You Lost Me

Chapter Twenty-Four - Forgive Me

The days passed quickly in North Carolina. Elena was taking baby steps but she was feeling more and more confident about herself as each day passed. Damon had kept a safe distance from her since their moment in his bedroom all those days ago. She used her free time to think things over. The more she thought the more confused she became.

Damon told her that he and Stefan had been talking through texts on an almost daily basis and she felt hurt that her boyfriend never asked to talk to her. Maybe he did and Damon never told her but she repudiated that thought. The vampire that had been keeping her company wouldn't do something like that to her. She never asked him about Stefan, he freely filled her in about their conversation and on some occasions he even showed her the messages the younger Salvatore wrote. Damon's selfless actions were confusing her even more. She didn't know what to think. She thought he had feelings for her. He had said that there was something between the two of them but he couldn't act upon on it. They'd been alone in a house, in front of the beach for days and he never made a move on her. It frustrated her because she wanted to explore their closeness. She knew deep inside that if she found out she had feelings for him she would only let him know if she had the slightest clue that he felt the same way about her. While breaking up with Stefan became more and more a real option as each day passed, it didn't mean she would jump from one brother to the other. She didn't want to get hurt and Damon hurt her a lot in the past.

And still despite of her fears Elena learned how to trust her life to Damon. She had always trusted him to protect and save her before Katherine came to town. But the day when he tried to kill Jeremy in front of her changed a lot of things but especially her trust in him. It took her a while to see the hold Katherine had on him and while it didn't justify his actions she understood him. She understood him enough to forgive him and want him back in her life but rebuilding a trust bond implied more than just wanting to do it. It was a tough journey that didn't depend on her wishes alone but also on his efforts and honesty. Many people were never able to rebuild trust and people like Elena made it even harder and more complicated. Her life changed a lot in the past year and innocent and sweet Elena became leery and she didn't trust anyone easily.

But she would need to have lost her soul along with her physical beating heart not to trust Damon again. The way he took care of her even when he kept his distance was touching and intense. They never had the conversation about her death and she wasn't pushing him to have it. While she knew she needed to release him from the guilt she wasn't convinced she would be able to do it. And she wanted to make sure her effort would be rewarded. Bringing back the emotions they had been through that day could be really dangerous for the comfortable denial they established during her stay in his house. She didn't use to be selfish but as much as she wanted to put him out of his misery she was still afraid of where it would take them and she needed him. She needed him to be there with her, just the two of them.

She had made so much progress. She was already feeding every day, by on her own, even when he wasn't in the house. In the past week she had ventured out by herself to take long walks along the beach to help her with her thoughts. The scenario was inspiring and beautiful but instead of using it to get the conclusions she needed she used it as a refuge from her own mind.

"I could have confused you for a tourist" he surprised her as he spoke behind of her.

"Not on a deserted, freezing beach" she smiled softly.

"I don't understand why you like to take these walks" he thought out loud but didn't bother to change the subject. He felt over lonely lately. He gave her space but as they didn't have anyone else around it meant he spent most of his time alone and doing nothing. He was used to being alone but not without anything to do. He knew he couldn't draw any attention about vampires in the city and bringing company to his house while she was there didn't seem like his most brilliant idea.

"You should try and then you let me know" she offered as if she sensed that he needed the company, even if they stayed silent.

"Nah, I'm too cool for brooding walks" he quipped but she knew he appreciated the invitation.

"Right" she answered and they walked in silence for some minutes. It had been the first time he had joined her and she thought his company was a good change.

"I know you must dread having this conversation" he said as they approached his house.

"So don't start it" she reacted quickly, fearing which of the complicated issues he wanted to bring up. She was afraid of talking about those things though she knew they had to.

"I can't not do it" he stopped in his tracks and as much as she wanted to keep going, or even run, she stopped a few steps ahead of him, her back facing him.

