Chapter 4

I lose track of time after my breakup with Darcy but eventually I roll out of bed with a resolution to pull myself together. My mouth is dry and gross and I feel disorientated. Step one of feeling better is opening my curtains, which reveals a beautiful, clear, crisp winter day. The bright sunlight reveals the mess that my room has become; clothes heaped all over the floor, mugs and plates full of uneaten food stacked on the desk, shards of glass from my tantrum still scattered all over, and the bed unkempt. But the biggest mess is me. When I glance at the mirror, I actually wince at my reflection. My eyes are red and swollen along with shadows which are testaments to sleepless nights. My nose is raw from all the tissues and my hair looks as though a bird has made a nest in it.

I check my phone, which has laid untouched on my nightstand for the past few days and see the huge amount of texts, missed calls, and voicemails left by Emma and various other friends. Sighing, I make another promise to myself I'll get back to them as soon as I clean up and take a shower. As I'm about to power off my cell, I see happen to see the date and my eyes widen. December 24? It can't be! But even when I clear my eyes and check again, the date stays the same. I moped around for six days? And it's almost Christmas?!

My mind wanders to the skimpy pile of presents in my closet and I immediately feel guilty. I only have presents for my brothers and Emma. Shaking my head, I decide to do a quick clean-up and then head into town for some last minute shopping. I cautiously cross the room to my dresser where I pluck out the first outfit my hand touches and scurry to the bathroom, not wanting my family to see how awful I look. A hot shower and massive amounts of shampoo and conditioner improve my appearance drastically. Paired with clean clothes, a comb, and lotion I feel like a new person.

I exit the bathroom, only to bump into my mother holding a pile of brightly wrapped presents, who looks surprised to see me. "Jess!" she exclaims. "You're up!"

I give her a wry grin, "Yeah. I'm going to clean my room and go shopping."

"That's good, honey," she replies, giving me a kiss on my forehead. "But don't push yourself too hard."

I frown, what does she mean by that? But I nod and smile anyway, returning to my room. Shutting the door firmly, I survey the mess making a plan on how to clean it up efficiently. Finally, after forty-five minutes of manic cleaning, my room is back to normal with fresh sheets on the bed and everything put away neatly. I allow myself feel the satisfaction that comes with cleaning something for only a moment. Heading downstairs, I glance in the mirror to see how I look and am relieved to see that I look back to normal with the exception of my nose looking a bit red. I pause at the doorway of the kitchen, taking in the scene before me. My brothers are sitting at the table, enthusiastically sparring with knives while my father fries pancakes and talks to them about hockey. But as I enter the kitchen, all activity halts and my father and brothers look at me warily, as if to see if I'm going to burst out crying or something.

There's a long silence and Dylan is the first to say something. "Dad," he yelps, "you're burning the pancakes!"

My father quickly turns his attention to the pan on the stove, adding the pancake to stack next to him and setting it in front of Ryan and Dylan who immediately pounce on it. As he greases the pan, he says, "It's good to see you up and about, Jess."

It's tempting to giggle at how awkward they're all acting but I manage to keep a straight face as I slide into my customary seat. "Uh, yeah. I thought it was time to get out of bed and actually do something."

There's another pause before Ryan shoots a mischievous glance at his twin and then turns to me. "So Jess," he says innocently. "Why did you and Darcy break up?" I'm about to tell him to mind his own business when he grins evilly and says, "Was it because you couldn't date a guy who's obsessed with the Little Mermaid?"

He and Dylan burst into rowdy laughter, leaving me contemplating whether or not to laugh at the memory of Darcy or cry at the mention of my break up. I'm still not ready to talk about Darcy with anyone, let alone my pesky little brothers. Luckily, my father comes to me rescue. "Boys, give it a break," he rebukes them.

Although they fall silent, they are not in the least bit ashamed. I look down at the table as I silently help myself to some pancakes. After a few moments I can feel their identical gazes on me. Ryan exhales sharply and then mumbles, soft softly I nearly miss it, "Sorry, Jess."

My head jerks up. Ryan apologizing and actually sounding sincere? That's unheard of! When I look up, I see no trace of mocking in his eyes and relent, "It's okay guys…just, don't mention it again."

Their heads bob up and down in unison and begin to eat pancakes at a pace that makes me sick. Dylan pauses to take a breath and gives a faint snicker. "What?" I ask.

"Ryan only apologized because he knows he wouldn't want to be teased about-" He's silenced by a swift jab in the rib from his twin.

"Teased about what?" I say intrigued.

After catching a sharp look from Ryan, Dylan finishes lamely, "Nothing."

Finishing my breakfast, I eye the twins suspiciously and take a swig of orange juice from my glass and go upstairs to get ready to go to town. As I step into my room, I see my phone on my nightstand and I am reminded of my previous promise to respond to all the messages.

The first message is predictably from Emma; after all I had refused to see her after she left on the day of the breakup. The first one is followed by about ten or twenty missed calls and voice mails she's left which I don't bother listening to. I'm surprised to see a few from Cassidy and even Savannah, offering their condolences but also wishing me a "merry (almost) Christmas!" I text them back, giving my thanks and warm wishes for the holidays. Then I steel myself and call Emma.

