Chapter Four:
Awkward Silence was Awkward.
America could honestly say that much. The creepy smile of Russia's had never left his face once and they were both wandering through the dark like morons in search for whatshisface….Finland. Yeah, it was Finland. From what it seemed, Finland had gone M.I.A. and was currently running around in his birthday suit. So being an awesome hero, he just had to take the evil villain to go save Finland! But unfortunately, this lead to his current situation: Running around in the dark with Russia and his super awesome flashlight was dying and –
Well maybe. It all depended on what Russia's ingenious plan was really. Dammit Russia was probably going to drag him off somewhere and drown him in an unused bathroom in a dark hallway and leave his dead corpse in the cold snow, which was another reason why he hated this trip because it was so damn cold and his fingers felt like ice and –
Fuuuuuuuuuuck. This was making him seriously depressed. Just, seriously-seriously depressed.
Anyway, getting back on track, Russia was still being a creepy fucking bastard. And dammit he wasn't saying anything and is just smiling that creepy smile of his, probably thinking of some way of torturing poor Lithuania and holy shit he can see his breath and when did it get so cold, whereisTonywhenyouneedhim–
America stopped suddenly, heart racing violently.
"D-Did you hear that?"
The Russian finally stopped, looking back at the American with a curious look on his face and the creepy smile just dropping just a tad.
"D-Did you hear th-that…?" America repeated, laughing awkwardly. "Man, it sounded like some creepy laugh. Hahahaha~!"
"I did not hear anything."
"Oh really?"
"Yes really."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, really."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes. Really."
"Okay, just making sure."
"…Your attempt at conversation is poor."
America glared at Russia's back and huffed. But still, he was damn sure and swearing on Good ol' Washington's grave – he could honestly say that he heard something.
Glaring at Russia he noticed something. Maybe it was his overly super-fuckin'-sized, amazingly, amazing awesome imagination – but did Russia seem just a little bit more tense then before? Not like Japan tense, the "shitfuckdamn, I'mabouttogethuggleglomped" tense. Neither was it the sexual tense, no. Far fucking from it.
It was the "Tense". Yeah, The "Tense". The tense every nation got when shit was about to fly and it was going to hit the fan. So hah, Russia must have heard something if he was tense because he wasn't sexually awkward like Japan and definitely wasn't going to jump him at any moment prior. So yeah!
It was the "Tense".
(Yes, it had to be expressed dramatically to get the point across because the "Tense" is indeed that serious.)
So now…
What the fuck could Russia be fearing?
Hmm. Maybe it was the freezing ass cold, but wasn't there some guy named Winter who stalked Russia…?
Nah. This was Finland. The land of Santa and bad food, not the land of commies and bad food. So…What about the freezing cold itself? Despite the 100 degrees or so Russia got during his summer months, he still had those cold as freaking fuck winters–
–Nah.
The dark?
…But then again, Russia did spend most of his life in darkness…
Fuck.
What was it then–
"БРАТТТТТ! Where are you брат?"
It was then and there America could officially say that he has seen a grown man freeze in fear. Every muscle in Russia practically iced over and his purple eyes went wide. Haha. That was it. It was only Belaru–
–Shit.
"…Is that your sister?"
"Da."
"Aren't you scared?"
"Da."
"Should we run?"
"…Da."
And with that, Russia took off; leaving America behind him in his dust.
"You…asshat." America snarled under his breath before taking off after him like the athletic beast he most definitely was, ignoring the burning stich in his side as he did so.
"Brother, brother is that you!"
At the sudden voice, the nation suddenly tripped and Belarus giggled from wherever she was.
"Marriage, marriage, marriage!"
…Fuckfuckfuck shitshitshit damndamndamn…!
He pumped his legs faster, practically ignoring the now screaming feeling in his lungs (shut up, it wasn't his fault half the kids in his country were asthmatic..!). The organs screamed at him to slowdown slowdown slowthefuckdown…! America only caught a glimpse of Russia's scarf as the Russian rounded the sharp corner ahead. He pushed his burning legs faster and ran that corner as fast as he could; nearly slamming against the wall as he rounded it. Russia was not that far ahead and in the dark, America could see the pinkish tan scarf trailing uselessly behind the Slavic.
"BROTHER. BROTHER. WHERE ARE YOU. MARRIAGE MARRIAGE MARRIAGE!"
