You Lost Me

Chapter Twenty-One - Not Normal

Damon had taken them to a hotel but Elena didn't seem comfortable with it either. He knew it was still hard for her being around so many humans when she had been only on an animal diet and had just had the taste of human blood again. He knew he was taking a risk but he was going to suggest it anyway. It was for her benefit not his that he thought about it after all.

"I own a beach house in North Carolina" he suggested as he entered the hotel room to find her hugging her legs in the corner of the luxurious couch. Of course Damon had chosen the most expensive hotel in town for their stay much to Elena's protest and dismay. And seeing how she was shrunk in the corner of the leather sofa only confirmed his previous thoughts.

"Good for you" she answered not knowing what he meant by it. They'd had barely talked since the night before, when he helped her with the blood. They headed to the hotel from there since they had gotten two separate rooms he was seeing her for the first time that morning.

"Maybe we could go there" he shrugged and she frowned looking at him.

"This isn't exactly a vacation, Damon and it's winter, it must be freezing there" she protested a little annoyed by his idea.

"Exactly Elena, this isn't a vacation. But I can see how hard it is for you to be here with so many people. I don't see how you can make much progress dealing with humans around you if you plan to be locked in this room for God knows how long. My house is in a small and welcoming city. It's in front of the sea and as you just pointed out, it's cold so you won't be around many people but as a vampire, I must remind you, the environment temperature doesn't affect you at all. I'm not talking about vacation, Elena, I'm talking about giving you a chance to learn how to go back to normal" he explained with a neutral voice, far from the soft and tender tone he had used with her in the previous day.

"There's no normal anymore Damon. It's not normal to look at someone in front of me and see them as my lunch instead of human beings. It's not normal to have to fight the beast inside of me so I won't kill anyone. At least it's not normal to me" she retorted and though she didn't want to be rude, her new nature was still a raw subject for her to discuss so openly.

"I didn't mean it like that, Elena and you know it. But as you mentioned I might as well let you know that it'll never change. This battle will always be part of who you're, no matter which diet you keep or if your meal comes in bags with straws. It will become normal though. Once you learn how to cope you won't consciously fight against your nature. It'll be just like breathing with a few bumps in the road" he approached her and he almost looked like the vampire talking to her the previous night.

"That won't ever be normal to me. It may be to my body and nature but it won't ever feel normal in my heart" she murmured, avoiding his eyes. She didn't want him to think that she was offending him or who he was. That was just the way she felt about herself.

"Fair enough. I'm going out if you don't need me for anything else. You can think about my proposal. You can order them to bring breakfast for you in the room. Make sure you drink some coffee. It helps with the cravings" he walked away from the couch and turned to the door.

"Do you really have to leave?" she asked avoiding his gaze and keeping her voice low not trying to hide her vulnerability. She had spent over a month alone but it took her only a couple of hours with him to get used to having someone with her, even if they didn't say a word to one another. And she wanted to say something, she wanted him to say something. But she didn't know what normal was to them now. They were both avoiding the complicated subject of her death and the events prior to it. There was a lot to be talked between the two of them and Elena wanted to talk about it. She never liked to leave things unsure or unresolved. She wasn't that person. But was she ready to talk about their kiss? About the kiss she initiated? She knew the answer and she half-expected that Damon would talk about it. At least mention it. He never a had a problem talking about touchy subjects. He had always initiated the conversation nobody wanted to have but he totally dismissed what happened and she wondered if his reasons were the same as hers.

The silent was good and almost comforting but her heart was tight. Seeing him in front of her and pretending like nothing happened or that it wasn't relevant to talk about it was driving her nuts. You kissed him, Elena. Nobody kisses someone just to call their attention or prevent their impending departure. She told to herself. If Damon had left six months ago she wouldn't have done what she did. She wouldn't feel the urge in her chest to change his mind. It wouldn't consume her insides to think about living without him. And that scared her. She wasn't ready to live without Damon Salvatore in her life. This wasn't how she was supposed to feel about her boyfriend's brother and maybe the first thing she needed to do was break up with Stefan. She loved the younger brother and she couldn't live without the older one. But above all she didn't want to become Katherine. She wouldn't keep feeding their feelings for her while she sighed looking from one to another until she chose one. Choose one? Since when there was a choice to be made? Since when being with Damon became a possibility? Maybe it didn't. Maybe she didn't want or wasn't ready to be with Damon but one thing she knew for sure. She didn't know if she wanted to continue with Stefan. For the first time since they'd been together Elena honestly assessed their relationship. The initiator of her doubts may have been her dependency on Damon's presence but it wasn't only that. When was the last time Stefan made her feel like Damon had done the night before? She didn't know the answer to that.

"I have to go to the bank. Money bank. I have a food debt to pay, remember? I might as well go to the blood one as now I'm providing for two, though we'll be counting you as a half for a while" he proudly added the last part. It felt good to say it although he knew she was as much as capable of getting her food as he was. Being raised in the ninth century still formed most of his character and being the provider to a family was something that mattered in his time as a human, Thinking about it made him proud of himself in a sense. Getting Elena blood for a few days was the closest he would ever get to that.

