Disclaimer: See Prologue
A/N: Now that my NaNo's over (50,108 words), I promised you something cheery and here it is.
"I wouldn't have thought he was a knob."
Briefly, Lupin and Sirius met one another's eyes and stifled laughter.
"Yes, you would've."
Harry took one final look at his father taking Lupin's unfinished brownie, smiled sadly, and moved it to the back of the pile. His smile became soft and his eyes glazed over, watching himself as a baby in the surprisingly capable looking care of his godfather who was sending a stream of interestingly coloured bubbles out of the tip of his wand.
"Proof," said Lupin, "that children ought never cross your mind."
Sirius made a face. "Spoilsport. I was brilliant with Harry."
"Sirius, you once spent an entire afternoon trying to get him to say 'shit'."
1980
Lupin collapsed into his favourite chair. "You will not believe the day I've had."
James winced. "Sorry about this, but Sirius really wanted to do it."
Sirius grinned at him.
"And Lily thought there should be an adult around."
Lupin rolled his eyes, but evidently agreed, and the conversation returned to the upcoming Christmas eve.
"I thought maybe we'd go ice skating," said Sirius. "She's really good at it so I thought it would be an excellent excuse to cling to her for a couple of hours."
Electra, the alleged epitome of grace, would most certainly have a different view of this plan.
"What are you getting her for Christmas?" James asked, still evidently uncertain what to buy his wife, having been caught up in buying for Harry.
"Knowing Sirius," muttered Lupin, knowing he was skating on thin ice, "pregnant."
James laughed and Sirius only raised his eyebrows and kept his answer to himself.
"Right," said Lily, standing in the doorway, "he's asleep, so try to be quiet." She aimed this at Sirius and addressed Lupin solely as she ran through the finer points of babysitting. "If he wakes up, go to him and just hold him for a bit and talk to him. He should drop straight off. There's milk in the kitchen when he gets hungry, and the rest of his things are in the nursery. You should be fine. If you have any problems-"
James sighed. "Lil, table's booked for eight."
"All right, all right. I can't help it. I've never left him for this long before." She met Lupin's eyes. "You will look after them, won't you?"
"Mrs. Potter, I will guard your son from this man with my life."
And as soon as the Potters closed the door behind them, both Lupin and Sirius found themselves faced with a wailing child who seemed to know his mother would be gone for quite some time.
"We'd better go up."
Hearing them on the stairs, Harry had fallen silent and, peering through the bars of his crib, giggled.
"Yeah, you can laugh now," said Sirius, reaching in and taking him into his arms, "but scare me like that again and I'll set Uncle Moony on you. He's crabby tonight."
"I'm not crabby."
Ignoring him, Sirius returned his attentions to Harry. "Are you hungry?"
"If he was hungry, he'd still be crying. He was probably woken up by the door slamming in the wind. Pass him here."
Sirius frowned. "I can get him off to sleep perfectly well, thank you."
Lupin raised his eyebrows, evidently dubious. "No, you keep exciting him."
"I know it's a difficult concept for you to grasp, Remus, but sometimes excitement is a good thing."
"Agreed. Though not when you're trying to put a baby to bed."
"You do it then, smart-arse." Sirius handed the baby over to Lupin who cradled him against his jumper, immediately calming Harry. "Oh, screw you."
Lupin laughed breathily and, his arms now numb, placed Harry back into his cot. "Okay, now here's what we do," he whispered. "Do not even breathe too hard. Walk backwards really slowly and leave the door open. I've done this before with him."
Having reached the safety of the living room without hearing a sound from the nursery, Sirius collapsed back into the orange armchair he had recently vacated. "Well, that was easy. I could do this all the time."
Not wishing to provoke an argument, Lupin made no comment. "Tea?"
"Don't fancy tea." Sirius bounded out of the chair with an energy Lupin didn't think he could muster. "What have they got in here then?" he asked, directing the question to no-one in particular as he leant against an antique cabinet.
"You can't just go into someone's house and snoop through it while they're out."
Sirius sighed. "Remus, do you know nothing of babysitting etiquette? It's called Sitter's Privilege." He opened the drinks cabinet and rifled through it. "Besides, it's James. What's he got that I don't know about?"
"A fetish, perhaps."
Sirius laughed. "Not when he's married to Lily. She doesn't look like she'd be up for the sort of thing Prongs would fancy getting up to."
Forced to agree, Lupin changed tack. "I'd be pretty pissed off if you went rifling through my cabinets."
Sirius nodded. "That's why I wait for you to go out."
"And once you get started with alcohol, you don't stop. They'll notice it's missing."
Sirius made a face. "Come on, Moony. One little whiskey."
Lupin raised his eyebrows. "You and I both know that I can't handle one little whiskey."
"Damn right," said Sirius, casually pouring himself a large glass. "It might loosen you up."
"You sound like you're plying me for date rape."
Sirius winked. "I haven't ruled it out."
Lupin flung a burnt orange cushion at him. "Sod off."
Their laughter didn't last long, interrupted by Harry's cries.
"Go on then, Ms. Poppins. See to him."
Lupin rolled his eyes but complied, bringing Harry with him on his return, and handing him to his godfather who was somewhat alarmed to find him still crying at a pitch he was sure only dogs ought to hear.
"What's the matter?"
"Where the fuck is the milk?"
Sirius held Harry at arms length. "Kitchen."
"Yes," snapped Lupin, standing in the doorway and gripping the frame so hard that his knuckles turned white, "I gathered that much."
"Fridge. That's where I keep my milk."
Lupin wanted to remind him that the milk was always left out in the heat and it was always left to him to put it back, but thought that now was hardly the time. "I've looked there. I don't know whether she's left her milk, or cow's milk, or powder, or…or what."
"Um…cow's milk. It'll have to be cow's milk."
Lupin breathed a sigh of relief. "Glad you agree."
Harry wailed at a higher pitch and Sirius winced. "And for Merlin's sake, hurry up."
Crisis averted, having found milk and an empty bottle, Lupin had now relaxed into a state of tranquility Sirius rarely saw him in. He was sure Remus was neurotic.
Neurotic or not, he was superb with Harry, holding him properly, talking to him, and beaming down at him.
"Have you ever thought of being a dad?"
Lupin looked up suddenly, as though shocked to find Sirius sitting on the other side of the coffee table. "Don't be stupid." The thought that if Anna's baby had survived, he would have been doing this for so long that it would be second nature had never left him. He thought about being a dad every night when insomnia crept up on him, but he would be damned before he admitted it. "Me? A father? That's a laugh."
Sirius frowned. "Why?"
Not in the mood to argue about Lycanthropy, Lupin attempted a smile. "I have a hard enough time looking after you, let alone a baby."
"Fair enough."
They fell into a companionable silence until Lupin asked, "Have you?"
Sirius shrugged. "Electra wants one."
Lupin's eyebrows shot up. "Now?"
"Well not right this minute, obviously."
"You knew what I meant."
Sirius smiled. "I love to wind you up. It never gets old."
"Here." Lupin passed Harry over the coffee table. "I need tea. Do you want a cup or are you okay stealing your best mate's whiskey?"
"Yeah, better have tea from now on if you're leaving me in charge of a baby." As soon as Lupin left the room, he pulled out his wand. "Do you want to see something cool?" he whispered to Harry.
"Was it one sugar or two?"
Brightly coloured bubbles spurted from the end of Sirius' wand and Harry stared at them, transfixed, and beamed.
CLICK!
"You know, if he was a bit tidier, he could be yours."
Sirius laughed. "Stop picking on my godson."