didn't have a body supposing that Damon did what she asked in the letter.

But she had to take a risk. Maybe too many risks but it was needed. She walked out the big building, being exposed to the sun was still something that tickled her skin somehow but she soon found herself moving in inhuman speed looking for someone to compel, she didn't like doing it to people but she had to do it. She was still confused and her feelings all over the place but she didn't expect one night to solve it all but one thing she knew for sure: she wouldn't kill herself and she needed help to know what the next steps would be.

She then found a middle-age woman; she was probably coming back from grocery. She approached her kindly and asked to borrow her phone because she'd been robbed and the criminals took everything she had. The woman promptly agreed and Elena walked a few steps away to have some privacy. Her story certainly didn't match the words she was about to say.

"Hello" someone answered after the third ring.

"Don't say anything or I'll hang up. If there's anyone around you that could hear me through the phone, apologize and say I've got the wrong number" Elena demanded.

"I'm alone but Elena, you have no idea how worried…" the girl started but her friend cut her off.

"I don't care, now listen to me. I need help but you can't say a word to anyone about me. If you say anything I promise I'll go away and you'll never hear or see me again" she threatened and it really sounded like she meant it.

"Why are you alone, Elena? Why did you leave? I didn't understand, you don't need to go through this all by yourself" Caroline stated the obvious but Elena was still too confused to assess the whole situation properly.

"I guess I do but now I have to compel the woman I got the phone from as she's already looking oddly at me" Elena sighed annoying as she covered the phone and talked to the woman who happily turned around and left.

"I'm back. Look, I'm taking a leap of faith here and I'm trusting you. Your loyalties don't belong to them or anyone else. They belong to me and I need to know if I can really trust you" the brunette used the weapons she knew would made Caroline guilty about some of her actions in the past. She knew the bubbly girl always meant well but right now the younger vampire needed to know if she could trust her friend to keep her secret.

"Of course you can" Caroline sounded almost offended but she knew she didn't have a good record about keeping secrets and Elena's lecture was fair.

"Good because the first thing I need to learn is to control this beast inside of me" the younger vampire admitted tiredly.

"You know there's no easy way to learn it. Why don't you come back and we…" the blond tried once again but it was in vain.

"There's no we" Elena retorted, the same determination in her voice.

"I've read the note you wrote to Bonnie. That's scary Elena, there's almost an altar in front of your school locker with flowers, signs, pictures, they're mourning you thinking you're dead" the more experienced vampire tried a new approach that Elena promptly refuted.

"I am dead, Caroline"

"I'm dead too and I know it sucks and everything is hell. It's already bad as it is with me here, imagine if I forged my death" Caroline was growing frustrated. She couldn't understand why Elena was doing it when Damon and Stefan were there for her more than anyone else could.

"I'm not forging anything! Katherine, she killed me and the only reason why I'm still talking to you now is because I had his blood in my system" Elena yelled at her friend. She was losing her patience and thinking that maybe contacting someone from home was a mistake.

"They're miserable Elena. They're worried sick about you" the blond offered softly and Elena knew who she was talking about but she couldn't take it.

"Don't mention them" her voice was adamant, surprising both of them.

"Damon is blaming himself. Bonnie told me he actually cried Elena. He's devastated. I've never seen him like that. Actually I've never seen anyone like that. It's heartbreaking to watch him go through the days" she offered her best friend but Elena didn't budge, listening to his name was too hard.

"Please, Caroline, I can't talk about him now" Elena showed some vulnerability in her voice for the first time as she defeated asked her friend to stop talking about the older brother.

Caroline thought it was because Elena also thought it was his fault but that wasn't the truth and maybe that was why Elena was far from them. Also seeing how Damon was just a shell of a man, made she feel bad for him "You do know that Katherine would have done it any other day even if Damon had taken you with him, right?"

"I know, it's his fault as much as it's mine and Stefan's and everybody else. This is all Katherine. She goes to great lengths to get what she wants. You and I are probably the best proof of that" Elena shared of the few things she has figured out during the last few days.