"Damon…"

"I just want to apologize, Elena. I'm so sorry that she did that to you. I should have protected you and I would have if I thought she was going to try something. I honestly didn't expect her to try to kill you. I know you may not believe it but I was going to invite you to get in the car with me. Killing mission or not, I never planned to leave you there with her in the middle of nowhere. I was just waiting until I reached the car. Me and my stupid need for dramatic entrances and exits" he started walking again, passing by her as she stood in her place watching him. He feared what her answer would be. He was afraid of bringing up the subject because he didn't know what to do if she admitted that she couldn't forgive him or that she didn't believe him.

"I believe you" she walked faster and she reached him, standing in front of him. She wanted him to believe her when she said it, she wanted him to look in her eyes and see that she was completely honest about it. His features softened for a couple of seconds but then his eyes became hard again.

"I know it's still my fault but I wanted you to know that it was never my intention to leave you there" his voice was low and he let his vulnerability show. It was happening more and more around her but there were things he couldn't avoid. He couldn't stop the way he felt about what Katherine did to her. While it comforted his heart to know that she believed him he would always blame himself for her death. That was the worst feeling he had ever had in his undead life. The guilt ate him from inside and there were days when he left the house and went to the most isolated areas of the city to cry and release his anger. He took down many trees to relieve the hate he felt for himself for letting the most precious person in his life die. He hurt himself with them more until the pain numbed his senses.

"If Katherine wanted to turn me, I'd turn sooner or later, that's how it works with her. I'm just thankful that at least I had your blood in my system and not hers. I don't want to have any sort of connections with her, let alone a blood bond" Elena explained and she felt like she needed to be brave for him. She couldn't be the scared and confused teenager that wasn't sure of how to behave around him. She knew he needed a physical connection to get over it and she wouldn't deny him that.

She tenderly caressed his cheek with her shaking fingers. Damon closed his eyes the moment he felt it and the soothing pattern of her hand on his skin was almost magical. Her touch was healing. He felt his whole body relaxing and a sudden feeling of peace drowning him. She made him feel like no other person ever did and it only made it harder for him to forgive himself.

"Still it was my fault" he opened his eyes and walked away slowly.

Elena felt frustrated again but she followed him silently.

They were about to enter the house when both turned their heads to the left, hearing an unusual noise.

Damon quickly moved towards the rocks with Elena just behind him.

"It's a boy" she told him as they stopped a few steps away of the rocks.

"He's drowning" Damon said but didn't move from his place.

The younger teenager fell in the rocks and the noise of his head hitting them caught the vampires' attention. The boy tried to stand up and climb the rocks but just when Elena and Damon approached him a wave crashed against the rocks bringing his body to the sea.

"We have to save him!" Elena shouted as she moved towards the cold waters.

"Stay here, I'll take care of it" Damon reached for her arm, holding her in place and when she nodded he let go of her and entered the agitated ocean.

It didn't take Damon more than a few seconds to be back at the shore laying the boy in front of him. The vampire tried to assess the injuries but the teenager wasn't conscious anymore and Damon didn't know if it was because of the concussion he had or because he drowned but before he could elaborate another thought Elena was on her knees bringing the boy to her arms. The older vampire quickly realized she wasn't checking his condition.

When she saw the blood coming from the cut in his head she stopped thinking straight and didn't waste any time to dig her fangs in his neck sucking his blood quickly.

"Elena let him go" Damon tried the warning approach but it took him only a second to see it wasn't going to take them anywhere so he moved his hands between Elena's and the boy's bodies and pushed them apart. Elena was still in a trance as the boy's lifeless body fell on the sand again but this time Damon didn't give her a chance. He took the teenager in his arms and sped away from her before she tried to strike again.

When she realized she was alone Elena came from back her frenzy realizing what she had just done. She wanted to follow Damon and see with her own eyes what she had done to the boy but she was too afraid of what it would be.

Slowly she walked to the porch in the back of his house and sitting there she just kept staring the waves crashing on the shore.

Damon watched her from the distance. He knew the boy needed even more help now but he couldn't leave Elena alone if he wasn't sure she was safe. He couldn't imagine what her reaction would be as they never tried the fresh blood feeding. He knew she was going to snap but he was relieved to know that for now she was just shocked. He looked down to the boy who still had a heartbeat and could still be saved. He brought his fangs to the boy's neck and ripping the flesh a little bit he transformed the twin roles into some sort of cut. Taking one last glance to check on Elena, Damon took the boy in his arms and headed to the hospital.

