You Lost Me

Chapter Twenty-Two - In My Mind

Damon drove all night long while Elena slept in the passenger seat. He told her that at first she would be feeding every other day and when he felt she had control she'd take it every day. She didn't show any objection and after some minutes of silence she finally closed her eyes. When he noticed she wasn't awake anymore he gave a heavy sigh.

He didn't know how he was supposed to act around her. After they checked into the hotel the previous night he had come to his room and slept like he hadn't for weeks. Looking for Elena drained him more than he realized and the moment his head hit the pillow he was a goner. He went to her room first thing in the morning that day and having her around him everywhere he went except the hospital didn't allow him to figure out what to do. The only thing on his mind was how he could make North Carolina a real option for her to consider as he truly thought it was better for her to take it slow. Some vampires took the transition much easier but Elena didn't seem to be one of those. He couldn't understand why it was so hard for her but his job wasn't to make questions but to make it get better.

He stole a glance of her sleeping form and his imaginary heart skipped a beat. She looked beautiful. He remembered the way she looked when she was feeding but not even when she was supposed to look like a demon she lost her warmness. She was still Elena. The black veins and eyes and the protuberant fangs did nothing to make her look evil. He figured out she would never look like a dark creature. It wasn't part of her. And God he loved her even more for it.

It comforted his heart that she had been so open about his presence at first. She had surprised him when she embraced him so intensely when he entered the barn, taking her aback with his presence. He couldn't describe how it felt to see her again. He had never felt so relieved in his life as a vampire. All he needed to set his heart at peace was to see with his own eyes that she was fine. But when he felt her body crashing against his it almost became too much for him to bear. It surprised him deeply because Elena didn't hug him like that. He could remember a few times when she had hugged Stefan like that in front of him, one of them being just after Isobel said he was in love with her daughter. He had been so jealous that day and just yesterday he felt exactly how it was to have Elena Gilbert in his arms, holding onto him for her life. He thought she would never hug him like that, that it was reserved only for Stefan, her boyfriend but also the good brother. But when she held him showing happiness and also desperation Damon felt important. He felt cherished and he could see that she really cared about him. And he couldn't keep his mask when something so emotional happened to him. He closed his eyes as she slightly snuggled into his chest and seized the moment the best he could. There was this urge to bring his lips to her head or to brush her hair from her face but he didn't want to take any risks.

And now as she slept peacefully by his side he wanted to bring her to his arms again. He wanted to touch her face and kiss her head. But he knew he wasn't allowed to do it. Although she seemed really happy to see him in the barn she was slowly growing more and more distant. He was positive that she was just afraid of being alone again and now that he had made it clear that he wasn't going anywhere she could go back to her comfortable position. And her comfortable position certainly didn't include hugs and lingering looks.

But he wasn't complaining. He didn't feel comfortable in his skin. Some of the thoughts that crossed his mind seemed too foreign and he didn't like to feel what he wasn't supposed to. Falling in love with Elena brought a lot of other emotions that Damon didn't like to handle, that he had turned off a long time ago and never planned to turn on again. He didn't like vulnerability, it felt like a weakness and he was always vulnerable around her. Even when his walls were as up as ever that feeling of being susceptible to hurt or wound was present and he knew she could see it. He liked to have control of everything and be tough. That was how he survived those 146 years and he couldn't imagine any other way to do it. But it seemed too late for him to go back to who he was before her. He had tried and failed miserably.

"We're here" he quietly said to the sleeping vampire by his side but Elena didn't flinch.

"Elena" he tried a little louder but she was still in her seat.

He expected her to be tired and drained but she was a vampire now, her hearing was evolved but she didn't budge when he called her for the third time. He didn't know if he should feel like fate liked to make him miserable or if it was being merciful by allowing him to have her in his arms once again. That was how torn Damon was. He didn't have a clue where he stood or where he should stand about Elena.

He stepped out of the car and moved to her side opening the door carefully, trying not to make any noise. She felt so light in his arms, so fragile and small. He remembered once again of Atlanta. Before heading to Georgia he had held her in his arms just like that but the concern about her physical condition didn't allow him to feel her in his arms. But this second time was different and he felt like he had never carried or held anything as precious. Also his feelings had changed a lot since their first trip together, it took him a while to admit them but they had become too big for him to deny, at least to himself.

Looking down at her serene and peaceful sleeping face made him peaceful. His heart was finally at easy knowing that she was okay, that she didn't change into someone he didn't recognize. He made it to the door realizing that he had to retrieve the keys from the secret spot he kept them. His house had two huge and heavy cases with small trees planted and the key was in a hole under one of them. It was impossible for him to raise the vase with Elena in his arms so he moved to the porch in the back of the house. He didn't have a spare key hidden in an easier place in the back but there was a comfortable hammock. He laid her down and sped up to get the house unlocked. In a few seconds he was opening the back door and was getting ready to get her upstairs but the sight of her lying on her back with her hair cascading tenderly over her face rendered him immobile. He couldn't take another step, mesmerized by the bucolic sight in front of him so he moved to one of the chairs in the porch and watched her sleep like he did many times while she was still a human and eventually he also fell asleep.

