Freddie's POV
I cannot believe this. I... I just... I don't even know.
I should've stopped her. I should've told someone. I should've gotten her help. If I did she wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now fighting for her life.
She looked so small when the paramedics put her on the stretcher and carried her out of my room. I'm sure either one of them could lift her with one hand and not feel anything.
I just can't believe I was so stupid. This has been going on for months, found out about a month ago and I let her keep doing this to herself. I was too afraid to save her life so I helped her sacrifice it.
I was stupid. I wasn't being myself. Normally I would have seen this coming. I would have thought everything through and thought out every possible outcome. I would have saved her. But no, I was too busy trying to make her happy. I would rather have her happy and dead than risk her hating me, but living.
How could I be so selfish?
"Fredward Benson?" A voice said, knocking me out of my thoughts. I turned to see a doctor, holding a clipboard and waiting for my reply.
"I'm Freddie," I walked over to the doctor and stared at him hopefully. He looked down at his clipboard one more time then looked back up at me.
"It says here that you were there when Samantha Puckett had the heart attack," He stated, waiting for me to agree. I nodded, not being able to tell the doctor about the horrible thing that happened in my apartment.
"Well, she still hasn't woken up," He said, looking at me sypathetically. "Her... her current weight is 72.63 pounds..." He said, sounding amazed and horrified at the same time.
I couldn't blame him. When my brain processed what he said my eyes must have bugged out of my head and my jaw must have hit the ground. I stared at the doctor as if he'd grown two extra heads. Almost seventy three pounds? Oh my goodness. If I had known... If I had paid attention... I could've done something...
"Yes," The doctor began talking again, "We have reason to believe that she was... is anorexic. We believe this is one of the factors that caused her heart attack. She might have had a scare or an excitement and her body couldn't handle it so..." The doctor trailed off and I nodded. Her body was too small to handle a type of thing. Her organs were too weak.
"She's still alive right now, just unconcious. She might not make it though. Her body is too weak... too fragile. She would have to have amazing strength to be able to come back from this." The doctor said sadly, his eyes full of sympathy. No. I told myself, shaking my head back and forth. NO.
"Sam... Sam is the strongest person I know. She'll make it," I insist. The doctor looks at me sadly, but decides not to remark on that.
"Okay. Well, that's it for now." The doctor says, standing up straight and getting ready to walk away.
I nod, "Keep me posted," I tell him and he nods back, before beginning to walk away.
"You might want to call and tell her family," The doctor turns back around and suggests before turning a corner and disappearing.
Oh man. I forgot about that.
How am I going to tell her mother? Her mother hasn't even talked to her in...
How am I going to tell Carly?
I sigh to myself and pull out my phone. I dial Carly's number but think better of it and lock my phone before putting it back in my pocket.
I walk over to the nurse assigned to Sam's room. I give her my number and tell her I'll be right back and to call me as soon as anything happens with Sam. She nods and gives me a sad look. I ignore that and walk out of the hospital. I get in the car and put the key in the ignition.
Time to tell Carly and Sam's mom.
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On the way to Sam's house, I turn on the radio to calm my nerves.
I made a mistake, yes, I did, yes, I did
Made a mistake, yes, I did, yes, I did
Now I'm so far from her, but it was me and my fate
Who lost because of my mistake
My trusting her has gone much too late
Ain't that the truth.. I think and sigh. I stop at a stop light and look around. There's a car to my left with a boy and a girl. The guy is driving but he's holding the girl's hand. They've got the radio turned up loud, something upbeat that I can hear even though they're windows are rolled up. The girl is singing and dancing in her seat and the guy is smiling wide.
Oh, what a fool I've been tonight
The girl I love is out of sight
Now I'm so far from her, but it was me and my fate
Who lost because of my mistake
My trusting her has gone much too late
That could have been me and Sam. She could've been healthy and happy if I had done something. She could've been blasting her favorite music from the stereo as I drive us around the town for no apparent reason. I could be listening to her laughing and hearing her singing. I could be watching her golden hair shine in the sunlight and her blue eyes dance with excitement.
