Love Its the thing that makes and breaks you

by MrRachie

How can someone fill your heart with so much happiness and then the next moment rip it out and spit on it?

8. It's my life

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the songs Sarabande Suite (Aeternae) by Globus and Numb by Linkin Park

"The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body. After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind"

Paula's POV

I just turn on the TV and realise the concert Ashley and Spencer are at is on so I decide to see if I can see them in the audience. I'm so glad Spencer has a friend like Ashley to turn to because I know me being her mother and all she won't turn to me for things she feels uncomfortable saying, she gets that from her dad. When they were younger I remember Spencer being bullied all the time, it got to the point where she was dead inside and nobody could reach her, Spencer was a loner and I couldn't do anything but watch her fall to pieces. Just when I was about to pull her out of school and move her to a different one Spencer came home with a smile on her face. It was one of those moments where your mind goes blank and you're speechless because it was one thing I never expected to see anytime soon. She looked at me and asked me how my day was and I said fine and then I asked her how her day had been. She told me that a new girl called Ashley had moved to the school and they had made friends. I know that this shouldn't make me want to jump up and down ecstatically, I refrained obviously but just for one person to make her day like that made me really happy. I asked where she'd come from and she said that Ashley had been home schooled as her dad was always on tour and so a permanent school wasn't possible but then her parents split up and she hates her mother so she decided to get a house here in Ohio. She also told me that Madison and the rest of her gang were up to their old tricks again and had knocked Spencer to the floor and were just about to do their usual kicks to the stomach and spit on her when Ashley came busting through and took them all on and ended up giving Madison a black eye and a broken nose, I don't condone violence but in this case she saved my Spencer from another beating. Since then Spencer and Ashley have grown so close their not just best friends their like sisters so she's now like a second daughter to me, I can remember about a year ago or so now when Spencer was distraught and they had a falling out, the only words I could get from Spencer were "she slept with a girl", I felt a little sick to be honest because it's not natural to do things like that with other women and it's not what God put us on this Earth to do. I could see why it would really upset Spencer because I've brought her up with strict Catholic values so for her to catch her best friend sleeping with another girl would really hurt her. As far as I'm concerned that fact that Ashley is gay does bother me; but I can overlook it for Spencer's sake and because I owe Ashley a lot for helping Spencer when nobody else could.

I watch the TV for a little bit before I start cleaning again and I hear Ashley's name get called out and her sing a song. I knew the song was for Spencer as another birthday surprise and she sounded really good to be honest. All of a sudden I see Spencer come onto the stage moving towards Ashley and they both start grinding against each other, I really hate today's dance as its full of sexual innuendoes especially when two girls to it to try and attract a guy. The song finishes and I feel really good so I decide to get back to my cleaning. I get up to turn the TV off and I see them kiss on stage. I couldn't get my head around this, this was totally disgusting, I felt sickened by it because you could tell it wasn't friendly, you could see they meant it. I suddenly can't hold it in anymore and I scream in anger, I then start to feel light headed and everything goes blank.

Spencer's POV

You know when you feel like everything is just perfect. I know I may seem like a bit of an idiot but at this point in my life I feel content. I've never really felt like I've belonged until I met Ashley, she's just been so good to me, I know I don't deserve her but I cannot live without her. I graduate soon and I'll be moving away. I've spoken to Ash about it and I want her to come with me. My mom would still be clueless and we'd have more freedom to just be us where ever, when ever, just like this weekend.

I'm lying here in bed and I just want time to just stop. I look at Ashley and just stroke her face; she opens her eyes gracefully and just gives me her morning smile and I just laugh because she looks so cute when she looks a mess especially when she's just been fucked. We hold each other for a couple of hours and then decide we'd go for breakfast and then head back home.

I look at my phone for the first time since I've been away and find 15 missed calls from my Dad; this is weird because he never calls me unless I'm in trouble, he needs something important or someone else is in trouble. I call him and he picks up on the first ring, he tells me to not worry which automatically makes me worry and he tells me my Mom's in hospital because she's banged her head on the living room table after she'd fainted, I tell him that I'd be right over to the hospital, he suddenly interjects and tells me I'd be better off at home. I ask him why and he just tells me she needs her rest but she'll be home in a few days.

