Author: Catgurl83
Title: Burning Memories
Chapter title: Blinding Images
Disclaimer: They are mine. Not. They belong to many different people, none of them me.
Rating: R
Feedback: Feedback helps me think. My e-mail address is catgurl83@yahoo.com
Author's notes: School starts on Aug. 14 for me. I'll try to work on this story as much as possible around my assignments. Finishing this story is my top priority when it comes to writing.
In this chapter, I touch on some sensitive issues. Please don't read if you are under 17. This chapter is NOT appropriate for children. Also, some adults might not be able to handle this chapter. Please read with caution. I really did not plan on having an R rated chapter. I am sorry if anyone that has been reading this story will not be able to read because of that. I will post a summary at the beginning of the next chapter.
My deepest thanks to Kristen, who betaed this for me. I really appreciated it!
**********
Robert had been silent for almost five minutes. Elizabeth didn't know what she should do. Should she say something? If so, what? Should she comfort him? Should she prompt him to keep going? Should she just sit here and silently support him?
Elisabeth really hadn't had any idea that Robert had this type of emotional baggage. As far as she knew, no one did. He did a very good job of hiding his agonizing emotional scars. Most people just thought that he was a jerk.
She had never been in a situation like this before. She had no idea how to behave. How did one treat a friend in this situation? SShe should probably act as if nothing had changed, but how?
If people had looked deep enough they probably would have figured out that something painful had happened in Robert's past. After all, occasionally he did show his tender, caring side. But no one had looked that deeply. They hadn't cared enough. It had just been easier to dislike him and whine about him to others. They were all guilty of such behavior.
So deep was she in her own thoughts that she nearly jumped when Robert spoke again.
"For nearly a week the police and hundreds of volunteers searched the entire city as well as other parts of California." He paused for a few moments. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
**********
Flashback
**********
Four days. Four days that had felt like a year to Robert. His wife and daughter had been gone for four agonizing, long days.
Four days and they had nothing. Nothing had happened in four days. And yet so much had happened.
Pictures of Jubilee and Natalie covered telephone poles, store windows, bus stop shelters, and every other available surface. Their smiling faces stared up from the cover of the newspaper. The story had been covered on every newscast in the state of California and in several other states as well.
Hundreds of people had contacted the police station to volunteer after hearing about the case on the news. Volunteers had put out thousands of copies of the flier. Additional copies had been faxed to every police station in California, Nevada, and Arizona. Other volunteers had helped the police to scour the neighborhood for any sign of Natalie and Jubilee. And yet, nothing.
Robert scrubbed a hand across his tired eyes. He hadn't slept since that horrible day. He was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to find them. If they were ever going to find anything.
How could it take them so long ? There had to be something that they were overlooking. Natalie and Jubilee had to be somewhere. They didn't just disappear.
In his mind, Robert knew that time was running out. How long could Natalie and Jubilee survive wherever they were with whomever they were with? Were they even alive right then?
His wife and daughter could be dead and there was nothing he could do to help them. Absolutely nothing. He had never felt this helpless in his life.
The images rolling through his mind were gut wrenching and tormenting. Were those things really happening? He just wished he knew. Knowing would be so much better than this cruel guessing game that kept him awake at night.
Whenever he closed his eyes, the images overwhelmed him. They burned themselves onto the inside of his eyelids until he would do almost anything to get rid of them.
He saw Nattie and Jubilee with some nameless, faceless man. Strange, he couldn't see the man's face but he could hear his voice. It was evil, pure evil. It was flat and devoid of any depth or emotion. It rang with hollow emptiness.
The man's humorless laugh rang through Robert's ears as Natalie cried out in pain.
He could see his beautiful, sweet Natalie begging the man to stop. To let her go. It didn't work. He just answered that he'd never let her go. At least not alive.
He could hear Jubilee crying in anger, frustration, and neglect. He could picture the baby lying on the cold, hard floor wearing the same dress she was wearing four days ago along with a long-soiled diaper. Dirt, sweat, and dried blood were caked on her soft skin. Her hair was matted and unkempt. She howled in hunger and pain.