But that might now be able to happen. Instead, her eyes are closed and her hair is limp and pale on the pillow.
And it's all my fault.
I could have prevented it. But I didn't. I hear honking behind me and realize that the light is green and the couple is gone. I continue driving, a few people who were stuck behind me pull up in front of me and give me 'the bird' but I ignore them.
I finally make it to Sam's house. I don't get out yet. I have to figure out what to do... what to say...
Hello Ms. Puckett. Remember Sam? Your daughter? Oh yes, well she's laying in a hospital bed right now, all because I didn't stop her from starving herself.
Ms. Puckett? Remember your daughter, Sam? The one you kicked out? Yeah well there's a chance she might die from self starvation...
Hi. I'm Freddie Benson. No, you don't know me, but your daughter does. In fact, she's in the hospital right now and it's all my fault...
This will not be easy. I have to do it though. For Sam.
I get out of the car and slam the door. I walk up to the door and lightly knock. I hear shuffling inside the house and I step back to wait.
"Who is it!" A voice yells from the other side of the door. Classy.
"Freddie Benson." I yell back. I hear a latch unlocked and the door is yanked open to reveal a blonde woman who looked a lot like Sam, same blue eyes and everything. She looked pissed.
"Who the hell is Freddie Benson?" She demanded, looking at me in disgust. "What do you want?" She pointed at me.
I swallowed, and my palms began to sweat. I was too afraid to speak, this woman was probably three times more dangerous than Sam and that scared the courage out of me.
"Are you going to speak NerdBoy?" She asks, looking at me like I'm stupid. I summon up all of the courage I have.
"I'm here to tell you that your daughter is in the hospital..." I say in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Which one? Sugar or Spice?" She asks and my mind flashes back to Sam's journal. The black, bold letters printed on there, Spice.
"Um, Sam. She's in the hospital. She had a heart attack," I tell her, thinking it best to leave out what I had to do with it.
"A heart attack? The little bitch deserves it. She's made my life a living hell. If only she could be more like her sister. Stephenie is such a good girl..." She trails off. Wow, she claims her daughter is so great and she can't even remember her name. What kind of mother is she?
She doesn't even care. How could she? My heart broke when I saw Sam being rushed into the emergency room. And she... she seems like she couldn't care less.
My anger grows. I can feel it bubbling up inside of me, ready to come up. Like word vomit.
"First of all, Your daughters names are Samantha and Melanie. Second of all, what kind of mother are you? Your daughter had a heart attack. She is lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life. You haven't seen her in... weeks. Do you know how hurt she is by that? How much she wishes she had a mother who gave a damn about her? Do you even care? Maybe Sam was never the ideal daughter you wanted, but she tried. It's not like she had a good role model. What happened to that therapy session with Carly? Did you fake that too? Your daughter needs you. She needs you right now, more than ever. She needs someone. And if you won't be there for her, I sure as hell will." I turn away from her, going all the way to the edge of the yard before I look back again.
"They say nothing can compare to a mother's love. Thank you for showing me that that's not true." And with that, I get in the car and turn the key. As I drive away I see that Sam's mom is still standing in the doorway.
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On the way to Bushwell plaza, I stop at Groovy Smoothie and pick up a Banana Rama smoothie for Carly, figuring I'll sweeten her up a bit before I break it to her.
I'm still pissed off about the whole Sam's mom thing but driving to the Groovy Smoothie and then driving to Bushwell Plaza calms me a lot.
When I arrive back at Bushwell Plaza, I park the car and enter the building, hurrying through the lobby to avoid Lewbert. Seriously, if I were to run into him right now and he say something... I don't think I could control myself. There is just too much going on right now.
I walk up to the Shay apartment, but stop before I knock. I put the smoothie in my other hand. I can smell the banana. I take a few deep breaths, and then I knock on the door.
I brace myself, somehow thinking she already knows. Carly answers the door a few minutes later, smiling and greeting me. How did she not hear the ambulance sirens?
"Hey Freddie!" She greets me in her normal happy voice. She looks down and sees the Banana Rama in my hand, "Is that mine?"