She hadn't move from her position in the last hour. Damon knew he had to bring good news to her when he came back from the hospital so he waited to see if the doctors could save the boy on their own. He needed the boy to survive and he would give him his blood if he had to whether it was a big risk for him or not. He couldn't just go back to Elena with the news that the teenager had died and he wasn't going to lie to her about it. Fortunately the doctors were able to control the bleeding and giving him some blood transfusion they took care of the head concussion that had been strong but not serious.

As he approached the house and found her in the same position, his heart broke. Her hands were still resting in her lap the same way they had been when he left. The soft wind had disheveled her hair all over her face but she didn't do anything about it. When he was close enough to see her eyes he realized she had been crying. The wet stain on her shirt showed that she probably let the tears fall for all the entire time he was out and it devastated him.

She soon realized he was there and for the first time since she sat there she reacted.

"How is he?" her voice was broken and if he wasn't a vampire he wouldn't be able to understand what she said.

"He survived but he would have died if you didn't ask me to rescue him" Damon answered as he took a chair and sat in front of her.

"Or he could have been killed by me" her tone was monotone as she moved her gaze back to the dark ocean behind him.

"You're the reason he's still alive, Elena. He had a fight with his father and came to the beach to cool off. If he had died his father would never be able to forgive himself. You prevented a family tragedy tonight" he cupped her face in his hands and tried to force her to look at him but she kept her eyes closed.

"I'm not ready. I almost killed him the same way, Damon" she mumbled and he could feel her body starting to shake under his grip. She would be soon sobbing because of the unfortunate events. He needed to do something for her but at the same time he knew nothing would comfort her now.

"This was just an accident, Elena. That's the sort of thing I wanted to prevent and that's why I need you to feed on a human of your own free will" he moved his hands from her face to her shoulders, holding her firmly.

"I can't cope with killing someone" her face dropped along with her voice but he soon reached for her chin and raised it a little bit, making her look at him.

"You won't kill anyone. You didn't kill him it was just an accident"

"I don't know… I didn't think… I saw his blood and all I… I couldn't… Damon. I can't do it" the sobs finally hit her as she cried copiously.

"I won't let anything happen to you or to anyone around you, Elena. I'll be there for you all the way" his voice was soft and it reminded herself of the man that helped her drink human blood four weeks ago.

"Forever?" her voice cracked and her question couldn't have surprised him more.

He looked at her for a moment and he could see the pleading in her eyes. He looked disoriented for a few seconds and seeing how her eyes got even more desperate at his indecision he got himself together and looked deep in her eyes.

"Yes, if that's what you want I'll be there for you forever" he gently said and she felt her heart dropping in her chest with the tenderness in his eyes and voice.

"That might be the only thing I know for sure Damon. I wasn't ready for you to go when I died and I'm not any more ready now"

AN: Hey guys!

Well I guess Elena is getting there :P Asking him to be with her forever, even if she doesn't say the terms, is a step in the right direction in my opinion. I guess it was predictable to have her losing control when it had been the subject of their conversation in the previous update but I wanted it to happen. She needs to be more vulnerable if she's going to admit her feelings.

Next chapter has a lot of Katherine/Stefan and mentions of Rose, Klaus and Elijah. I preferred to focus the past two chapters in Delena alone but a lot of things happened in Mystic Falls since we last saw them. I won't dedicate much to those moments either so in a conversation Stefan will later clarify everything that happened involving Kat, Rose and Elijah.

Don't worry there's Delena next too. Remember the 3-words/8-letters? Up next.

Thanks to my beta, May - you're great hun - and my reviewers: Avecia; AddictedtoTwilightForever; DreamToAspire; spiritedghost; MsMaeve18; xLoveRyanx; Silvian; HollyGolightly1985; kat; bluestriker666; tsukivamp; jacks-peapod; mayghaen17; ksksks and Lily.

xoxo

Babi