TWO
"What were they thinking when they decided those? Or were they thinking at all?" England asked and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Goodbye peace. Hello super special ultimate migraine.
"Hey France, switch with me," America asked. Russia had somewhat succeeded in calming his sister down and now he was sitting between Belarus (who was glaring daggers at the blond nation at the other end of the couch) and America (who was waiting for France's answer, as if that would save his little world). This could not end well.
"Absolutely non," France deadpanned, shooting a suggestive glance over at England, who groaned in desperation. "This is just perfect like this. You should work your... problems out too."
Canada blinked for few times as the realization dawned upon him. He would have to share a room with Belarus. Scary. Creepy. Marry-me-big-brother. Stay the hell away from.
For one reason or another, Canada also noted that they seemed to be the only ones that were annoyed because of the choice of their room-mates. Everyone else seemed to be taking it well... even if Romano was furiously denying how happy he was to be paired up with Spain. Even Austria seemed to already be used to living with Prussia. Hell, even Russia and America seemed to be okay with a predicament.
But when there was a threat of another Cold War or another Hundred Years War... or the threat of Canada not surviving these two weeks. He most likely wouldn't. Absent-mindedly Canada wondered if he should testament his hockey sticks to America or to Russia.
"So, communist bastard," America huffed and pointed at the imaginary line on the floor. "This is my side of room. That is your side. You stay there, I stay here. Understood?"
Russia could only stare at the imaginary line that divided the room in two. This was so not fair. He was not only seperated from America, but his side of the room was smaller. He was the older one here and so therefore, he deserved more room than the younger American.
"нет, I do not agree." He took a step over the imaginary line America had drawn in the wooden flooring of their shared room. "I do not agree at all."
The blond could only stare at the other in horror. "Did you just step over my totally awesome line and say that you don't agree with me?" But he needed his privacy! And he didn't want to get raped either, thankyouverymuch.
Russia only another step closer to the American nation. "Da, I did." The blond looked at Russia in horror
Then America took a deep breath, calming himself down. He would so not get raped! He had to be calm and awesome and ready to kick some ass. "Objection!" He yelled and pointed at the larger nation, who paused for a moment to hear what America had to say. "I do not agree with THIS."
"You don't have to da? But it's only fair that we get equal portions of the room. You are a capitalist aren't you? Aren't you all the freedom and equality?" America could only stare.
Equal portions of the room? Wait, so he wasn't going to be raped? America blinked and then started laughing in relief. Russia stared at the other blankly. Had America gone crazy or what? "Hahaha! No." He narrowed his eyes at Russia. "My awesomeness needs more room than your fat ass."
Russia's eyes narrowed and the room dropped at least twenty degrees and America took a step back in fear. Dude, if Russia's head started spinning around on his neck like that character in The Exorcist, he was going to fucking strangle Finland in his sleep with a shoelace
Russia took another step closer to America. "Now, now, America," he said with his sing-song voice. "You think I have fat ass, like you so nicely put it? How would you know? Have you maybe..." He took in a mock gasp of surprise but the effect was ruined because of the giggle that escaped his mouth. "...Been staring at my backside?"
America's once again started to impersonate one of Romano's many tomatoes. "I...I...I have not!" (Alright he did once…maybe twice…But damn it! The key to being successful is to know your enemies inside and out!)
"But, ah~" Russia giggled. "You hesitated Amerika, which means you are lying to me, da?" He took another step closer. "I do not like liars."
This time he didn't back away and instead glared at Russia. "Why would I stare at your FAT ass anyway? Besides, my ass is way more awesome than yours!"
"If you haven't seen it, then how do you know its less awesome than yours?"
"Because my ass is more awesome than anyone else's ass in the whole world!" America exclaimed arrogantly, leaning closer to emphasize his next words. "Even you can't win me in this."
"Oh have you been spending time with France? You possibly can't have seen everyone's ass, da?"
"W-ha...? Wait? Why are we even having this conversation?"
Russia blinked for few times before getting a thoughtful expression. "That's a good question, America. I'm amazed."
