You Lost Me
Chapter 18 - Found
He was right. He couldn't believe that he was right. Fifty miles before he entered Atlanta Bonnie had called him and said that the drops had almost joined to become one but that it also meant that he had to plan his next moves pretty well. If the drops joined the spell was undone as there wouldn't be two separate tears for each of them anymore. Too bad Atlanta was such a big city but in all honesty he didn't know if he could be helped by the spell anymore as although the city was big maybe it wasn't big enough for the blood drop to move around. It was probably just a small space in the tissue.
Although Bonnie had asked many times where he was, all Damon said was that it didn't matter if he didn't find her yet. The witch knew he didn't want anyone else to know because he felt like it was his mess to fix but she also thought that if he contacted Stefan the two of them had more chances to find Elena. Damon thought about it too but he knew this was a connection between him and Elena. Stefan probably wouldn't know where to look and he just hoped Elena picked somewhere that helped her go through it.
His first stop was where Bree's bar used to be. It seemed like the witch didn't have anyone to pass the business to as it was now abandoned. But maybe Elena tried to come there anyway and taking the picture he always had in this jacket pocket he started asking people around if they saw her. It was hard because Elena didn't have any remarkable features. Olive skin, straight brown hair and chocolate eyes weren't that uncommon.
As expected nobody could assure him if they saw her or not and he tried to concentrate on any connection they may have had. But there wasn't any. No matter how much he tried, he was still lost. Although he was closer he knew he was as far as ever and maybe getting Stefan and Caroline's help would make much difference. But not before he stayed there for a couple of days and proved to himself that she really hadn't come back there.
He preferred to stay in the warehouse where Lexi's boyfriend almost killed him. It brought the memories that kept his heart warm while he drove all the way down to Atlanta but also made him feel devastated because the girl that saved him didn't exist anymore and he was concerned about what she'd become in the past five weeks.
But as the second day came closer to an end and he had his faint hope crushed by reality. Maybe she was there because of Lexi's boyfriend, in an attempt to find someone that was like her. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with him but with her finally moving on from the Salvatore brothers.
Feeling really hungry for the lack of blood in his system for the past few days, Damon decided to go to the closest hospital to get some blood bags. Atlanta had many hospitals and some very big which made it all less risky for him to actually compromise the city's blood bank.
She couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. There was his car. She didn't need to check the license plate. She could smell his scent from the several meters away. She walked away to one of the buildings that was across the street and went to the roof to wait for him. She couldn't risk him smelling her or her smelling the huge amount of fresh human blood around her. That was why she waited all those weeks to finally come to the hospital and steal blood bags. She drank a lot of alcohol just like Caroline told her to do, to help with the cravings. She also tried coffee and human food as the slightly more experienced vampire suggested saying it might help her.
But she hadn't expected to meet him there and she couldn't make any mistakes at that moment because she couldn't draw his attention.
It didn't take him long to finally leave the place with a cooler in his hands, probably filled with blood bags. It was her first attempt to go to the city and her body screamed for her to actually go meet him and make it all easier. She knew he'd help her with the transition and the cravings but she wasn't ready yet. Even as a vampire, seeing him made her weak in the knees and she knew she couldn't do it. But she wanted to know what he was doing there. Getting down stairs with inhuman speed she stayed inside of the commercial building while she watched him. He put the cooler in the trunk of his car and then removed something from his pocket and started approaching people showing them what seemed like a picture.
She wanted to know what he was doing but she knew getting closer would be too dangerous. An idea immediately popped in her head as one of the people he talked to crossed the street and was about to pass in front of her. She waited until he was a few buildings ahead of where she was hiding and checking if Damon wasn't looking at her direction she followed the middle-aged man. When they were a couple of blocks away from Damon when she pulled the stranger by his arm to an alley.
"What did that man that just approached you want?" she compelled the man as he looked at her.
"He showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if I've seen her in the city recently" the man mechanically told her.
"What did she look like?" Elena asked.
"She looked like you" the man informed in a monotone tone.
"You won't remember of me or him asking you any questions, now go" she ordered and when the man blinked again she wasn't in front of him anymore.
Elena went to the roof of another building as she watched him from distance. After asking people around the hospital for about an hour, Damon finally left but she couldn't just let him go. She had to follow him although it was hard to do it as he drove and she only ran. She knew it was too easy to get his attention or the people around her but thankfully there were a lot of traffic lights and cars in Atlanta on a business day at the end of the afternoon. It was basically rush time.
