You Lost Me

Chapter Twenty - You

"Damon" she sighed as she finally turned around to see him standing in the entrance of the barn, the animals around her reacting to his presence.

As her eyes locked with his her legs gained a life of their own and moving at human speed but still fast she found her face collapsing against his chest. She didn't know why she reacted like that but seeing him again showed how much she needed and missed him. In the many denial trips and not so many visits to her heart to find the answers she wanted, Elena didn't realize she was alone. And Elena Gilbert hated to be alone. It was more than relieving to see him there, it was freeing.

"Are you okay?" he asked surprised by her reaction as much as she was.

"I am now" she admitted with closed eyes while her face was pressed against his chest. It felt so good that she didn't want to move away ever again. His skin didn't just feel good against hers, it felt amazing as he wrapped his arms around her. Both of their bodies were cold but when touching they felt warm. It was comforting and soothing. She snuggled a little bit and didn't move from her position.

"Really Elena? I thought you'd have your sire's taste for food" he smirked as he looked around at the many animals.

Feeling like he decided to change the subject because he wasn't any more ready to discuss emotions than she was, she followed his lead and let go of him and the emptiness she had been feeling for those weeks immediately came back. "It's disgusting actually but I couldn't risk getting it from someone and today just for the first time I tried to go to the hospital and compel them to give me some bags" she explained as she looked around, her hands on her pocket.

"You're still wearing the same clothes" he pointed out and she would blush if she still had hot blood in on her veins.

"But I've been showering. Actually I got a pair of clothes from the house. The woman is bigger than me but it was useful. I washed those ones so I could be presentable for my trip to the city" she explained embarrassed, thinking about how her life had reached the bottom.

"Elena, you don't need to live like this" he closed the space between them again, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"I didn't know what else to do, Damon and I still don't" she looked at him and he could easily catch the confusion in her beautiful chocolate eyes.

"We'll figure it out. I suppose Saint Stefan doesn't know about you?" he asked the question objectively as he was tired of the many assumptions that he had in his head.

"No" she answered and walked away keeping her back to him.

Damon looked at her confused. He didn't know what was going on in her head for once and he wasn't comfortable in that position.

"So we might as well call dearest brother and soothe his heart. Last I've heard he wasn't in Mystic Falls either so I guess if we leave now you'll have your happily ever after reunion in a few hours" he took his mobile from his pocket with a dry smirk.

"Please don't, I'm not ready yet" she protested and using her newfound agility she sped up and took the phone from him.

"Easy girl" he raised both of his hands showing he wasn't demanding her to do anything. "We can call him when we get back there then" he twisted his hands a little, closing his eyes briefly, showing coolness.

"That's what I meant, Damon, I'm not ready to come back" she clarified her sentence and gave his phone back to him. She took the one she stole and composed a text to her boyfriend. I'm okay, I have people helping me. I'm sorry for leaving and not contacting you before. I'm working on coming back. Don't worry about me. Elena. She hit the send button and just like that she turned the phone off and then broke the SIM card. She knew Stefan enough to know he'd try to track her down and she didn't want that yet. While it was a bit of relief seeing Damon after weeks without looking at any familiar faces, she started to feel the weight of the world on her shoulders. She still had no answer to her questions and what Caroline told her certainly didn't help.

Damon couldn't help himself but peek over the words she typed and she didn't seem to bother to hide them as she was writing them in front of him, without asking any privacy.

That was an unexpected turn of events. He didn't know why she used the word people instead of someone or even his name, so he assumed she had someone else with her and maybe that list didn't even include him.

"Let's go" he tilted his head towards the wooden door and she looked at him confused. She just told him she wasn't ready to go and she knew he read what she wrote to Stefan. When she opened her mouth to protest like he expected her to do, he cut her off.

"You don't honestly think I'm going to keep you company in some place that smells like crap, animal crap nonetheless. I don't know how you could bear it, Elena. You don't want to go back to the city you were born, fine with me, but we can do better than a barn. We will do better than it" he had a disgusted face and that was soon replaced by a smug smirk.