I nod silently and hand her the smoothie. She looks at me oddly, probably having something to do with my nervous silence, but steps aside so I can walk in. I don't sit when I walk in and that causes an even weirder look from Carly.
"Freddie, What's going on?" Carly asks. "You're acting... weird." She says, standing in front of the couch. I put my hands in my pockets and refuse to look at her.
" need to talk," I clear my throat,"It's about Sam..."
She instantly becomes suspicious. She looks at me with worry on her face.
"What about Sam! Oh my... Did she get arrested again? Because I told her-" She continues on but I interrupt her.
"No. Carly. You might want to sit down. This is bigger than that." I tell her. She looks at me oddly again but does as I say.
"Freddie, what happened? What's going on?" She asks, looking up at me.
I begin pacing. Man. I really hope this doesn't become a habit. Wondering how I can word this.
"Did you hear the sirens earlier? From the ambulance?" I ask her, glancing at her and then resuming my pacing.
"No! There was an ambulance! I told Sam at school that I had to go help Spencer get his licence back! What happened? Who got hurt? Oh my goodness!..." Carly immediately began freaking out. I turned and looked at her sternly, causing her to pause mid sentence.
"Carly. There was an accident," When she heard the word accident, her eyes got wide and tears began to run down her face. "Sam... she had a heart attack. She's in the hospital right now." I say, my voice sounding emotionless and forced even to me. Carly's tears began to come faster and she started sniffling. She wasn't broken yet though.
"But... but she's so young..." Carly cried, her face twisting up in pain. I walked over and sat next to her on the couch. I patted her on her shoulder a few times, not really knowing how to comfort her anymore. I've spent so much time comforting Sam and worrying about Sam that I haven't really had to deal with anyone else. I don't know if it's the same.
Carly rests her head on my shoulder. Normally, this would've maken my boyish hormones go crazy, would've made my heart beat fast and my eyes go wide. But I don't feel anything. Not anymore.
"She's alive," I say quietly, trying to fill Carly with as much hope as I can, "But she hasn't woken up." I'm too afraid to tell her what the doctor said about how Sam might not make it.
Before I can even react, Carly jumps up. "Well let's go!" She exclaims, her voice sounding sad, but hopeful. I get up and start for the door. She grabs her hoodie and her purse, and follows behind me. Out in the hallway, before we could turn the corner, we heard a voice.
"Freddie!"My mom appeared in the doorway, she was still in her work uniform. "Where are you going! It's already seven pm! You haven't taken a tick bath in weeks! Just think about all of the foreign bugs crawling on your skin right. This. Minute!" Mom shudders and looks at me expectantly.
I stop and so does Carly. Shit. I forgot about mom.
"Later mom. I gotta go somewhere," I say starting to turn the corner but her voice stops me again.
"Fredward Benson, get in this house now. I will not have you gallavanting around with that little... hussy, in the dark, on a school night!" My mom yells, glaring at Carly. Carly gives me a look and I turn back and face my mother.
"No. Mom, I told you. I have to go somewh-" I start but she cuts me off.
"Did she put you up to this?" She asks, glaring pointedly at Carly again, "I told you Fredward, she's not good for you. She pushed you in front of a moving truck!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air.
I'm starting to get annoyed.
"Look. Carly didn't push me in front of the tru-" She cut me off, again.
"She might as well have! And then, while you're still healing from that, she goes and breaks your heart again! She's just a... just a little hussy!" She whined. Man, I am just so tired of this. She treats me like I'm nine years old. I'm seventeen and soon enough, I'll be leaving off for college. And no matter how much she complains or how many strings she pulls, I'm going without her.
"Mom!," I yell, now I'm mad, "Will you just back off! Carly is not a hussy! And no, I'm not running around and doing irresponsible things in the dark on a school night. I am going to the hospital. My friend, is laying in a hospital bed waiting for me and Carly to get there and be there for her. Now, you can ground me or punish me, or give me tick baths when I get back. But right now, I'm needed elsewhere." I spit out, turning and turning down the hallway, walking down the stairs and through the lobby before she can find her voice and reply.