"So don't let him think otherwise Elena. It's like seeing someone in their death berth. Each day he dies a little, eaten inside by regret, guilt and sorrow. It's painful to watch" the blond offered and it nearly convinced Elena to come back but she couldn't push her reasons aside.

"Please, don't" Elena pleaded and Caroline swore her hyper sensible ears heard a muffled sob.

"And what about Jenna, Elena? She's in so much pain" Caroline was running out of arguments to make Elena change her mind, especially because she couldn't understand at all why Elena was so determined to go through something as hard as adapting as a vampire all by herself.

"She's why I can't come back, Caroline. I did what I thought it was right in the moment but feeling your hand being burnt by the sun as if you were inside of a volcano is pretty painful. Trust me, I tried. I really tried but the pain was just too intense. It was like a razor was removing my skin, microscopically tier by tier while the fire consumes you isn't amusing. How come can I come back, without as much as scratch almost one week after the accident?" Elena finally explained the real reason why she was still there. It was too late for her to change her mind and for that Caroline didn't have any retort.

"Why did you leave in the first place, Elena? You didn't have to"

"Because I didn't know what I felt. Everything was overwhelming and I was confused. Katherine was there with Stefan and Damon worried about his human. I didn't want to be a burden to Bonnie. We all know she's trying to get around the idea of vampires but she's not there yet" the brunette explained but it only hurt Caroline.

"You could have come to me" she suggested sadly.

"I… I wasn't myself Caroline. I planned to kill myself for God's sake. Isn't that proof enough that I wasn't in the best state of mind?" she tried to justify her actions but she knew she's hurt Caroline by only remembering of her five days later.

"It's okay, but there must be a way to fix it Elena. People survive the craziest accidents all the time"

"I'm not ready to come back, Caroline. There are some questions that I still need the answers before I try to play the miraculous survivor with amnesia" Elena admitted having another big reason holding her back but that one she wasn't ready to share and her friend thought she's asked enough and would give a little space to the brunette.

"That's quite the story" Caroline chuckled softly.

"Please, I just need some help now about this. How did you do? What did Stefan teach you?" Elena now pleaded and Caroline knew how difficult it was to get through the first days, not only because of the hunger but especially because of the magnified emotions. She knew it was hard for Elena and she was going to be the friend she was asking for.

"Ok, I'll help you" the blond finally said what Elena wanted to hear. If she ever wanted Elena to trust on her like she trusted Bonnie she needed to do whatever Elena asked her and that included keeping anyone in the dark about the new baby vampire.

AN: Of course I wouldn't kill Elena :P

But the whole point wasn't for Damon to save her from death. He already did it when he gave her his blood and he saved her from becoming a monster when she'd probably kill Carla. But Elena got herself in a position that she can't just come back. What she told Caroline is true. She was finally getting her feelings back to place but it's been five days and what she could say when she didn't have a scratch?

I'm a little disappointed that I've got less than half the amount of reviews I was getting for this story. Maybe some were tired of the lack of Delena scenes, but this is a drama and I like things to last a little bit more. My only complaint about the show is how fast everything wraps up. The stories and problems are solved too quickly sometimes. When someone is kidnapped, in one episode it's all solved and done; or like Isobel who was around only for one episode too. I feel like some situations should be explored longer and that's what I plan to do here. So maybe you're a disappointed with the writing, so I apologize.

While Elena is there (and you try and guess where is there, I gave you a tip) a lot of very important issues will be addressed like: Stefan and Damon confrontation about her death; Katherine's plans; Carla's reaction to knowing Damon is a vampire and Elena learning what she feels and what she doesn't and learning how to handle it.

I told to someone in my reviews, I'm not the sort of writer that gets the couple together in the last chapter. I like character and relationships development, so I can promise I won't get Delena together in the epilogue or one update before.

Anyway thanks for those who still reviewed: shadylady21; bluestriker666; kat; tsukivamp; xMonixMoox; BMCullen; xLoveRyanx and mayghaen17.

Babi