You Lost Me

Chapter Thirty-Tree - Incomplete

After their moment in front of the fireplace Damon and Elena couldn't hold back their emotions. They knew they had fixed their friendship and themselves. Damon knew he needed to change to be with her and she knew she had made many mistakes that she didn't want to repeat. Damon felt relieved to know that she could see all the changes she brought to his life. She was the only reason he allowed his humanity to take over without any restrictions. He didn't avoid or repress it anymore. She had taught him that feeling didn't make him vulnerable or weak. He realized that his love for her was what made him stronger in the past years. His love was what gave him strength and determination to keep fighting against his enemies. It wasn't only about the vampires that threatened her life and the ones she loved. It was also his internal enemies. His nature and his instincts. His love for her allowed him to finally win the battle against his dark nature.

But Damon wasn't the only one who changed. Elena new she needed to be someone else. She didn't need to change herself because of him but because of herself. She didn't like the person she had become. He said many times how selfless she had been and maybe he was right but she knew she had been very selfish with him. She had been judgmental and sometimes cold and cowardly. She was brave to defend the ones she loved, Damon included, but she wasn't brave enough to admit she had feelings for him. She chose to hurt him and to let him hurt her to restrain her feelings for him. She preferred to hide behind her pain rather than help him with his and she knew it had hurt him. She used him when she needed him the most and she knew it would be a long road until she forgave herself for that. She could sense that Damon had been deeply and repetitively hurt by people during his whole life and still she permitted herself to be one of those people. She needed to be more mature and be determined to be with him because she promised herself she would never hurt him purposefully again.

Then they clearly realized they were ready to pursue a relationship. Although it took them a few more days they finally felt the time was right and made the final move to be together.

"I was never this happy" she said as they walked along the beach. He held her against his chest as her arm wrapped his waist.

"That's the perks of being in love with Damon Salvatore" he cockily offered but she couldn't bring herself to roll her eyes. She loved his arrogance and she knew it was only a playful façade.

"No, that's the perks of being loved by Damon Salvatore" she smiled and he leaned down to capture her lips with his.

"It doesn't matter the order of the factors, the reason is still one, Damon Salvatore" and this time she actually rolled her eyes but her grin matched his.

"Yes, you're right, the reason is you" she moved her hand to the back of his neck, bringing him down to kiss him tenderly. "And I want to spend the rest of eternity with you because you make me insanely happy" she whispered as soon as they broke apart.

"That was what I feared the most" he said in a serious tone as they entered the house.

"What?" she asked confused.

"That I wasn't capable of making you happy. That I would bring you more pain than you already had. Then you became a vampire and I thought that nothing could hurt you more than that but still I was afraid of hurting you. I was willing to ignore my love for you and let Stefan make you happy because I thought I couldn't" he confessed quietly while she was teary. Not in her wildest dreams had she thought Damon was so thoughtful and selfless. She could see in their day to day activities that he was protective and wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. He bought human food and cooked for her because he didn't want her to forget how it was to be human. He came one day with many bags with all sorts of clothes she could imagine. She only had the few pieces they bought together in Atlanta but now she had a closet full of them. He also got her a car, just like the one she had before the accident because he knew she liked her car. Once she was feeling more confident to be around people he took her to public places, to do the ordinary things in human life like eating at McDonalds, dancing and even ice skating as she mentioned one day her father used to take her when she was little. She knew he was doing everything he could to keep her live life as human as possible even when he didn't mention it. He knew she needed it to be happy.

"I would never be this happy with Stefan or with anyone else. Nobody ever took care of me like you do. Nobody ever thought about every little thing to make me happy like you do, Damon" she offered after she briefly thought about everything he did for her in the past month.

"I can't not do those things Elena. There's nothing more rewarding than watching you smile when you're happy or listen to your giggles when you're overjoyed. There's this different shine in your eyes that warms my heart. I know I'm sappy and that I'm worse than all those guys I make fun of the movies you make me watch. But this is not my romanticism from the ninetieth century or any lame attempt to look pathetic. This is just how I feel. If you're happy than I'm happier than any other man in this world" he offered a soft smile all throughout his speech and she was mesmerized by the man in front of her. She knew Damon had the potential to be the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet behind the tough mask. But now seeing his softness and his love-sick speeches she thought she was in heaven.

