Breaking Tides

4 February 2010

Sum: What if Edward wasn't the first vampire Bella met?

Chapter 8

Bella wanted to pounce on his last statement when he slid into his own seat, but she needed to know the rest of the story about the first day they met and his flight away from Forks and what eventually brought him back to risk the temptation.

"You did." He answered before she could even think of opening her mouth.

"Are you sure you can't read my mind?" She wondered vaguely.

Edward shook his head. "No, but I knew that look, it was one of curiosity, you'd make a very good cat, you know that?" He chuckled at the image brought up into his mind and he nodded with it. A very cute Ferocious Kitten, he agreed with the image he had of her getting angry before. Bella pouted at him to continue and he did. It was his turn to tell a story that mattered to their lives. "I was up in Alaska, putting as much mileage as I could between us and yet be around people that understood where I was coming from. Emmett hadn't been helping, once he found out you were my singer, he was instantly thinking of his own. Jasper too had encountered one before he had changed his outlook on life completely. Both of their singers had altered them in a very basic way, they both couldn't deny it, and had capitulated on the moment. Emmett hadn't even known what hit him, he was just walking home with a handful of roses for Rosalie, she would have gotten a kick out of it, he had.

As for Jasper, he hadn't even bothered to deny it, sure he was leaning towards a future that didn't involve all the killing and mayhem and everything, but he hadn't thought too hard yet about what killing humans meant. After his, he had started to wonder if there wasn't a different path. It's hard for him after all of his years fighting in the Texas fights with his makers, he was just being used to calm the newborns after all and his skills as a strategist.

Emmett... was devastated, he had been a typical newborn with his intense desires to feed on humans, and he's already the strongest among us, as a newborn his strength was just enhanced. We couldn't stop him, but eventually he managed to control himself and took to our ways fairly reasonably. He's always been impulsive though and his singer had knocked him a blow in the abdomen. Afterwards he declared that when it came to humans, he wouldn't be so impulsive and would try to have better control. He hasn't had a problem since, thankfully."

"What about Rosalie, and Alice?"

"I don't think Alice even knows if she's fed on human blood. She's always been pretty good at consequences, seeing the future does help impact that in some ways. Rosalie hates humans for the most part, can't stand them for the other part. There's only one thing she begrudges them for and it's what stops her from just killing everyone in sight. I am not allowed to share that, somethings are best to remain private, or at least as private as a mind-reader, psychic and emotive can give."

"Wait, emotive?" Bella tilted her head to the side and her hair started to fall over her shoulder, but she caught it with an apologetic look at him. She knew better, but he made her forget sometimes, even if they were talking about the subject in depth, like they were now. He just kept her at ease, and she knew why this was, and it had nothing to do with his vampire abilities, or maybe a little, maybe it scrambled her thoughts in a way most normal humans didn't have and her body's reaction was also completely different.

"Jasper is Empathic."

"Oh." Bella grew silent for a moment and Edward looked over at her, really it didn't matter if he paid attention to the road or not.

"I really want to hear your thoughts, but I have a feeling you'd rather hear the rest of the story?" At her vigorous nod, he continued. "Well anyways, Rosalie's hands aren't clean of human blood, but she's never drank from them. Esme had her newborn craze but she too settled down and hasn't touched anyone since. Carlisle has never done anything but help humans, he's trained himself to be immune to the scent, only noticing it, if it has something wrong with it. Strangely enough, he's spent time with the Volturi." At her incredulous look, he nodded with a smirk across his lips. "He's tried to convince the trio to give up their ways, but Aro refuses, and gave Carlisle a wager, he'd stop trying to convince Carlisle that his path is ridiculous if he doesn't slip for a thousand years. Carlisle is far older than I can tell, and I have a feeling he's well on his way to that point."

"He really knows the Volturi?" Bella's eyes lit up.

"Carlisle hates harming another being, even his own blood-thirsty kind, that's probably why he got along so well with Aro and his brothers. He will do something if they do something to threaten his family, but not until then, no matter what I might say to the contrary. He only eats animals because it's his only means to survive." Not to mention, getting the Volturi involved would be the exact opposite of what he was trying to do. They'd kill her in an instant.

