THREE
When the lights went out, Alfred did the appropriate thing there and screamed. Oh hell, this was something straight out of a goddamn horror movie. And now someone totally was going to fall on top of him and would get him pregnant and he'd get all fat and he couldn't drink and he'd never be able to retain his slimming figure afterward. Wait, if he got pregnant where in hell would it come out? Maybe, he could ask Japan. From the small amount of text Alfred had read in all of Kiku's pornographic novels, Alfred could tell that male pregnancy was common. Or maybe it was just a Japanese thing.
"Ah, Germany!" North Italy sobbed. "I'm Bliiind! And where's Fratello? Fratello~ Fratello!"
"Ana, ana, Viet, you stepped on my foooooot."
"Lovi~! Where are my Tomatoes!"
"You didn't bring them with you bas – C-Chi-Chigi! Don't touch that hair!"
England wanted to slam his head against the wall. Hell, he always wanted to slam his head against the wall. His eyebrow twitched when he smelt Francis's rather sweet perfume behind him. No matter how many times the Frenchman denied that it was not perfume he was wearing, but rather some sweet-smelling cologne, England could swear on Queen Victoria's grave that it was perfume.
Not like he'd admit to liking the smell. Ever.
"France," England said in a warning tone. "Go away now. Nobody likes you."
"Oh, don't be so crass Angleterre~"
"I'll show you crass - "
Austria sighed. "Everyone, just calm down now would you?" The Austrian was attempting – keyword: attempting – to ignore Prussia's wandering hands. He knew the former nation was milking this opportunity for all it was worth because Prussia knew Hungary wouldn't attempt to hit him with a frying pan without fear of hitting Austria instead. "The storm obviously blew out the lights, just wait a while and they'll most likely come back on."
"Oy! How do you know?" Switzerland demanded of the Austrian; his arm securely wrapped around the shoulders of what he hoped to be his sister.
"Haha, someone should go find Finland," Denmark advised. "Finnish tradition or not, it's not really good for Tino to be running around naked in the dark, eh?"
Norway snorted. Finnish tradition, his ass.
"Bloody hell, does someone have a flashligh – France, for the last bloody time, get away from my backside before I run through you with my - "
"You have the wrong person." France smirked. Though, he wished he was the one groping England – the lucky bastard. "I am no where near you." And silently, his hand swooped behind South Italy and successfully groped the Italian.
"Bastard-Spain, stop touching my butt!"
Spain had been too busy trying to find his nonexistent tomatoes to hear what Romano had said. "Eh, Lovi wants me to touch his butt?"
"W-What! I did not say that!"
England was still trying to figure out who was behind him. Finally, his ass was groped once more and he jumped at the sudden move. There was a gasp.
"Eh! You aren't Aniki!"
He knew that voice. He had to goddamn deal with it when America was going through the Korean war. "...The fuck...? Korea! China, control your goddamn imbecile of a brother!"
There was a wheezing sound and a huff. "A little busy here, aru…"
"What are you busy with then, hmmm?"
"Russia's…he's sitting on me…" There was a groan and England swore he could have heard a rib crack.
"Eh?" Russia asked confused; he was sitting on someone? Strange. "Jao? I'm sitting you…?"
"Yes, aru…"
America twitched. It was Hero time baby! He could so not deal with this at the moment. He was still dealing with the emotional trauma that came along with being raped. Well, he wasn't raped per se but he had been violated. More than he would have liked. Ever.
"Russia!" America commanded. "Get your ass of China, I don't know about you, but I kind of have to still pay him off and Korea – I really don't care if your Evildoer or Good Korea – stop groping England. Like seriously, that's France's job. And please don't get Iggy pregnant man! I don't need a little Iggy running around and I really don't need an overly emotional Arthur 'cuz his emotions are out of whack as it is!" America then grabbed what he hoped to be Russia's hand and pulled him off of the couch.
America then reached into his bomber jacket's and pulled out that blue flashlight he's had ever since he attended that one international boyscout's meeting. Sure it has been as boring as hell (they didn't even do anything) but in the end, he got a free awesome flashlight and met a hot soccer mom. It was all good…
The nation flicked on the light and shined it in England's face who scowled at the sudden burst of light.
"Bloody wanker! You've had a flashlight the entire time?"
America was too busy looking at England's eyebrows to have heard the former empire had said. "Wow Iggy… In this light, your eyebrows are as twice as big…"
"My eyebrows aren't that big…" England stuttered.
"Oy, you ex-pedo! Come off your throne and join the little people!" Denmark guffawed. "We all know that you lost your eyebrows during the revolutionary war and glued pubes to your face in replacement–" Norway reached over and slapped Denmark upside the head; effectively shutting the Nordic up.
"Hey, hey! Just all calm down all 'ight?" America soothed, his hero complex kicking in. "Russia, come with me to find Finland." Sure, Russia had recently just attempted to rape him, but Russia was the biggest country and probably the most violent too and he knew for a damn fact that Russia made it a personal hobby to beat the living crap out of any nation he didn't like.
"Eh? Why me?"
"Cuz' you're Russia." He wasn't about to say that Russia was just a scapegoat for when the ghosts came. "And off we gooooo!" He grabbed Russia's hand and bolted from the room.
"брат!" Belarus screeched as loud as she could. "Bastard! I will kill you Amerika! брат!"
Canada yelped as the screaming Belarusian nation tripped over someone's foot (he'd bet all the syrup in the world that it was South Korea's) and fell on him. Kumajirou literally flew from Canada's lap and onto Ukraine's to avoid being squished by the Slavic nation.