"You do sound sappy" she chuckled slightly.

"You said love isn't about deserving someone but about being someone better. You changed me Elena, my love for you changed me. I wanted to be a better person because of you. I wanted you to be proud of me, I remember how you used to look at Stefan and Bonnie and even Jeremy. You were proud of who they were, of what they did and I wanted someone to look at me like that. I wanted you to look at me like that. I never cared about what people thought or said about me. Not even as a human but your opinion was important to me. And then you made me see and understand things that I couldn't see anymore. You taught me to care about people. When I met Carla it was supposed to be only some handy sex but she was so nice to me and it was because of you that I was nice to her. Because you were kind to me, even when I didn't deserve it and it made me feel good. And then I realized that when I was nice to people eventually they were nice back to me and that felt even better. I spent a long time without caring about anyone, almost a century and a half but I spent even longer without anyone caring about me, until you did. When you saved me from the fire during Founders' day was the day I knew I was important to someone. I was important to you" he softly brushed the hair off of her face as they sat on the couch, their bodies turned to each other's.

Elena couldn't hold her tears back. Damon's life had been so difficult. She couldn't believe how unloved he had been as a boy and then as a man. The fifteen years after his mother died he only had Stefan but Katherine destroyed that and after this there was nobody. He had lost the last strand of affection he had the day he lost his brother and it hurt her to know he spent so many years feeling so alone and unloved, holding onto the illusion that someday he'd be reunited with Katherine. She felt an urgency to just hug him, kiss him, make love to him until he felt how much she really loved him. It almost hurt.

"You're the most important person in my life, Damon. You're the reason I wake up every day and the one that brings that smile to my face. I don't know if there's a love any bigger than mine for you but if there's a ring, my hat is on it because what I feel for you can't be described and that's how I'll feel for the rest of my days" she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly for a brief moment before breaking apart and offering a reassuring and shy smile.

"Thank you" he looked at every inch of her face and there were more emotions in his eyes than she could count. It was a nice and welcoming change seeing Damon being so open and free about his emotions.

"Don't thank me for loving you" she offered yet another smile.

"Thank you for rescuing me" he looked at her with adoration while he stroked her face tenderly and softly.

"Someone had to"

"But it had to be someone very special, trust me, I was in a very dark place when I came to Mystic Falls" he looked away slightly but she soon reached his face and brought this eyes back to her.

"It wasn't only me, Damon. Stefan also helped. I know you guys were working on that lost relationship and you can't just ignore the fact that you have a brother out there, someone you love and who is your family"

"Stefan made his choice" Damon quickly dismissed his brother and Elena could feel his body getting stiff.

"He chose the same thing you did, Damon. He chose love and it happened to be Katherine. We don't choose who we love" she tried to reason. She needed to bring this topic up eventually and she knew she wouldn't be able to convince him in the first attempt.

"Don't go there Elena. Katherine is out of any possibility and the day he chose her was the day I lost him again" Damon was adamant as he backed his body off of her.

"Damon, I can't carry the burden of being the one who broke you and him apart when you were fixing your relationship"

"Then don't because it has nothing to do with you"

"If Katherine didn't turn me I know you would have forgiven him already for trusting her"

"But she did and if he chose to be with her after this, then he's the same as her to me"

"And that's my fault"

"She killed you, Elena. I don't remember you begging her to do it" his tone of voice got louder and she knew he was getting annoyed by the topic but she wouldn't give up easily.

"Still it was my fault. I'm the doppelganger, Damon. I was cursed before she turned me"

"I would protect you Elena"

"At what cost? Of losing you? Of losing my family and friends? It's one thing to lose them because I died but how do you think I would have felt if any of them had died because of me?"