"Can't I go with you?" she shyly asked.

"Promise me to behave?" he quipped, treating her like a child, and leading her to roll her eyes.

"I need to buy clothes. I can't go another day dressing in these ones" she pouted and he actually smirked slightly. Although Elena was never obsessed about her clothes, she was still a girl and there was only so much a girl would take when it came to their wardrobe.

"So let's spend my money, Elena, but I'm getting you a cup of coffee either here on at the Starbucks across the street. Suit yourself" he opened the door for her leave.

"You should try something more revealing. Sexier" he said with a raspy voice as he wrinkled his nose slightly.

"That's not my style and you know it" she simply answered as she kept taking plain tops, basic jeans and a couple of coats to keep up the appearance.

"But you're now a vampire now" he said in her ear as he walked behind her.

"Still. I don't want to lose me"

"Let me pick just one outfit. You don't have to wear it if you don't want" he asked her as his eyes traveled the store looking for what his choice would be.

"Just don't go over the top" she warned and with that he was gone. She had purposefully agreed with him as she knew he wouldn't let her try the clothes on without any witty remarks, so she quickly walked towards the fitting room.

Damon was too distracted by his new chore to notice she was nowhere to be seen anymore. Although it was a Saturday morning the store wasn't crowded. Perks of buying in expensive designer stores.

His eyes soon fell on something that would look perfect on her. It was simple, he liked her simplicity but there was a touch of fanciness and spice. Thinking about which of the two available colors she would like the most he finally came to a decision but when he turned around she wasn't anywhere to be seen. For a moment he panicked but then he focused on his refined senses. He was already used to her new scent and it wasn't too hard to follow where it was taking her.

"You're the most boring shopping partner in the world Elena" he said as soon as she stepped outside the fitting room, the clothes she had tried on in her arms.

"There was a time when I wasn't the worst company in the world though" she was slightly annoyed and Damon knew he better keep his remarks to himself. He was trying to act the most normal around her because he truly believed she'd find a place she could call normal again. She was used to his witty, inappropriate or just annoying remarks but maybe she didn't feel up to them yet.

"Let's get those checked out then" he took the clothes from her arms too quickly for her to realize he had also taken the one he took from the counter by their side. He knew if he mentioned that he had picked out an outfit for her she wouldn't have it.

"What's next now?" she asked as they stepped outside the store.

"Blood bank and back to the hotel" he answered simply as they entered his car.

"I've been thinking about North Carolina" she told him as he drove them to one of the hospitals in the city.

"I've been thinking too" he offered and she actually frowned. Did he gave it a second thought and gave the whole thing up? She had finally come to terms that it would be easier for her to do it in a small city, having little contact with humans and then progressing to having a social life like Damon and Stefan had.

"And to which conclusion did you come?" she asked trying to hide her disappointment.

"You can stay in the house; I'm going to stay in the bed and breakfast by the same beach. I think it's better for you to be there and I don't want my presence to become a reason for you to stay here. I'll give you as much space as you need" he explained avoiding her gaze the whole time. He didn't want to show how important it was for him to have her around. He had told her he wouldn't let her go away again when he first saw her but he was threatening her back then and now he was being condescending.

"It's your house Damon, if someone should stay out of it, it should be me" she reasoned back. She could see that his walls were being built up again. The version of the vampire that helped her less than twenty-four hours earlier was the closest she would ever have to the man she wanted to know. But she knew how Damon operated. She knew that he wasn't willing to let anyone see his human side but she couldn't understand why. It was much easier to keep him around when he wasn't a selfish ass. She didn't mean herself because she loved him the way he was but other people didn't.

She had come to that conclusion without any pain. She loved Damon; that much was clear. She wouldn't have chased him with her car if she didn't truly and deeply care about him. He used to be her best friend. When Stefan was in a bad patch and Bonnie kept herself a little more distant, Damon was the one that was there for her. He helped his brother the best he could and he still took care of her. The many things he did for her, one of them almost got him killed when he gave the device to Bonnie so that she could deactivate it but he never said anything about it. He kept making it clear that she could come to him whenever she needed him. And when somebody cares that much about you all you can do is reciprocate and she did that without putting any effort at all.

But then Katherine came back and the guy she was starting to know became the psychopath who tried to kill her brother in front of her. But still he gave his blood to Caroline. Still he gave her the book with Katherine's family story. Still he took care of her and gave her his blood when Katherine attacked her for the first time. It was confusing to assess where her emotions stood about him. And Caroline's words kept resonating in her mind.

"I'm not the one with social issues to get overcome, Elena" he kept his eyes on the streets in front of him and she preferred not to say anything. She was going to take whatever he was willing to share. Especially because she didn't know what she was willing to share either. Caroline's words kept repeating in her head and seeing how he was so tender to her the first time they met again left her pensive. But if he was back to his hiding game, she'd be back to her denial trip.