"JESSICA DELANEY!" Emma's voice is so loud I momentarily go deaf. "WHY EXACTLY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN RETURNING ANY OF MY MANY CALLS, TEXTS, AND VOICEMAILS?"

I wait for a pause in her tirade and then jump in. "Sorry Em. I was sort of out of it. You understand right? Remember what it was like when Stewart broke up with you in freshman year of high school?"

There's a pause and then Emma gives a gusty sigh. "I suppose so."

"Yeah, I basically just lay on my bed doing nothing."

"Aw Jess," she says sympathetically. "How are you holding up now? You sound better at least."

"I guess I am. I mean, I'm up and dressed so that's an improvement," I answer dryly.

She gives a small laugh. "A definite one. So what are you doing today?"

"Going shopping. I realize tomorrow is Christmas and I barely have any presents so I feel kind of bad about that, especially since I should've gone shopping in New York."

"Do you want some company?" she asks.

I hesitate, trying to be diplomatic. "Well, that's very kind of you Emma. But I think I'd rather just have some time to be alone and process things."

"Okay, have it your way. If you change your mind, just call. I have no plans except to relax so I'm free."

"Thanks," I say gratefully. "I'll talk to you later."

Half an hour later I'm parking my family's old truck in front of the local coffee shop. Once I'm on the sidewalk, I tuck my scarf more securely around my neck and lock the truck. I stand on the pavement, thinking over what I need to get for family and friends and where I can get everything. Once I map out my shopping trip in my head, I stride purposefully toward the center of town, heading for my first destination; Josephine's to pick up some beauty products for my mother.

I enter the warm shop and wander around the sales room, glancing at several products I think my mother might like. Most of the time I have to put them back because they are way out of my price range, but I finally decide on a decently priced bottle of hand lotion and some perfume that won't make me go bankrupt. As I head to the register to pay, I spot a hair product I know Megan would love, so I scoop it up as well. Satisfied with my purchases, I leave the store and make a beeline for the Concord bookstore to find a present for my father.

Shopping for presents proves to be a challenge, and by twelve-thirty I still have to find presents for Cassidy and Adele. But by this time, I'm starving and opt to have lunch at Pies & Prejudice before continuing my hunt for gifts. My face is numb and inside my gloves, my hands are feeling frozen so I'm happy to step inside the bustling teashop and be offered a table in a secluded corner.

I slip off my coat and hang it over the back of my chair while looking around. The shop is as cheerful as ever, the yellow and white walls with quotes and white wooden furniture a contrast to the bleak winter day outside. Christmas decorations are all around in the form of a small evergreen tree by the window, multicolored lights strung around the window, and a wreath on the far wall. I pick up the menu and idly scan it, deciding almost immediately on a cup of tea and a turkey sandwich. As I wait for a waiter to take my order, I people watch. At the table near the front door, a middle aged woman is reading a novel while sipping coffee. The table next to her consists of a young woman trying to control her three children who are devouring everything in sight and throwing food.

Although I look carefully, I'm disappointed to see that nobody I know is in the teashop, not even Gigi. Finally, a hassled young woman comes over to my table. She plucks a notepad and a pen from her apron pocket and gives me a tired smile. "Hi, I'm Alyssa and I'll be your waitress today."

I return her smile. "Hey Alyssa. I'd like a turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato with chips and a cup of earl gray tea please."

She scribbles something on her notepad and nods before hurrying over to another table. I stare after her; she's young, no more than fifteen or sixteen with curly brown hair that's currently tied up in a loose knot at the top of her head. For some reason, I'm reminded of Becca, who continued to waitress here right until college even though her father had a job. It was just another reminder of how she'd changed.

About five minutes later, Alyssa returns with a tray full of my food. She sets it in front of me, barely sparing me a nod before rushing back to the kitchen. I dig in, realizing how hungry I am from not eating properly the past few days. Once my sandwich is finished, I take a sip of my sweetened tea and lean back in my chair, allowing myself to relax. I resume my people watching, enjoying watching people coming and going. It's peaceful not having to interact with people but still being out of the house.

There's a sudden lull where nobody comes in or leaves and I close my eyes momentarily. But for some reason, when the door swings open, jingling the bell I become hyper alert and my eyes fly open. The first person through the door is a young man who I know as Josh Bates, my family's full time farmhand. He holds the door open for someone behind him, who comes in with pink cheeks from the cold. As Josh looks around the tea shop he spots me. Waving he hurries over.

"Hey," he greets me with a grin.

"Hi Josh," I smile back. "I thought you were going home for Christmas."

"I am. Just wanted to stay in Concord a bit longer and show my brother around." He jerks his thumb over his shoulder.

And that's when I notice Jonas Bates. His gray eyes watch me and I flush, standing up quickly. "Hey Jonas."

"Jess," he says, giving a mock bow before shaking my hand.

The moment he takes my hand, I feel a spark and when I look up I know he felt it too.

Author's Note: I know I haven't updated in over a week but I was on mid-winter break so I had lots to do. Anyway, I know it seems like Jess is moving on quickly but the story needs to gain some momentum. Sorry if she's OOC, I did my best. Read and Review!