Sorry for taking so long to update, I had a ton of work to do. I've got one of my GCSE Spanish speaking tests tomorrow, we've had two weeks of lesson time to write and memorize a script for it, and me being as lazy and unmotivated as I am, I sat and messed about in class so I had to do it for homework. It took me ages to write it and I need to memorize it all for tomorrow. This is how disorganized and lazy I am. Plus, I probably should be getting on with my final idea for my art BTEC, I've done next to no work for art in the last four months. So I should probably get my lazy arse off fanfiction and go do some coursework.
But anyway, about the story. It's not a great chapter, I rambled on a lot. It doesn't really have a proper ending either. But still, I hope it's not too terrible. Please review and tell me what you think :)
"Time out!" Lauren heard Mr Clarkson yell, as he rushed over to her.
Lauren lifted her head and saw most of the class gathered around her, including Josh, who was staring at her pityingly.
"Are you okay, Lauren?" Mr Clarkson asked her, crouching down and putting his hand on her arm.
Lauren nodded her head, then pushed herself upwards and slowly stood up, feeling extremely embarrassed. The whole of her class had just seen her fall flat on her face, including Josh, she must have looked like such an idiot. And if that wasn't bad enough her shorts had now ridden upwards, looking more like hot pants than PE shorts, and showing an alarming amount of her fat legs.
Most of the boys were sniggering now, some of the girls too, and Lauren blushed bright red, she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her.
Lauren didn't want to look at Josh again, she was sure he'd be laughing just like everyone else, and she couldn't stand it.
"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Mr Clarkson, looking her up and down, "Maybe you should go to the nurse?"
"No, I'm fine," said Lauren quietly, not wanting to attract any more attention to herself.
"Right, well, you should go sit out for a bit," said Mr Clarkson.
Lauren obediently went to sit on one of the benches at the side of the pitch, feeling everybody's gaze following her.
The rest of the class went on playing, but Lauren couldn't get the thought of what she just did out of her head.
I'm so stupid, Lauren thought, Josh will never talk to me again. How did I make such a fool of myself?
Before too long, Mr Clarkson blew his whistle to indicate that the game was over, and the class headed back inside.
"Have a nice trip, Lauren?" one of the boys called, a stupid grin on his face.
"Ignore them," said Sam, coming up behind Lauren. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I just don't know how I could have been so stupid," Lauren replied.
"It wasn't your fault, it could have happened to anyone," Sam said, attempting to comfort her best friend.
"But it didn't, it happened to me. Like everything else does. Why is it always me that makes a fool of myself?"
"Cheer up," said Sam, "We've got drama next, that'll be a laugh."
"I don't feel much like laughing," Lauren snapped, and walked away from Sam.
Lauren walked to the changing room with all the other girls, feeling like she was about to cry. She knew Sam was right, it could have happened to anyone, but it hadn't, it had happened to her. There wasn't much point in getting upset about it, Lauren couldn't change what happened, but it was so embarrassing, she had looked like an idiot, and she knew everybody would be making jokes about it all day.
Lauren stood in the corner, as far away from everyone else as she could be, wanting to keep to herself and her thoughts. Sam didn't come over to see if she was alright, Lauren reckoned that she'd stopped trying, she'd been so sharp and snappy with Sam recently that she didn't blame her.
I don't deserve friends, Lauren told herself, I'm so fat and useless that no one else would ever want to be my friend anyway.
She took her time getting changed, waiting until every other girl had left before she pulled her PE top over her head and started to put on her school shirt. She didn't want them all to see her fat stomach. Lauren poked and prodded at herself, thinking how flabby and wobbly she was, she must have looked such a state when she fell, her top might have even come up a little bit in the wind, she hoped that it hadn't, and she hoped that Josh hadn't seen her fall, or he would probably never want to look at her again. She longed for the fit, slender bodies that the girls in magazines had, but she had about as much chance of achieving that as she did of achieving world peace.
No, Lauren thought, I have to think positively, I will be thin, I just have to stick to my diet and exercise more.
Lauren walked over to the mirror that she was stood in front of earlier, peering at her legs, which weren't yet covered in her tights. She raised her school skirt and pinched the fat on her thighs, disgusted at how much of it there was.
Lauren wondered how long it would be before someone came to lock the changing rooms, though it was unlikely anyone would, there was no point if nothing was in it. And besides, everyone was at break and the teachers wouldn't want to give up their coffee and biscuit time to come and lock the girls' changing rooms.
Suddenly realising what a mess her hair was, Lauren grabbed her hairbrush out of her bag and started brushing her curly hair into a ponytail, which she secured with a bobble she kept round her wrist. She then pulled her black school tights on, cringing once again at the size of her legs, and crammed her scuffed shoes back on her feet. Lauren then sat down on the bench running along the wall, staring straight into the mirror, and back at herself.
