Dutchman Adventures: Bothering Palifico

It was just one of those days where you have to do something, before you go insane. Or, more insane then you already are. I suppose it varies from person to person.

So, I decided, today would be devoted completely to the bothering of one Palifico, Occupation: Bodyguard. Why him? Because I don't get to spend a lot of time with my besty Palifico. He's often guarding the Captain (from me, I think), and we're opposites, in a way; He's tall while I'm short. He doesn't talk much, and I never shut up. They were just the little things that keep us from actually just hanging out.

So, I pulled on my hat, and walked out on deck, searching for that familiar shock of beautifully orange coral. I spotted it next to the Captain's door, partially obscured by a flight of stairs. I scoffed in a scoffing-ish type way. Of course. "Oi, Pally!" I skipped over. He looked up from the ground. "…Hello." He was probably thinking something along the lines of 'Wonderful, here comes the spaz', or 'I knew this time was coming'. I'm pretty sure they all do, actually.

"What'cha up to?" I climbed halfway up the stairs, and then stuck my legs under the railing so I was a little shorter than eye-to-eye with him. "…Nothin'." I squinted one eye at him, imitating Davy. He rolled his eyes, which started me on a whole new subject. "How can you see out of…ithose?/i" I gestured wildly. I wasn't sure what his eyes were, actually. "…My eyes?" The incredulousness in his tone made me snicker. "Just like you do. I see colors an' everythin'… Just my eyes're worms. I think." I blinked at him. "You don't know what your eyes are?" He shook his head. "I haven't seen my reflection in years." I started to shift to get up, when he said, "And I want i' t' stay that way." I sat back down, having thought to go get a mirror. This proved my previous suspicion.

Palifico can read minds. He's just like Davy.

"…I'm bored." We hadn't said anything for a few minutes, strangely enough. I wasn't tempted to talk as much as I normally would. "Is that so?" He didn't seem very concerned. "Yes." I thought a moment. "Teach me to swordfight!" He looked at me like I had started to speak German. "What?" "Teeeaccchhh. Meeeeeee. Toooo-" I was cut off by him placing a hand over my mouth. "Aye, I heard tha'. Ye really want t' swordfight?" I nodded enthusiastically. "A'right then." He handed me one of his swords, and I gallivanted down the stairs. "You hold i' like this," He instructed, showing me where to place my hand on the hilt. I watched as my arm wobbled to hold it up. "You can also put yer other hand on it." He showed, and I did the same. "A'right... Now, try an' hit me." I gaped at him.

His snickered, something I hadn't heard since Halloween, and shook his head. "Even iif/iyou hit me, t'won't be lethal." I shook my head dramatically, sighing. "Shame, that." His sword suddenly slashed through the air, and, for a fleeting instant, I understood how those sailors felt in their brief duels with the Crew.

Abso-bloody-lutely terrified.

"HOSHIT!" I tripped backwards, falling to the ground. He snickered again, hauled me up, and readjusted the sword in my hands. He actually seemed to be enjoying this. "Yer not supposed t' fall backwards. If you were an actual enemy, ye'd be dead in an instant." I looked up at him, as he towered a good foot over me. "Yeah, but I'm not an enemy." I paused. i"DON'T KILL MEH!"/i I cringed away dramatically. He poked the side of my head, something that I would do to him occasionally. "D'ye want t' learn swordsmanship? Or are you goin' t' cower like a three-year-old?" I looked at the sword in my hands, and then smirked at him. He blinked back. i"EN GARDE!"/i I lunged, driving my sword at his gut.

In a series of events that I can only describe as inhumanly fast, a foot hooked around my ankle, I was pushed backwards by my shoulder, hit the ground, and there was pointed steel at my throat. All I could do was stare at Palifico, gasping for the air that had rushed out of me when I hit the deck. As I blinked up at him, I heard what sounded like a snort.

Then it was a chuckle.

Then it was full-blown laughter.

This was something that I barely could believe, much less register in my incapacitated state.

Palifico was practically in hysterics. What the hell was going ion/ihere? Perhaps I DID hit something when I dove at him. His funny bone.

Clanker walked by, did a double take, and came back. He crouched down, so I had an upside-down view of the broad smirk he wore. "What're ye doin' on th' ground? Get up!" I simply breathed deeply, my breaths less and less shuddery as time passed. "Get up, ye l'il blackguard!" He scooped me up, and then set me down on my feet. "Now what's with him?" Clanker pointed to Palifico, who was calming down, now.
"'Er face. T'was th' funniest thing. 'Er eyes were nearly popping outta 'er skull…" He trailed off as he started to laugh again.

I 'hmphed' angrily, and thrust his sword back into his arms. Clanker had joined in with the laughter, so I left the two behind as my mind raced for a decent revenge. But, for now, I picked up a mussel shell, whirled around, and threw it at the back of Palifico's head.

I was satisfied to hear an indignant "Oy!" as I walked away.

I watched, hidden in the darkness, as Palifico made his rounds about the deck. He didn't seem to be paying very much, but he would chuckle offhanded once in a while. I was both pleased and slightly miffed. I had made him laugh, but had my face been iTHAT/i funny?

I saw my opportunity in the lines that hung above the deck. If I timed this right, I would scare the hell out of him… This had to be done. I was already wearing Clanker's hat… I could hear him shouting in the hold… but my revenge also had to be extracted on the main fiend. Fiend. Oh, how I love that word.

Palifico came closer to where I was slowly sliding out onto the lines. He wasn't looking up, so I could tell he hadn't seen me. The time was drawing nearer… nearer…

I flipped down in front of his face, the thrill of hanging upside-down by my knees feeling amazing. Of course, everything went wrong after that.

Palifico ran right into me, his bony forehead ramming into my gut. I folded over, winded because of him iagain/i, landing on his shoulder. Not expecting the weight, he fell over sideways, drawing his sword simultaneously. So, now, I was half-pinned under the weight of a six-foot-someodd man, who was holding a sword to my throat. I closed my eyes and screamed.

"JEN-AH!" Davy came stomping out on deck, followed by the rest of the crew, including one pissed-off looking Clanker. I felt the metal leave my throat, but I couldn't make myself open my eyes. I felt Palifico shake my shoulders. "What was that! What was it? I almost killed ye! Ye shouldn't do tha'!" I blinked up at him, trying to figure out which of the three Palificos swirling around was the one I should be talking to. I chose the one to the side.

"Dude, it was irevenge!/iRevenge is what makes the world go round! It's best served cold!"

He stopped shaking me, and I finally figured out that I was speaking to the wrong Palifico. I was actually to be talking to the one in the middle. Damn these trick questions.

There was silence as they processed my statements. Davy snorted. "She'd be right, Master Palifico." I shakily stood up, and felt Clanker's hat being ripped off my head. "That'd be imine/i, thank'ee very much!" He stomped away with his rum, clearly ready to turn in. They dispersed, as people tend to do, leaving just Palifico and I out on deck.

He was glaring at me. "Look, man, I'm sorry." His glare softened, but didn't completely go away. "I'm serious. I didn't mean to scare you so bad." I paused. "Well, I idid/i... But I didn't think you would overreact so much." He didn't move for a moment, but then shrugged. "…Aye. Ye learn t' stab first, ask questions later." I nodded. I understood entirely. "But, we're all cool, right? No hard feelings?" He nodded, paused, and then stuck out his hand. "No hard feelin's." I looked at it for a moment, and then shook it, not quite used to the formalities some of the crew employed. "Awesome. Though I don't think that I should continue with swordsmanship." He nodded. "That might be a good idea…"