Damon had driven to somewhere familiar. She remembered pretty well the industrial area where Damon was almost burned alive. It actually sent shivers down her spine to be there again and she was surprised that vampires could have those. But she shouldn't be surprised really. She still had emotions, even if they were raw and her body operated almost like her human body had, except for the lack of a heartbeat and warm blood running through her veins.
She was still considerably far from him as he got one of the blood bags and drank from it with a straw. It actually made her chuckle a little bit but she soon regretted it as the minimum noise got his attention and she could feel his senses alert. Soon he let the suspicion go and resumed his feeding and after a couple of bags he closed the cooler and then his car's trunk, resting both of his hands over it.
"Where are you, Elena?" he murmured loud enough for her to hear and if she had a heart it would have stopped when she heard how heartbroken he sounded. It brought memories of the last time she heard him.
Even before he knocked on the door Elena knew Damon was there. While Bonnie walked to open it, the new vampire got out through the window and carefully but quickly moved to one of the trees by the porch where the witch was talking to the Salvatore brother. He looked desolate but she couldn't approach. She heard his words closely and the moment the first tear fell from his eyes she knew she couldn't bear to watch it. She walked back inside the house and wrote the note quickly knowing that he was already heading out and Bonnie was probably getting inside. Without giving it a second thought, Elena quickly left and ran faster than she knew possible, testing her new inhuman ability.
Seeing how the vampire was still devastated about her death and how he even came to the great lengths of asking people on the street about her, she thought about approaching him, but she couldn't. She wasn't ready yet. She knew she felt something strong for him but she also loved Stefan and that made it that much harder. It wasn't where she stood about Damon but where she stood about Stefan. She couldn't just be with Damon because she felt insecure of her relationship with Stefan while Katherine was around. It'd be using him to fill a void and Elena promised herself that she'd never use anyone again, let alone Damon. It took her over a month to come to terms with everything that happened to them. All the painful words he said, what he did, what she did, what she said and what Katherine did. She still remembered his face when she woke up, she still remembered hearing his voice and almost silent tears at Bonnie just before she left. His words were what led her to leave as she didn't have the strength to see him like that.
But when she finally arrived in Atlanta the sun proved to be too painful for her to try. She thought about getting a stake through her heart. Painful but also quick but she didn't have the guts to do it. And she remembered him. She couldn't do that to him and now seeing how he was still so broken because of her she wished she had the answers to her questions. But if she hadn't been able to watch him like that over a month ago, she definitely didn't feel any better about it then and turning she left, the blood she wanted to try for the first time since Carla was long forgotten.
She soon arrived back at the old barn she had been living in. It was always a nice memory for her to go to the window and look to the spot where she forced him to pull over his car all those months ago when he brought her to Atlanta. She preferred to live there because she didn't have enough control to be around so many humans. She compelled the old couple that owned the barn and as each day passed it was harder for her to feed on any of those animals, first because it was what kept the couple going and also because she still found it disgusting but her first attempt in a hospital only brought her even more painful memories.
Elena quickly took the mobile she stole and thankfully it was charged, thanks to the charger she forced the couple to buy her.
"Hi" she said as Caroline answered the phone.
"How was it?" the blond asked excited. She knew Elena was going to try to take the bags in the hospital for the first time.
"I couldn't do it. There were too many people there. I'll try tomorrow, I guess it'll have less people on weekends" Elena made up the lie easily.
"It'll work, don't worry" Caroline's always positive attitude was welcomed though the brunette knew it had nothing to do with the amount of people around her.
"Do you have any news on him?" Elena asked quietly and the other vampire knew exactly which who she was talking about. The bubbly girl had tried to talk about the brothers many times with her friend but at first she didn't want to know. As the weeks passed she finally allowed Caroline to tell her about Stefan, as he called the blond a few times to keep her posted about his search but she never allowed her friend to tell a word about Damon. Elena didn't even pretend to have a reason, she just said the truth. She wasn't ready to handle him yet.
"No. Stefan doesn't know where he is or what he's doing and I guess he's starting to worry about him as much as he's worried about you" Caroline explained and Elena was relieved to know that he was okay as much as he could, given the circumstances.
"I'm worried too, Elena. Stefan was always a little bit tortured and broody and I guess I expected his reaction but Damon… he was totally lost before he left. He drank all day long, emptying bottles by day. He shut everything off and just drowned in guilt. It actually touched me to see him so desolated. One of the times I came to the house and he didn't hear me I could actually hear him crying. I guess he cried every day. He really cares about you" the vampire told her friend and Elena didn't need to listen about Caroline's concern. It was all written in her voice.