"Edward." Bella said his name softly and he looked over at her, taking in the eyes that were thoughtful, there was no reproach that Carlisle wouldn't help her, she accepted it and moved on. "What about you? You said your record isn't perfect."

"I was a newborn, and then I came into myself. I lasted for awhile with Carlisle, and then he turned Esme, and once she was stable and I had watched her feed on the humans, it got me even more irritated in my lot in life. I left them for a period of about five years and during that time, I shunned Carlisle's ways. I don't know why I did it, perhaps angry at the world, angry at him for dictating to me how I was supposed to live, even though I knew his reasons probably better than anyone else. I probably know a lot of people better than anyone else. I went out and I fed off of humans, but I fed off of only those like those lowlife's that attacked you tonight. I read their minds, picked out who would do the most damage to the rest of the human population. After awhile I realized that I wasn't god, and that's what I had inadvertently been trying to be, by discriminating in that way, and I'm not sure it was wrong to end their lives, but there are means of justice, and I was only proving to myself that I was worse than they were, pretending to be a vigilante." He looked back onto the road for long moments, thinking back to that time and what he had done. "So you see, I'm a monster just like the one you ran from. You should stay away from me, forget that I had told you to tell off that dog, he's right, I don't deserve to walk the same ground you do."

Bella's hand reached out and covered his on the wheel, she had to be able to feel his hand clenching and straining the structure of the fabric beneath his hand. But she only kept it there and he slowly relaxed. "No, Edward, you are not the same monster, you are not a monster. You have a conscious and have accepted your fate and unlife, you have chosen to live this way. You could have easily kept feeding off the lives of humans and like him, you could have gotten pleasure out of the misery he was causing."

"I still feed like he does, it's just animals instead. How can you be so blaise about what I am?"

"So you feed off of animals now, so do I. It's not like I'm a human version of a vegetarian. I'm not living off of Tofu, and besides, there are plenty of cultures in the world that eat their own, which is probably worse than eating what they were."

"How can you trust me so easily?"

"I knew there was something wrong with Duarte, I did, I trusted my gut instinct and it proved me right, so I wasn't as blown away as if I had trusted him and he betrayed me. I knew something was up, I just hadn't realized how horrible it was. My gut tells me it's ok to trust you, that you are different, that your family is too. I won't refuse it now, after it's been so reliable in the past. But I want to hear the rest of your story." She finally removed her hand from his and he snagged it with his before she could put it back into her lap. He held it between them and she didn't fight to remove it from his grasp.

"So I left Forks, I went to Alaska, and there, is another clan like ours, just slightly smaller."

"Aren't vampire bats called a colony?" She interjected with some amusement, of course she knew that they would consider themselves clans, but what she noticed though, was that Edward preferred to call his group, his family, and the other one no doubt would have followed the same suit, but he was trying to make it easier for her to understand clearly.

"I thought you already knew that we don't turn into bats and are immune to holy water and crosses." Edward slanted her a sideways glance and she motioned for him to continue, with a cheeky smile on her face and he returned it before talking again. "So there I took a lot of time to reevalutate my reaction. It all looked differently, before I could see the stars so clearly, could understand myself so easily, and was comfortable with it. After that brief interaction with you though, I felt like I was blinded by you and now I was only left in the dark. It's only when I thought about you, did things lighten up and only when I came back and saw you again, did I see clearly. You were my shooting star. I was drawn back here to you, I knew I had to see you again, your face was firmly etched into my mind. It had nothing to do with your scent, and I felt like I had to face it again, to understand what the rest of this was. I came to realize that I wasn't strong enough to stay away, and I'm not strong enough now either, I feel like I'm getting weaker every day, and the only thing that feels right, is being by your side. I feel strongest then, not to leave you, but to protect you, even- especially if it's from me."

They were pulling in front of her house and Bella slid the belt from across her body. She turned to him and they locked eyes. It was several heart beats later that she finally spoke. "Well... if you're not strong enough to leave me, then don't." He wished he knew what she was thinking just then, how she had come to that conclusion and whether it was something she truly wanted.

