Chapter 8

The thoughts of the kiss and the shock of seeing Emma and Darcy freeze my limbs and muddle my mind momentarily. I stand, rooted to the spot, looking between Jonas and the Hawthornes. However, after a few seconds of stunned silence I regain my senses and make a plan for how to deal with this…situation.

"You should go," I tell Jonas quietly, giving him a little shove in the opposite direction. "Tell Josh I said hi."

"But-" Jonas protests just as quietly. "I don't want to leave you to deal with Emma and Darcy by yourself. Maybe I can help."

I shake my head vehemently. As much as I'd love to have Jonas's support, I know having him there when I talk to Emma and Darcy will be rubbing salt in the wound. I'm also acutely aware that I'm putting off giving Jonas my answer about a relationship with him. But it's not fair for me to tell him my decision until I've smoothed things over with Darcy.

"Go, Jonas. I'll call you later," I promise. Giving him a regretful look, I lean up on my tiptoes and give him a tight hug, savoring the scent of his cologne and the feeling of comfort I get from being around him.

"Bye," he says and gives me a peck on the cheek so quick that I don't register it until he's already stepped away.

I give him a shaky smile as he backs away and then he turns the corner and is gone. A lump the size of Texas lodges itself in my throat and I'm not sure if it's from the fact my goodbye with Jonas was so quick or my upcoming confrontation with the Hawthorne siblings. I shift uncomfortably for a moment before realizing that now that Jonas has left, there's nothing keeping me from Emma and Darcy. I take a deep breath and steel myself before turning to face them.

I approach Darcy like I'd approach a wounded animal. Next to him, Emma stiffens protectively but my attention is focused only on Darcy. As I get closer I notice a strange look on his face. He looks as though he's just eaten something sour and been punched in the stomach at the same time. His brown eyes look glassy and have a thousand different types of hurt in them.

"Darcy," I say softly. "I didn't mean for-"

My words seem to trigger something in him. "Don't," he says sharply and the look on his face morphs into something hard and unforgiving.

I recoil, stung by his tone. "Darcy, let me just explain," I try again.

He looks at me for a long moment before stepping closer to me. During our relationship I forgot how much taller than me he was because he was always so kind. But now he towers over me, tall and cold. "What exactly should you explain?" he asks, enunciating each word carefully.

Feeling as if I've been slapped, I open my mouth to respond and instead find myself speechless. What should I explain? Technically, I shouldn't have to tell anything to Darcy: we're no longer a couple and nothing happened between Jonas and me while we were in a relationship. In fact, we broke up because of something he did. But at the same time, I still feel like I'm betraying him by suddenly feeling ready to start something with Jonas. In that regard, I do owe him something; after all, he's been an integral part of my life up until now.

I realize I've been silent for too long because Darcy is looking at me, suddenly resigned and weary. "That's what I thought." His voice is tinged with regret and sadness.

He turns away slowly and starts down the street. To my shock, Emma follows him, her hand resting sympathetically on his arm.

"Emma! Wait!" I cry impulsively, not being able to bear the fact that two of the people I trust more than anything are walking away from me.

She turns around and I see a mixture of anger, confusion, and accusation on her face. "What do you want, Jess?" she says, her voice so low that I can barely hear her words.

"I just—" I stumble over my words. "I just wanted to tell you that-"

Her lips twisting in an unusually bitter gesture, Emma shakes her head. "Save it for someone who cares."

Turning, she follows her brother up the street, once again leaving me alone with my thoughts. As I watch their retreating figures, one thought runs through my mind: how did I end up being the bad guy?

The remainder of winter break drags by. I spend most of my time at home, doing barn chores and helping out around the house. The rest of my family can tell there's something not right about me, but thankfully they all keep quiet. At different points I contemplate visiting some of my book club friends but I soon come up with reasons not to. Emma is an obvious no for equally obvious reasons. Megan is still in Paris; she opted to skip a long international flight in favor of spending Christmas with Gigi. Cassidy is barely home; it turns out that training for the Olympics takes precedent over your social life. And lastly that leaves Becca. I'm so desperate to talk to someone I might have actually gone to visit her if not for the realization that her brother is Emma's longtime boyfriend.

I sigh and slump back into my chair. I'm sitting in my bedroom which is currently a total wreck. In an effort to be more "efficient" (my New Year's resolution), I decided to combine cleaning out my bedroom with packing to go back to NYU. That turned out to be a huge mistake because now all of my belongings are on my floor and I can't find anything. As I'm contemplating throwing everything away just so I don't have to deal with putting stuff back, a knock sounds on my door.

"Come in," I say wearily. I'm in no mood to socialize but I don't have enough energy to ask someone to leave.

My mother pokes her head into my room. "Almost done packing?" she asks cheerfully before spying my chaotic room.

"Not really," I say dryly, gesturing to the mess I've made.

She chuckles sympathetically before coming into the room and kneeling next to a pile of clothes. Sorting through them, she holds up a pink, sparkly t-shirt that looks like it was from when I was about six. "I think it might be time to give this away," she says, sounding amused.

I crack a smile, "Yeah, maybe."