"You're amazed, my ass... Now can we get back to the original subject? Go back to your side of the room!"
Russia's answer was deadpan. "No."
"Then," America huffs and pushes at Russia's chest to get past him, stopping a little before his imaginary line, drawing a new one in the air with his finger and again getting larger side of the room. "THIS is my side."
"Oh you amusing America~" Russia said in that sing-song tone of his and he clasped America's hands in his gloved hands and begun to swing them back and forth like a retarded pendulum. "We still deserve equal portions of the room, da?"
"Let go of me!" America yelped, grimacing. "And you can go to sleep in the closet for all I care! Actually yeah, you can sleep there and I'll have the bed all for myself-!" He paused when he realized one very important thing.
"Russia?"
"Yes?"
"There's only one bed."
Russia blinked and looked up from their swinging heads. The American was right. There was one bed. One full-sized with a flowery pink duvet and two pink-shaded pillows.
CRASH!
"BIG BROOTHEEERRR!" Russia flinched at the familiar screech coming just outside the closed door of the room.
"What the-" America asked when Russia shushed him and whispered: "I'm not here." In the next moment he rushed to the other side of the room, opening the closet and stepping in, closing the door tightly behind him.
America could only stare at the closet door which had quietly shut. He shook his head and walked to the door; opening and then jumping backwards as the door nearly hit him in the face as it slammed open.
"Where is my brother?" Belarus asked and America felt a sudden urge to follow Russia into the closet because of the scary look she was giving to him.
"Uh, well, the thing is that, he erm... he... left! He isn't here! He was annoying me so much so I kicked him out of here, hahaha!" And why in the hell was he helping Russia anyway? Well, he had to fucking share a bed with Russia for the next two weeks, so it's probably a smart idea to get on the Slavic country's good side. Even if it means getting shanked by Belarus
"You are lying."
America coughed and shifted, trying to hide his nervousness but obviously failing miserably. "Why would I be lying? Besides, wait... where's, what's-his-face, oh yeah Canada! What did YOU do to MY brother?"
"Nothing." Belarus said, her scratchy voice monotone. God, America could see the relation between Russia and Belarus now. It set his creepy-meter off the charts. "I have done nothing to your brother, even though I must wonder how you two are related in the first place because it well obvious that your brother is the smarter one of the North American siblings."
"WHAT?" America shouted, momentarily forgetting the creepiness practically radiating from the woman before him because of the insult. "Well, I'm the more awesome one! Even Russia admits that!"
There was a thump in the closet and Belarus peeked around America; her eyes narrowed. "What was that?"
"Uh...A ferret!"
"A ferret."
"Yeah, a ferret. His name is James and he's very cute."
"Why is he in the closet?"
"Because he hasn't come out yet." America really tried not to snicker at what that could mean to another.
"And why hasn't he come out?"
"Hell if I know! He's James the Ferret and if he doesn't want to come out, then he won't come out!"
Belarus nodded. "Very well, tell James I said hello. I will continue on my search for Vanya so we can get married. Farewell stupid American."
America stared when Belarus shut the door behind her. Then the blond went to the closet and opened the door, peeking in. "James, Belarus told me to say hello to you," he snickered at the relieved Russian.
"Very funny." Russia made to get out of the closet, but his foot tripped over one of the coat hangers and he felt himself falling. America could only say two words.
"Oh. Shit."
"Kesesesesese! There's only one bed!"
"I can't believe this," Austria mumbled as he facepalmed. "Prussia, I will not sleep in the same bed with you. What is Finland thinking...?"
"Oh come on Roddy-kins~ I know of those dreams you have of me
"W-w-wh-what dreams?" Austria stammered, his face flushing bright red. "I certainly do not have any dreams about you! How dare you imply something like that!"
"Kesese, I heard you moaning my name all awesomely while at West's house~" Prussia's grin grew lecherous. "Come on, you know you want a piece of awesome."
"I have not done anything like that! And I do not want anything like that!"