Robert shook his head to rid himself of the images. This time, it didn't work.
He blanched as he heard and saw in his mind's eye, the fabric of Natalie's blouse rip in two. Again, he heard Natalie's cry and the man's laugh.
He clenched his fists as he imagined the man pushing Nattie back against a dirty mattress lying on the hard concrete floor of an abandoned building.
Nattie's sobs filled his ears as he clamped his eyes shut tightly. He ground the heels of his hands against his closed lids, trying in vain to banish the devastating images.
**********
"Robert?" Elizabeth's voice rang with alarm as she grabbed his hands. " You're going to hurt yourself."
Robert slowly pulled his hands away from his eyes and looked at Elizabeth. He blinked a few times to bring the blurry image into focus.
Elizabeth held back her sigh of relief, but just barely. Where had he been just then? Certainly not here. What awful image had he been trying to erase from his mind? "Are you all right?" she asked, although she knew the answer.
"God, Elisabeth." He nearly whispered it. "I can still see it."
"See what?" She was scared that she could guess what he saw.
"My worst nightmare," he answered in a soft, bitter, voice.
Elizabeth waited quietly for him to continue.
After several minutes, Robert went on. "Those thoughts and images filled my mind for months, years. At first, it was only when I was sleeping but then it was whenever I was alone. After awhile, I saw it all of the time. I couldn't get away from the images."
"What images?" Elizabeth whispered.
"Of what might have happened to Natalie and Jubilee. I could see every detail. The harder I tried to stop it, the more I saw. And I could hear them."
Elizabeth could only imagine how horrifying the images he was seeing were. His expression when he was seeing them, was so filled with pain. It was as if he were blind and deaf to everything but the haunting nightmare. She had called out to him several times before he heard her.
"After eight days we still had nothing. Nattie's parents went on TV." His flat tone of voice was back. He had himself and his emotions back under control.
***********
Flashback
***********
"Damn it." Robert's fist crashed down on the coffee table. He winced when he saw the scratches on the smooth surface that were caused by his watch. Nattie was going to be furious when she saw them. And she was going to see them. He had to believe that.
Mitch flipped the TV off. He faced Robert. The younger man's anger did not daunt him. "I'll schedule an interview for you for as soon as possible."
"I."
Mitch cut Robert's protest off. He had heard it several times in the last several days and had given in every time. "You have no choice Robert. We have to counter now."
Robert caught the look on Mitch's face and realized that it was pointless to argue. He knew nothing about law, whereas Mitch knew quite a lot. If Mitch thought he should do an interview then he should. Even though he was going to hate it.
Robert took a step closer to the TV and put a hand on the warm surface. He glared at the blank screen. His in-laws had just concluded an interview with a well-known television reporter on a nighttime newsmagazine.
They had spent the entire interview getting public opinion on their side. Who could really blame the public for believing what they had to say? Robert wondered grudgingly. They were in their mid forties but neither looked it. Nattie's mother's brown hair did not have a hint of gray in it. Hints of gray appeared around her husband's temples, making him look distinguished. Both sets of eyes shone with fear, grief, hurt, and at just the right times, anger.
The first half of the interview was fine. They talked about how much they missed their daughter and granddaughter. They briefly detailed the search for them. They cried while pictures of Nattie and Jubilee were shown on a screen behind them.
During the second half of the interview, the interviewer asked if the police had any leads or suspects. Natalie's mother tearfully answered that they did not. Then he asked if they had any ideas. Natalie's father looked straight at the TV and said that yes they did know who had done it: their son-in-law.
Robert was not very surprised that they felt that way. The fact that they had alluded to that in the press several times during the last several days, coupled with the fact that they had always hated him, clued him in. He did not, however, think that they would go as far as to accuse him of kidnapping and possibly murder on national TV with absolutely no provocation. No, he mentally corrected himself, not murder. Natalie and Jubilee were both going to be fine.
Mitch laid a hand on the haggard young man's shoulder. "I'll arrange an interview." With that, he left. As the front door opened Robert could hear the loudly shouted questions. He knew that Mitch would not answer any of them. The reporters would not care, they would just continue to call out the same questions each time they saw him. They were a very stubborn, patient, and audacious group.