"Want me to help you clean up? After all, you leave tomorrow," my mother reminds me gently.

"Oh." I'm on the verge of politely turning her down when I realize that maybe some company would be a welcome distraction—not to mention the extra set of hands that could help me tidy my room. "That would actually be great, thanks."

After giving me a tender smile, she turns back to the stack of clothes next to her. I find some other things to sort; I trust my mother's judgment on what to keep and what to give away. We work in companionable silence for about a quarter of an hour until my cell phone rings. I pluck it out of my back pocket and check the caller ID. JONAS BATES. Sighing, I press "ignore" and put it on my nightstand.

My mother looks up, her forehead creased in a frown. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"No," I snap, but I'm immediately ashamed of myself. It's not my mother's fault that Jonas has been calling me at least ten times a day and I've been too chicken to answer. "I mean, I'd rather not."

She works another five minutes in silence before sighing, putting down the pair of jeans she was folding. "Listen Jess. I've been trying to really hard not to interfere with"—she waves her hand— "whatever has been going on with you since Christmas, but it doesn't seem healthy to go cutting yourself off from the outside world."

My earlier irritation makes a reappearance. "I'm not cutting myself off. I just don't feel like talking, okay?"

"Jess. You're going back to college tomorrow and won't be coming home until Easter. You need to resolve whatever problems you have. Trust me, concentration and focus will be hard to come by if you're carrying around some grudge."

I search my mother's face but all I see is genuine love and concern for my well being which is frustrating. Sometimes it's difficult being surrounded by constant worry—even if it is born from love. At the same time, I feel an overwhelming desire to tell my mother everything that's happened with Darcy and Jonas. She and Emma have always been my confidants and now that Emma is giving me the cold shoulder, I don't really have anyone else to turn to. However, I have two reasons not to tell her. To tell the truth, I'm more than a little humiliated about Emma and Darcy's reaction to Jonas and me. Every time I think about it, it stings, but it's like running your tongue over a loose tooth; you can't seem to stop. Telling my mother about it would be horrible because she'd be sympathetic or worse, pity me. The second reason is that I want to get through this on my own; I caused the problem so it should be me who solves it; my mother won't always be there to help me.

So, with a heavy heart I turn to her. "I'm fine, Mom. I don't have any problems to deal with," I say, giving a tight-lipped smile, all the while promising myself that I'll try harder to be more engaged with my family.

She lets the issue go, but I can see in her eyes that she doesn't believe me.

I kick open the door to my dorm room, my arms full of boxes. The small room is exactly like I left albeit dustier. The shades are down allowing only a little bit of gray light to filter in and the walls and bed are stripped bare of personal belongings. It looks a little grim, but at the same time familiar which is comforting. After I dump the boxes I'm holding on my bed I head back downstairs to my car where numerous other boxes are waiting to be unloaded.

Ten minutes later, all my belongings are strewn around the dorm room as I search for my phone charger. I stick my arm into what must be the tenth box and feel around for the familiar shape of the cord.

"Ha! Gotcha!" I say triumphantly, holding up the elusive charger. I then notice a pretty Asian girl standing in the doorway to my room. "Hey, Katie," I say, not embarrassed at all that she caught me off guard; she's my closest friend at college.

"Hey, Jess," she says, looking bemused. She perches on the edge of my unmade bed. "How was your break?"

I sit back on my heels and brush a stray lock of hair away from my face. How do I even begin to describe my break? "Eventful," I say finally. "And yours?"

"Eventful, too." Katie's lips twitch at the corners.

"What's so funny?" I demand, joining her on the bed after plugging in my phone to charge.

She pulls the end of her ponytail over her shoulder and shows it to me. "As a joke, my younger sister dyed my hair bright orange. It only faded yesterday."

I laugh, mostly in shock, but also because I can't imagine dignified Katie with orange hair. "Are you serious?"

"Yup. So a full out prank war was started."

Katie has seven brothers and sisters and her whole family loves to prank each other so she always has a funny story to tell.

"How did you retaliate?" I ask her, genuinely curious at what she thought up. Katie is one of the smartest people I know; she's Kevin Mullins smart. She is also a genius at strategy so her pranks are always amazing and fail-proof.

But she shakes her head. "You don't even want to know. I nearly got grounded."

I shove her playfully, "C'mon, tell me."

"Nope," she says. "But I will help you unpack."

"Really?" I ask brightly.

"Yeah," she replies, pulling the nearest box towards her. Peering inside she says, "Wow. This are packed really neatly. There's no way you did them."

I shrug sheepishly. "My mom may or may not have helped out."

"Lucky you." She is about to say more when my phone rings.

Jonas, I think. I still haven't picked up any of his calls, and I know he's probably going crazy.

"Are you going to pick it up?" she asks, almost the exact same thing my mother asked me yesterday.

"Just leave it," I tell her, trying to reach my phone so I can turn it off.

"Nuh-uh." Unfortunately, Katie's sitting closer to my phone than I am so she snags it before I can get to it. Glancing at the profile photo I have for Jonas, she says, "Wow, he's cute. Wait, Jonas Bates? Where have I heard that before?"