"Yeah right, fancy-pants. That's like saying North Italy hates Pasta. If Ita says that, the world will explode."
"What does that have to do with our discussion?"
"It just proves that you want me!" All of a sudden, Hungary (wielding a frying pan) came out of no where and slammed the kitchen utensil down on Gilbert's head.
"Hungary!" Austria exclaimed in surprise, just staring when Prussia fell down on the ground, mumbling something about "cute chicks".
"Prussia, if you absolutely have to sleep in the same room with my dear Roderich, then you shall sleep under the bed, that understood?" Hungary demanded with a sweet voice.
"You crazy bitch-"
At the crazy look in the Hungarian's eye, Prussia gulped. "Ja, ja..."
Austria sighed. Why did these two always have to fight over him? Wait, that was worded weirdly. Fight because of him? Fight... for him? How about we forget the last part all together. He really needed to play his piano right now, but oh right. He was stuck in the same room as his ex-wife and roommate.
Finland was all trying to secretly kill them and take over the world wasn't he?
"Norway! Norway!" Denmark laughed; jumping up and down on the bed – the only bed in the room they were sharing – like a child. "Come and jump on the bed with me prick!"
"Go die." Norway answered.
God – the historical figure who many blindly praised with respect – must have had a personal vendetta against all the damn Nordics. Iceland found out he was crushing on his brother; Sweden and Finland to live with Denmark; everyone thought he was batshit crazy (with a side of insanity) as England because he saw magical creatures; Finland had to deal with Russia before gaining his independence, and Denmark was well…Denmark. God really hated the Nordics didn't he? Damn, this was payback for the time when they were Vikings wasn't it…?
"Hey, Norway," Denmark said, flopping down on the bed. Their was a lecherous grin on his face. "What do you say to me and you having a little fun under the cove–"
Before the Nordic could even think about finishing that sentence, Norway picked up the Bible on the bed stand and whipped it at Denmark's face. The leather bound-book hit dead-on, and Denmark fell back with a grunt.
Take that, God.
Japan was confused.
Extremely and utterly confused.
Sure, he had shared beds with Greece before and there was the common fact that they totally weren't in a relationship at all. (but there had been that one time where they had been in the same bed together and it had given birth to a bad, terrible and wrong (but oh so right) nightmare/dream.) And now they were sharing the same bed for two weeks.
He was so confused.
Why had Finland brought them all here?
Why had their bosses agreed to this idea?
Why was Turkey here in his bedroom?
Where in hell was Greece?
"FIIIIIINNLAAANDD!" Few heads could be seen peeking out of the rooms but they disappeared right after they noticed that the one shouting was England. With a broom. It wasn't that it was a boring everyday incident, it was just that everyone went to get their popcorns.
"Waaaaah! Don't hit me!" Finland shouted, running down the hall in nothing but his birthday suit. England had snuck up on him while he was in nude and about to get in the shower. And when Tino told England that the roommates couldn't be changed, Arthur didn't take it all that well...
Suddenly Sweden jumped protectively between Finland and England, staring furiously at the latter one. It wasn't glaring. It was just a... very very VERY intense stare. England paused for a moment.
"Denmark! Norway! Cock-blocker off the starboard!" England shouted, tongue from his pirate days slipping in and the two Nordic countries dove out from behind one of the doors and rugby-tackled Sweden.
"Mommy, why's that man naked?" A little girl asked in Finnish on her way out of the lodge with her mother. For some unknown reason, all residents had to be cleared out due to a large and rather destructive party taking up most of the lodge's room.
"Nothing Jonna, just close your eyes and ignore it."
"But he's got a long thingy hanging off of him like Daddy–"
"Ignore it."
France, who was sitting on a worn-out couch with his legs crossed elegantly and wine glass in one hand, sighed dramatically. "England, mon cher, calm down will you?" Sure, the sight of a naked Finland was a wonderful sight to see (oh he wished Finland was much closer to him and not so close to Russia), but England was blocking his view of the naked Finnish nation. Such a shame…
"This bloody wanker is the reason we're paired together!" England shouted. "Because of him, I need to splice the main brace!" The former Empire was jumping up and down and waving his arms wildly as he attempted to hit Finland with the broom, who had taken refuge on top of the high fireplace mantle. Oh thank you god that England was short...