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When Carly and I get to the hospital, I'm tired. Not physically or anything but... I just went off on two parents, that kind of tires a person. Carly is crying again. She's finally processed that this is real. This really happened. I lead her up to the floor I had left the doctor on and we walk over to one of the nurses,
"Hello, can you tell me where they've put Samantha Puckett?" I ask her politely. She flips to a page on her clipboard.
"Yes, she's in room 1211." The nurse replies, smiling at us before scurrying off. Carly and I head upto Sam's room in silence. The only noise between us being our breathing and her crying and sniffling. We reach the room and stand outside for a moment.
"Are you ready?" I ask Carly, and she nods. We both walk into the white, clean room. I hadn't seen Sam since the ambulance ride. What I saw in her bed shocked me. My heart sunk to my stomach and I got really cold. My palms were sweating and I started to feel dizzy.
She's so small I can barely make out her body from the sheet. As Carly and I walk closer I see that her skin is more of a pale yellow and her hair looks hard and dull.
"Oh. My. Gosh." Carly whispers through her tears. Her crying has doubled and her tears drip down her face and I hear them plop on the ground. I can't speak, my voice is gone. All I see is Sam, lying there, limp and unconcious. There are tons of machines and tubes hooked up to her. She needs them to breathe. Because she can't breathe on her own.
Sam was always so strong. She was always so different.. I never thought I would see a day like this. I never thought any of this would happen. I never imagined it. It just... it doesn't seem real. And I hope... I hope it's not. Am I dreaming? Well, this is more of a nightmare. Is this really happening? I just want to open my eyes and wake up from this horrible dream.
But it's not a dream. And I know that far too well. This isn't a nightmare and I won't wake up panting in my bed. I won't wake up to the real Sam, the normal Sam. I won't wake up, because I'm already awake.
Before, it was so easy to pretend that none of this was really happening. So easy to pretend that I would walk into the hospital roonm and Sam would jump up. "Gotcha Nub!" She would yell, catching me off guard as she usually does. It was that easy to pretend this was just another one of her pranks.
But it's not. She isn't going to pop up and yell and smile. She's going to lie in this hospital bed and see if she survives. This isn't a game. This is life. And it happens.
I don't realize I'm crying until I hear Carly speak again.
"You're crying," She said softly, bringing me back to reality
"You are too," I reply with no emotion in my voice.
"Was she... Is she..." Carly struggles to utter the word. I've dreaded this moment.
"Anorexia Nervosa. Bulimia nervosa on occasion." A voice says and I realize that once again, this voice belongs to me. Even I noticed how pained... how far away my voice is. The voice that spoke just now... that wasn't me. Me? I don't know where I am anymore. All I know is that wherever I am, I'm looking for Sam.
"I can't believe I didn't notice... I should've known. Some best friend I am." Carly groans, putting her hand on her forehead. She looked down at Sam with a sad, guilty look.
Before I could reply, -tell Carly that this isn't her fault, That I've known all about it for the past month, and that it's really my fault- her phone rings.
"Hello?" She says quietly, "Hey Spencer. Hold on for a minute," She holds her phone away and turns to me.
"I'll tell him to come by, and I'll meet him at the door to walk him up here." Carly tells me, and then turns back to her phone.
All of a sudden, I have to get out of this room. Suddenly, I need to do something- something for Sam. Something that will spark a little bit of hope.
"Carly, I'm going to go down to the gift shop," I whisper, trying not to interrupt her conversation. She nods and turns around to face the wall, phone still pressed to her ear.
I make my way down to the first floor gift shop, walking at a brisk pace and looking straight ahead. I just don't have it in me to make polite conversation. I stand outside of the gift shop for a moment and look in. It's very bright, probably meaning to bring hope, and there were tons of stuffed animals and balloons. There were other things in there, chips, gum, knic knacs, and it was mostly empty.