Robert slowly made his way into the kitchen. The phone rang as he made himself a sandwich. The answering machine picked it up on the second ring. Robert tuned the message out as yet another producer asked him to call her news station. Those people had been persistently calling for the last week. Robert had not returned any of their calls.
He finally went into the guestroom and sat on the bed. He was exhausted but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He hadn't slept for more than a couple of hours at a time since it happened. And then not often.
As a physician, he knew that he needed to sleep and eat, but as a husband and a father, he felt that he shouldn't. If he did, he was somehow letting Nattie and Jubilee down. Chances were that they weren't sleeping or eating regularly, so why should he? Why shouldn't he suffer like they probably were?
**********
"The next day I did a television interview. I don't know how Mitch arranged it so fast. I guess several shows were very anxious to get an interview with me." He paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "The reporter came to the house along with her crew." He swallowed. "We did most of the interview in the living room but at one point we went in to Jubilee's nursery. God, I hated letting the cameraman videotape my baby's bedroom to show on national TV. It felt like we were somehow violating her. Using her as a cheap ploy for sympathy and ratings."
Robert's hands were clinched into fists. "We discussed the whole thing. She actually asked me if I had anything to do with the disappearance. I answered all of her questions truthfully. Finally she asked me if I thought they were alive and if so, what I thought was happening to them." He swallowed again. "I lost it. I broke down."
Elizabeth laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. It was the only thing she could do to help him. And she wanted to help him so badly.
"Afterwards, Mitch told me that my reaction to those last two questions was good." He laughed bitterly. "America wanted to see me bleed. They had to see me completely cut open in order to believe that I wasn't a monster that could kill my own baby. God, what a country we live in that parents are suspects when their children disappear. The sickest part is that many parents do harm their own kids like that."
Robert fell silent. As awful as the interview had been, the next day had been worse. The next day had ripped what remained of his heart into tiny shreds too tiny to ever be put back as they were.
**********
Title: Burning Memories
Chapter title: Blinding Images
Disclaimer: They are mine. Not. They belong to many different people, none of them me.
Rating: R
Feedback: Feedback helps me think. My e-mail address is catgurl83@yahoo.com
Author's notes: School starts on Aug. 14 for me. I'll try to work on this story as much as possible around my assignments. Finishing this story is my top priority when it comes to writing.
In this chapter, I touch on some sensitive issues. Please don't read if you are under 17. This chapter is NOT appropriate for children. Also, some adults might not be able to handle this chapter. Please read with caution. I really did not plan on having an R rated chapter. I am sorry if anyone that has been reading this story will not be able to read because of that. I will post a summary at the beginning of the next chapter.
My deepest thanks to Kristen, who betaed this for me. I really appreciated it!
**********
Robert had been silent for almost five minutes. Elizabeth didn't know what she should do. Should she say something? If so, what? Should she comfort him? Should she prompt him to keep going? Should she just sit here and silently support him?
Elisabeth really hadn't had any idea that Robert had this type of emotional baggage. As far as she knew, no one did. He did a very good job of hiding his agonizing emotional scars. Most people just thought that he was a jerk.
She had never been in a situation like this before. She had no idea how to behave. How did one treat a friend in this situation? SShe should probably act as if nothing had changed, but how?
If people had looked deep enough they probably would have figured out that something painful had happened in Robert's past. After all, occasionally he did show his tender, caring side. But no one had looked that deeply. They hadn't cared enough. It had just been easier to dislike him and whine about him to others. They were all guilty of such behavior.
So deep was she in her own thoughts that she nearly jumped when Robert spoke again.
"For nearly a week the police and hundreds of volunteers searched the entire city as well as other parts of California." He paused for a few moments. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
**********
Flashback
**********
Four days. Four days that had felt like a year to Robert. His wife and daughter had been gone for four agonizing, long days.
Four days and they had nothing. Nothing had happened in four days. And yet so much had happened.