"The brother of Josh," I tell her with a shrug, trying to play it off. "It's not a big deal, seriously."

"Obviously it is," she says smugly, "otherwise why would he be calling you?"

I frown and try to grab the phone, which has now gone silent, but Katie twists around so it's out of my reach. I try to be sneaky about it and grab it from the other side, but as I said before, Katie is a strategy genius, so she's anticipated my move beforehand.

Sitting on my phone, she says, "There's obviously more to this than you're saying, so spill."

Contemplating whether I have a chance to retrieve my phone, I don't answer her until she prods me in the side. Sighing, I give up all hope of Katie giving me my phone. For one thing, she's way taller and for another, she can be incredibly stubborn when she wants to be.

"Fine," I relent. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone."

She nods eagerly and after taking a deep breath I begin my tale of woe. Half-way through we make our way down to the dining hall where we buy dinner and find a secluded table. As humiliated and confused and hurt I am by everything that's gone on, I find a small sense of relief from telling Katie. She's an impartial third party who doesn't know anyone in my story and is a great listener.

When I finish talking Katie leans back in her chair. "Wow. You weren't kidding when you said you had an eventful winter break. And to think I thought my prank war was exciting."

I chuckle and toy with my half eaten salad. "I would've liked it more if it hadn't been as eventful."

Katie suddenly looks serious. "So you really haven't called Jonas?"

"Nope."

She groans. "The poor guy, you've probably ruined his self-esteem and confidence."

"What?" I say defensively. "He said he was aware that I wasn't ready for a relationship!"

"Yeah, but you've been flat out ignoring him!" Katie says. "Believe me; boys are way more sensitive than they let on. I have an older brother. I can't tell you how many times he's been rejected and left heart-broken."

"Oh," I say feebly, struck dumb by this revelation.

"'Oh' is right," she says. "Luckily, I have a solution."

It isn't until she has my phone on the table and the phone is ringing that I realize what she's doing.

"Katie!" I yelp, lunging for my phone.

She holds it out of my reach and I grit my teeth, wondering why I neglected to put a password on it. As I listen to each ring, I feel my stomach begin to knot and the possibility of losing everything I've eaten today seems likely.

I hear the phone pick up a split second before Jonas says, "Hello?"

Before I can say anything, Katie jumps in. "Hi Jonas. I'm Katie, a friend of Jess's and I called you because I decided that she needed a kick in the butt. So here she is."

I gape at her. What happened to the usually reserved Katie? But as she offers the phone to me, it feels as if the rest of the world is fading away and Jonas and I are the only ones left.

Numbly, I put the phone up to my ear. "Hi?"

"Jess!" Jonas explodes. "I've been calling you non-stop and never once got a message that you were okay or that maybe you didn't want to talk or-"

I wince. "I'm really sorry, Jonas. I just needed some time to…process what happened."

"Still!" And then Jonas registers what I said. "What happened after I left?"

"Well, um. Actually, Darcy didn't take it that well. I mean, it was unexpected, but he definitely could've been more gracious. Seriously! And then Emma walked away too. They acted as if I'd murdered someone!" As I stop to catch my breath, I realize that I'm rambling and that my hurt over what happened is turning into anger.

Jonas blows out his breath. "Sorry for leaving you with that."

I soften my voice. "It wasn't your fault. Anyway, Darcy's my problem, not yours."

Jonas gives an awkward laugh. "If um, if you've given any thought to my…" Kiss, I fill in silently. "And we're a, uh, couple, then Darcy's my problem, too."

I glance across the table and I can tell Katie's heard everything Jonas said because she's looking at me with an expectant look on her face. "Uh, yeah, about that. I've decided that I am actually ready for a relationship…with you."

A joyous laugh rings through the line. "Seriously?"

Despite my worries, I can't help but laugh. "Yeah. I really like you."

Jonas laughs again. "I like you too." There's a pause. "So can I come visit you?"

I smile. "Yeah, that would be great." And it's true; now that it seems like Jonas and I are a thing, I can't wait to see him.

I hear a muffled voice from Jonas's side and then Jonas replies. "I've got to go, but maybe in two weeks?"

I nod, "Sure. We can work out the details later."

There's an awkward little pause between us as we both try to figure out how to say goodbye.

"Well, bye, Jess," he says.

"Bye," I reply and then hang up.

Immediately Katie practically pounces on me. "Well?"

I smile. "He's coming to visit."

"That's great!" she laughs, hugging me tightly.

I nod, unable to contain my happiness. "And by the way, thanks for, you know, pushing me forward."

Katie shrugs, "What are friends for?"

Author's Note: Wow! A lot happened in that chapter. That might have been a little confusing, but I really think everything was important to the story. (I might rewrite it later if I think it's too crazy).

What do you all think of Darcy and Emma's reactions? Do you think they're justified and Jess was naïve to think that she could make everything better? And what about Katie? I felt like I should put in a new character and that she could help Jess see the big picture.

Up next: Jonas's visit and some interaction between Jess and Emma.

As always, thank you for all the reviews. They make my day and are what are responsible for this chapter being posted so quickly.

I also just started to beta, so if you're in need of a beta-reader PM me!