Author: Catgurl83

Title: Burning Memories (11\?)

Disclaimer: Characters, locations, and events recognized from the show are not mine.

Feedback: Always much appreciated.

Rating: G

Author's Notes: It's been close to seven years but I'm back. It's my goal to finish this story by June. Fingers crossed.

Thanks to Jessalynn for taking over beta reading this story!

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Elisabeth paused outside the door, suddenly feeling hesitant. For the last few hours this had seemed like a good idea, but now she wasn't so sure. There were times when it was appropriate to provide active support to your friends and family members. At other times it was more appropriate to provide passive support and give your loved ones space.

Leah, Robert's secretary, had done a good job shielding him earlier in the day. Twice she had come by and both times Leah had informed her that Dr. Romano was not accepting calls or visitors. Elisabeth had had to listen to more than one complaint over the sudden closed-door policy. And not for the first time that day had she felt a pang of sympathy for Leah. Now that the secretary had gone home for the day it was up to Elisabeth. "To disturb or not to disturb, that is the question," she murmured softly.

"Mama?"

Startled out of her thoughts, she looked down at her four-year-old daughter who was gazing up at her questioningly. "I'm sorry Ella."

"Okay?"

"Yes sweetheart, mama's okay." When her daughter still didn't look convinced, she gave her a bright smile. Turning back toward the door, she took one last deep breath and pushed her hesitancies aside, knocking firmly on the door.

For a full minute there was no response and she began to wonder if Robert had managed to slip out of the hospital. Though the gossip churning through the place insisted that he hadn't stepped out of his office since he'd shut himself in that morning. She rapped against the door again and within seconds heard Robert yell out. With a grin she pushed the door open. "I don't think I will go away. Next time you want privacy you really should remember to lock your door."

Robert spun around from his spot staring out the window. His sarcastic retort died when he caught sight of Ella. He forced a weak smile. "Decided to bring in reinforcements Lizzie?"

"Actually, Ella and I are about to go home for dinner. We were wondering if you'd like to join us."

"Feeling sorry for me like everyone else in this hospital? I don't need your pity. I'll call for fast food delivery if I get hungry."

Her eyes widened at his abrupt change from half friendly to barely civil. As he turned his back on them once again, she considered leaving. Maybe he'd be more amiable tomorrow after he'd had a full day to readapt to this case being an active part of his life. She looked down at her daughter, ready to tell Ella that it was time to go. Before she could speak, Ella had dropped her hand and skipped across the room.

"We don't have to cook if you want take out." Ella grinned. "We can order pizza. That's my favorite." She glanced back at her mother accusingly. "I don't get it very often but if you want it mommy will get some."

Robert glanced down at the child now standing beside him smiling brightly. She looked so hopeful and sincere. So happy, so jubilant. His eyes dropped closed. "Fine."

Elisabeth absently squeezed the small hand her daughter slipped into hers, meeting Robert's eyes. "Meet us at our house in a half-hour? You remember how to get there?"

He nodded silently. Was it too late to back out? One look at Ella's expression and he had his answer. Years of perfecting his persona, his shield of ice, and it was cracked so effortlessly by a preschooler. He was losing his edge.

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Ella carefully laid her plate in the sink and turned to look at her mother. "Nooow can I have my candy Mama?"

Elisabeth nodded. As Ella ripped the wrapper off of the bar she met Robert's eyes. "If she has a sugar rush and refuses to sleep I'm blaming you."

"Hey, I had to bring something. It would have been rude to come for dinner without a hostess gift."

She arched an eyebrow. "I make the house payment. Wouldn't that make me more the hostess than Ella? A bottle of wine is much more customary."

"I didn't have any wine tucked away in my office and the hospital vending machines don't sell it, sorry. Maybe next time." He grinned at Ella. "Besides, the kid is my hostess. Your invitation was refused Lizzie. And she's a good kid; she deserves a break from your health nut ways occasionally."

"I feel that this is a good time to remind you of the career you chose."

Before he could respond, Ella ran back up to him. "Do you want to watch a movie? I have lots. My favorite is Beauty and the Beast but Lion King is good too and Little Mermaid. I know all of the words to the songs. Do you?"

Robert silently shook his head even though he doubted that she noticed or cared about the answer. She'd already begun speaking again.

"Or we could play a game. I have Memory with funny doggies. I want a real doggy but Mama says now isn't a good time. I have Candy Land too and Shoots and Ladders." She gasped. "But you haven't seen my room yet. C'mon you have to meet my dollies and animals. They like meeting new friends."

Elisabeth bit the inside of her cheek to keep back her laugh at the cringe on Robert's face when Ella grabbed his hand with her chocolate coated one. To his credit it was gone within a second, before Ella could notice. He stood up, his expression almost fearful as Ella dragged him toward the doorway; she finally lost it, tears streaming down as the laughter bubbled out.

Robert paused long enough to shoot her his sternest glare before dutifully following the little girl still tugging at him.