Josh felt sorry for Lauren, it must have been awful to have all those people laughing and staring at her. When he saw her fall he wanted to go see if she was okay, but judging by the colour of her cheeks, he knew that she was pretty embarrassed about the incident, and that it was probably best to just leave her for a bit. Lauren could be very fierce when she wanted to be.
At least Finn isn't around to give her grief, thought Josh, the situation would have been ten times worse if Finn had been there to see it.
Josh wandered around for the rest of break, a little bit lost without Finn there, he didn't like to admit it, but he didn't really have that many friends apart from Finn, and he had the feeling that Finn was only friends with him because he did what he said. But Josh didn't care, if that was what he had to do to have a friend, so be it.
The bell soon went for next lesson, and Josh headed inside and towards his drama room. On the way he saw Sam, but Lauren wasn't with her. He wondered where she was, she had been late to lesson yesterday as well, and he knew that she'd been crying then. Maybe she was crying now? Everyone had been awful to her, though she'd probably have gotten over it by now, thought Josh. He casually walked up to Sam as they approached their classroom.
"Where's Lauren?" he asked her.
"No idea," Sam replied, "She was really moody after she fell, and then she walked off. She was still in the changing rooms when I last saw her,"
"You think she's upset then?" Josh asked her.
"No, Lauren can be a right moody cow when she wants to be, she's probably just off somewhere calming down."
"Right then," said Josh, as they walked through the door into their drama lesson.
"Come on guys, grab a chair from the side and come sit down," their drama teacher said to the class.
There was a loud clattering noise as everyone in the class took chairs from the stacks at the sides of the room, Josh looked around, he couldn't see Lauren. She's probably just skiving off somewhere because she's embarrassed, he thought, she'll be back by next lesson.
Josh soon put Lauren out of his head, and concentrated on the lesson, it was a good one as well, all practical performance and none of the stupid theory work they'd been doing recently.
Lauren was sat in a cubicle in the girls' toilets, bored out of her mind, sitting there in silence. She didn't want to go back to lesson, she was scared everyone would laugh at her, knowing the people in her year, they probably all would. She had moved from the changing rooms to the toilets when the bell had gone, because she knew that the changing rooms would be used for a lesson, and she didn't want to be found in there by Mr Clarkson, or one of the other nosy teachers.
It was almost twelve o' clock now, and Lauren was getting pretty hungry. The half an apple she'd eaten that morning wasn't enough to sustain her for long, and Lauren knew that it wasn't right to be that hungry, but she needed to lose weight. When she lost a few pounds she could stop.
A couple of times Lauren's stomach rumbled, she punched it to make it shut up. I'm not feeling hungry, I'm feeling floaty light, Lauren told herself, trying to shed a positive light on things. She was feeling light, too light, her head was too light, almost like she was actually floating. She'd never had that feeling before, and she wasn't sure whether or not she liked it.
Lauren busied herself with reading all the graffiti on the cubicle walls, it was the typical sort of stuff, all the swear words and the 'Chlo & Donte 4Ever'. Every now and then someone would come into the toilets, usually sixth formers wearing loud, tapping high heels, that stood in front of the mirror for ages doing their hair and make-up. Lauren was actually glad when the bell for tutorial went, even though it meant that they would be registered, so she had to go back to class, there was a new policy in place that meant that if you were missing from registration, the school called your parents, it was apparently meant to stop truancy.
Slowly, Lauren stood up and straightened out her grey school skirt, stretching her legs which were aching from sitting down in an incredibly cramped space for an hour. She unlocked the door and went over to the mirror above the sink, checking her make-up and flipping her ponytail back behind her shoulders. When she was satisfied that she didn't look a total mess, Lauren squeezed past some chattering year nine girls that had just come into the toilets, and stepped out into the corridor, the sudden movement and noise making her head hurt. She walked briskly to tutorial, where most of her classmates were already sat down.
"Quickly, Lauren," said her form tutor.
Lauren went and took her seat next to Sam, who didn't say a word to her when she sat down, not even to ask her where she'd been. Then Lauren remembered that she'd snapped at Sam earlier when she had tried to be nice, so she probably didn't want to try again.
"I'm sorry for being such a cow earlier," Lauren whispered.
"Like you're not always?" said Sam, but she was smiling.
"Oi," said Lauren, giving Sam a gentle shove, but it was okay, they were friends again.
Lauren spent the half hour of tutorial doodling, whilst pretending to listen to the boring drone of her form tutor's voice going on and on about attendance and behaviour. She drew a cartoon version of herself, only much prettier, and much much thinner. She also drew Sam linked onto her arm, who didn't need any improvements, she was already as thin as a twig with gorgeous long blonde hair and striking icy blue eyes. Lauren wished she looked more like Sam, she was tired of always being the ugliest of the two. Boys always liked Sam, she was petite and pretty, and good at sports, and singing, and school work, in fact, Lauren couldn't think of anything that Sam wasn't good at.