"I'm not ready to see him, Caroline. I wish I could tell him what he needs to hear and help him let it go but I don't know what I'll do when I see him" the brunette shared something emotional for the first time in her conversations with her friend who quickly saw the opportunity to finally help her friend with what she really need.
"Elena, trust me. Honestly and entirely trust me. I want to help but you need to trust me" Caroline offered to her friend with a demanding voice that reminded her so much of the person Caroline became ever since she turned. She had her moments of bravery and it actually fit her personality to have moments like that every now and then.
"I kissed Damon" Elena blurted.
"You did what? When? How? Why?" the blond bombarded with questions and Elena for a moment thought if it was a bad idea but Caroline was actually the only person she had to talk about it and she was going insane if she didn't figure it out.
"Before Katherine killed me. I wasn't ready to let him go, I knew he had some sort of feelings or attraction for me before Katherine came. But then she happened and Damon wasn't the same anymore, not even Stefan was who he used to be. And then he got a girlfriend and I was actually jealous of her. Now that I have all my emotions magnified I can say it was jealousy but I don't understand why. I love Stefan, Caroline. I love him with everything I am. I don't have a right to want Damon to be alone. I don't have a right to feel jealous of Carla or Katherine. I have a boyfriend for God's sake or at least I used to have one" Elena poured her heart out and couldn't hold the tears back as she did so. She couldn't keep it to herself anymore. She knew she could trust Caroline and maybe her friend could do more than be the good listener but she didn't expect the line to be mute.
"Caroline?" Elena confirmed if her friend was still on the phone.
"Yeah?" the blond asked trying to sound clueless.
"I know you. You have something in mind and you don't want to tell me. What is it? Are you hiding anything?"
"No, of course not, I'm just pondering about what you just said and Elena… before you allowed me to talk about them every time I mentioned Stefan's name you were just adamant that you didn't want to know or that you couldn't and then you eventually let it go but every time I mentioned Damon you got emotional and nearly pleaded me to change the subject. I always thought that it was because deep inside you still blamed him for everything that happened to you but listening to you now, I'm sure I wasn't even close…" Caroline stopped, purposefully not sharing the conclusions both of them knew she had come to.
"Spit it out" Elena demanded.
"I know you love Stefan, Elena but maybe you're falling in love with Damon"
"No, Caroline. I was just being selfish. I knew he had feelings for me and I wanted him to nurture those feelings when I knew I wouldn't reciprocate. I was a bitch to him and I'm going to stop with it right now. I have to go" she quickly explained herself and hung up the phone. Taking a deep breath she dialed the numbers she would never forget.
"Hello" he answered coldly, not recognizing the number on his screen.
"Damon, it's me, Elena" she softly told him and he couldn't believe in what his ears were hearing.
AN: Now you understand me. Damon didn't find Elena. Elena found Damon. Of course I wouldn't let Stefan do it, though the younger brother definitely makes an appearance in the following chapter.
And be prepared for an overdose of Delena interaction. From now on some chapters will be only about them and only them. Yet not the next.
Now to justify what Caroline said about Elena's feelings. I think that Elena first started caring about Damon as only a friend, about the time he took her to Atlanta. I feel like that caring started changed by the Miss Mystic Falls with their perfect dance and only intensified ever since, especially during the time he took care of Stefan - in his own way.
But I think Elena (and I'm still talking about the show, not this story) just can't acknowledge or even notice it because she's swamped in her relationship with Stefan. I do think they love each other but they're lost in this ideal relationship, in their idea of love, he protecting her from everything bad in the world and she feeling like she's his salvation and redemption. I guess once her (or both) wake up from this ideal dream (and consequently unreliable) they'll start to see things differently and then we'll see if their love will survive because among those many thing, I think she'll realize there IS something between Damon and her. I may take the same course because that's how I feel about the triangle and I want to keep this on character. Once she notices she has some sort of feelings for Damon, she'll see which one is worthier.
For now I want to thank to my amazing beta May and her exceptional job with my fics. Also I want to thank my great reviewers: lexipedia; Avecia; bluestriker666; ahhh; EtherealDemon (thanks for reviewing all chapters you missed); WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; jacks-peapod; xLoveRyanx; DreamtoAspire; mayghaen17; Alottalove; Lily; MsMaeve18; TtoboggI; tsukivamp; Kat and damvampsal21.
Talk to you soon
Babi