Chapter 3

The excited voices from the skaters sound from the rink but Darcy is silent. I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows. His silence is excruciating and I finally break it. "So…what did you want to talk to me about?" I prod him.

"I…" His face contorts into an expression that is a combination of pain and regret. He shifts and refuses to meet my unwavering gaze. "Jess, I need to be honest with you. Right before I came home-" his voice breaks and he struggles to regain his composure. "There was a girl in my history class and well...I cheated on you."

"You cheated on me?" His words ring in my ears over and over and over. The world suddenly feels unsteady and I can feel my eyes burning, a sure sign I'm going to cry. I angrily stare at the rink's fluorescent lights, willing the tears not to fall. "How could you?"

Darcy winces and looks as though he wishes the floor would open up and swallow him. He runs a hand through his hair before answering. "Jess, I'm so sorry. It was a frat party and I guess I had too much to drink and I don't know, she came up and started to flirt with me. And well, one thing led to another."

I glance up at him. He looks weary and I notice for the first time he has dark bags under his eyes. The rink air suddenly feels frigid and I shiver. "I thought we were meant to be together," my voice sounds vulnerable and betrayed.

"I'm so sorry," he tells me sorrowfully but I barely register it. It's too late for apologies. A relationship is supposed to be based on trust and respect and with a single sentence Darcy lost all of it.

"Well then. I guess this means this is the end of our relationship," I say. Inside, I'm a jumble of confused and conflicting emotions but on the outside I try to keep a mask of cool indifference.

He looks like he wants to say something and tries to put a hand on my shoulder but I twist away so his hand lands on air. "I'm sorry Jess," he repeats.

I can't take it anymore so I flee from the rink, my sneakers squeaking on the tile floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see Emma following me. I throw the doors open and sprint outside. Once I'm in the middle of the parking lot, I realize my coat is draped over my arm and that I left my scarf on my chair. As I slip on my coat and zip it up, Emma joins me. She wordlessly hands me my striped scarf before hugging me tightly. "He broke up with you," she says. It's a statement, not a question.

A brief stab of anger goes through me. Did Emma know? But I quickly brush it away, of course she didn't. All of a sudden a sob wracks through my body and I feel tears stream down my face. They leave frozen tracks on my cheeks and before long I'm shivering uncontrollably.

"C'mon, let's get you to the car," Emma says, and I see that it's cold enough I can see her breath. She leads me to the car where I fumble around in my purse for the car keys. "You're in no fit state to drive," she tells me firmly and gives me a gentle shove towards the passenger seat.

I mechanically climb into the car and put on my seat belt. The car shakes slightly as Emma shuts her door with a slam and she starts the engine, sending a faint purr through the car. The air is frigid so Emma turns on the heat before heading towards my house. We're more than halfway there I finally speak. "I can't believe it. Darcy. My first boyfriend. I thought he would be the last person to cheat on me."

He cheated on you?" Emma sounds shocked. She flicks a glance at me and makes a sharp right turn.

I nod and she grips the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turn white. My voice trembles as I say, "He said he got drunk at a frat party before break and a girl from his history class started to flirt with him."

After making a quick turn into my driveway which sends snow flying, Emma kills the engine and we sit there for a moment. I can faintly hear the chickens clucking and the sound of a radio drifts from the barn. "That doesn't seem like Darcy. Getting drunk. I mean, if he got caught he could lose his scholarship. And cheating on you." She shakes her head wordlessly and gives a bitter laugh.

"Maybe he had to blow off steam," I say miserably. "Maybe I didn't give him enough attention."

"Don't even say that," Emma tells me fiercely. "You did nothing wrong. A long distance relationship is always hard. I know that." She leans back in her seat and sighs.

"But Stewart's never cheated on you," I point out.

"Darcy made one wrong choice Jess. It's something any of us could have done." Seeing the indignant look on my face, she adds gently, "I'm not saying what he did was right or good, but I'm just saying, don't judge him too harshly."

At this point I don't care whether or not Darcy did it on purpose. All I care about is the fact that we are no longer a couple. That he'll never kiss me again and I'll never see his brown eyes twinkle at me or hear his booming laugh when I make a joke. A tear rolls down my nose and Emma hands me a tissue. I wipe my nose and sniff, "I can't believe he broke up with me. Or maybe I broke up with him. Either way I can't believe it."

"I know," Emma wraps an arm around my shoulder comfortingly. "Let's go inside. You can change into clean clothes, wash your face and I'll make you some tea. After all there's not much a cup of tea can't solve." I manage a weak chuckle and wipe my eyes on my sleeve.