Edward knew it was a bad idea, but how could he deny her invitation into something he had been doing anyways? He reached over the distance and traced her jaw with his fingers. "I want to, so badly, and I know it's for the reasons of continuing our conversation, hearing more of your thoughts, being with you, but I fear that a part of me is being sneaky and begging me to do it, so I might let my guard down for the slightest moment and devour you."

Bella turned her head towards his palm and left a kiss there. "The window will be open." His palm burned from where her lips touched it, the heat just settled on those two bowed arches.

"You are courting disaster. You know how dangerous I am, you know how much more dangerous I am to you, and yet, you want me in your room tonight?"

Bella laughed at herself and the question. "Edward, as strange as it sounds, I know you won't hurt me. I just know it."

He argued with himself as she opened the door and started to get out. "Ok, but I have to drop the car off first." He kissed the back of her hand in departure and let her close the door and walk into her house.

He backed up, and turned the car around, Charlie was watching the game and couldn't be bothered to glance up to see who dropped Bella off. Edward glanced down at the passenger seat, the smell was still overwhelming, but he took a deep breath in, trying to desensitize his senses some more. There, laying where Bella had sat, was the coat he'd hooked around her as they left the restaurant. He could feel his eyes glaze over as he thought about the smell no doubt infiltrating every pore of the object and he pulled the car to the curve and threw all the windows down and took heaving breaths of the clean air. He would not hurt the girl he loved.

It wasn't until much later, long after her father had gone to bed, did the fruition of suffering in the cold room arrive. She had admitted to herself that she knew her feelings ran a lot deeper than she understood and as he slid in at a somewhat human pace, she realized that her feelings were two-fold, she trusted him, and that lent her a hand towards the over-arching feeling she'd never felt before, and she thought he was attractive, which also lended a hand to that superfeeling. She wasn't quite ready to admit to what that larger feeling was yet, it scared her to think about it in context of anyone, let alone a vampire.

"You came." She greeted when he was fully in her room and he shut the window so it still had a gentle breeze floating in, but it cut out a lot of the chill that wanted to sink into her bones.

"I did." He agreed and pulled the rocking chair up to the bed so they could talk some more in low whispers. Edward aware of her father's state of mind- for the most part- in the other room and also didn't want to keep Bella awake for too long. He'd already kept her up longer than he knew she stayed, and he had to be careful not to give that away as well. She had been angered at his following her, though had admitted that it wasn't so bad if he'd found her in time. "I wasn't sure if I could come." He had to make her aware of the dangers at all turns, because it was a true danger, and maybe she'd eventually wise up and find somewhere else to go to be safe from her vampire menace. He had to talk to Carlisle and Alice about it, Alice to keep her eyes open for any danger in that regard and Carlisle for any information he had on Duarte Lobo and Cardoso and if he could do anything about it in regards to Bella. Carlisle didn't recognize the name, either he was a menace long after he left the Volturi or it wasn't important enough to bother him with it at any time in his long history. Alice couldn't see anything yet to point to a vampire seeking Bella out. What he did learn though had pushed him over the edge of his indecision, and made him come watch over the fragile human that smelt better than the average one, to most vampires, and was a portal sucking him in, in oh so many ways. There were three vampires on the edge of the woods near town, and were not friendly to their cause, but stayed away, aware of the large numbers of his coven and were only passing through, anyways. If they caught hold of her scent, or theirs together, it might mean doom for her anyways. So he kept close, and not only because of the vampire threats, but because he just wanted to see her face again, had to.

"I figured as much. Are you too close? Do you need more air?" She solicited.

"No, it's fine, we have at least an hour." So they talked, and they talked and around three in the morning, she could no longer hide her yawns from breaking across her face. "You should get some sleep." He suggested, standing to leave her in peace. He might be able to come back later and watch her, if he was feeling up to it, but knowing his inability to stay away, he no doubt would.

"You could always stay." She mumbled, her head seeking its way to the pillow. "I could make you room."

"You do know how to tempt a vampire." He teased, pulling the blankets up over her.