And with promise of actually donating to world Hunger foundations next winter, America pushed his legs one more time, kissed his heart goodbye and sprinted past Russia with the speed of a thousand and one men and a fat guy.
In reality, he knew that he really didn't need to run so fast to escape a batshit insane woman that happened to like knifes very much. Really, he didn't want to run at all and just wanted to sit down somewhere and have a beer or two…He just…
He really didn't want to do die.
Then, America and Russia did that creepy thing with the meeting of the eyes – as if the meeting of the eyes suddenly meant that they had to race each other instead of working together to escape the Belarusian. But whatever. America met eyes with Russia in the dark and he didn't know what happened next. The superpower assumed that it was the Russian's fault though – like always. He had only made eye contact with the other Country and an awesome race worthy of the Olympics had been started.
…But someone tripped over the carpet and someone had stumbled forward, swearing loudly; causing the person behind him to speed up but to only fail terribly as he was crashed into the moment he got ahead.
The two bodies collided and began to roll across the floor like a ball. They tumbled into a suspiciously open bedroom doorway with the door slamming shut behind them.
Eventually, Russia and America stopped rolling when they bumped into the bed and fell over; both ending up in probably one of the most awkward situations they've ever had in their long lives.
America's face had landed between Russia's legs, half of his body on top of him while the lower half of him was underneath Russia; his leg rolled underneath his own body and his left arm trapped painfully between the two bodies.
Russia on the other hand was horribly hunched over America as his scarf had somehow come undone and had unwrapped and been tugged under his own leg and wrapped around America's neck in the process.
"You know," America said, his words muffled slightly by the fabric of Russia's pants. "Isolation is looking so sexy right about now."
"Yes, and – Amerika, your knee is in my back."
"That's not my knee." America answered swiftly. "…I think." There was a small shifting of movement underneath him. "Nope, it's my elbow. Yep my left leg is currently underneath me and my other leg is over there and fuck, thisisreallyawkward."
"Da."
"So yeah," He lifted his head the best he could without potentially strangling himself. "What now?"
"Well–"
"Brooooooooooooother!"
Russia's wail of terror at the sudden appearance of Belarus's voice was cut short as America suddenly headbutted him, knocking him over and sending him sprawling on his back and sent America flying on top of him.
(All because of that scarf, that stupidstupidstupid, really dumb whydoyouexist scarf.)
"…I will nuke you if you say a freaking word!" America hissed.
Russia's eyes narrowed and the smile dropped. "Is that a threat."
"It won't be a threat if I fucking make it come true Commie."
"Oh really?"
"Yes really."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, really."
"Oh, really?"
"…I hate you."
In reality, Canada hated being Canada sometimes. It sucked being an Arctic country and everyone forgot him often and hell, he was known as America's hat by everyone else.
Whatthefuckwasthatfaggatory.
He was not a hat.
But anyway, he didn't even know how he got tricked into going outside. Apparently, finally everyone remembered him once his brother an off, but because life, God, fate and every other natural super ranging from Demigods to trolls absolutely hated him – he had been stuck with having to go outside in the freezing Finnish weather and go turn on the damn generator.
Fuck his life and call him a doormat. Damn passive-aggressive tendencies…
He sighed and wrapped his arms around himself, shivering violently. How could Tino stand this weather naked? Canada would have to ask him the moment he got the chance.
Hey. Hey. What is that?
Canada flicked the snow off of his glasses and stared at the brown-coloured, snow covered thing that seemed to be rocking back and forth in the wind. It wasn't all that tall and seemed to barely be taller than his head. But it looked like something that held a generator.
Smiling, he pushed the door open; knowing that the generator was inside. And damn, he was right. There was an old rusty generator sitting right smack dab in the middle of the shack and it looked absolutely ancient. The gears looked rusted over with age and it was covered in cobwebs galore.
"Damn…When was the last time this thing was cleaned?"He closed the door behind him and flicked on the lights before walking over to the rusted out machine.
Matthew walked around the length of the generator, looking for the switch that would most likely turn it back on. Eventually, he found it nestled between two brown gears near several thick spider webs. But, what was sitting on top of the generator confused him most overall. There was a ferret. No literally, there was a ferret. An actual ferret.
Whatthefuckwasthisfaggatory.
"Um…What are you doing here little guy?" Matthew asked attentively. He drew his hand closer to the ferret and growled, baring its teeth and he immediately retracted it. "Ahhhahaha…Do you have a name?"
