Author: Catgurl83
Title: Burning Memories
Disclaimer: They're mine. If you believe that, I have ocean front property for sale in Arizona.
Feedback: Appreciated
Rating: G
Author's notes: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this story for me.
***********
As Robert finished his story, Elisabeth fought to keep her tears back. She didn't consider herself to be an overly emotional person but Robert's past had affected her.
She and Robert had always been close friends. He was one of her best friends. She realized that most of the people whom they worked with didn't care for Robert but they didn't really know him. They didn't want to take the time to get to know him.
During Mark's illness and after his death, Robert was very supportive. It had been like he knew where she was coming from in a way that the others didn't. At the time she hadn't understood that but had been grateful for it.
To lose Natalie had to have been horrible. She knew how it felt to lose someone whom you loved with all your heart. She had known that Mark was dying, had had time to mentally and emotionally prepare herself for his death. Robert had had no warning, no indication that something like this was going to happen before Natalie was so brutally ripped away from him. She could only imagine the shock that he had experienced at the unexpected loss.
Right now, Ella was at preschool. Her class was probably in the middle of snack time, which would be followed by recess. In a couple of hours, after naptime, Ella's nanny would pick her up and take her home. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like to not know that. To have no idea where her daughter was or who she was with. That scenario was her worst nightmare. And Robert had lived it. He had lived with the worry, the questions, the fear of what he didn't know, for years. He was still living it.
The signs were there. Not necessarily signs that his wife and daughter had been kidnapped but signs that something dreadful had happened in his past. She considered him a friend. How could she have not noticed the signs? Not tried to help him in some way?
"Dr. Romano?"
Both Elisabeth and Robert looked up in surprise at the intrusion. A scowl formed on Robert's face. A man stood before them. He was perhaps in his early thirties and looked very pleased to see them. A camera strap was slung over his neck.
When neither Elisabeth nor Robert spoke, he went on. "I'm with the Tribune. Do you have a comment on the recent kidnappings and murder in California? Do you think that your wife's murderer will finally be caught?"
Wordlessly Robert stood. He wanted to tell the man what he really thought. To order him to stay out of this. This was his personal pain and the pain of the woman just founds' family, not a news story. This wasn't something for public consumption. Or at least it shouldn't be. Instead, he walked past the man without saying a word. Questions were called after him but he ignored them.
He had gotten plenty of practice at this years before. He had learned to block any emotion from showing on his face, in his eyes. He had learned how to ignore questions even as they tore at his soul. To not be vulnerable. He had had to learn those things in order to survive.
Climbing into the car, he was vaguely aware of Elisabeth doing the same thing. In the driver's seat, she calmly inserted the keys into the ignition and started the car.
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Elisabeth saw the reporter pull out a cell phone. A sigh broke past her lips.
*************
Damn it. Everyone was watching him. He could feel their eyes upon him. They were staring at him curiously.
Unflinchingly, he met several sets of eyes for a few seconds each, wanting everyone to know that he had nothing to hide, that he wasn't ashamed.
They knew everything, or at least everything that the news could tell them. They knew about the kidnappings, about Natalie's murder. They didn't know how much it had hurt him. They didn't know that he had wanted to die too, that for months the only thing that kept him going was the fact that Jubilee was out there somewhere and when she was found she would need him. As the months went by, that hope dwindled.
Breaking eye contact with Carter, he purposefully strode through the ER toward the elevator. He and Elisabeth had come in this way because their usual entrance was blocked by reporters clamoring to get to him.
When he reached his office, his secretary stared at him with wide eyes. She too had heard the news. He was beginning to wonder if anyone around here actually worked or if they just spent their time gossiping.
Leah fought to keep a quiver from her voice at his harsh glare. It was hard to believe that he had been married. That any woman had been able to tolerate him enough to actually date him, let alone marry him. She could not imagine the gruff, curt, uncaring man that she knew actually being in love. Couldn't imagine him playing with a small child, changing diapers. "Here are your messages."
Robert accepted the proffered stack. It was much thicker than usual. "Are any of these actually related to hospital business?"
