You Lost Me

Chapter Sixteen - Not Afraid

"Hi Damon. We need to talk" she softy whispered, offering him a sweet smile.

"Carla? What are you doing here?" he asked confused. He truly hadn't expected her to come at all.

"I've heard about Elena, I'm sorry" she said, starting the weirdest conversation she'd ever had. She chose the safest way out which was also the most honest. She really felt sorry for what happened to Elena knowing that Damon was in love with the brunette girl.

"I guess you should be saying this to my little brother, but he just left" Damon was defensive. Although he knew the girl in front of him meant well he wasn't prepared for someone to get emotional on him about Elena's being gone. While Elena's friends and his brother certainly talked about it with him in the past week it was different talking to Carla. First because she was his friend, not Elena's and the reason why she was there was because of him alone and that meant a lot. But it also made it difficult. He met the redhead in a very emotionally perturbed moment of his undead life and of course his walls weren't as in place as they usually were, therefore Carla didn't have to work hard to see through them and Damon wasn't prepared to deal with it right now. He could handle everyone feeling bad about Elena but he couldn't handle someone feeling bad about him. It'd bring him down maybe in such way that he wouldn't be able to ever stand up.

"I guess you and I both know that I know you're in love with her, so don't even go there" she kept the small smiles on her face. She was using this conversation as a way to run from the one she came to have and if she wanted she could keep it like that.

"Well thank you for stopping by, as you can see I'm drowning my sorrows in my liquor cart" he started to close the door but the next words she said stunned him.

"Why couldn't you save her like you saved GrandMartha?" she blurted. She knew she had to say it as soon as possible because if she didn't maybe she'd never find the courage.

"What are you talking about?" he tried to play the clueless card. She couldn't know about how Martha recovered.

"The extraordinary healing properties in vampire blood, I mean it could save Elena too, couldn't it?" she tested the waters. She really hoped that he wouldn't attack her. It was one of her biggest fears about coming here. Maybe disclosing his secret would bring him to try to kill her but if she learned anything from her research he could compel her to forget about it and she hoped that would be his resort if he planned to get rid of her knowledge.

"I guess you're confused, you're absolutely confused, such things as vampires don't exist and Elena's body was never found" his pupils widened and proved her theory.

"So the herb does protect humans. It was handful to get some; thankfully one of my friends is a botanic. I mean, I got it in my tea earlier and I have garlic, holy water, crucifixes and a lot of other stuff I read about" she got the backpack and opened it, revealing her arsenal of things and he could see that the main one was missing and he was sure she read about it. She didn't have any wood material.

"How do you know about me?" he asked cautiously.

"Elena told me that day in the hospital's staircase. Now that you can't deny this either, I'd love to get inside and thank you properly for what you did for me" her sweet smile mixed with her fierce attitude always got Damon and he moved away for her to get inside his house.

"And I thought vampires didn't exist and in the case they did they were all diabolical" she offered as they moved to the den.

"I am" he flashed his best intimidating gaze.

"You saved my grandmother's life, Damon. A diabolical vampire wouldn't have done that" she softened and he couldn't keep up his façade. When did all those women destroy his scary figure and personality?

"Elena was turned, okay? She was in a car accident that day, trying to talk to me but I was too proud and stubborn to listen to her. I gave her my blood and then Katherine came and instead of ensuring Elena was okay I turned to leave and Katherine killed her. But as she had my blood she come back and turned into a vampire. My fault. I'm a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities" he poured his heart out though his demeanor was still tough.

"That's not true. You took care of her that day Damon. You just don't want to be around her because it hurts. You avoid her because her very presence hurts you. I don't know how much and I know for sure you like her but she's with your brother and she's in love with him. Something happened between you and Elena that left you both on bad terms and I don't need to know the details. You avoid her because her very presence hurts you" she reasoned and she was actually surprised that Damon couldn't see it.

"I guess you've been reading too many romance novels, Carla" he quipped as he served a glass of scotch to himself from one of the bottles Stefan hadn't broken. But before he could drink any she removed it from his hands and placed it on the cart.

"I don't like romance, Damon. I'm not made for it but you are. Elena told me that Katherine broke your heart and based on what you said earlier, I'm guessing she's a vampire too. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you mentioned that they both love Stefan but Stefan loves only Elena so I guess killing Elena was always part of Katherine's agenda. She could have done it that day if it wasn't for the fact that you were here to take care of Elena"

"I know you're trying to help but if I hadn't turned my back on her she'd still be here. She needed to drink human blood or she would have died for real. She preferred not to drink it but then she met you and the temptation is too big for us to resist, especially for new vampires. Being a vampire is the last thing Elena wanted and that's why she left town to die. She doesn't want to live as a creature of darkness, it doesn't suit her. She hates me even more now that I destroyed her life. Actually I took it away" he was yelling then. It was hard for him to handle with this when someone so pointedly wanted him to be exempted of guilt when he clearly wasn't. He didn't deserve people to want that for him.

