Chapter 15 – One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back

It had been months since their first make-out session on Sookie's floor, and a lot had happened in their lives since. The article, which had been published two months prior was a monumental success. Sookie was now on the writing staff of three different publications, and business at Fangtasia was better than ever. Through it all they remained together, and Sookie felt like it was time to take the next step.

"Come on," she said, pulling him up from the couch by the hand.

"Where are we going?" Eric asked.

Sookie didn't answer because he would know when they got there. She took him into her bedroom and shut the door behind them, before pushing him onto the bed. He looked up at her curiously.

"Our make-out sessions are being upgraded to you bedroom, huh? Does this mean I get a striptease and lap dance?" he grinned.

"No joking, this is serious," she said, straddling his lap with a smile on her face.

"What is so serious?" he asked, his arms encircling her waist.

"We've been through a lot together. We started out before a big transitional point in both our lives, and now we're on the other side of that and strong as can be."

"Are you proposing?" he joked. He knew what she was getting at, but he wanted to let her say it.

"Eric…" she warned, and he wiped the knowing grin from his face. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm ready. You've been so patient with me, and Lord knows I've waited long enough to do this. I'm ready, and I want it to be with you."

In response, Eric kissed her, sweetly, reassuringly.

"You're absolutely positive?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Then we have a problem," he said, and she frowned. "I don't have any condoms. I didn't guess that we would be doing this tonight so I didn't bring anything."

Instead of taking the news badly, Sookie just smiled and leaned over to get into her nightstand. She came back with two boxes of condoms, and Eric raised an eyebrow as he took them from her.

"I wasn't sure if you needed the really big ones or not, so I got those and a back-up just in case."

"Just how long have you been thinking about this?"

"A month or so, but I didn't buy the condoms until last week," she grinned. "You're not upset are you?"

"Of course not. I wasn't angling to do it without them, and I'm thankful that I no longer have to leave to pick some up."

"Ahh, so you were willing to leave to get some. I guess "Booty Call" was telling the truth."

"I cannot believe you just referenced that movie at this moment. You should be ashamed," he teased her.

They both chuckled a bit, and then their expressions turned serious. Eric set the boxes to the side and lifted Sookie up to lay her on the bed underneath him. He kissed her sensuously for a long time, determined to take it slow and make it memorable for her. Eric hardly remembered his first time anymore. Pam had assumed he was experienced, so she hadn't treated him like he was a virgin. Needless to say, it hadn't really been something worth remembering, for either of them.

"Eric," Sookie moaned out when he moved to her neck. "We just made out on my couch for an hour, I'm ready for the naked part."

"So demanding," he said. "Remind me to introduce you to handcuffs in the future."

"Not likely," she laughed, and propped herself up on her elbows. "Now, off with the clothes."

She grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged it up and over his head, and then he did the same with hers. Sookie blushed when Eric pulled off her bra, and then grinned when Eric complimented her.

"I knew they were magnificent, but if I had known just how much I would have pushed to get your shirt off sooner," he said, his hands working on the button of her jeans. He pulled them off, revealing her lacy, black boy shorts.

"These," he said, running his fingers under the waistband, "are very sexy. Unfortunately, they have to go."

Sookie lifted her hips slightly and Eric pulled them down and off each leg before tossing them over his shoulder. He took in the sight of her beneath him, perfect and beautiful. This was the first time he'd ever felt something more for a woman he slept with. He had cared for Pam eventually, but never romantically, and certainly not the first time.

"If you keep staring at me I'm going to get a complex," Sookie said, her face red. No matter how comfortable she was with him, it was still the first time someone other than her doctor was seeing her nude.

Eric smiled and covered her body with his as he kissed her.

"You are perfect," he said, and then he began kissing his way down her body, not stopping until he was resting between her legs.

Sookie gasped loudly when he began, and then the only sounds that came from her were various moans and panting. He proved that she was certainly in good hands with him, and he made sure she came before he rid himself of his pants and crawled back on top of her.

"How are things up here?" he asked, a smug smile on his face.

"Just peachy," she replied, bringing her arms up to wrap around his neck.

"How's your head? Are you still okay there?"

"We're both locked up tight," she smiled. "Thank you for checking."