A few days have gone by and I still haven't been to see my Mom. Everyday there's a new excuse and I wonder what I've done wrong. I bake a cake, Moms favourite of course chocolate sponge with melted fudge in the middle.

I hear the door open and she walks in with a bandage on her head she looks at me and I hold out the cake for her. Before I have the chance to say welcome home it gets knocked out of my hand and she tells me to go to my room. So that no more stress is caused I do as I'm told and I ring Ashley crying telling her what had just happened and how confused I was. Ash couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong either. Suddenly my Mom bursts into the room and tells me we need to talk. I say my goodbye's to Ashley and go downstairs. I had no idea how this was about but I was sure I was about to find out.

I walk into the living room and she's sat there with a stern look on her face. I sit down and she looks me in the eyes and starts crying. I go to her to give her a hug and she pushes me away. She looks at me with disgust and tells me a priest will be coming round to rid me of the devil spirits that have taken over me. I look at her confused and ask her "what the hell is going on?" She simply screams "YOU AND IT".

The shit has just hit the fan and its strongly blowing my way. I knew this moment in time would come but I thought it'd be when I could make a big escape, plus I didn't want her to find out like this, I wanted to tell her, convince her that what me and Ashley have is real.

There's a knock on the door and my Mom answers it, the door opens and is instantly slammed really hard, I wonder who it is so I look out of the window and see I confused looking Ashley at the door. I run to the hallway and try to reach her. The only thing standing in my way is my Mom and she looks angry, I try to make a run for it and I'm suddenly brought to the floor by my hair, I see something swoop and everything goes blank.

Paula's POV

I didn't want to do it but she forced me to. What happened to my innocent little girl? I would never have thought any of my offspring could defy me in this way. After everything I did for her I've clothed, fed, gave her a roof over her head and given her lots of love. Isn't that how a normal family works? Have I done something wrong? Is this God's way of punishing me?

No. I'm a good Catholic. She needs to be punished.

I see her blacked out on the floor and I drag her down to the basement. I then chain her to a radiator and go and prepare for cleansing her soul.

Ashley's POV

What the fuck is going on in that household. I knew Paula was ill but to slam the door in my face and call me a devil is way beyond any type of ill I've seen. All I know is that these couple of weeks are going to be hard. But how could she have found out?

Did Spencer finally get the courage to tell Paula? I go back to my house because I know I'd only make things worse and Spencer was already upset enough. As I walk through the door I see a package, I wasn't expecting one so I opened it, I see a DVD of the Megan McCauley concert the only words I can muster is shit.

Spencer's POV

I slowly come to and all my surroundings are blurred. I can't quite make out where I am. As I begin to regain my sight a door opens and my Mom comes down some stairs, I look around and realise I'm in the basement. I begin to get really worried as I realise what had happened to me, I try to make a break for it but I'm chained.

Suddenly my head gets pulled onto a lap and a soft hand starts to stroke my head, I feel scared and there is no one I can turn to. I finally find a voice to scream and my mouth is instantly covered and all I can hear is the sweet hum of a lullaby coming from my Moms mouth. She suddenly stops humming and tells me that everything is going to be okay and that I'll be free very soon. I wish I could believe it but somehow I don't think I'll ever be free.

A blindfold is put on me and I hear the chains unlock. I don't know where I'm going but I make a break for it to only cause an angry voice to come closer and closer. I've never felt so scared in my life, I'd rather have Madison flush my head down the loo and get the beatings I used to get than this. I don't even know what this is.

I'm caught and pulled over and I'm told to part my legs. I didn't like the sound of that and I didn't know how to react. All of a sudden legs open mine and I'm sat down onto what only feels like a chair. My vest top is then ripped and I plead for my life.

Ashley's POV

This is the 15th time that I've called Spencer and there's no answer. I feel really worried now because Paula was so angry. I decide to wait a few hours and try again. If I get no answer then I'll have to do something. Maybe I could try and reason with Paula and tell her that I love her daughter and I'll be the one to protect her like I've done in the past. Or maybe I could break Spencer out of that shit hole for her to calm down. I think I prefer the second plan.

Paula's POV

The first stage of the cleansing is to make the beast mad. I strapped her to the chair backward so that when the beast decides to get angry it will not possess me with its dark eyes. I start with chanting verses of the bible and nothing seems to make it angry. I'm surrounded by pleas of my baby girl praying for help. She needs my help.