"That's good," said Sam, leaning over Lauren's arms to see the piece of paper she was doodling on.
"Oh, give over," said Lauren, "It's just a doodle."
"You're good at drawing though. Is that supposed to be me?"
"I can't be that good if you can't even recognize yourself," Lauren said, smiling.
"Girls!" their form tutor shouted, banging his hand on their desk. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes, Sir," Lauren said, though her tone of voice sounded mocking.
"Well, what did I just say then?" he demanded, his hand still resting on Lauren's desk.
"Erm, not to bang your hands on furniture?" Lauren said, being deliberately cheeky and giving a small, mocking laugh.
Her form tutor made a noise that sounded very much like the growl of a dog.
Suddenly, the bell went, the class stood up and everyone started rushing towards the classroom door.
"Bye, Sir," said Lauren, grabbing Sam's hand and pulling her outside the classroom, both of them laughing at the look on their teacher's face.
"You're so gonna be in for it tomorrow," said Sam, still laughing.
Lauren smiled. She remembered how much fun she had with Sam, it was so much better when they were friends than when she was being moody and keeping to herself. She didn't know why she worried so much about going back to lesson, no one had even mentioned her fall, and she would have probably had a better time in drama than she did sitting alone in the girls' toilets.
"Come on, lunch now," said Sam, smiling at her.
Oh no, thought Lauren, Sam's going to wonder why I'm only eating an apple. Maybe I should eat a bit more? Just to stop her getting suspicious.
No, said the voice in Lauren's head, firmly. You want to be thin don't you? So don't eat. Not even the apple. You can wait until tea time. You like that floaty feeling, don't you? Well that feeling will go away, and you'll just feel like a fat pig.
Lauren had no idea where the voice was coming from. She took her hand out of Sam's and tapped her head to try and make it go away.
"You okay?" asked Sam, looking at her worriedly.
"Yeah, I've just got a bit of a headache, that's all," Lauren said, confused at the fact that there were thoughts in her head that weren't her own, well, she didn't think they were.
When they reached the cafeteria, Sam went to queue up to get her lunch.
"I'll just go get a table, yeah? I don't feel that well," Lauren said to her.
"Yeah, okay," Sam replied, not taking much notice.
Lauren went and sat down at a table, staring at the plates of food around her, willing herself not to leap up and eat everything within her sight. She was so hungry it hurt, she longed for something hot and savoury to put in her mouth.
Sam then came and sat down with her plate heaped with hot, greasy chips, and it took every bit of willpower Lauren had not to reach out and grab some.
"You want some?" asked Sam, when she saw Lauren staring.
"No thanks, I feel sick," Lauren said.
"Ok then, suit yourself," said Sam, starting to eat her lunch.
Lauren took the bottle of water out of her bag and started sipping it, hoping it would fill her up a bit. Water didn't have any calories so she could drink as much as she wanted of it.
It seemed like forever before Sam finished her lunch, though it had only been about ten minutes. Sam had been chatting to Lauren the whole time, but Lauren had been giving the shortest answers possible, and concentrating on sipping her water and trying to get the dizziness that the smell of food was giving her to go away.
"What do you want to do?" Sam asked Lauren, when they were finally outside and away from all traces of food.
"Sit down," said Lauren, who was starting to feel like she was about to faint.
"Okay then," said Sam, throwing her stuff down on the ground and sitting down on the grass.
"So... What's going on with you and Bolton?" asked Lauren, trying to make conversation.
"Well, I think that he might like me but I asked Emma and she said it was too soon to tell but..." said Sam, launching into a great, long-winded explanation of all the reasons why Bolton may or may not actually like her.
The bell for next lesson rang when Sam was only about half way through her incredibly long story and she carried it on whilst they were walking to science, and no surprise to Lauren, it ended with "So I really don't know whether he likes me or not". Despite the fact that she was bored out of her wits listening to it, she was relieved that she didn't actually have to bother with carrying on a conversation.
"Hi, Lauren," Josh said to her as she entered her science classroom and took her seat, next to him.
"Hi," said Lauren, tiredly, sitting down and resting her head on the desk, trying to get the room to stop spinning. It's just because my body's not used to this, she told herself, I'll be fine.
"What's up with you?" Josh asked her.
"I don't feel that good," she muttered, her head still on the desk.
"Oh, is it because you tripped over your own feet whilst trying to kick a ball?" said a cocky boy sat in front of her, having overheard.
"Shut up," said Josh. "Are you alright?"
"I'll be fine," Lauren said, raising her head so she could smile at him.