For once the kitchen is clean and quiet. The ticking of the clock gives a peaceful air to the room. I head to the bathroom to clean up while Emma makes tea and prepares a snack. I return to the kitchen feeling much calmer although my nose and eyes are still red. Emma has just set down a platter of crackers and cheese along with steaming cups of fragrant tea when the back door opens, bringing in gust of cold air. My father enters, stamping his boots on the welcome mat and bringing in the smell of animals.

"Jess, Emma, how was practice?" he asks warmly before spotting my face. "Jess, what happened?"

He hurries towards me and I wipe my eyes quickly. "I'm fine," I say, but even I can tell I sound pretty unconvincing.

"Jess, something's wrong. Maybe I can help."

I know he can't so but I feel bad making him worry. "It's fine Dad. It's just that Darcy broke up with me."

Oh, I'm sorry." He sounds awkward but genuine.

I suddenly feel embarrassed by his pity and take a sip of tea so I can avoid answering him. The tea has just a touch of milk and sugar. Just the way I like it. Somehow telling my father makes it more real than telling Emma. My dad takes a deep breath, "I wish I could make it better and I know I'm going to sound callous but the best thing is just to let time pass. I really wish I could stay but I've got some chores to do." He drops a kiss on my head and leaves the kitchen.

I sit there for a few more minutes, wrapping my hands around the mug, staring vacantly out the window and trying to gather my thoughts. When I finally come back to life, Emma looks relieved and does her best to comfort me. The rest of the afternoon passes with Emma trying to cheer me up, which I appreciate, but doesn't do much for me. Finally, after the last of the sunlight has faded, Emma regretfully announces that she has to leave.

I muster a smile. "Thanks Em. For being here and trying to help me. I know it can't have been much fun."

She smiles at me, a hint of sadness in her expression. "That's what friends are for Jess. I know you would do the same for me so I'll be over tomorrow to check on how you're doing, okay?"

"Okay," I reply morosely, staring down at the table.

She lightly touches my shoulder before exiting the house and leaving me alone with my thoughts. The rest of my family is still not home and the only lights on are in the kitchen, so I wander through the house, flipping on lights in an effort to make it seem more welcoming. I find myself in my bedroom, which looks exactly the same as when I left it earlier in the day even though inside I'm a changed person. My eyes are drawn to a framed photo of Darcy and me which occupies the place of honor on the dresser. Suddenly feeling furious, I stalk over to it and slam in facedown, feeling a faint satisfaction when I hear the tinkle of breaking glass. Going strategically through my room, I break or get rid of anything that has anything to do with Darcy; all of the anniversary presents, the photos, cards, and letters he wrote me. When I get to the bracelet he got me for Christmas in my sophomore year, I stare at it blankly before shoving it deep into a draw at the bottom of my desk. I can't get rid of it quite yet.

Once I've finished my binge, I curl up on my bed and wait for the tears to come. But they don't. Instead all I can think about is the girl who Darcy cheated on me with. Was she tall? Skinny? Brown haired or blonde? Was she smart? Nice? Popular? I go from angry, to depressed, to heartbroken. But I can't seem to find an appropriate outlet for my feelings so I just lie there, silently fuming and replaying our last conversation over and over.

When my clock reads 7:07 PM, I hear the front door unlocked and Ryan and Dylan's voices drifting through the house accompanied by my mother's voice. My mom must've picked them up from the Bartletts' house. I'm relieved; maybe having my loud brothers around will help distract me from my sorrows. I hear my mother's light tread on the stairs. She calls, "Jess? Where are you?"

I don't respond but she guesses where I am anyway. When she swings open the door, I don't bother to look up but I can hear her sharp intake of breath as she sees my room. It's a wreck; glass all over the floor, photos ripped up, draws open with their contents spilling out and furniture askew. "Are you okay?"

I roll over and grunt. Why does everybody keep asking me that? Do I look fine? I feel my bed dip down as my mother sits on the edge and places a comforting hand on my knee. "Darcy broke up with me." She lets out a faint gasp and strokes my hair but doesn't say anything so I continue. "He—he cheated on me," I hiccup and feel the tears start.

She pulls me into her arms and although I feel a little babyish, I don't protest. Rubbing my back, she murmurs, "It's okay to cry Jess. Everybody does. I did when my first boyfriend dumped me. I spent a whole week in my PJs, watching TV."

I sniff and hug her. "Thanks," I mutter into her shirt before pulling away.

"Do you want me to bring you some dinner? I have the feeling you don't want to be around Ryan and Dylan right now." I nod and she gives me another hug. "Stay strong Jess. It'll get better I promise."

I stare at my ceiling. I really hope she's right. But who can get over someone like Darcy?

Author's Note: I know Jess was a bit OC in this chapter, but I mean come on, Darcy just broke up with her! For those Dess/Jarcy fans out there, I'm sorry but hopefully they'll get back together eventually!