I then splash holy water onto her exposed back and she shivers. I know it's there I just know it. It's sucking my baby dry and it doesn't want to show itself. I decide it's time for drastic action I see a belt from the corner of my eye and I'm instantly drawn to it. I pick it up and tighten my grip around the end. I tell Spencer that I was going to make it all okay and I was going to look after her. Before I begin I realise the beast will take whatever is left in Spencer before it is taken away. I realise it could take away her voice, I cannot let that happen, I cannot let it happen to her.

I put the belt down onto the table and realise there's a CD player in the room, I put in a Globus CD and start to play it. I know God is on my side, I know he'd want me to help her. I must help her.

I take a tea towel from the floor and tie it around her mouth so she is gagged. The sound of Globus eases me. I must do this for it's the most Catholic thing to do. On the lyric "Forget, all the values of past eras, oh, lost dreamers find hope in the valley of the promise" I raise the belt I now hold in my hand and buckle first I smash it into Spencer's back, the first hit and I could hear a muffled scream, the second hit and I'd drew blood. The third hit the chair fell to the floor. I look down to her while she's on the floor and see her face blank without expression but silent tears fall from her face. Has it gone?

I go to her and take her gag off. As soon as it's taken off she screams like I'd never heard her scream before, she tries to move but she's still tied as I bend down to pick the chair back up she grabs hold of my leg. Her touch isn't hers, it's all scaly and hot, it's the evil entity.

I immediately freak out and start to kick the body of the dark entity before me. I was so glad I was wearing my pointy church heels. I scream for it to leave my baby alone whilst repeatedly ramming my foot into the back of the evil entity. I chant a prayer and for God to help me and Spencer get rid of this entity that possesses her.

The body on the floor lay limp and I free it from the chair. I turn her over to be disgusted by all the evil marks that have sucked and scratched upon her body. I know I must cleanse her of all this and I get to work.

Ashley's POV

I've tried again and there's no answer. I'm so sick with worry right now so I go and investigate. As I pull up to the house it's weirdly silent. I look through the window and see nobody, just nothing. I faintly hear something and walk round to the back.

From the side of the house I hear Catholic music and wonder what the actual fuck is going on. I remember there being a ladder in the back garden a few days ago and I go to see if they are there. I find them and put them up to Spencer's bedroom window as I climb up the ladders the music get fainter. As I reach the top there's nobody in Spencer's room, it just looks as tidy as it usually is. This is some fucked up shit and I'm just so worried right now.

As I get down the ladders I hear the music again and I try to find out the source of it. It seems as I get further to the ground it gets louder. I suddenly realise it could be coming from the basement, but the Carlin's never use their basement. I decide to have a look through the basement window and see something move.

I instinctively get up and get the courage to break into the house. As I smash the glass I'm met by the sound of a Catholic choir. I'm so freaked right now and I'm running purely on adrenaline. As I get to the basement door I'm shaking like a leaf but I venture in anyways. I close the door behind me so I can surprise the intruder and nearly fall down the basement stairs with the shock of what I've just seen.

I can't believe I let this happen. She's a fucking monster. I see her bent over chanting prayers and I can't fight back the tears no more as she's carving into Spencer's chest. I grab the nearest object which just happens to be a furnace poker and I steadily make my way silently towards Paula. With one quick flick of the arm Paula was on the floor. I suddenly dropped the poker and fell to my knees looking at the damaged she'd done to my Spencer. I get my mobile out and call 911. I can't get my words out as I'm so fucked up right now, I promised her I'd never let anything happen to her and look at what I've caused. I see a pool of blood on the floor and wonder where it's coming from, I look and realise its coming from her back. I daren't move her just in case there's any spinal or neck injuries. With that I hear the sirens and I run for help.

As me, the paramedics and the police come down the stairs Paula must have gained consciousness because she was on top Spencer once again chanting and shouting about how she's helping cleanse Spencer from an evil entity. The police try to prise her off and she tries to claw their eyes out, they manage to get her in handcuffs and the paramedics get to work. I tell them there's blood coming from her back and they check her pulse. I hear one of them ask for a defibrillator, I drop to my knees as they quickly get the paddles out. They charge to 180 and shock, I could feel it in my heart and I just willed her to pull though, it didn't work, they charge to 200 and I pray for God to let her live. I hear a sigh of relief and I look up to see them putting her on a spinal board. I knew she'd be able to do it, she's my Spencer Carlin.