"I was hoping to tempt a guy." She didn't think he caught it, but he had, and pretended otherwise, it was wiser for them both not to bring up that side of him, it only opened up a whole new spray of problems.

"I will stay, but in the rocking chair, all right?" Edward asked, pushing aside her hair so he could see her face as she slept, it was something he'd always wanted to do in the past. And he found he enjoyed touching her, even if this and holding her hand was all he could manage right now.

"Ok, as long as I see you in the morning." She was sound asleep only a few minutes later, but it might have had something to do with the tune he was humming to her, and could not get out of his head. It reminded him of her in many ways, the catching melody, the insistence to be remembered in his brain and just the tune of it, itself spoke to him as if it was Bella in the music. It wasn't a piece he'd ever heard, nor anyone else for that matter. She'd hate it if she learned that he too, was a composer of sorts, even if she didn't mind him having an impressive array of music interests.

It was a tense night for Edward. As she breathed out, it would combine with the fresh air he had positioned to blow into his face. Her chest would rise and fall and her throat swallowed occasionally, bringing his attention to the swelling and relaxing of the muscles there. His eyes fastened onto it, and he could feel the venom fill his mouth, desiring to put his lips there instead and to sink his teeth into the flesh and swallow the blood. How she could trust him, when he was always so close to ending her life, and being just as she claimed Duarte was- he tried to settle his desires, and cut off his breathing. It didn't help much, but he didn't expect it to either.

He wouldn't betray her trust, he couldn't, it was painful to even think about hurting her, in any way, and that included her feelings.

He had purposefully arranged things so Jessica and Angela knew he was with her when they headed back to Forks, and her father was in the next room, maybe not knowing that she wasn't alone, but if he were to awake and find his daughter dead, he would not rest until he had the murder caught, thus ensuring again that Edward kept his distance. It wasn't only for them that he did it though, he did it for himself, he couldn't have Bella dead, he'd miss her too much, even with the short time in knowing her, and most of all, he did it for her, she was too precious to take out of this world, too much of an innocent.

Edward forced his eyes to rest on her peaceful face as she dreamed about something happy. There was a smile upon her lips, even asleep and they parted to breath out a word. This was his favorite time during the night, when her thoughts were unguarded and there for him to hear, when he couldn't during the day. "Edward." She shifted slightly onto her side, so she was facing him, just that tiny bit more and in her sleep, she smiled at him. An answering smile spread across his features to know that she thought about him, even in her dreams. Then the smile vanished, she shouldn't be that close to him, shouldn't be desiring him in anyway, he'd warned her, he could loose control, it wasn't an intentional action if he did so, it would be purely accidental, but he still didn't want to be the one who broke her.

If he knew anything about vampires, especially those who hunted humans and used them for games, they never gave up. He'd allow her to believe that she was safe, but really, he would increase his vigilance over her, if she had been a random target, she would not have survived, and if she had managed to thwart the vampire's efforts, they would have moved on to easier prey. This one had purposely picked Bella and was cultivating her, he would be furious to learn that she was out of his grasp. He might not yet know where she was, but he was probably in the process of tracking her down. The only one who could assure her survival and pure escape without being followed was another vampire, and if it had to be anyone, he would be the one to do so happily.

Even if it meant fighting the monster in every breath he took. His greatest fight during this night, he couldn't be sure if it was the monster or the man, both instincts only she brought out. The monster wanted to devour her whole, while the man wanted to touch what he couldn't have. If he had reached out to touch her, he wasn't sure what would have taken over, the monster, using a ploy to get close to her and slip past his guard, or the man, who yearned to be with the woman he loved. Either way, it was dangerous for her. She was more delicate and fragile than the normal human and one wrong move on his part could damage her irreversibly.

So he made himself stay put and he watched her sleep. She slept pretty calmly, and it amazed him that she could allow herself to sleep with him being so near, knowing first-hand what he was and what his kind could do. Then he watched as her face scrunched up and she turned away from him. She groaned and then it started in on a long night of shifting and tossing. He feared that she was remembering one of the deaths she had seen while in Phoenix, or knowing that again she had been put into a position where she had to fight or flight, but this time had been saved by an outside force? Maybe she was finally realizing how smart it was to associate with him at all?

