I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages!
I haven't had time to write much, I've been so busy with school work.
And I'm also sorry for using that excuse too much.
This chapter is quite rushed, but I felt it was an important one to write, and it will be an important point for the progress of the story. But I'm sorry it's quite a short chapter.
Just a little note: I read online somewhere that Lauren's mum owns a coffee shop but I can't actually remember it being mentioned in the show, but maybe I'm just having a blonde moment. Anyway, in my story, that is what she does.
And just one more thing before I let you read; this chapter can get a bit icky (and possibly triggering) so just be aware of that.
I hope you like it, and please review :)
Lauren was sat in Geography, her last lesson of the day, staring out of the window. She had just about managed to stay conscious all day, though she felt like fainting every time she stood up.
It's just my body getting used to it, Lauren told herself yet again, once I've gone a while without eating anything, I'll be used to it and I won't feel so ill.
Despite what she kept telling herself, Lauren was sick of feeling like that, sick being the operative word. She hadn't eaten anything at all for two days, she had skipped lunch again with the same excuse as the day before, and Lauren was now so hungry she couldn't concentrate on anything but just how starving she was. She wanted nothing more than to stuff her face full of food. But she couldn't.
Lauren spent the rest of the lesson in a complete daze, oblivious to the people around her. She hesitated when the bell went, she no longer enjoyed the feeling of dizziness when she stood up.
"You coming?" Sam asked her, standing by the door, whilst Lauren was still very slowly putting her Geography book in her bag.
"Yeah," said Lauren, putting her bag over her shoulder and very slowly standing up, holding onto her desk to steady herself.
"Do you still feel weird?" asked Sam, noticing that Lauren was acting differently to usual.
"A bit," Lauren replied, as she saw the room tipping backwards and forwards.
"I could ask my mum to drive us home if you want?" Sam offered, putting her arm around Lauren.
Lauren wanted to say yes, so she wouldn't have to waste energy on walking, but just as she was about to, the voice in her head returned.
Walking burns calories, the voice told her, if you don't actually get off your fat arse and do some exercise, you're going to stay fat.
"Um, no thank you," said Lauren, giving into the voice.
"Are you sure, you don't look well," Sam told her.
"I'm fine," Lauren replied, smiling at Sam.
As soon as Lauren got home, she collapsed into the chair in the hall, gasping for breath after walking for half an hour. Thankfully, no one was home to hear or see her.
After sitting down, catching her breath for a while, Lauren wandered into the kitchen, wanting a drink of water. She walked over to the fridge to grab a bottle, but was distracted by the huge pile of cakes and buns sat on the worktop. On top of them was a note reading, 'Short-coded stock from the shop, enjoy xx'. They were obviously from the local coffee shop her mum worked in, Lauren often found treats left for her and her brothers in the kitchen.
Lauren's stomach growled from just looking at the pile of deserts, she was so hungry and wanted one so badly. Just one wouldn't hurt.
Lauren slowly began to open the packet of mini chocolate muffins, her hands scrambling shakily at the cellophane. She tore the packet, stopping to breathe in the heavenly chocolate smell, they looked so good.
Slowly, Lauren lifted one out of the plastic packet and unwrapped it. She took a bite and the flavour irrupted on her tongue, spreading through her mouth. She was so hungry she devoured the muffin in no time, and automatically reached for another one.
Lauren ate and ate and ate, happy to have something in her mouth apart from water. She soon finished the packet of muffins and moved on to the box of cookies, eating faster and faster, stuffing her face with all the delicious calories.
When she was halfway through her third massive box of baked goods, something in her brain suddenly snapped.
I'm going to get so much fatter, Lauren suddenly thought, realising that she had given into temptation, something she had promised herself she would not do.
You fat pig, the voice in her head told her, you weak fat pig.
Oh God, thought Lauren, panicking, if only there was someway to get it out.
Then Lauren realised, there was a way to get it all out of her.
Quickly, Lauren put back the half eaten box of cupcakes, stuffed all the wrappers in the bin, and rushed upstairs.
Lauren walked nervously into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She scraped her hair back behind her ears and knelt down in front of the toilet.
She wasn't sure how to do it, she had seen it in movies and on TV, but they didn't really show you exactly how to do it. All Lauren knew was that you were supposed to stick your fingers down your throat, she didn't know exactly how far down, or if there was a special spot, but she reckoned it couldn't be that hard.
Lauren gingerly put her index and middle fingers into her mouth, trying to work up the courage to stick them further down. After a few minutes of debating with herself, Lauren slid her fingers a bit further down, so she could feel the back of he mouth. When nothing happened, Lauren worked out that that obviously wasn't far enough, so she wriggled her fingers down a tiny bit further, though she was starting to get a bit apprehensive about it.
I must get it out, Lauren thought, if I don't then I'll get even fatter than I was before, and I will have ruined my whole diet.
In the spur of the moment, Lauren plunged her fingers as far down as they would go, and she gagged, so that she pulled her fingers back out as a reflex.
You need to try harder, said the airy voice in Lauren's head.
So Lauren tried again, and many times after that, but as soon as she got her fingers far enough down her throat, she gagged and automatically pulled them back up, without thinking.
Her throat felt scratched from all the times her nails had scraped it, and Lauren's eyes were watering all down her face. She decided to try a new tactic, since the one she was applying at the moment obviously wasn't working.
Lauren plunged her fingers down yet again, though she concentrated fiercely on keeping them at her gag point. She pushed and pushed on her throat, willing herself to be sick so it could just be over. Her throat was burning madly and still nothing was coming up. Lauren tried again and again, desperately willing the food she had eaten to come up, but nothing did.
After a good ten minutes of that, Lauren finally felt something coming up, but when she sputtered it up into the toilet, it was just a tiny bit of icky bile stuff.
It wasn't just Lauren's throat that hurt her now, it was her stomach as well, she could feel it burning inside her, though no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get anything to come out.
Maybe it's all digested already, thought Lauren, after all, she didn't have any clue about how long food stayed in your stomach for.
After another ten minutes of trying, Lauren finally gave up. She stayed in front of the toilet, incredibly mad at herself that she couldn't do it, though if she hadn't of pigged out in the first place, she wouldn't have needed to try. A new tear ran down Lauren's already damp cheeks, why was she so useless?
Lauren sniffed and wiped the tears and mascara smudges off her face, then flushed the toilet and stood up. She went to look in the mirror, though she wished she hadn't of when she saw how awful she looked. Her face looked fatter than it had earlier, Lauren wondered if she would have put on the extra weight from all the crap she'd just eaten yet, she didn't think it would be possible but she actually looked bigger.
Lauren looked down at the rest of her body, her stomach was all bloated and disgusting, and her thighs looked massive, even in her black school tights. God, she'd have to do a hell of a lot of exercise to burn it off, she didn't know how many calories she had eaten but it must have been loads, maybe even thousands, cookies and muffins and cupcakes must have a lot of calories.