Spencer's POV

I'm in total darkness and know that I'm dead. I would never have thought it would happen to me so soon, but I suppose I was finally happy. I've never got why in life when everything seems so perfect something comes to ruin it.

I see a grey figure and walk towards it. As I get there it's not a figure at all it's a portal and on the other side I see my Grandma. I look at her and she smiles the way she always used to. I'm just about to step towards her and she stops her. She looks at me more sternly this time and tells me it doesn't have to be this way. I tell her that I'm gone, dead and that I can't go back. She then gives me a smile and tells me there's a chance for me to go back but I've got to really want it. I look at her and she asks me what is there to my life that would make me want to never die. I simply say one word that word is Ashley. I remember how I loved her smell, touch and taste. I close my eyes to picture her face and as I open them the portal had gone.

My eyes flickered and I couldn't see anything other than a bright light. As my eyes adjusted I could feel something on my hand and a blurred figure. As I come to I see that it's my Dad. I move my hand and my Dad starts to cry. The only word I could muster was "hey". He looked at me and smiled. He let go of my hand and went out of my sight. I wondered what was going on and then a blurry flash came running through the door, my hand was then taken again another face covered in tears but this time the face was...Ashley's.

She gives me the smile she knows I love and tells me she thought I'd never wake up. I look at her confused and I take in my surroundings, I suddenly realise that I'm in a hospital bed. I ask her what happened to me. She looks at me and she seemed to not know what to say. My Dad then joins her at my bedside and I turn to him and ask what I'm doing here. He simply looks and tells me what was thought to have happened to me.

No. She can't of. She wouldn't, would she? I abruptly realise and remember all the pain and hurt I went through in my own basement. I start to cry and grip hold of Ashley's hand tighter.

A couple of months have passed and I'm getting stronger each day. I learned my Mom is now in a mental institute and will be facing charges of attempted murder in a couple of weeks and I just want to get out. I ask the doctor and he tells me I should be able to go home today as long as I'm being given 24 hour care. I ask my Dad and he thinks it's a great idea.

A few hours later and I'm in the care all wrapped up high on drugs ready for a long sleep. As we reach the house I'm walked in and I burst out crying and screaming. I just can't do it, just not now, not today. My Dad puts me back into the car to calm me down and goes on the phone. He comes off and gets in the driver's seat.

As we reach the destination I realise were at Ashley's. As soon as the car parks she comes running out to greet us. As they walk me in I finally feel at ease, I feel happy. They lay me down on the couch and I hear them talking about sleeping arrangements for me and my Dad. I then drift off.

I wake up in a nice big comfy bed that I know oh so well to find a note and her i-pod. The note reads:

Spence,

I've popped out to do some errands but if you need anything there's a bell on the bedside cabinet and your Dad will come and give you anything you want. I've left you my i-pod because I know how much you love it and it may give you some comfort.

I love you and nothing will ever change that and I'll be back before you know it

Ash 3

Things start to rotate around my head and I decide to write my Mom a letter before anyone see's just in case they start to have a fit over me doing something to strenuous. I slip my hand into Ashley's draw and take out a piece of paper and a pen. Once I begin to write I can't stop. When I finish I read over it.

Letter

Mom,

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Spencer

After reading the letter I realise that I'll never be able to look at her again. I'm going to live my life the way I've chosen the way it's supposed to be.

You know people are right when they say "Love, it's the thing that makes and breaks you" and I've felt two types of love within my life already. There's the love that I hold for Ashley, she broke me when she cheated on me but she makes me...well me. I don't think I can imagine life without her in it, thinking about it a life without Ashley just wouldn't be a life at all (for me anyways). Lastly there's the love I held for my Mom. She was my role model, someone I could look up to but now she's broken me to a point where I can never go back. So now, it's my life, it's my time to shine and I'm going to live my life the way I want it and fuck everyone that tries to stand in my way.

A/N Hope you enjoyed the last chapter in this story. Thanks to everyone that has followed the story between Spencer and Ashley; I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Any comments would be gratefully appreciated because I have an idea for another story and would like it to be good for people to read.