{ Hello! So this was going to be one HUGE chapter, I mean It was nine pages! But I tried to cut it in half so you might be angry about the ending note, but the next chapter will be posted within ten minutes so I tried to make it up to you (: Also, IMPORTANT QUESTION: Now I know I'm such a horrible person for even thinking this... But I have this great story idea but this and i'M not the one are lasting for quite a while longer and I'm so excited for the story idea I have... Should I post it and work on all three stories? Btw: Yes. It is a Seddie story also... Haha, so I'm sorry this one took so long. I actually went to Washington DC last week with my school, so I was pretty busy, I just got back yesterday. I had no computer and no internet there anyway. Also: For any of you who noticed; yes I did say his mother quit her job and then two chapters later I said she was at work. Well, she did not quit her job. And I will fix that later. I'm putting this note at the beginning of the next chapter too btw. And here's the link to my tumblr for my Fanfiction channel: .com/ Anyway, make a Great day! Much love – Ariel }
Freddie POV
During iCarly, Sam got a pain in her leg; it was either a Charley Horse or a muscle spasm. She wouldn't let me look at it or make suggestions or anything. She told Carly to have Spencer sub for her and then disappeared downstairs.
"SHIT! Ow!" Sam had yelled, minutes before we were ready to start. Carly and I stared at her as she kneeled over and grabbed at her right leg in pain.
We rushed over to her side and Carly put her hand on her shoulder,
"Sam! Are you okay?" She cried, her eyes widening. Sam looked up and clenched her teeth, a clearly uncomfortable look on her face.
"AH! Ah!... It's just a muscle spasm. I'm fine," She reassured. I just stared at her. Shit. Carly, on the other hand, was in pre freak out.
Sam could tell Carly was about to go crazy, so she lifted her chin and stood, standing on only her left leg, keeping her right a little bit in the air to avoid putting pressure on it.
"I'm FINE." She said, putting her hands on Carly's shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "I just need to go sit for a while. Have Spencer fill in for tonight. Tell him I said Thanks." She said, and started for the elevator before Carly could say anything else. I ran to help her into the elevator and rode with her, deciding to help her to the couch.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, looking at her.
She looked straight ahead, not turning, and replied, "Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing new."
"How often?" I asked, anticipating how much pain her disease really causes.
She wouldn't say anything, but judging by her reaction to the spasm, I knew that she got these often; it's most likely from a lack of the nutrients and proteins and all that she needs but itsn't getting.
She can pass it off all she wants, as just a Charley Horse, or maybe even PMS cramps, but she knows I don't believe it. If she doesn't start getting electrolytes and minerals and Vitamin C and Proteins and Nutrients and Fat then eventually, her legs will become so weak, they might collapse under her. She might lose energy, she might faint, all kinds of affects of her disease and she seems to be able to just ignore them.
The monster inside of her, Anorexia, is eating her alive. It's killing her day by day; minute by minute; skipped meal by skipped meal.
I don't know what to do anymore. She's falling, drowning; but she won't let me save her.
I might have to admit it, Maybe there's no hope, and it's too late for me to help her.
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* seperate *
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Four Days Later (Still Freddie's POV)
Sam's been having muscle spasms for the past two days.
She's been awaken painfully by a Charly Horse in the leg both nights, it woke me too because even though she says it doesn't hurt, I know she's in pain. She's pretty much been lying in bed for two days, watching TV and drinking water. It hurts for her to walk so I decided to spend those two days looking after her and studying for my upcoming Spanish test.
I was saying the words to myself as I ran over the list and Sam was watching TV. My mom, weird, isn't home. She's been gone a lot lately. Doing something or seeing someone or some other stuff that she won't talk about. She's never been so distant or careless. Even when I was little, she didn't let me learn to talk until I was around two and she made me wear anti-bacterial diapers. She was constantly rubbing rash creams on me even when I didn't have any rashes. So her not being like this now is really starting to worry me. Sam and I ate the lasagna she made yesterday and it was made with real cheese products. I almost choked I was so shocked.
But anyway, I was saying the words to myself, memorizing them, and Sam was watching wrestling or cartoons or something like that.
"Cállate nerd!" She yelled at me, not even looking up from the TV.
Wait what!
"Sam..." I said slowly, looking at her as she lay on my bed, looking so Sam-like and lazy. "Since when do you speak Spanish?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and giving her a face.
She rolled her eyes, "There's always this homeless mexican dude on the bus yelling at people in Spanish. His name is Hector and sometimes he teaches me things." She said simply, shrugging her shoulders and keeping her eyes on the screen, reaching over and taking a gulp of her water.
I just sat there, watching her. It's amazing how she never ceases to amaze me.
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{seperate}
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Back to reality. Later on the fourth day, after Sam and I had convinced Carly that Sam was 'just fine', Carly suggested we all go swimming at the Y. It was too cold out to go to the neighborhood outdoor swimming so many high schoolers frequented the pool at the YMCA. All three of us had memberships; Spencer had gotten us each one so we could do skits there for iCarly.
I could see Sam hesitate.
It was the first time I would see her whole body after I had found out what she did to it.
I never realized how insecure Sam really is until I saw the way she looked down at her body when she thought Csrly and I were going to get a few drinks. She had looked down at her bony legs as if they were bigger than her head; frowning to her self and absent mindedly moving her hand to touch it. She was about to continue and do the same with her arms when Carly and I reappeared with her drink.