"I'm glad, because after what I just did I don't think I could have walked away so easily."

"Then grab those condoms."

Eric sat up and grabbed one of the boxes. He pulled out a condom and rolled it on, and when he looked at Sookie again he caught her staring at him.

"If you keep staring at me, I'm going to get a complex," he said, using her earlier words. She laughed and pulled him back on top of her.

"If that complex is a bigger ego, then you're probably right."

"I'm glad you're pleased with my body," he said, kissing her again.

Sookie reached down between them and grasped his length to position him, but Eric pulled back.

"What?" she asked.

"You should be on top," he said.

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."

"Do you trust me?" he asked, and she nodded. "If you're on top then you control the pace. I don't want to go too fast or too slow, and you're the one who's going to hurt in this. When you're ready, we'll switch, but I think it'll be better for you this way."

She thought about it for a moment, and nodded. Eric rolled onto his back, and Sookie straddled his waist. She leaned forward to kiss him while she rubbed herself along his hard length. His hands kneaded her hips as they kissed, until she sat up and grasped him. Eric rubbed the tops of her thighs soothingly as she positioned him, and then she began to slowly sink down.

Sookie took in a sharp breath at the sensation and clenched her eyes shut. She knew enough to know that it wouldn't be like she'd read in her romance novels. There wouldn't be some barrier that he had to push through since she'd probably lost that already. She also knew the pain wouldn't turn to pleasure as soon as he was in, so she did her best to take it slow.

Eric laced his fingers in hers and let her use his hands as support as she took her time. She would sink down a bit and hold it for a moment, trying to get used to how her body was being stretched.

"You okay?" he asked when he was halfway in, and she nodded.

"Stings," she said.

Eric let go of one of her hands and used his thumb to rub her clit, sending rippling sensations of pleasure throughout her body. His actions made her job a bit easier, and soon she found that he was all the way in. Eric sat up on his elbows and she leaned forward to kiss him.

"You have no idea how much I'm holding back right now," Eric whispered against her lips, and she finally realized that his hands were shaking. "You feel so good."

She smiled at his little confession, and slowly began to rotate her hips, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat. He lay back again and grasped her hip with one hand while the other found its home again rubbing her clit. He was determined to get her off her first time.

"Keep doing that," she panted, rocking her hips. "It's helping."

"I won't stop," he promised, his eyes unable to tear away from the pure beauty of her face in that moment. Her eyes were clenched shut in both pain and pleasure, and with each rock of her hips and stroke of his thumb the pleasure began to win out. Soon, she was lifting her hips and thrusting onto him gently, moaning and panting as she did. Eric worked his hips with hers, trying desperately to hold back his end.

"My legs," she groaned after a few minutes.

Eric immediately took action and rolled her underneath him. She hitched her legs up around his hips, and asked him what was wrong when he didn't start moving right away. There was a look in his eyes, one that scared her and excited her, and made her hope that he wasn't looking right through her, because she felt the exact same way.

Instead of saying anything, he kissed her and began to move again. The position gave her different sensations, and though the pain hadn't fully gone away, there was pleasure, definitely pleasure thanks to his hand skills.

"Are you close?" he asked, moving his hand between them once more.

"If you keep doing that I will be."

In response he rubbed faster, while increasing the speed of his thrusts just a little. Sookie moaned louder, and Eric felt her walls start to clench around him. He groaned into her ear.

A moment later she cried out his name as a powerful wave of pleasure swept over her, and he stiffened and groaned in response as he had his own happy moment. He collapsed on top of her, but she found that she didn't mind the feel of him. Until she realized it was hard to breathe, that is.

Eric pulled out slowly at her noise of protest, and kissed her again before getting up to dispose of the condom. When he came back they snuggled under the covers.

"How was it?" he asked.

"That eager for feedback?" she joked, resting her head on his chest.

"I know I did well, I was just hoping you had formed the same opinion."

She looked up at him, a serious expression on her face. "It was perfect, Eric. I never … I never thought it would happen, but I'm so glad it did, and that it was with you."

"I'm glad it was me too," he whispered, then kissed her lips sweetly.

"I feel so relaxed and sleepy. Is it always like this after?"

"Actually, the woman is supposed to be wide awake, because an orgasm releases something that wakes them up, whereas in men, it puts them to sleep."