She had things more important to think about than figuring out if she felt slightly in love with Damon Salvatore or not.

"We're here" he announced as he parked near the hospital.

"I'm not going inside" she told him. He only nodded and reached the backseat for the new cooler he bought. He would take as many bags in Atlanta because once they were in North Carolina it'd be harder for him to get them without drawing a lot of attention and he had no idea of how many days they were going to spend there.

"Be right back" he told her and left.

She sighed once she found herself alone in the car. She didn't know what to think anymore. She wanted the Damon that had been with her the previous night but she didn't know why she wanted him back. Part of her believed she wanted it to have him figured out; she wanted to know who he truly was. The other part thought it was because she liked what she saw, never having such a moment with her own boyfriend. But she still didn't know where she stood about her boyfriend. His red and lipstick dirt lips never left her mind though she was being a hypocrite if she judged his actions. She had kissed Damon only a few hours before and she knew Katherine could easily have forced a kiss while she intentionally kissed Damon.

She knew she loved Stefan with her heart and soul but she felt strongly drawn to his brother. Maybe it was the blood bond they shared now. But that would be a lie, she smirked dryly. While the new connection may have intensified something it didn't create it. It was already there. It was what made her want him to never leave. Was it possible to love someone and be in love with a different person? She didn't have the answer and she wouldn't be getting it in that moment because the very root of her doubts was already opening the car's trunk.

"So we are going to North Carolina?" he turned to her as soon as he entered the car.

"Yes" she answered with confidence.

"We can hit the road tomorrow if you feel tired or we could just leave now" he offered as he started the engine.

"While I think a shower could be nice I guess I prefer that we get going" she wondered aloud and he only nodded.

"Let's go then"

Stefan was back in Mystic Falls. The moment Bonnie confirmed that Damon and Elena were together he decided that he would ask Bonnie to do the same spell she did for Damon and Elena, only that this time for him and his brother. But then not much later he got Elena's text and he felt his heart dropping in his chest. She preferred to have his brother by her side rather than him and it actually hurt. Although he told Katherine that Damon had forced his way trying to kiss Elena for a second time his heart actually believed his sire's words. His brother would never allow Katherine to blame Elena for kissing him if he had been the initiator or the author behind it. He couldn't ask to Bonnie to do the spell anymore because that wasn't what Elena wanted, so he just went back to the boarding house and tried to contact her through the phone number she used. For a moment he thought that maybe it was just Katherine pretending to be Elena as part of one of her games but she couldn't influence the spell the witch did to track down his brother and Elena. It couldn't be such a coincidence for Katherine to know about it when she was in Maryland with him but then again he had no idea where Damon and Elena could be. So how did Katherine know that his brother found Elena?

He didn't have any luck with the number she texted him from. He got a disconnected message and he thought about what he could possibly do about it. He knew Damon had his phone but wouldn't answer it but after spending almost the whole day thinking he finally decided that he needed an answer and he knew exactly how to play Damon to give it to him even if his brother didn't want to.

I received a message from Elena last night around the same time Katherine finally decided to visit me. She said that you had found Elena and that she was in danger because Katherine had drawn the attention of vampires who want her killed. It seems like her plan was to have Elena become a vampire so they'd kill her instead. I don't know what sort of plan Katherine is up to but I just need to know that if it was Elena who texted me or if it's just part of some sick game Katherine is playing. And if you have her, keep your eyes wide open. Stefan.

He hit the send button but he didn't expect to have any sort of answer as Damon never picked up any of his many calls in the past month. But his brother always had a way to surprise him.

I was right in front of her when she asked you not to worry about her and you don't need to little brother. I'm fixing my mess and I'll make sure she comes back to your arms as soon as possible. You're good to her and she needs good in her life. And do not believe what that manipulative bitch says but keep her distracted enough until I'm back because I won't stop until I stake her right through the heart. D.

AN: It's me! And I don't like this chapter at all. I hate it when there are no big developments, although I do think Elena's thoughts showed some progress, don't you?

But still I miss the action but I won't be writing any action now because I really hate to write betrayals and I really doubt Elena would ever cheat on Stefan, not matter how tempting and overwhelming the situation was. Also there isn't any vampire action as Klaus didn't arrive and Katherine is backing off.

This chapter was overly Elena's POV about their encounter and what came after it. In the next one I'll let you know Damon's feelings about it.

Thanks a lot to my dearest reviewers:EtherealDemon; acelticdream; jack-peapod; Delena XoxoTVDoxoX Kefan; ahhh; bluestriker666; TVDFanatic24; MasqueradePhantom; xLoveRyanx; DreamToAspire; kat; damvampsal21; Madagascar95; tsukivamp; Alottalove; TtoboggI; MsMaeve18. mayghaen21 and Silvian. I love your love, guys. Keep giving it to make me happy and inspired.

And a special thanks to my beta May.

xoxo

Babi