Pictures of Jubilee and Natalie covered telephone poles, store windows, bus stop shelters, and every other available surface. Their smiling faces stared up from the cover of the newspaper. The story had been covered on every newscast in the state of California and in several other states as well.
Hundreds of people had contacted the police station to volunteer after hearing about the case on the news. Volunteers had put out thousands of copies of the flier. Additional copies had been faxed to every police station in California, Nevada, and Arizona. Other volunteers had helped the police to scour the neighborhood for any sign of Natalie and Jubilee. And yet, nothing.
Robert scrubbed a hand across his tired eyes. He hadn't slept since that horrible day. He was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to find them. If they were ever going to find anything.
How could it take them so long ? There had to be something that they were overlooking. Natalie and Jubilee had to be somewhere. They didn't just disappear.
In his mind, Robert knew that time was running out. How long could Natalie and Jubilee survive wherever they were with whomever they were with? Were they even alive right then?
His wife and daughter could be dead and there was nothing he could do to help them. Absolutely nothing. He had never felt this helpless in his life.
The images rolling through his mind were gut wrenching and tormenting. Were those things really happening? He just wished he knew. Knowing would be so much better than this cruel guessing game that kept him awake at night.
Whenever he closed his eyes, the images overwhelmed him. They burned themselves onto the inside of his eyelids until he would do almost anything to get rid of them.
He saw Nattie and Jubilee with some nameless, faceless man. Strange, he couldn't see the man's face but he could hear his voice. It was evil, pure evil. It was flat and devoid of any depth or emotion. It rang with hollow emptiness.
The man's humorless laugh rang through Robert's ears as Natalie cried out in pain.
He could see his beautiful, sweet Natalie begging the man to stop. To let her go. It didn't work. He just answered that he'd never let her go. At least not alive.
He could hear Jubilee crying in anger, frustration, and neglect. He could picture the baby lying on the cold, hard floor wearing the same dress she was wearing four days ago along with a long-soiled diaper. Dirt, sweat, and dried blood were caked on her soft skin. Her hair was matted and unkempt. She howled in hunger and pain.
Robert shook his head to rid himself of the images. This time, it didn't work.
He blanched as he heard and saw in his mind's eye, the fabric of Natalie's blouse rip in two. Again, he heard Natalie's cry and the man's laugh.
He clenched his fists as he imagined the man pushing Nattie back against a dirty mattress lying on the hard concrete floor of an abandoned building.
Nattie's sobs filled his ears as he clamped his eyes shut tightly. He ground the heels of his hands against his closed lids, trying in vain to banish the devastating images.
**********
"Robert?" Elizabeth's voice rang with alarm as she grabbed his hands. " You're going to hurt yourself."
Robert slowly pulled his hands away from his eyes and looked at Elizabeth. He blinked a few times to bring the blurry image into focus.
Elizabeth held back her sigh of relief, but just barely. Where had he been just then? Certainly not here. What awful image had he been trying to erase from his mind? "Are you all right?" she asked, although she knew the answer.
"God, Elisabeth." He nearly whispered it. "I can still see it."
"See what?" She was scared that she could guess what he saw.
"My worst nightmare," he answered in a soft, bitter, voice.
Elizabeth waited quietly for him to continue.
After several minutes, Robert went on. "Those thoughts and images filled my mind for months, years. At first, it was only when I was sleeping but then it was whenever I was alone. After awhile, I saw it all of the time. I couldn't get away from the images."
"What images?" Elizabeth whispered.
"Of what might have happened to Natalie and Jubilee. I could see every detail. The harder I tried to stop it, the more I saw. And I could hear them."
Elizabeth could only imagine how horrifying the images he was seeing were. His expression when he was seeing them, was so filled with pain. It was as if he were blind and deaf to everything but the haunting nightmare. She had called out to him several times before he heard her.
"After eight days we still had nothing. Nattie's parents went on TV." His flat tone of voice was back. He had himself and his emotions back under control.
***********
Flashback
***********
"Damn it." Robert's fist crashed down on the coffee table. He winced when he saw the scratches on the smooth surface that were caused by his watch. Nattie was going to be furious when she saw them. And she was going to see them. He had to believe that.