"You don't know if Klaus would ever know about you if it wasn't for Katherine"

"That was a risk I couldn't take, Damon"

"We don't have to talk about it, Elena. Klaus is dead, there's no curse anymore, no one went after your loved ones and you're a vampire"

"Yeah, you're right, there's no good in talking about those possibilities. The only important thing here is your brother who is somewhere in the world but could be here with you"

"I don't need Stefan. All I need is you"

"And all I need is for you to be as happy as you make me" she reached his face again. She didn't like to argue with him but this a battle she had to fight. She wouldn't rest until she got the brothers reunited.

"I already am"

"But I won't ever be completely happy if you don't make amends in your relationship with him"

"You just said I make you the happiest girl"

"Yeah, but there will always be a but in my head"

"We should head upstairs, your show is about to start" he offered truthfully. He knew she loved to watch her medical drama.

"If you don't want to do it for you, then do it for me" she kissed his cheek and headed to the kitchen. It did exactly as she expected it to be but she wouldn't give up, she would convince him, even if for the sake of her annoying insistence.

"I'm sorry" he entered the kitchen after her.

"I understand it's hard for you to overlook what Katherine did but this isn't about me or her. It's about you and your brother"

"How can you be so forgiving because I'm talking from my heart here? I can't stand the sight of her. I feel like I could kill her or die trying" he wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder.

"I know I wouldn't be able to look at her without a homicidal thought it she had hurt you, so I know where you are coming from. But eventually I would have to suck it up because of you and Stefan. Her choices or anyone else's shouldn't set you and your brother apart" she covered his arms on her waist with her own, bringing his body closer to her.

"It's not like they're here, Elena. There are so many things we need to figure out here. I didn't even get into your pants yet. So let's leave this family talking for later. A century or two is really nothing when you're immortal" he kissed her neck softly, hearing her subtle moan at the contact.

"I knew it was all about getting me naked in your bed, Mr. Salvatore" she turned around in his arms so she was now facing him with a content smile on her face.

"It's only fair I get some after over three years. A man has his limits especially around a goddess like you" he smirked like he always did.

"You didn't have sex all those years?" she asked somewhat surprised.

"Why would I? Remembering you was something I avoided and I knew the moment I kissed another woman the only picture in my head would be you. It was already torturous as it was, I didn't need to add anything to my pain" for the first time he admitted he had hurt the time they'd been apart. He had admitted that if he knew she was in pain because of him he would have never left, he admitted he should have been less selfish and tried to check on her and see how she was going with human blood. He always made it clear that he wanted to be there for her but now was the first time he showed that he was hurt by the distance.

"That's romantic"

"No, that was excruciating. Not thinking about you when you filled my whole heart was exhausting"

"Good thing you don't have to do it anymore" she brought his lips to hers and kissed him softly, soon breaking apart.

"Now let's go because I'm missing my favorite show" she led their way upstairs, holding his hand.

AN: I'm one of those people that's loves Damon and surely I want him to be with Elena but the show to me is really about Damon and Stefan fixing their relationship. In my not AU fics I try to get to this point eventually and of course I'm doing it here too. And for me it's only natural that Elena worries about it and will push Damon. Another clarification: they didn't have sex. Yeah, they're dating but they didn't have sex and it will be explained next.

Although is hard to write this fic these days I still enjoy it a lot. I always write not only character development but also relationship development. I don't like to simply get the couple together and then write an epic epilogue that cover years of story. I prefer to go through some of those. I think it's amazing that Damon is doing all those little things to keep Elena's life somewhat human-like because he knows it is important to her. And he doesn't mention, he just does those things.

Next: the Stefan discussion continues (and that here was their first fight, over his brother nonetheless) but not before they handle another important thing in their relationship and cover something very important to Elena.

Any suggestions of what would you like to see here? I don't usually ask those things, because well, I'm the writer, I'm supposed to come up with the plots and I guess I'll have just a couple at most three more chapters - that thankfully are sort of outlined. But I want to thank you guys for being in this journey with me so I'm opening up to this :)

I don't get more reviews as I used to but I stopped being upset when I don't get them. I'm much happier this way ;) but I do appreciate who takes the time to give me back some words. Thanks a lot guys.

Thanks also to my beta May who is always prompt to help me through my writer's block :P

xoxo

Babi