While Carly wasn't looking, I'd poured Sam flavored water instead of absolutely adored flavored water, and it had no calories; which she would always point out whenever I said anything.
When she hesitated to take a drink, I nodded at her in encouragement, and she took a sip, smiling a little when she realized what I had given her.
Why am I doing this?
I'm a horrible person.
"I'm going to go put my swimming suit on. Sam, we can stop by your house and you can get yours right?" Carly asked, looking at Sam. Sam eyes widened a little, and I could almost see the panic on her face.
"Actually-" She started but I cut her off.
"Actually, how about I run her to her house while you go change? It'll save us time and we can come back and pick you up." I suggested, once again feeling that strange protective urge I get for Sam.
It's like I don't want anything bad to happen to her and I don't want anyone to hurt her. Like when I found her in the janitor's closet that one time; One minute; I had been walking in on the strongest person I know absolutely falling apart; and as I watched her, I got this weird feeling all over my body. My back had straightened and my ears had become alert and I had had a sudden urge to wrap my arms her. And I did.
So once again, I acted. This time though, just coming up with a way as to where Sam wouldn't have to explain that she hadn't seen home or her mom in days.
"Oh. Well okay. I'll meet you two here when you're done. Hurry!" Carly shrugged, hardly bothered, and hardly noticing how tense Sam and I had both gotten.
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{seperate}
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I've been trying to forget. I really have. I mean, It's hard to forget. Especially when I remember every time I look at her lips.
Neither Sam or I have chosen to acknowledge what happened the other day. I mean it's been what, three, four days? Hardly any time at all. So you can't blame a guy for thinking about it once or twice.
Each minute.
Okay I'm not going to lie. I can'tstop thinking about it. The way her lips looked pink and moist. The way her bony hips felt safe and secure in my arms.
So for the past four days, I've let myself think about it. I know that if she knew I was thinking about it, then she would probably kill me. Literally.
I've watched her lay on my bed, pink lips, golden hair (which smells really nice actually).
Now, I don't know why I'm thinking about it. Why I won't let myself forget. All I know, is that... Well, I don't know anything.
Not when it comes to her at least. She always surprises me.
Even the way she sleeps. The way she lays on her sides as she sleeps, and when she's really tired, she sleeps on her stomach. She's so peaceful while she sleeps. As I lay in bed beside her, I can't help but let myself pretend this was real.
Let myself pretend that Sam was just like any other girl. A girl who would like me; and call me cute and embarassing pet names; a girl who would kiss my cheek; a girl who accepts me. Like so many other girls don't.
So really it's easy for me to pretend. Then though, I would realize that she doesn't like me; and she's not that kind of girl. A wave of loneliness would crash over me, sometimes making me literally shiver.
And it was like she felt it, or sensed it. Because right when that time came, each time, she would roll over. Onto me. Sometimes, her face would be buried in my chest; and sometimes, her back would lay on me. But no matter how, she was touching me, comforting me while I'm lonely. Even if she doesn't know it.
It's strange how someone so small can be so... comforting. Even though her skin is usually very cold, it doesn't feel cold then, while she was comforting me.
Ugh.
I was thinking about all of this as I drove my mother's car to the YMCA. Sam was in the front seat and Carly was in the back. I was shocked when Sam didn't run out to the car and hop in the back seat so she could take a nap or put her feet up or whatever. A while ago, whenever all three of us would go somewhere, that's what Sam would do and Carly would just sit in front and smile and shake her head. Ever since she began living with me, Sam would sit in the front seat and put the seat all the way back – which didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.
As we sat at a stop light, a few blocks away, I glanced over at Sam. She was sitting with her seat all the way back, her face turned toward Carly as she listened to her talk about some cute guy she'd talked to the other day (Oddly, I didn't cringe when I heard that). Carly looked up at the red light, realizing I had stopped for it. Which made Sam realize we were no longer moving, so she looked up at me, staring right at her.
Usually if she caught staring at her for any reason, she would slap me or kick me or hit me with something; but she didn't this time. She looked me right in the eyes, and the sides of her mouth turned up in a small smile. A smile that other people might not have seen. But I did.
"Freddie. The light's green!" Carly jerked me back to reality as I looked back up at the road and drove the few streets to the YMCA parking lot.
Since we had our suits on underneath our clothes, it wouldn't take as long to get out to the pool. Sam offered to take Carly's bag to the locker room for her because she had to 'fix her hair'. She told her to go ahead and get in, then nodded at me.
I was silent as Carly agreed and headed off. I gave Sam an encouraging look but she ignored it and followed Carly into the women's locker room.
As I grabbed my towel and locked my gym bag in one of the lockers, I tried not to think.
Sam and I both know that she didn't just want to check her hair. She wanted to check her body, to squeeze the areas with even the smallest bit of fat and then frown at herself and make sure she looked as perfect as she thought she needed to look.
I tried not to think about that; tried not to picture it. I headed out of the door to the pool and joined Carly in the shallow end.
We started swimming around and started heading for the deeper end.
"This is nice," Carly commented, floating on her back with her eyes closed.
"Mmm hmm." I replied absently, looking toward the ladies locker room door again.
I didn't realize I was staring at it until I felt a wave of water come down over my head.
Carly splashed me.
"Hey!" I yelled, smiling and splashing her back right in the face. It soon escalated into an all out splash fight.
And then I saw her.