"Maybe I'm biased here because I like you and I'm thankful for what you did for my grandmother, but I think if someone actually kills their sister it's because they're insane and had planned to do it all along Damon. It's not your fault" it seemed like she could read his thoughts. She could imagine what he was going through. Vampire or not, he had feelings and according to her reading, feelings were a tricky subject to for vampires so she sort of understood where he was coming from.

"They're not sisters, Katherine is almost six hundred years old" he promptly said.

"It doesn't really matter though I guess it makes her less sick than I thought she was. She threw Elena against a wall when she wasn't with you or Stefan. Katherine wants to get under your skin Damon for whatever reason. I just learned that vampires exist and I tried so hard to make sense of this mess that I avoided coming here. Neither you nor Stefan are with Elena 24x7 so chances are she'd kill Elena in one of those moments or even with you and Stefan around, I don't know, but you can't blame yourself because that's what she wants" the redhead offered. She'd spent too much time thinking if Elena's death really had been an accident or not after everything she had found out about vampires. At first she didn't know how Katherine could throw a person against the wall but knowing Damon was a vampire soon led her to think Katherine was also one and probably wanted Elena dead out of jealousy.

"As you stated, you don't know the whole story but I appreciate what you're doing" his voice softened. Damon couldn't remember the last time someone showed so much interest in him and paid much effort to prove it.

"I may not know the whole story but I've been making up my mind about you for six days. I barely slept since I saw Elena in the hospital. I may not know how old you are or what Katherine did or what her plans are or what happened when she killed Elena. I know that I'm just seeing the tip of the iceberg but Damon, in those two months I got to know you. I got to see you worry about your brother and take care of Elena. You were nice to me when you didn't need to be as we were only having sex. Above all you saved my grandmother when I didn't ask you to do it. When I had no idea you could do it. Especially since I would never have found out about it to thank you. So what I do know is that you're such an amazing person, the best guy I ever met" she cupped his face in her hands and she could see that his eyes were showing how he was fighting his emotions. Although she didn't have a clue that he felt like he never had someone to care about him to that extent, she still could see how touched he was.

"Carla…" he started and his voice was so vulnerable, it broke her heart to see him like that. She saw so much of herself in those eyes.

"I'm here because you're my friend. The one that you became the moment you did that for my family. Elena's death isn't your fault, it's all on Katherine. Believe me when someone kills another person in a normal situation, where their lives aren't threatened is because they have it planned all along. She wanted Elena dead for some reason I have no idea of but she also took the chance to hurt you in the process. You need to forgive yourself. Maybe you could have saved Elena from her that day but what about all the other days?" she moved her hands to his shoulder; she didn't want to bring him to his breaking point. She wasn't there to see him cry, just to thank the vampire that brought back to life the only family she had left.

"I'd die trying if I knew she really wanted Elena dead. I never thought she did. The other day here, I knew that she didn't want to kill Elena because if she had wanted to, she wouldn't take her chances with a potential brain bleeding. She'd snap her neck just how she ended up doing. Katherine is just like that, if she wants you dead, you're dead but she didn't kill Elena. She didn't hurt Elena enough to kill her, but I gave her my blood just in case. Humans are too fragile sometimes and when you least expect it, poof, they're dead" his voice was tortured and his face was filled with pain.

"Just because you'd die trying doesn't mean you'd accomplish it"

"But I had to!" he said through clinched teeth and the first tear actually fell.

"Maybe. You told me Elena didn't want to turn but ended up turning anyway. How is she?" she changed the subject, it was too painful to watch him like that. For Carla, Damon was the person that deserved more happiness than anyone. He acted so selfless towards her situation and he wasn't even expecting thankfulness because he didn't even let her know even if he knew she'd keep his secret with her life.

"I don't know. She left and wrote a note behind saying she'd die by the sun but we have a witch who did a spell that assured us that Elena didn't die. She's there, somewhere in the world, going through the horrible adaptation as an underworld creature and I can't do anything to help her" another hard subject for Damon to handle, probably even worse than knowing that Elena had died, it was to know she was alone, going through the change all by herself.

"Witch? What else should I be aware of?" she smirked a little bit and he couldn't help but follow suit.

"Werewolves but as long as you stay in your house, locked up on nights of the full moon, I guess you're safe" a small smile cracked.

"My point here is, you said the last thing Elena wanted was to be a vampire and that she'd prefer to die for real instead of turning, so I guess instead of blaming yourself and moping around you should work your ass off to find her. You can't undo what Katherine did, Damon but you can help her make the best out of it" Carla was back to the fierce mode that she knew Damon could handle better.