"Eric…"

"Sorry. The closest I've ever come to this was with Pam, and I was usually rolling out of her bed and going back to mine as soon as we were through. I would imagine that the relaxation comes from the comfort you feel with your partner." He paused, and thought about what he said. "Would you consider it a faux pas to speak of a former lover while in bed with a new one?"

"Yes," she said. Sookie was quite used to Eric's awkward social blunders now, and she was pleased that he had recognized it this time, but it still stung a bit to hear him speak of Pam after what they had just done.

"I apologize. It felt wrong for me too. I'll get better at these things, I promise."

"I don't want you to stop being you, just try not to mention your sexual history anytime near the time we have sex."

"I think I can manage that," he said, smiling as he pulled her closer.

As Eric gently rubbed Sookie's back, she dozed off. She had a strange dream that she was watching herself on a beach. The sun was shining brightly, and there was a warm breeze blowing her hair out a bit. She felt such strong feelings of love, happiness, and longing. When the person she was seeing herself through stood up she realized that she was Eric in the dream. They were his feelings.

Sookie woke with a start and rubbed her eyes as she looked down at Eric. He was sleeping, and there was a smile of satisfaction on his face. Sookie closed her eyes and smiled, and then the images from the dream hit her again. She wasn't remembering, or even sleeping again. She was seeing the whole thing still playing out like she had never woken up.

Curious, she reached out with her mind and probed at Eric's brain.

"Holy shit," she gasped, and immediately closed her mind off. Apparently, the only time Eric's fortress was down was when he was sleeping. She was sharing his dream because they were touching. The things she felt were the things he felt.

It didn't escape her that this meant she could poke around in Eric's brain freely and get all the answers she wanted, but she didn't do it. He trusted her, and she knew that he would tell her if he really wanted her to know. So, instead of analyzing anything further, she simply lay down next to him again and watched his expression change in his sleep. She was blissfully unaware of where the dream had gone. A few moments later Eric's eyelids fluttered open, and he caught her staring.

"Were you watching me sleep?" he asked.

"Only for a minute or two. Good dreams?"

A look of total relaxation crossed his features, and then there was one of apprehension and longing.

"Very good dreams," he said.

"What were you dreaming of?" she asked, smiling.

"You and I, having sex," he said. "What else would I dream of?"

He rolled her underneath his body and began to kiss her neck.

"You weren't dreaming of that," she said, and sat up, pushing him off of her a bit.

"And just how would you know what I dream of?"

"You were dreaming of me on a beach. I was wearing an itty bitty bikini that I would never wear in reality, and don't you forget that, and you were watching me, happy as a clam."

Eric stiffened above her, and not in a good way. His expression grew grim.

"How did you know that?"

"I dreamed it too, and when I woke up I was still seeing it. Apparently your fortress falls when you sleep."

He rolled off of her and stared at the ceiling.

"Can you still hear me?" he asked.

"No, your walls go back up as soon as you're awake," she said, rolling on her side to face him. "It's not a big deal, Eric. I didn't poke around in there, I promise. I probably should have though, because I need to know what your favorite breakfast is."

"What?"

"I want to cook you breakfast in the morning," she said. "So what kind of guy are you? Eggs or pancakes? Sausage or bacon? I can do both."

Eric sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Sookie asked, finally realizing that he wasn't happy.

"I'm not staying the night. I have to get back tonight."

"Eric, come on. Stay. It's not like the club needs you. You can stay until dark tomorrow and leave from here."

"No," he said, and stood to start pulling on his clothes. "I can't stay all night, you know that."

Sookie's blood ran cold, and she stood too, using the bed sheet to cover herself.

"No, I don't. You're really still going to act like The Vampire? After all this time? After what we just did?"

"Sookie, that was…"

"Don't. It was more than sex, and we both know it."

When Eric didn't respond, she continued.

"Why can't you trust me? Not ten minutes ago I had the opportunity to poke around in your head and find out whatever I wanted about you, but I didn't."

"My past is not something I just share, Sookie," he said, his tone carefully even. "The only other person alive that knows is Pam, and the only reason she knows is because she discovered part of it by accident."