"The smell was the last thing on my mind Damon. I killed many animals and it was horrible and I actually took away their sustenance, they live from this small farm. I hate that I had to do it to them" she explained to him and it warmed his heart to know that despite the transition, the same selfless and big-heart-girl was still there.

"I promise I'll make it up to them, okay?" he didn't stop himself from reaching for her cheek and gave her skin a featherlight touch.

"Thank you" she quietly answered back.

"Now let's go because my stomach is in knots and unfortunately it isn't because of the sight of you" he kept the gross grimace on his face as he led their way out of the barn.

"How many cute cows do you owe them?" Damon asked as he walked towards the small house half a mile away from the barn.

"Eight maybe ten"

"For over a month? Not that bad, Elena" he nodded his head and curled down his bottom lip impressed by her appetite.

They finally reached the old house door and knocking firmly Damon waited for the residents to open it. It took the old lady long enough but Damon didn't show any sign of impatience. Even under compulsion he should be thankful for those people providing Elena a shelter and food.

"Good night" he offered politely.

"Night" she looked at them and she almost showed a reaction towards seeing Elena but not quite.

"I'm aware through my friend that my… pet caused the death of many of your animals and I'd like to reimburse you. Keeping wild animals wasn't my best idea" he offered a peaceful smile and then whispered loud enough for only Elena to hear "The things you make me do, my wild pet"

Elena rolled her eyes but she was happy to see the smile on the woman's face as she heard what Damon said.

"Thank God someone sent you, Sir, because my husband and I didn't know how we were going to pay the bills next month" the old lady nearly had tears in her eyes, thanking Damon for his kindness.

"So, how much do you need to cover for the loss of ten of your best assets?" he asked taking his wallet from his pocket.

As expected he didn't have the total amount in cash and he didn't have a checkbook but he promised to come back with the rest in the following day.

Satisfied with what Damon did for the couple she explored beyond words, Elena felt the first anvil being removed from her shoulders.

"Do you feel like walking? You do look paler than usual" he quipped while he appraised her appearance. It was expected for her to lose some of her color now that she was a vampire but he remembered she told him she tried to go to the hospital for the first time earlier that day but she didn't mention actually feeding. Damon thought she didn't look as vigorous as a well fed vampire would.

"Being a vampire does that to you" she retorted but she wasn't complaining. She could handle Damon when he wasn't addressing anything that happened that day back when or what she'd been through in the past month.

"When was the last time you took advantage of that poor old couple's properties, Elena?" he asked somewhat serious, frowning slightly as he spoke.

"Last weekend" she answered honestly. She wasn't expecting him to ask that sort of question. She knew her stomach wasn't making any sounds and she thought her explanation about her lack of color had been enough for him to let it go.

"And how can you even stand? I know those cows looked big and almost edible but even then it's too long. You need to have a balanced diet, Elena. Going almost a week without any blood will only make it more difficult" he quickly changed to concerned mode seeing that she was probably weak by now.

"Don't remind me" she brought her hand to her mouth in disgust of what she did, not exactly of how they felt in her mouth though it couldn't be compared to Carla's blood all those weeks ago, but seeing how she attacked them. She felt disgusted about the way she attacked the defenseless animals. They didn't stand a chance against her and having to rip them actually caused her to be so disgusted with her herself that she took little blood from the big animals.

"Come here" he said but didn't give her anytime to answer and before she knew it she was in his arms and they were moving faster than she was ever capable of. It felt good to be in his arms again. She was already getting used to the feeling especially after everything they'd been through in the past months and probably because of their blood bond.

It took them less than five minutes to reach his Camaro in the old warehouse area where it was parked and he placed her on the nearby stairs.

"I know you're starving and that the very smell of the blood I have in my trunk is driving you insane but Elena you need to learn to control your cravings as soon as possible. The more you get now, the more you'll want in the future and if you plan to go back to your family and school it's better for you to take it slow, okay?" he moved both of his hands to her shoulder and looked deeply in her eyes as she nodded. He could see them getting darker and the black veins around them appearing. He swore she never looked more beautiful to him but it wasn't because she was now a vampire. But because he could still see the Elena Gilbert he learned to love behind her vampire façade. Because she hadn't lost who she was despite of what she became and that made her breathtaking. The same warm and loving eyes were looking back at his despite the beast that covered her features.