"No, Jake-" She called out suddenly on a moan.

Edward's features clamped down, so he wasn't the only one she dreamed about, it shouldn't surprise him, he'd seen her sleep many times already. She'd spoken either to or about Charlie, and her mom, and even Phil was mentioned on occasion. But he'd never heard her really dream about anyone her own age.

"Edward-" Bella stated again, as if she were looking for him and the man took over for a moment and he leaned forward to take her hand in his and started humming her lullaby, even if she didn't know it yet. She might even be offended at the term, he held back his laugh at her face as he imagined it would be when he told her what he called it. It calmed her down and he thought it was aptly named. She clutched onto his hand and he worried that it would be frost-bitten in the morning if he didn't disentangle himself from her, but she only held on tighter and he feared he would hurt her if he forced the matter. So he scooted the rocking chair up closer to her bed, the breeze didn't reach him so well here, and slowed his breaths to once in every ten minutes, so he could help learn how to control it and give it longer before it got too unbearable.

Edward used his other hand to smooth her hair behind her ear, it had fallen into her face while she'd slept. Then his hand kept petting the hair down the back of her head and back. It comforted both of them.

By morning he had managed to free himself, but it had taken a lot of coaxing and patience on his part, he needed to get out, it was driving him mad, the need. He'd been gone for only a good few minutes, before he'd returned, dressed in the following day's outfit. They had class and he timed it perfectly as Charlie was getting up and had vague thoughts about checking in on Bella. It still made him feel guilty for leaving at all, and not knowing how she slept while he wasn't there to soothe her. The other achievement, at least in his book, was that he managed to sustain being with her longer than he had before, or really thought would ever be possible, and in such close capacity and with contact, feeling her warmth beneath his cold hand.

He slid back into the chair, excited for this part of the day as well, when she would be awake and talk to him and confuse him to utter craziness because he couldn't hear her thoughts and the ones she shared with him were so piece-mealy as her dreams. He enjoyed every moment and every feeling she stirred in him, even the ones of possession, because he felt something again. This moment though was so looked forward to however, because it was a first, he would be able to be there to see her awake and see the reactions she had to first opening her eyes for the new day. AND, he didn't have to worry as much about her waking up, seeing him, and run screaming to her father. He still thought it was a possibility, but it was less of one now, as she had asked him to stay, and be there in the morning. He'd have to see if she remembered that before she was even fully conscious of her surroundings.

Her eyelids moved and she scrunched them shut trying to ward out the sunlight that was splaying against her bed and buried her head into her pillow, before she seemed to recall something in her mind and she slowly turned her head towards him. She blinked her eyes open slowly, and she looked so cute, bleary eyed and trying to grasp her surroundings. She blinked a few times and then a smile slid over her features. "You stayed." She sounded so happy with that knowledge. Her eyes looked over his face before slowly dipping to the rest of him and then the smile fell away. "You left." She accused.

"Only to change, it was only a moment." He soothed, reaching out to push back a strand of hair, and then he laughed and she frowned deeper, clearly wanting to know what was so funny. "Your hair looks like you've been rolling in haystacks."

She groaned and threw a pillow over her head. Edward couldn't stand it and he reached over to move it away when she tossed it off on her own and raked her fingers through her hair. "I need a human moment?" She looked to him, wondering if he would leave while she wasn't in the room. Edward wondered if her trust in him was so fragile and couldn't blame her if it was, especially when he left to go change.

"I'll be here." He smiled back at Bella, reassuring her, and he began to wonder what she wanted him around so much for, anyways? Whatever the real reason, he couldn't help but be torn, angry that she'd put herself in so much danger and ecstatic for more time with her, and knowing she wanted it too.

EAN: So, I lied, when I said I didn't know how much there would be of and EPOV-like moment in the story, and the part that I didn't lie about was knowing how much, but here you go, I had a whole chapter dedicated to his pov, and I again don't know if it will be repeated again, except I do know that I think it is likely, as there are a few scenes coming up, that would be so... awesome in his view. Lol. How'd you like it?