"And that is why we must make these two weeks very enjoyable, don't you agree?" France asked casually, as if he actually hadn't just suggested something lewd. Almost inaudible grunts could be heard from Sweden who was currently being crushed by two of his fellow Nordic nations sitting on top of him.
"Finland, come down would you, aru?" China called out, still dragging a lazy South Korea across the floor. "We won't hurt you, aru." Even though it was said kindly, promises of pain were hidden behind those kind words.
"It wasn't me who decided these rooms!" Finland yelped when his leg slipped and he almost fell, regaining his balance just in time. "Your bosses paired everyone up all by themselves! Blame them if someone!"
"Don't hit me!" Finland commanded, ducking when England attempted to hit him with the broom.
"Wait. What do you MEAN our BOSSES paired us up?" England asked, stopping his wild broom-swinging for only a moment.
"They paired you up in attempts to strength ties between countries." Finland revealed. He would probably get shot in-between the eyes by his own boss, but there was no way in hell was he was going to die naked from being beaten with a broom by England and his pregnant-woman like actions.
"It's more like they're trying to start the third World war!" China exclaimed.
"I actually agree with China," England nodded.
"B-but I don't understand!" cried Canada, who had come out of his room. "Why would they make me share a room with Belarus? Are they trying to kill me or something? My boss..."
As usual, everyone ignored him and went on with their own complaints of the situation..
"Wait." England said. "Where's Alf- I mean, America?"
"And where's брат?" Belarus asked, appearing from absolutely no where."
"Don't they have a room together?" A suspiciously-ruffled Austria asked a grinning Prussia.
"Kesesese, someone's getting lucky!"
"NOOOOO!"
At the sudden yell, everyone turned to look at the direction where it supposedly came from. They found themselves staring at America, who was out of breath and his hair was messy, golden locks falling over his eyes, not to mention that his clothes were wrinkled.
"That... THAT is so fucking WRONG!" He shouted, pointing with his index finger.
"What happened?" England asked.
"Did you hurt brother?"
"I was raped damnit!"
"It's not rape if you want it mon cher," France winked, smiling perversely.
You had sex in a closet?" Spain asked happily.
"NO!"
"Doing it in a closet would be fun," France smirked and then turned to England. "Hey Iggy-"
England's answer was deadpan. "No."
In all the commotion, no one noticed the still-naked Finland attempting to escape. Only Felicaino did.
"Tino~! Why are you naked, ve~?"
"Finnish tradition!" Finland shouted as he disappeared behind the corner. There was silent for a moment until Finland ran back into the room, now disappearing behind another corner before anyone could react. Then Russia appeared from where the smaller northern nation had at first disappeared to.
"Does anyone have an explanation for why Tino is naked?" Russia asked, severely confused about the situation at hand – everything seemed to occur when he was occupied with Amerika...
"Rapist!" America shouted, pointing his finger at Russia before diving behind the couch like the man he was.
"Wait."
"I thought you were raped by the closet...?" Spain asked. Alright, he was confused. Maybe Lovino had an explanation...
"So," Spain said, turning to Romano who promptly face palmed and murmured, "No Spain, I don't know what is going on."
"Neither do I!" England yelled and pointed one finger at Russia. Pointing is fun. "Explain me! Why is Alfr-, Ame-, I mean Al-, fuck it, AMERICA, yes, why is America calling you a rapist? What did you do to him?"
"I didn't rape him!" Russia defended. He invaded people, not raped people - that had been Prussia's job. "When I was coming out of the closet, I fell on him!"
"So брат was hiding in there!" Belarus accused. "Not some ferret named James!
America shuddered. "No wait, you've got it all wrong. James the ferret was in there and Russia magically switched places with James after you left!"
Belarus went to lunge at America–
And the lights flickered out.