Nearly an hour later Robert dropped down onto the sofa in the living room, gratefully accepting the mug of tea Elisabeth offered him.

"I did warn you about the sugar."

"When parents say their children are hyper active I've never pictured that. Who would have imagined it's possible to talk that fast and still be intelligible? The candy definitely won't be king sized next time."

Next time, Elisabeth thought with a hidden smile. He hadn't caught his own words or he'd be backtracking. He was obviously much more comfortable than he'd expected to be. "Even as a toddler she could talk 'a mile a minute', as Mark put it. The only difference was that we could only understand about a fifth of the words she used. We had to fake it with the rest. I don't think she ever noticed."

"Jubilee used to do that too. She'd jabber for a minute and than look at Natalie and me expectantly as if waiting for our response. Nattie was better at it than I was. She'd smile encouragingly and say something like 'really' or 'do you think so'."

"I miss those couple of years." She smiled reminiscently. "Not that I don't still love my time with Ella, but the first two years or so are special. It's the cuddly loveable stage before independence and attitude decide to show themselves."

"So do I."

Elisabeth winced. "Robert, I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. I wasn't thinking."

He managed a weak smile. "It's okay. You're right; the first year is special. Remembering it brings up more good feelings than bad ones. On bad days I'll pull out some of Jubilee's baby pictures. At times I can feel her in my arms, so soft with tufts of hair tickling my arm and her sweet baby smell filling the air." The smile faded and he met Elisabeth's eyes. "There were so many memories that I didn't make. Times I could have gotten up at night with her but let Nattie do it alone or when I left her in the baby swing while I read medical journals across the room. Extra shifts I took in order to spoil them with things when I should have been spoiling them with my time. I wish I could call a 'do over' and start from the beginning."

The urge to say something, anything, to ease his pain even the slightest bit gnawed at her, but the right words wouldn't come. Were there right words in this situation? Even if she could think of something, she doubted he'd hear her.

He was pale, so pale, staring vacantly ahead, lost in thought. No, she corrected herself, lost in memories. He was clutching the mug so tightly that she was afraid it was going to shatter.

Slowly, hesitantly, she stood. Before she could talk herself out of it she took the few necessary steps and sat beside him. Gently she peeled his fingers away from the mug and set it aside. His hands dropped to his thighs, fingernails digging in.

"I try to wake up from this nightmare but I can't," he said softly. "I'm one of the families you see on TV and turning the channel isn't an option."

Like she always had, she thought guiltily. She thought about how many people quickly turned the channel when a story like Robert's came on, praying like hell that they'd never be in the same situation. Or cockily believing that it couldn't happen to them. She was so caught in her own thoughts that she nearly jumped when one of his hands covered hers.

"Don't give regrets room," he said huskily. "Ella is the most important thing in your world, the only important thing. She comes first. Over everything."

She nodded, swallowing. "Always."

"Mama?" Ella called from the stairs. "May I have some water?"

"Like now," Robert said, releasing her hand. He stood. "Thank you. For everything. I needed this." He approached the steps. "Goodnight Ella."

"'Night. See you soon?"

"Yes sweetheart," Elisabeth jumped in when he hesitated. "You'll definitely be seeing Dr. Robert again soon."

He nodded barely perceptibly, carefully locking and closing the door behind him.

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Robert drove aimlessly around the city before finally pulling into the garage at his apartment complex. He was relieved to find that only the doorman was in the lobby.

"Good evening, Dr. Romano."

"Not really James."

The man cringed. "I'm sorry sir. I'm sure it's not." He went to the desk and withdrew a large unsealed envelope. "You have had quite a few visitors today. Many of them chose to leave notes. I promised to give them to you, though I will warn you that most of them are from the press."

Robert accepted the envelope and then immediately dropped it into the trash can next to the desk. "Tomorrow you can tell any reports that come by that I've instructed you not to accept messages."

"Yes sir. I'll leave a note for the other shifts as well."

Robert gave him a curt nod and headed toward the elevator. When he stepped into his apartment he noticed without surprise that his answering machine light was flashing rapidly, indicating he had new messages. The tape was full. Scowling, he pressed the play button and then allowed his finger to hover over delete.

After the first several messages, all quickly deleted, his cousin Anthony's voice filled the room. "You know, having your piranha of a secretary order your only close relative to stop harassing you is quite rude. Lucky for you I have thick skin. Also lucky for you, I'm a workaholic and have plenty of vacation time stored up. My flight lands tomorrow morning at ten. Since I doubt you'll be an accommodating host and pick me up from the airport, I've booked a rental car. Unlike you, I'm up with the times and have a cell phone instead of just a pager." His voice softened. "It'll be on all night. If you need me Robert, call."

"I guess I can add making the bed in the guest room to my to-do list," Robert said aloud. "So presumptuous." Yet he couldn't stop the small smile that insisted on forming or the niggling question of what his cousin would think of Elisabeth.

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