"Wait for me here" he told her and in a few seconds he was back with a bag of blood and a straw.

They both sat on the stairs that led to the entrance of the warehouse and she couldn't take her eyes off of the crimson liquid in his hands.

He handed it to her and seeing how she eagerly accepted he reached for her arm "One sip at a time instead of just drinking it all at once also helps with control. You may not be able to do it because you didn't feed in many days and I'm assuming it's your first time with human blood since Carla. It doesn't matter if you don't accomplish it now, just try, okay?" he softly instructed her and she nodded quickly before moving her hungry lips to the straw.

Although she had honestly paid attention to his words the moment the first drop of the sweetest elixir she had ever tasted hit her tongue she lost it. She sucked as fast as she could and in a blink of the eye she felt the plastic being removed from her lips, much to her dislike.

"Don't listen to the beast, Elena, listen to me. Look at me, focus on me" he said as he took the bag from her hands. She was ready to fight him for the blood when he cupped her face in his hands, abandoning the package on one of the stairs.

"I can still see the girl that I…" he paused suddenly getting his emotions back on track before he proceeded. He knew opening his heart to her would be selfish and everything she didn't need at the moment. Taking a breath he continued "The girl that I've known as a human and I know you don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her, Elena but I can't do anything to keep her here. You're the only one that can ensure she won't go anywhere" his voice was soft and filled with affection, leading Elena to almost get lost in those beautiful blue eyes of him. She could see them even better than when she first woke up and they were mesmerizing. So many layers and craters that reflected beautifully who he was. So many emotions mixed with all shades of light blue and silver. She knew that she had yet to discover all of those tiers that made Damon Salvatore who he intrinsically was but she felt compelled to go through all of them to learn it.

His words were tender to her ears and the meaning behind them meant the world to her. She already knew he was determined to go to great lengths to rescue her but she didn't know it included removing some of the masks that she knew he kept on with his life. She was surprised to see that Damon would take as great pains as being human around her.

"Okay" she muttered quietly as she felt hypnotized by his soft gaze.

"Okay" he answered back matching her tone and dropping one of his hands back to the blood bag he handed it to her, never letting go of her eyes.

She looked down to his hand as he offered it to her only to be admonished by his soothing voice. "Look at me, Elena"

She closed her eyes trying not to be blinded by the blood in her hands and after taking a deep breath she opened her eyes again, keeping them locked on his.

"One sip at a time" he moved the missing hand back to her face, his thumb barely moving but still softly caressing her.

"Good girl" he smiled and nodded slightly at her controlled pace sucking the bag.

Her eyes couldn't move from his and while the taste in her mouth was what her body craved the most, her reflection in his irises was what fulfilled all of her needs, satiating her body, heart and soul.

AN: Hey guys! I really, really like this update, especially when he's feeding her. I'm happy with what I've got there. I just have one problem, I'm having a terrible hard time to keep writing. I know these two words suck but I'm sensing a writer's block *cries*

I know what I want with the next chapters and where I want to take this until they're back in Mystic Falls but I don't know how to put that into words.

I do hope I can make some progress this weekend, although my wedding fifth anniversary and I may not have time. I'll do my best to keep the two updates by week until the end. Help me if you have any ideas. I'll see if they fit what I have in mind.

Thanks a lot to my reviewers: EtherealDemon (twice); jacks-peapod; xLoveRyanx; ahhh; sasukerulez04; Silvian (for all the reviews); Lily; WhiteLine-Turned-HurricaneGirl; TtobogiI; kat; tsukivamp; bluestriker666; damvampsal21; mayghaen17 and MsMaeve18.

I hope you liked this one and I'd love to hear what you thought.

Just let me warn you that they'll take a few steps forward but not without taking some backward in the middle of it.

Special thanks to my beta May.

Babi