Disclaimer: See Prologue

A/N: I'm back and hoping to finish this by the end of the month. I'm toying with writing the third box of Lupin's photographs but that's still only a little nagging in the back of my mind so don't quote me on it.

A/N: And if anyone wonders how they could go so long without realising Snoep was a man, I ask you to watch Roger Taylor in the video for 'I want to break free'.

"You went sledding?"

Lupin nodded. "I honestly couldn't have told you what possessed me to get on that tabletop. I still can't now. I think maybe I didn't want to be a wet blanket anymore."

"You've done stranger things, Remus," said Sirius, smirking. "Much stranger things. And I wasn't even there for the worst one so don't even think about blaming me."

Lupin frowned. "Don't you dare show him that one."

Harry's eyes lit up. "Worst one?"

Sirius handed him a photograph, depicting the four Marauders sitting around a table in a Dutch pub - if the signs were any indication.

"You are there," protested Harry, pointing at a grinning Sirius who was practically forcing whiskey down Peter's throat, tilting the bottle up and pouring it as Peter's eyes grew wider and he appeared to slowly change colour.

Sirius smiled the same - frankly alarming - smile. "For the time being. Listen, Harry, there are only three things our Moony is afraid of; the moon, the Dutch, and nipple tassels."

"Four," Lupin corrected. "You forgot nuns."

Sirius grinned. "How could I? Sister Act reaches whole new levels when you watch it with Remus."

"Candy," said Harry. "You're afraid of Candy." He grinned as Lupin sighed. "That was the Dutch man's name, wasn't it?"

Lupin nodded. "To think we only picked him up because we thought he was going to be no match for a man who wanted to take advantage."

Sirius laughed. "Yes, and that man's name was Remus Lupin."

"Touché."

1979

It was unfortunate that Lupin had a tendency to make a complete fool of himself around pretty women. He sat stoically still, his hands clasped together and sitting firmly in his lap. He had grown his hair long and allowed it to fall in his face to cover his emerging blush.

Luckily, James was too busy watching Sirius's apparent attempt to drown Peter in whiskey to notice.

"Moony?"

He turned to Snoep and blinked furiously. "Yes?"

"Moony," she said, her tone speculative, "what does your name mean? You have all such strange names." She smiled warmly and a little part of Lupin melted.

"Moony?" He stalled for time, breathing heavily. What the hell, he thought. She probably wouldn't understand, or she'd think he was drunk. "They call me that because I'm a werewolf." It felt strangely good to tell someone else that as though he was telling them that he had just bought a round of drinks.

James slapped him around the back of the head, not taking his eyes off Peter who was now so purple that he was doing an excellent impression of an aubergine. "Shut up, Moony. You know what happened last time when you told everyone you were a vampire." He reached into Lupin's old school bag and rummaged around in it. "He's part Native American. Moony is Native American for er…" He pulled out the camera. "It means 'Runs with Kodak.'"

Snoep smiled and nodded. "Oh, you are all so awful interesting."

Peter pushed the bottle away and tipped whiskey down his AC/DC t-shirt, which he stared at in horror. "It's ruined."

Sirius clicked his tongue. "Don't be so melodramatic. I'll buy you a new one."

Snoep picked up the camera and Lupin became terribly twitchy, reaching out for it constantly with a pained expression as though she had snatched his toddler.

"How does this work?"

Lupin edged nearer and Snoep batted her eyelashes. "Would you to show me please?"

"Of course." He beamed, pleased to have found someone else even vaguely interested in his hobby. "This is the shutter. That's what moves when you take the picture. This button here is the shutter-release. You press that down and the camera should flash. Why don't you have a go?"

Three young men smiled at the camera, while Peter had a bottle rammed down his throat and gulped back more amber liquid that made his throat burn and his eyes hurt.

CLICK!

Snoep sat down and Sirius removed the whiskey bottle.

"Come on, Wormy, you have to admit, it was pretty funny."

Peter merely looked at him.

"Why Wormy?" asked Snoep. "What a strange name. Are you also Native American?"

Peter gestured toward his brilliant blonde hair and extremely pale blue eyes. "Do I look it?"

Snoep blushed. "Sorry, sir."

James laughed. "Sir? You don't have to call Wormtail sir!"

Peter glowered, but this was not noticed by anyone as the bell above the bar rang, calling time.

"Well, I suppose we'd better find somewhere to spend the night."

"Rooms upstairs," said Snoep pointing at the ceiling. "Only one, but we could all share. You split the price then."

"No," said James, "we were thinking of trying to get home. Thanks um…what did you say your name was?"

"Snoep."

"Yeah…that. Thanks. It's been a real slice."

She tried a different tactic and sidled up to Lupin. "It will be cold. You frail looking." She dipped her head and peered up at him through her eyelashes. "Perhaps you should stay in warm bed tonight. I also need to. Though I don't have any money."

Lupin tried to wet his dry lips without appearing to lick them. "Perhaps, yes." He cleared his throat. "Look, why don't we all get that room?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Are you saying you want to spend the night with her?"

Lupin shifted his weight to his right leg and snaked his left arm behind his neck. "Well, she's stuck. We don't really owe her any money and she says she doesn't have any."

"A gentleman," said Peter, "would pay for her and come away."

"Peter," said James, sighing, "if you were chatting a bloke up all night and asked him to spend the night with you when it was fairly obvious he fancied you, would you be put out when he paid for the room and buggered off?"

Peter gawped. "This is different! She's a hooker."

Snoep held her head high. "I am not safe alone at night."

"So really," stammered Lupin, "a gentleman pays for the room and spends the night on the floor."

Peter raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. "When you wake up in the morning with Chlamydia, don't come crying to me."

"I didn't know you could catch Chlamydia from floorboards," said Lupin, dryly.

"Remus, if you sleep on the floor, I will eat my own owl."

Lupin met his eyes. "Is that a wager you're proposing?"

James stepped in. "Remus, leave it. Pete, let it drop, all right? Remus is a Catholic anyway."

Peter began to count on his fingers. "Anna Lovett, Gemini Costello, Dutch Harlot…"

Lupin shrugged. "Okay, maybe I do fancy her…just a bit, but I'm not paying for sex. I'm not that desperate."

Peter nodded. "All right. I just wonder how you can drop Gemini Costello - Worcestershire's answer to Helen of Troy - for a woman who looks like a pig in a wig."

"I do not!"

Peter, having evidently forgotten that the pig in a wig was standing behind him, froze. "All right, see you in the morning. Have a lovely evening."

Had all four of them been less drunk, they would not have dreamed of parting for an instant. Nor would the three remaining Marauders partially or wholly remove their clothes and collapse on a public green beside a tramp.

Remus Lupin certainly would not have ascended to the second floor with a woman who in harsh light plainly had an Adam's Apple.

He settled onto the floor boards and was not woken until three o'clock when Snoep shook him and lead him in the darkness to bed because, "It is very so cold."

Once there, his head having hit a soft pillow, he immediately resumed slumber and left his bedfellow feeling more than slightly put-out.

1995

"And what happened then?"

"Nothing happened," said Lupin with a tone of finality. "I woke up and found out she was a man and she offered to pay for the room. All's well that ends well."

Sirius laughed. "Well, not for Peter's owl."