They still had a few hours of darkness before dawn when Damon's always alert senses caught some noise. Before his ears processed the third disturbing sound his eyes were wide open and he straightened his body to see Elena's tossing slightly as she spoke some words he couldn't understand.

"Elena" he gently shook her arm but she didn't wake up and kept tossing around, her movements getting more aggressive.

"Elena, wake up" he said louder and shook her slightly stronger but seeing she was too deep in the nightmare he reached for her shoulders and moved them back and forth, in a quick pace while calling for her and her eyes finally popped open.

"Damon?" she asked still confused as he held her shoulders. She looked around and she had no idea of where she was or why she was there.

"I guess you were having a nightmare" he quietly explained, removing his hands from her and letting her body fall in the hammock. She was lucky that when she started moving faster in the improvised bed he was already awake and she didn't fall.

"I supposed vampires wouldn't have such things as nightmares" she told him as she tried to sit but she was still too sleepy and her senses slow, leading her to almost fall but he was fully awake and was fast enough to catch her and move her to the chair where he was sitting before.

"This part of brain doesn't change at all after we turn. Dreams, nightmares, memories and whatever else is connected to your emotions will happen as usual depending on how you keep your emotions. But even if you turn them off, those things are still bound to happen now and then" he explained and she nodded, still appraising her surroundings.

"I guess I held higher expectations about being a vampire then" she cracked a joke but her smile was shy and small.

"Nah… We're awesome" he only nodded and slightly curled his lips, keeping his reaction as mild as hers.

"Where are we?" she asked still appreciate the beautiful landscape and the shore.

"Beach house, North Carolina, remember?" he teased.

"Oh, wow, that was fast. I thought it'd take about seven hours for us to arrive here" she yawned, feeling like she should really go back to sleep.

"Not at my speed" he gloated and she rolled her eyes.

"I guess I'll go back sleeping. Why are we outside?" she looked behind her to see the kitchen door open.

"Because you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up, I was carrying you, the keys were in a hole under a 300-pound vase bla bla bla. You can pick any bedroom you want. I'm going to stay here today and tomorrow in business hours I'll check into the bed and breakfast" he explained in his usual sarcastic tone.

His explanation would lead her heart to rush in her chest if it still beat. She had been in his arms and even if she was sleeping she felt her body answering to what he said. She couldn't understand why she felt that way and she wasn't going to think it over in the middle of the night. She had had a lot of unexpected reactions in the past couple of days. She never liked to feel weak. Her mother taught her to be a strong woman and Isobel seemed just as fierce. But she felt like she could be weak if he was around. She felt like he wouldn't let her fall and that was why she soon came to the conclusion that her death wasn't his fault. He wouldn't let Katherine kill her if he knew she had planned on doing so. It could have been a poor assumption but it was an honest mistake and she could feel that he wouldn't take any risks ever again. She could see the guilt in his eyes, clear as the sunlight and she knew she was the only one capable of making him forgive himself, if anyone could truly convince him at all.

"Are you going to sleep here?" she asked as she controlled her emotions. It was too late for her to debate with herself about what she should do about him.

"Yes, in this very hammock" he pointed out to her latest bed.

"That's not necessary Damon. I don't need you to sleep somewhere else. This is your house after all and I'm thankful for you bringing me here" she reasoned looking softly at him as another yawn left her lips.

"Are you sure? I know I'm not someone most girls want to deal with in their bad days" he hid his pain behind his sarcastic comments but she knew too well that being around her hurt him. Dealing with his mistake would always bring him pain and she knew she needed to show him that it was Katherine's fault, not his.

"You're not that bad, now let's go because I'm dead sleepy, no pun intended" she led their way inside the house and although she wanted to take a good look at it, she let it go. She would have the next day and who know how many others to check this out properly. Maybe she could learn a little bit more about Damon in this place and she was sure it had his signature all over.

"Good night, Damon" she offered him, kissing his cheek softly as she entered the bedroom he had led them to. When she didn't choose any bedroom he was adamant about her having that one but she was barely awake to look around and as soon as she felt the soft sheets her eyes closed.

I lost them, Katherine read on her phone screen. She was fuming. How could she lose two vampires in a city as big as Atlanta? To humans the bigger the city the easier to get lost but to vampires it was actually the opposite. They had to look as human as possible to avoid any suspicions and still Rose lost them.

"You better have a good explanation" she said as soon as the other vampire answered the call.