"Maple!" Canada squeaked, feeling Belarus press up against. Oh mon dieu! This why he hated being a man and it was impossible to hold back the urges because he was so rarely introduced to them. Please don't let him get hard, his life is tough enough...
...Though why would he get hard for Belarus anyway? I mean this is Belarus we're talking about! Oh no wait blood no don't go there, up, up, up not down, oh maple why was Belarus' knee there holy maple syrup on a sandwich-
Ukraine let out a small sound of surprise when something warm and furry landed on her... huge tracts of land.
"Ahh! Kumajirou! Help me!"
"Who?"
"Canada!"
England, who had been hugged by France from behind, was attempting to count all of the countries in the room, but was failing quite miseribly because the lights were still out.
"Oy," He said, gaining the attention of France. "Where's Japan?"
"Japan?" France repeated and the former empire nodded. "Oh Angleterre~ Why would you want Japan when you have moi?"
"Igirishu-san..."
"Japan?" England asked, completely ignoring France's inapproriate comments. Actually everything that came out of France's mouth was inapproriate. France's mouth itself was a very inapproriate place (to be in).
England struggled to get away from France, but the southern European nation was stubborn to let go of his prey... I mean, neighbour. Yes, neighbour.
"...I can't feel my arms..." Japan said weakly.
"Well, Russia's not here..." Denmark sighed and felt something shift underneath him. "Holy shit! My chair just moved!"
"Moron, YOU'RE sitting on Japan."
"I am?" Denmark asked and then patted the place where he thought Japan's head was and said: "Sorry, man."
"Who touched my butt just now?" Someone who absolutely wasn't Japan asked.
"The only butt I'll touch is Lovi's~!" Spain said happily.
"Seriously, who just like touched my butt right now?" Poland asked again, hands on his hips. "Cuz' like the only two people who can touch my butt are Liet and Hungary. But if you pay, you can."
"Whoa! You're a man!" Sealand suddenly shouted.
"Whoa! You're a kid!" Denmark mimicked and just patted Sealand's butt again. "But if this is not Japan... then where is he? …And oh fuck, wasn't I sitting on Sweden?"
The Nordic nation started groping around blindly because America obviously had went away with the only flashlight.
"Hey Japan, does this body part belong to you? Whatever it is," Denmark wondered and squeezed the thing lightly.
Norway bitchslapped Denmark as he felt his crotch being grabbed.
"Norway, our wands!" England suddenly shouted. He felt so stupid now. How could have he forgotten that he was a wizard? England pulled out a wand and looked at it. "Lumos!"
Norway blinked for a minute before he understood what was going on and he too pulled a wand out of nowhere. "Super special awesome magical wizard power of doom!" He said with a completely monotonic voice.
"Say what now?" Denmark and England asked at the same time, both just as confused. The light at the end of England's wand died out quickly and he cursed at it.
"My wizard power drains all other wizard power within a fifty mile radius," Norway told England, his stony face glowing eerily in the light of the wand. "Come on moron, we have to go find Finland before he is raped by Russia. I'd rather not deal with that again." He said to Denmark, who was sitting on Sealand and no longer sitting on Sweden.
"Wait!" England commanded. "At least find Iceland, ever since the volcano incident, we've been taught not to leave him alone. Ever."
"M'w'fe rap'd by R'ss'a?"
Everyone jumped away from the sudden source of the voice. Some even screamed when they saw a really intimidating face in the glow of Norway's magical wand's just as magical light.
"Ag'n?" Sweden continued, eyes flaming with cold fire. Not that there actually was any real fire in his eyes, silly. How could fire be cold anyway? "I d's'ppr've," the Nordic nation announced.
"We will form a search party for both Finland and Iceland." Norway reached into his jacket and pulled out another wand and touched the tip of that one to the current glowing one to light it up. "Denmark and I will search for Finland, Sweden and Sealand will search for Iceland."
"Wait, didn't America and Russia go off to find Finland, aru?" China asked, inching away from South Korea.
"Those two couldn't find their way out of a paper box; much less find a naked Nordic." Norway said seriously.
England nodded in agreement, along with several other nations expect for those that were unable to do so. Like Belarus. Did everyone just seriously ignore those screeching noises for who-knows-how-many minutes straight? They continued to ignore her anyway.
"So you go search for them," England mumbled and turned to everyone else. "We should find a way to get the lights to work."
"Well, obviously the winter nations should go," Prussia said smarmily. "Because the power box is outside in that weird shed that kind of looks like a gingerbread house and makes me hungry whenever I think of it..." Prussia shot a look at where he knew Canada was being crushed by Belarus. "Oh, Canada~! How about you go be awesome and go turn on the power for us?"
"That sounds like a good idea." England agreed.
Wait, what? Why did everyone suddenly remember him!
Canada hid his face in his hands. Why did the world hate him…?
Hello, it's Jay EL 24.8 here. Sorry, it's kind of my fault that we're being so slow with updating this, but now that I'm having my waited freedom aka summer vacation, I guess there will be faster updates after that faster updated thing… maybe. Though yeah, TEMT totally wrote more than over a half of this chapter. Sorry dude.
You know, we have such a tradition here in Finland as to roll in the snow after sauna. It's fun but sadly I can't do it anymore myself because we moved and now the neighbours are way too close.
...Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, see you!
(TEMT totally doesn't exist in this chapter, she's lurking like a pervert currently.)