"I understand that keeping whatever is in your past a secret is important to you, but we are in a relationship, and you know that you can trust me."

He didn't respond again, and Sookie knew what he was thinking without having to read his mind.

"You don't. Not fully, at least."

She sat back down on the bed, staring up at him in disbelief.

"I don't trust easily," he said, attempting to soothe her.

"No. You don't. Eight months. That's how long we've been together, and I've learned a lot about you in that time that any other person would have used to their advantage. I followed your rules without hesitation, and trusted you to pull through for me on negotiations for the article. I trusted you with my body… Not once have I asked you what your deal is. Not once. Maybe it's unfair of me to ask now, but I think I deserve to know why you can't stay the night after what we just did. Please, Eric. Will you tell me?"

He stared at her for a moment, indecision and apprehension all over his face, and then he said one word.

"No."

Sookie's face dropped, and she held her eyes open wide in an attempt to keep the tears from falling. When she saw Eric step towards her she looked up at him with a look that would kill if it could.

"Leave," she said.

"I'm sorry, Sookie."

"I don't care, I just want you out of my house so I can have a meltdown in private. Don't bother calling or coming over. Just go, and try to pretend we never met, because that's what I'm going to do," she said as calmly as she could as she walked into her bathroom, and shut the door.

~o0o~

"You were out later than usual," Pam said after Eric walked in and slammed the door. "Something got you in a bad mood?"

"We had sex," Eric said, collapsing into the recliner across from the couch where Pam sat.

"I'm confused. Wouldn't that be putting you in a good mood? Or is she just really bad at it?"

"We had a fight after. Apparently when I'm sleeping my mind is no longer blocked."

Pam sat up straight, alarmed. "Did she find out anything?"

"No. She said she didn't snoop, but while we were sleeping she shared my dream."

"What were you dreaming about?" Pam asked carefully.

Eric met her gaze and answered. "We were on a beach. It was a beautiful day, and I was watching her. That was it."

"If she puts it together…"

"She won't, Pam. And would it really be so bad if she did? Will people really care enough?"

"Don't be a fool."

"She's more than proven that we can trust her. We have feelings for each other."

"So what? The next time you think you're in love with someone you're going to tell her too? Jesus, Eric!"

"I don't think I am, Pam. I am in love with her, and she's right. She deserves to know why I can't even stay overnight."

"Don't you think it's a little convenient that she's only just now asked? Right after the two of you had sex for the first time?"

"No. It was her first time. She wouldn't have lost her virginity to me in the hopes that I would divulge my past to her right after. She also broke up with me when I told her I wouldn't."

"Eric, look at me," Pam said, her tone brokering no argument. "You take some time to think about this, and I mean time. If you decide that you trust and love her enough to tell her, then I will leave that decision to you. But please remember that my livelihood is affected by this too if anything bad happens."

"I know. I promise to think about it before talking to her," Eric said, and then he stood up and headed down the stairs to his bedroom.

After locking the door behind him, he collapsed onto his massive bed and closed his eyes. He thought about picking up the phone and calling her, but he knew she wouldn't answer. Of course, he couldn't be completely sure, but he was positive that she was in love with him too. He wished he had told her how he felt before they had sex.

As it was, he wasn't entirely sure if she'd even let him tell her anything. He had wanted to divulge every secret he had to her, but he didn't because he was scared. Through Sookie, Eric had experienced a lot of new things. Affection, caring, jealousy, love, and the potential for something like rejection scared him.

So, it really came down to whether or not he really wanted to tell her. His past wasn't something he even liked to think about, but it would help her make sense out of a lot of things about him. Why he was a virgin until he was twenty-two. Why his mind was closed off. Why he was socially awkward and said things that normal people don't just blurt out, and why he pretended to be a vampire for a living.

Eric trusted Sookie, he loved her, and he made the decision then and there to tell her everything. He just had to figure out how to get her to listen to him.

A/N:

Biiiit of bad news. This is the last banked chapter I have. I have most of 16 written so next week should happen on time still, and I'm going to try hard to get the rest of this written. I'm thinking it won't be more than 20 chapters so we're winding down pretty soon. Hope you are all still enjoying the story!

Thanks to my amazing beta, FarDareisMai2 for getting me these chapters back so quickly :)