I walked in and saw that the cashier was an elderly woman with light gray hair. There was a woman, who looked to be in her thirties, talking to her, holding a balloon that said 'Good Luck With Your Surgery!' and a small brown bear.
I looked around for a moment, wondering what exactly an anorexic person would want, I mean, there are no balloons that say 'Please eat again,' Or any anorexic bears holding hearts that say 'Don't die for a diet.' No, the gift shops don't focus on things like that. I stop and look at a glass dolphin but keep going because Sam will probably throw it at me when she finds out she's in the hospital. I think about getting her a bear, but it just doesn't seem to be enough.
As I look around, I get closer to the cashier and the woman. They notice my hesitation and confusion and I hear the cashier speak.
"She must be very special to you," the older woman says. I look over at her and see that she's wearing a name tag that says MAYA. She and the woman are looking at me with pleasant smiles and knowing eyes.
"Is she your girlfriend?" The younger woman asks before I can speak. I put the bear down that I was holding and play with my hands. Why do I always get like this when I talk about Sam?
"No... I mean... She... she likes to hit me and make fun of me. No, she doesn't even like me..." I tell them, stuttering like a fool and wondering why. The women share a smile and then turn back to me.
"Sonny, back when I was your age, when a girl and a guy make fun of each other and tease each other, it means they like each other." Maya says, trying to hide a small smile.
I could tell these two strangers our story. I could tell them all of the crap Sam and I have been through together, all of the things we shared. I could tell them about our first kiss and about how we were living together until this happened. I could tell them how I feel when I'm around Sam or even what I do. I could tell them how worried sick I am right now about her and what could happen to her. I could tell them that whenever she's away from me I wonder what she's doing and if she's thinking of me while she'd going it. I could tell them everything, and ask them what they think.
But thinking over it just that moment, made me realize that I already know.
"You're right," I tell Maya, "She's very special to me. And I think I should show her."
Maya nods and disappears into a back room. The other woman smiled at me.
"I'm Heidi. And that's my mom." She holds her hand out and I shake it.
"I'm Freddie." I tell her nodding.
"And what's this special girls name?" Heidi asks me.
"Sam," I say, smiling.
Heidi smiles right back, and Maya reappears. She's holding a silver chain and as I lean over and get a good look at it, I see that it's a necklace. It has a small key and a small heart dangling from it. She holds it out and I take it from her, letting it sit in my hand. I see that the heart is actually a locket.
"Wow," Is all I can say. Maya and Heidi smile even wider, watching me with amusement.
"Give her this and put it around one of those giant bears over there. It'll be amazing." Maya tells me, Heidi walks over and picks up a big brown bear and brings it back over. I put the necklace around the bears neck and put the bear on the counter.
"This is perfect. How much will it be?" I ask Maya, pulling my wallet out of the pocket.
"There is no price for true love," Heidi says and Maya nods in agreement. I shake my head and pull a fifty dollar bill out of my wallet. I set it on the counter and Maya reaches her hand out and begins to push it back to me.
"No. No, please take it. You've helped me a great deal and you've made me realize something very important." I tell her and finally she picks up the bill and puts it in her pocket.
"And what would that be?" Heidi asks me and they both raise they're eyebrows.
I take a deep breath before I say the words aloud that I've just now made sense of in my head, "I'm in love with Samantha Puckett. One of my best friends. Sam."
{Ahh, Freddie finally admits his feelings for Sam! Sure, he admits it to two women he just met... but It's a step forward. Anyway, there was actually a tie in the Best review of the Chapter contest between Distant Lands and Mari13ssa. I'd like to thank ALL of you for your reviews though. They help me very much with writing the next chapter and getting it out quickly. The necklace that he's going to give her, there is a picture of it on my profile and on my story tumblr. (Which is: arreyellewebbfanfiction . tumblr . com [Without the spaces])
Remember, eight reviews. And maybe you'll win the Best review of the Chapter award.
Also, I'll give a sneak peek to the first person who can tell me the relation of the cashier Maya. Tell me where she's been mentioned before in the story and why. Whoop! So, I hope you enjoyed, R&R! -Make a great day (: Ariel