"Jrrrrrrrrrrrrrrames."
"…Quoi…? " It could have not have spoken. Nope.
"Jermey?"
"JRRRRRRRames."
Okay…Maybe there was some creepy ancient Finnish madness that happened when you're out in the snow too long. Kind of like what happens with heat, except yeah, well, with snow.
"Jeremiah?"
"JRRRRRRRRRRRRAMES!"
"…James?"
The ferret purred, smiling – Wait, wait, waitwaitwait. Wait. Ferrets do not smile. Did a ferret even have the face muscles to do so?
"Alright.., uh…James? I'm gonna turn on the generator –"
He reached out to turn on the generator, but James would not have that as it seemed. The ferret growled and swung up, scratching Canada's face with its claws before sitting back down on the generator.
Okay. Belarus had to have slipped him something.
"Okay, what's going on he–"
The door to the shed suddenly burst open. "Cold, cold! So very cooooold!"
"F-Finland!"
The shivering, naked Arctic nation smiled. "Hej - ! Hi-Hi Am-Merica–"
"I'm Canada." He answered bluntly.
"–Oh." Awkward meeting was awkward alright. Canada then sighed and unzipped his explorer's coat, handing it to Finland. The offered coat would easily be the Nordic's size and would go down to his knees.
"Sweden would kill me twice and run me with over with his blades on the rink if I let his wife freeze."
And not to mention... It makes me feelfunnywhenseeingyounaked.
In Canada's opinion, Finland had a very nice body – even if it was a bit girlish and had a feminine feel to it. But that's what you have to expect when you're known as the Maiden Lady of the Nordics.
"Ah, thank-you Ame- Canada." Finland answered, determined to remember the other's name from now on. "I didn't think I'd have to run outside naked, so I guess this is an awkward situation...!" Something then dawned on the Nordic's face and he frowned. "And for the last time, I am not Berwald's wife!"
There was a choking growl from behind them and Finland took notice of James the Ferret at last.
"Awww~!" He cooed adorably. "What's this cute little thing like you doing out here?" Finland reached out to pet the ferret, but Canada pulled his arm back.
"Don't, that thing is freaking evil."
"...Evil...?"
"Evil."
"...But it looks so cuuuuuute!"
"Evil. Evil, evil, eviiiiiil."
The Nordic moved out of Canada's grasp and moved towards the forward. The Canadian shut his eyes, expecting to hear a loud choking scream or a sharp gasp at the best. But all he heard instead was a squeal and cooing.
The Canadian opened his eyes and blinked, seeing Finland laughing quietly as he allowed aJames to lick the side of his face.
"You're soooooooooooooo cute!"
"...He's evil I tell you..."
That, or Canada is hated by everyone expect the spare few who remember him and what's his face, Kumajiji.
He shivered as James glared at him before going back to cuddle with Finland.
"Do you have a name? If you don't, I'll name you Suüoaranisuuakimiää!"
And it was right there, Canada totally thought Finland just made that the hell up.
The Ferret shook his head and puted. "JrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAAAMEssssss."
"James~?"
The ferret nodded happily.
Okay, Canada was sure he was losing it. But whatever, while that evil, ninja-ferret was preoccupied with attempting to put Finland under mind control with his infernal cuteness, he was going to turn on the damn generator and drag his ass back inside.
So reaching forward quickly, he slammed his hand down and winced when a loud defining bang was heard and the old thing began to hum quietly.
"Owwwie! My eaaaaaaaars."
"What?"
"What?"
"Did you say something?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
Finland frowned. "Canada, this isn't funny." Canada had been mouthing words, but he couldn't hear them...
"...Quoi?"
He heard that,. "So you can hear me again?"
"What?"
"Wait...Waitwaitwait, The cogs in the Tino's brain began to turn slowly. He couldn't hear English and neither could Canada, but he could hear French? Maybe Canada could hear Finnish!
"Hei, hei!"
"Bonjour?"
"It worked!"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"...Dammit."
Eventually, Canada got tired of their charades and grabbed Finland's hands (luckily, James had taken refuge on Tino's shoulder) and dragged him outside.
"Don't worry little Ferret," Tino whispered in Finnish. "We'll be inside soon~"
There was supposed to be more but I got lazy.
And according to Jonna, "Suüoaranisuuakimiää" is technically impossible to pronounce :D