Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended. This was beta'd by the amazing and beautiful chinchin. unicorn. I can't begin to tell you how much I love her. All mistakes are mine.
A/N Okay so this lesson was entitled Keeping It Real. The homework assignment is angry sex but add in the whole package: emotion, intent, and revelation. Many thanks to MrsSpaceCowboy for the excellent lesson and the assignment, both of which can be found on the PTB blog. Please leave me your constructive criticism :)
It's just after midnight when I hear you come in from work, slamming the door behind you. The lateness I'm used to, but the slamming is new. You left for work in a funny mood this morning, and it seems you've let it fester all day. Yay for me.
As you stomp up the stairs, I close my eyes in the hope that you'll buy the lie that I'm sleeping. You burst into the room and turn the light on, so I guess that hope is just wishful thinking. My back is to the room, and even though I feel you staring at me, I still don't turn to face you. I'm tired of fighting with you…and for you. Loving you is so exhausting.
"I know you aren't sleeping." Your voice is flat, monotone, deadpan.
I roll my eyes because duh, but you don't take my silence and keep pushing.
"We need to talk about those texts." There's a slight waiver in your voice, but you don't let your control slip, so I can't quite figure out what how you're feeling.
At the mention of texts, icy dread freezes my body. You can't know, not about those messages. I turn to face you slowly, careful to keep my face blank and void of all emotion. This is how we play this game that we're so familiar with. We use blank stares and a cold façade as our ammunition, and the first one to crack loses.
"I didn't get any texts from you. I've been sleeping." The puzzlement in my voice lets you know I'm not just going to give up all of my secrets.
In a new tactic for this so-old-game you don't beat around the bush. "Not from me, love. The ones from him." Your honesty and matter-of-fact voice leaves me completely speechless.
"I—I—it's nothing. I swear." My voice is breathy with fear because as much as it hurts to love you sometimes, I don't want it to end. And this could completely destroy us.
You crawl onto the bed as you reply to my almost confession, "You flirting with another man is nothing, huh?"
My heart skips a beat at your words as you finally hover over me. I reach up with both hands to hold your face because when you're this close to me I can't not touch you, but you grip my wrists so tight and pin me to the bed instead. Now my fear of losing you is mixed with the fear that maybe you aren't as in control as you portray.
Your body presses in between my legs so that they fall on either side of your hips, and your normally gentle hands have mine pinned above my head. We're chest to chest with our faces just far enough apart to be able to see the other clearly. The position screams intimacy and love; it's such a contradiction to the fury burning in your eyes.
"Do you have any idea how fuckin' crazy reading those messages made me?" You spit the words at me through clenched teeth.
All I can do is shake my head but you want answers.
"Why?" Your voice is so low with anger and hurt, your words are growled out through your tight jaw.
My heart aches as I see the pain wet your eyes. We fight and yell and slam doors and throw things, but we don't hurt each other… not like this. A sob sticks in my throat as I realise what I've done.
"I'm sorry," I whisper with as much sincerity as I can. I'm too ashamed for my voice to rise any higher.
"You're sorry? I have to read you flirting with another man and you're sorry?!" Your hands tighten as your voice gets louder, but it's the anguish in your words that hurts the most.
I start to plead as we both start to cry. You drop your head so your stubble-covered cheek rubs against my smooth one. Our tears mingle and our hearts beat together. I hear them calling to each other. They know where they belong, but our fucked up games are keeping them apart. It's agony.
Your breathing is ragged, and it's loud in my ear. I bet mine is a mirror of yours. I don't know how to move on from this. Normally we fight and then fuck and then love but this time is different.
You tilt your face slightly, and I feel your soft lips pucker against my jaw. A thrill runs through me. Maybe this time isn't so different. Your kisses get closer and closer to my lips causing my heart to palpitate with the anticipation.
Your lips on mine are gentle at first but then your anger takes over again and suddenly you're pressing your mouth over mine in a bruising kiss. Your teeth sting my lips as your fingers squeeze my wrist. I feel your cock harden as you grind against me, the denim of you trousers rough against the soft cotton of my pyjamas. Any illusion that this was going to be gentle is long gone.