"I can't walk in daylight, remember? They were busy. They went to the bank, then back to the farm and back to the city. Damon is smart he'd suspect if I kept following him in a huge black SUV through a desert road. I drove back to the hotel where they were staying but they never came back" Rose argued and Katherine knew Damon would be suspicious. The older vampire told her the farm was in front of a small and quiet road and having a car behind him going and then coming was something that would take Damon's attention but she needed to know where they were.

"Find them" she demanded and heard a sigh on the side of the line.

"Katerina, I did what you kindly asked me. I don't owe you any favors actually I guess it's the other way around. The only reason why I helped you in the first place was because your plan would give me my freedom. But you screwed up and that's my cue to leave. I don't want to be any close to you when Klaus comes back" the vampire vented and hung up.

Katherine was enraged. She still needed Rose. Damon and Elena were the last of her concerns now but she needed to know what they were doing to ensure they wouldn't risk being killed. She quickly wrote a text back to the vampire, knowing that Rose wouldn't answer her call again.

'We can bring him down. There are a few of us against him and I know a thing or two that can kill him and I know you do too. Do you want your freedom or not? He won't be expecting us to strike because who would ever strike against the most powerful original?' the brunette vampire sent and less than a minute she got the answer. One Katerina Petrova wasn't used to.

'My point exactly. Goodbye Katerina'

"You'll pay Rose" she hissed and turned around only to meet with Stefan, standing in her room at Mrs. Flowers' bed and breakfast.

"Now that's a delightful change of events" she offered with a naughty smirk to the blond standing in front of her.

"How did you know that Damon had found Elena?" he crossed his arms across his chest.

"How did you know I was here?" she challenged back.

"Katherine I know this is a game for you but if you touch a single hair of Elena's head I'll kill you before Damon has the chance" he told her with a cold voice. He wasn't going to let her hurt Elena more than she had already done. It didn't matter that Elena wanted Damon to be with her instead of him. He felt uncomfortable about their closeness but he was going to do his part to prevent the centenary vampire from killing his girlfriend.

"Oh so you do know he'd kill me in a blink of eyes because of her. Did you finally start listening to me, Stefan?" she kept an amusing tone in her voice.

"Why are you here, Katherine? If anything you said is true you should be far from here as Klaus is coming to kill you" Stefan reasoned watching carefully her moves and reactions.

"And how do you expect to protect Elena from him? You and Damon are just babies compared to an Original" she crossed her arms too, dismissively smiling.

"So what? Am I supposed to believe you're here to help?" he laughed sarcastically and shook his head disbelievingly.

"No, Stefan you're supposed to believe that I came back for you. I had made a choice although there was never any choice to be made. It's always been you" she approached him, her fingers contouring his lips seductively.

"But I don't want anything to do with you, Katherine, so you may leave" he shoved her hand off of him.

"You keep saying so. Then why do you have vervain and a stake with you and refrained from using both?" she reached for the stake attached to his belt in the back of his waist and got the vervain syringe from his pocket, handing both to him.

"I love you Stefan and we both know I've never compelled you to love me back. What you feel is all on you and enough to lead you to stay here after you saw her" she told him while holding both weapons in front of him but he didn't make any move to retrieve them.

"This isn't a game for me, Katherine. I love her and just know that I won't ever have any better reason to die than saving her so you better stay out of my way" he turned and walked away but Katherine soon caught him up.

"The question is what would you do if my life was at stake Stefan? Would you watch me die? Could you endure it?" she whispered in his ear, holding his arm firmly.

Stefan didn't say anything and that was enough of an answer to Katherine as she released him to go with a content smile in her face.

AN: so here is another update. I don't know what bothers me more, this chapter or tonight's episode. That was a lame episode especially for the fall finale. I have nothing to look forward to or to keep me in the edge of my seat for the next 6 weeks. So I guess it's a good thing after all.

This chapter bothers me for the same reason as the past one: the lack of action.

But I have good news. I found my muse yesterday and I outlined the next three chapters :D I only have to write away the plots. I promise some action (though not exactly romantic action) in chapter 24. I want to build this believably. Damon and Elena are nowhere near to jump on each other or even acknowledge their feelings out loud although one of them will drop the 3-words-8-letters bomb in one of these chapters I outline. What are your bets? Elena or Damon?

SK won't disappoint their fans in this fic (like that ridic entombed together plot did). I will have Kat pushing all Stefan's buttons and let's see how he reacts. It's fight or flight for him with her here. Which do you prefer?

I want to thank my dearest beta, May and my reviewers (that seemed to have enjoyed last chapter as much as I did as I got 8 less reviews): jacks-peapod; bluestriker666; Avecia (for the 3); tsukivamp; damvampsal21; kat; ahhh; TtoboggI; DreamtoAspire; xxx; MsMaeve18 and mayghaen21.

xoxo, have a nice hiatus

Babi