Mitch flipped the TV off. He faced Robert. The younger man's anger did not daunt him. "I'll schedule an interview for you for as soon as possible."
"I."
Mitch cut Robert's protest off. He had heard it several times in the last several days and had given in every time. "You have no choice Robert. We have to counter now."
Robert caught the look on Mitch's face and realized that it was pointless to argue. He knew nothing about law, whereas Mitch knew quite a lot. If Mitch thought he should do an interview then he should. Even though he was going to hate it.
Robert took a step closer to the TV and put a hand on the warm surface. He glared at the blank screen. His in-laws had just concluded an interview with a well-known television reporter on a nighttime newsmagazine.
They had spent the entire interview getting public opinion on their side. Who could really blame the public for believing what they had to say? Robert wondered grudgingly. They were in their mid forties but neither looked it. Nattie's mother's brown hair did not have a hint of gray in it. Hints of gray appeared around her husband's temples, making him look distinguished. Both sets of eyes shone with fear, grief, hurt, and at just the right times, anger.
The first half of the interview was fine. They talked about how much they missed their daughter and granddaughter. They briefly detailed the search for them. They cried while pictures of Nattie and Jubilee were shown on a screen behind them.
During the second half of the interview, the interviewer asked if the police had any leads or suspects. Natalie's mother tearfully answered that they did not. Then he asked if they had any ideas. Natalie's father looked straight at the TV and said that yes they did know who had done it: their son-in-law.
Robert was not very surprised that they felt that way. The fact that they had alluded to that in the press several times during the last several days, coupled with the fact that they had always hated him, clued him in. He did not, however, think that they would go as far as to accuse him of kidnapping and possibly murder on national TV with absolutely no provocation. No, he mentally corrected himself, not murder. Natalie and Jubilee were both going to be fine.
Mitch laid a hand on the haggard young man's shoulder. "I'll arrange an interview." With that, he left. As the front door opened Robert could hear the loudly shouted questions. He knew that Mitch would not answer any of them. The reporters would not care, they would just continue to call out the same questions each time they saw him. They were a very stubborn, patient, and audacious group.
Robert slowly made his way into the kitchen. The phone rang as he made himself a sandwich. The answering machine picked it up on the second ring. Robert tuned the message out as yet another producer asked him to call her news station. Those people had been persistently calling for the last week. Robert had not returned any of their calls.
He finally went into the guestroom and sat on the bed. He was exhausted but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He hadn't slept for more than a couple of hours at a time since it happened. And then not often.
As a physician, he knew that he needed to sleep and eat, but as a husband and a father, he felt that he shouldn't. If he did, he was somehow letting Nattie and Jubilee down. Chances were that they weren't sleeping or eating regularly, so why should he? Why shouldn't he suffer like they probably were?
**********
"The next day I did a television interview. I don't know how Mitch arranged it so fast. I guess several shows were very anxious to get an interview with me." He paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "The reporter came to the house along with her crew." He swallowed. "We did most of the interview in the living room but at one point we went in to Jubilee's nursery. God, I hated letting the cameraman videotape my baby's bedroom to show on national TV. It felt like we were somehow violating her. Using her as a cheap ploy for sympathy and ratings."
Robert's hands were clinched into fists. "We discussed the whole thing. She actually asked me if I had anything to do with the disappearance. I answered all of her questions truthfully. Finally she asked me if I thought they were alive and if so, what I thought was happening to them." He swallowed again. "I lost it. I broke down."
Elizabeth laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. It was the only thing she could do to help him. And she wanted to help him so badly.
"Afterwards, Mitch told me that my reaction to those last two questions was good." He laughed bitterly. "America wanted to see me bleed. They had to see me completely cut open in order to believe that I wasn't a monster that could kill my own baby. God, what a country we live in that parents are suspects when their children disappear. The sickest part is that many parents do harm their own kids like that."
Robert fell silent. As awful as the interview had been, the next day had been worse. The next day had ripped what remained of his heart into tiny shreds too tiny to ever be put back as they were.
**********