"A few," Leah answered hesitantly. She couldn't be sure that even the messages from hospital board members and unit heads were business related. They could be calling trying to get information on Robert's personal life. In fact, many of them probably were.
Robert quickly thumbed through, yanked a few slips of paper out of the pile and then dropped it back on her desk. "If they call back, tell them to watch the news like everyone else."
Leah hesitated. She hadn't gotten to be his assistant by being faint-of heart. She wasn't generally scared of him, and could handle him relatively well because of that. But this was different. She was walking a fine line on this subject. "What should I tell the reporters who call?"
Robert turned, just a couple of steps from the door to his office. He faced her with a harsh expression on his face. "Tell them that they can go to hell for all that I care," he practically snarled before escaping to the refuge of his office.
Damn it, he hated this, he thought as he sank into his chair. He hated being vulnerable, being weak. Hated people knowing his business, his weaknesses, his pain. For years, he had been able to hide it, block it out, keep everyone from knowing.
He could handle it if something good would come of it. If this whole thing would bring his little girl back to him. Restore his Jubilee, his happiness to him. But that wasn't going to happen.
For the first several months after Natlie's death he clung to the hope that he'd get Jubilee back. He'd given up that delusion. He wasn't going to get Jubilee back. Wasn't ever going to know what had happened to his daughter. He probably didn't want to know anyway. Chances were that Jubilee was murdered too.
It was easier not knowing, not having to deal with it as anything more than a possibility. He didn't want to know how it had happened, didn't even want to imagine it.
Seeing Natalie in the morgue like that had been bad enough. God, it had been the worst moment of his life. But to see Jubilee, his baby, he didn't think that he could have handled that.
He opened the locked drawer on his desk. Slowly, he withdrew a picture. Natalie held their daughter in her arms, facing her. Jubilee was seven months old in the photo. Natalie was making a funny face at the baby, who was laughing.
The framed photo slipped through his fingers to land on the ground. The frame shattered into a million fragments, just like his life had twenty years before.
***************
tbc
Title: Burning Memories
Disclaimer: They're mine. If you believe that, I have ocean front property for sale in Arizona.
Feedback: Appreciated
Rating: G
Author's notes: Thanks to Alex for beta reading this story for me.
***********
As Robert finished his story, Elisabeth fought to keep her tears back. She didn't consider herself to be an overly emotional person but Robert's past had affected her.
She and Robert had always been close friends. He was one of her best friends. She realized that most of the people whom they worked with didn't care for Robert but they didn't really know him. They didn't want to take the time to get to know him.
During Mark's illness and after his death, Robert was very supportive. It had been like he knew where she was coming from in a way that the others didn't. At the time she hadn't understood that but had been grateful for it.
To lose Natalie had to have been horrible. She knew how it felt to lose someone whom you loved with all your heart. She had known that Mark was dying, had had time to mentally and emotionally prepare herself for his death. Robert had had no warning, no indication that something like this was going to happen before Natalie was so brutally ripped away from him. She could only imagine the shock that he had experienced at the unexpected loss.
Right now, Ella was at preschool. Her class was probably in the middle of snack time, which would be followed by recess. In a couple of hours, after naptime, Ella's nanny would pick her up and take her home. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like to not know that. To have no idea where her daughter was or who she was with. That scenario was her worst nightmare. And Robert had lived it. He had lived with the worry, the questions, the fear of what he didn't know, for years. He was still living it.
The signs were there. Not necessarily signs that his wife and daughter had been kidnapped but signs that something dreadful had happened in his past. She considered him a friend. How could she have not noticed the signs? Not tried to help him in some way?
"Dr. Romano?"
Both Elisabeth and Robert looked up in surprise at the intrusion. A scowl formed on Robert's face. A man stood before them. He was perhaps in his early thirties and looked very pleased to see them. A camera strap was slung over his neck.
When neither Elisabeth nor Robert spoke, he went on. "I'm with the Tribune. Do you have a comment on the recent kidnappings and murder in California? Do you think that your wife's murderer will finally be caught?"