"I don't have a clue. Stefan is out there looking for her and he blames me and he's right because I can't fix my own mess" he was also back to his sarcastic demeanor.

"And what does your heart tell you?" she challenged him crossing her arms in front of her.

"I don't have a heart" he offered but he knew she wouldn't buy.

"I don't know where you guys get this idea from but it couldn't be any more wrong. You have a big heart and all you have to do is listen to what it says about Elena. Stefan is probably doing the same but maybe there's something you know about Elena that he doesn't or maybe the two of you shared something. She's lost Damon, once you're this damaged you don't know where you stand and your world seems to fall apart and you feel like falling with it. In times like this you try to look for some familiarity. Maybe she's visiting old friends or family. Maybe she's visiting somewhere she went with them. But I'm sure she's looking for somewhere that's familiar and that she feels like she can either start over or end things forever. If she wants to die, I guess she'd do it where she'd have closure and if she wants to survive she'd do it where she won't feel like a stranger"

"But where? If Saint Stefan doesn't know where she is, why would I?" he looked defeated and it was a foreign sight for Damon Salvatore. He could be emotional because everyone had their days every now and then, but defeated? That was hard to imagine.

"I don't know Damon, but as you said, you'd die trying to save her. Maybe it's time for you to put this plan into action" she kept challenging and firing him up. Someone needed to give him the final push and bring him out of the bubble of depression he had been living under since Elena left.

"I've been looking for her every day, I have her picture and I ask people, I check in every city and in every spot of the woods but she isn't there. Being a vampire could allow her to be in another hemisphere for all I know" he protested throwing his hands in the air.

"But you feel it inside of you that she hasn't gone that far, don't you?" she asked curious.

"Yes. It doesn't seem like Elena at all to travel the world in a moment like this" his voice was collected as he thought about the girl he was desperate to find.

"So follow your heart" she suggested simply and then moved to kiss his cheek, collecting her backpack in the process.

"Thank you" Damon reached for her arm, bringing her closer so that he could embrace her while she nodded and hugged him back. They broke the embrace and held each other's gaze for a moment before she began to walk away.

"And Damon?" she stopped on her way outside, turning to him again.

"Yeah?"

"She likes you, otherwise she wouldn't have risked her life just to talk to you" she offered the last piece of information she thought was crucial for him to know. He seemed to be broken but also so lonely to her.

"Why do people keep saying that? First Katherine says she likes me; then Stefan says she loves me and now you? I tried to kill her brother in front of her on my worst day. I attacked her friend and used her as my personal buffet and I tried to kill the witch who also happens to be her best friend" he explained a little bit annoyed but also to let her know he wasn't the saint she was thinking of.

"Because she makes it so clear but it seems like neither of you can see it. For your own reasons you prefer to ignore or simply chose not to believe what was right in front of your eyes but you both know she likes you. I don't know if her feelings are romantic or not but she cares about you and all the things you just said reinforce it. If she can care about you after all those bad things you did it's because she really loves you somehow. Being the girl I think she is, she also knows that you're deserving of her forgiveness" she was taken aback a little from the revelations but with time she would know more about those facts.

"Where did you get all wise and serene in your twenties?" he mused smirking a little bit but frowned as he heard her next words.

"When my ex-boyfriend attacked and raped me, leaving me almost dead before he disappeared in the world" she offered a tight smile and walked away. After seeing all his weaknesses the least she could do was share her own.

AN: sorry guys, but no Elena yet, but this was a much needed push by Carla. I want someone to really care about Damon in this story. I want him to have someone, a friend, like I believe Rose could be in the show. Yeah, there's Elena but we all want her more than care about him :P

That's why I wanted to stress that Damon didn't know how to handle Carla at first because so far everybody that talked to him about what happened made it about Elena. Carla was the first that made it about him, she was there for him, not because she wanted him to help find Elena. She pushed him because she knew he needed Elena. She's there for her friend.

Next: Damon takes his search for Elena to a new level. With the help of magic, surely :P

Also now I gave you better hints of there she is. Any guesses?

Now if you want some Delena,I have this new AU fic (all humans) that it's all Delena. Check it out in my profile: Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction. It's all about the title. They met, sparkles fly and you can imagine the rest (and maybe show me the same love =P)

thanks a lot to May for beta'ing my fic :) I really appreciate, hun

Thanks to my lovely reviewers too: WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; bluestriker666; jackspeapod; PaulaElizabeth; kat; MsMaeve18; damvampsal21; mayghaen21; Lily, Vampgirl144; Alottalove; xLoveRyanz; Avecia; BMCullen; tsukivamp and Elle.

Babi