In a flurry of clothes, bruising fingers and nipping teeth, we are naked. As you push into me you slide one hand down to my throat, not squeezing, just resting. So I know that I'm yours. The pace is fast and punishing. You slam into me harder and harder, the tip of your cock bouncing against my cervix over and over, causing pain and pleasure to blur into one. My heels dig into your ass the way my hands want to dig my nails into your shoulders, but you have my wrists pinned above our heads so I'm helpless.
"You're mine. Say it." The possessive demand is followed by an almost too painful bite on my jaw, and the resulting moan from me is filled with hurt and want, much like our relationship.
"I'm yours. Fuck, I love you." There are tears in my eyes as I scream the truth for him.
It doesn't take you long to finish. The guilt festering in my stomach is too sickening to allow my climax to come. No sooner have you pumped your release into me you're rolling away, leaving me cold and sticky.
You perch on the side of the bed, your head in your hands and your back to me.
"Why?" The question, while spoken softer this time, hits me just as hard.
I'm ugly-crying now, and talking is a struggle, but I answer. "Because you've been ignoring me. You barely look at me anymore, Edward, and you haven't touched me in months. I feel so… so unattractive, and I responded to Jasper's flirting because I wanted the attention you weren't giving me."
A sharp fuck bursts from your mouth before you roll back into bed beside me. And then you're holding me, your hand's rubbing the goose bumps away. We're cocooned in warm soft blankets, and I smile because this is how it's supposed to be.
"I'm sorry." It's whispered against my head, and your breath tickles the tiny hairs on my hairline.
I just squeeze you harder. There's nothing I can say that I haven't said a million times before. Your indifference towards me isn't a recent development, and I've lost count of the arguments we've had because of it.
"I didn't mean for it to push you away, Bella. It's just that I…" Your excuses trail off, and it hurts just as much this time as the first.
"I'm not sure how we can go on if you aren't attracted to me anymore." My voice is weak despite how strong the words sound.
"Baby, of course I find you attractive. This is all me. My issue. It's—fuck—if I tell you, you'll be disgusted." Your voice has as much strength as mine did as you stumble over your words.
"Tell me what? You know you can tell me anything, Edward." My insides freeze as I wait for what feels like a confession. I daren't look at you for fear of what I'll see in your eyes.
You exhale heavily, and then you tell me. "The reason I haven't been as… interested in sex is because—Jesus I can't believe I'm saying it—even though I'm one hundred percent straight I—I wantyoutofuckmyasswithyourvibrator."
The way you rush through the end of your explanation—confession?—has me wondering if I actually heard you right.
"You want me to fuck you with a vibrator?"
You don't respond, but I feel you nodding against my head. I can't believe this is why I've felt fat and worthless and just utterly disgusting all these months. I'm frustrated and annoyed, but mostly I'm so overjoyed that it really was your issues and it had nothing to do with me.
"I can't believe you. Edward, why did you think I wouldn't be okay with that? When I go down on you I always travel further south than your balls, and you've had no issue with me massaging your prostate with my finger, and obviously that hasn't been an issue for me."
"I guess I've never thought of it that way. Introducing a toy just seemed to make it more…"
"Gay?" The frustration in my voice is clear and when I look up at you, you at least have the decency to look sheepish.
"I can't believe all this time I've been tearing myself down because you were too scared to talk to me. Edward, you know I'll do anything to make you feel good. I can't count how many times I've said it."
"I'm sorry. I was just worried this was one step too far."
I scoff at your ridiculous words but snuggle into you closer. Relief floods through me like adrenaline stretching my smile wider and wider until I'm laughing. I feel so high right now.
"You're a stupid ass you know that?" My voice is playful and you start to laugh right along with me.
You slide down the bed a little so we're eye to eye and the smile on your face is gorgeous. I'll never get over how handsome you are. You brush the hair out of my eyes with gentle fingers and I melt. This is the softness I've been craving and to finally have it is soul soothing.
"I can't believe you're going to do this for me."
I shake my head because I can't believe you thought there was a limit to my love.
You wrap me up in your arms and then tuck us into the feather soft covers. With the outside world shut out and my nose filled with the intoxicating scent of you, we fall asleep.
And that's it! The summer's over so no more lessons. Boo :(. There is, however, a contest that I will be entering, so watch this space ;).
Thanks again to all the readers, reviewers, followers and lurkers :*