Wordlessly Robert stood. He wanted to tell the man what he really thought. To order him to stay out of this. This was his personal pain and the pain of the woman just founds' family, not a news story. This wasn't something for public consumption. Or at least it shouldn't be. Instead, he walked past the man without saying a word. Questions were called after him but he ignored them.
He had gotten plenty of practice at this years before. He had learned to block any emotion from showing on his face, in his eyes. He had learned how to ignore questions even as they tore at his soul. To not be vulnerable. He had had to learn those things in order to survive.
Climbing into the car, he was vaguely aware of Elisabeth doing the same thing. In the driver's seat, she calmly inserted the keys into the ignition and started the car.
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Elisabeth saw the reporter pull out a cell phone. A sigh broke past her lips.
*************
Damn it. Everyone was watching him. He could feel their eyes upon him. They were staring at him curiously.
Unflinchingly, he met several sets of eyes for a few seconds each, wanting everyone to know that he had nothing to hide, that he wasn't ashamed.
They knew everything, or at least everything that the news could tell them. They knew about the kidnappings, about Natalie's murder. They didn't know how much it had hurt him. They didn't know that he had wanted to die too, that for months the only thing that kept him going was the fact that Jubilee was out there somewhere and when she was found she would need him. As the months went by, that hope dwindled.
Breaking eye contact with Carter, he purposefully strode through the ER toward the elevator. He and Elisabeth had come in this way because their usual entrance was blocked by reporters clamoring to get to him.
When he reached his office, his secretary stared at him with wide eyes. She too had heard the news. He was beginning to wonder if anyone around here actually worked or if they just spent their time gossiping.
Leah fought to keep a quiver from her voice at his harsh glare. It was hard to believe that he had been married. That any woman had been able to tolerate him enough to actually date him, let alone marry him. She could not imagine the gruff, curt, uncaring man that she knew actually being in love. Couldn't imagine him playing with a small child, changing diapers. "Here are your messages."
Robert accepted the proffered stack. It was much thicker than usual. "Are any of these actually related to hospital business?"
"A few," Leah answered hesitantly. She couldn't be sure that even the messages from hospital board members and unit heads were business related. They could be calling trying to get information on Robert's personal life. In fact, many of them probably were.
Robert quickly thumbed through, yanked a few slips of paper out of the pile and then dropped it back on her desk. "If they call back, tell them to watch the news like everyone else."
Leah hesitated. She hadn't gotten to be his assistant by being faint-of heart. She wasn't generally scared of him, and could handle him relatively well because of that. But this was different. She was walking a fine line on this subject. "What should I tell the reporters who call?"
Robert turned, just a couple of steps from the door to his office. He faced her with a harsh expression on his face. "Tell them that they can go to hell for all that I care," he practically snarled before escaping to the refuge of his office.
Damn it, he hated this, he thought as he sank into his chair. He hated being vulnerable, being weak. Hated people knowing his business, his weaknesses, his pain. For years, he had been able to hide it, block it out, keep everyone from knowing.
He could handle it if something good would come of it. If this whole thing would bring his little girl back to him. Restore his Jubilee, his happiness to him. But that wasn't going to happen.
For the first several months after Natlie's death he clung to the hope that he'd get Jubilee back. He'd given up that delusion. He wasn't going to get Jubilee back. Wasn't ever going to know what had happened to his daughter. He probably didn't want to know anyway. Chances were that Jubilee was murdered too.
It was easier not knowing, not having to deal with it as anything more than a possibility. He didn't want to know how it had happened, didn't even want to imagine it.
Seeing Natalie in the morgue like that had been bad enough. God, it had been the worst moment of his life. But to see Jubilee, his baby, he didn't think that he could have handled that.
He opened the locked drawer on his desk. Slowly, he withdrew a picture. Natalie held their daughter in her arms, facing her. Jubilee was seven months old in the photo. Natalie was making a funny face at the baby, who was laughing.
The framed photo slipped through his fingers to land on the ground. The frame shattered into a million fragments, just like his life had twenty years before.
***************
tbc