OK, so I kind of suck and haven't updated this in ages. Mostly in that this is short and I kept meaning to add more to it. But, I couldn't find anything else to say, so…hopefully you enjoy anyway.

Captain Anderson's Log

So, I have my doubts about this Commander Shepard. The first doubt is, who is she? Is she a spacer, a colonist, or an earthborn? Damn, should have checked my dossier. Also, is she a war hero, a ruthless combatant, or a psychologically scarred sole survivor? Again, I really need to start reading those notes that Udina keeps sending me. Either way, I know one thing for sure – she's the only one who can complete this mission successfully.

Why I think this, I have no idea. But I'm not going to question my gut instincts, as doing this would force me to go through another dozen or so dossiers to find someone else who's stupid enough to take on this mission. And I have better things to do. Like shred all those stupid comments that Joker keeps putting into the suggestion box.

I'm not kidding about the shredding being a big deal. Yesterday I found fourteen about how to improve the food, ten about how he wanted a massage chair, and two hundred and twelve about how morale would be improved by the introduction of asari strippers.

That's it, crew of the Normandy. If this is how you choose to treat the suggestion box, I'm taking it away from you. Or at least not replacing those little pencils that Dr. Chakwas keeps stealing and refusing to replace. You've lost that particular perk from here on out. I hope you're happy with yourselves!

I'm also sort of curious about why we picked up the new girl, Ashley Williams. I mean , I guess that just leaving her there for the geth to kill would be rather cruel. But at the same time, we left some other people down there for the geth, so why she's different, I have no idea. Oh well. I'm not turning around and wasting a bunch of gas just to dump her back on Eden Prime. That said, she'd better pull her own weight, or she's on latrine duty.

Oh well, at least she's likely to do better than Jenkins. Poor Jenkins. I always told him that refusing to listen to our plan of action and just running into combat while screaming "Leeeeeeeroy!" was bound to get him killed. But did he ever listen? No. Poor, poor Leeroy.

Oh well, off to the Council next to explain how we destroyed a priceless artifact and how their favorite Spectre (who has a really cool ship. Why can't I trade the Normandy for Sovereign?) just killed our Spectre. I just know that I'm going to sound like a total douche when I do it, too, because everyone knows that I've always hated Saren, so they'll probably think that he was right and that I'm being a jerk. Hmmm. Maybe I should try to get Shepard to make all the accusations so that she looks like the jerk. This is a good idea. I think that I'll pin destroying the Beacon on her as well, and maybe claim that her visions are due to a drug trip, just to fluff myself. This is probably my best chance for advancement in the military. Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll even reconsider me for Spectre training. As really, I would make an amazing Spectre, and I'm tired of being the captain of a lousy ship.

Plus, I certainly don't want to let someone who's first name is "Faeol" be elected as the first human spectre.

Thanks to my awesome reviewers so far. I promise to try to update in the future. Really! Special thanks to: Calm as Crackling Fire, Interesting, scampermax, Sarah, deejaymcknight, Lehni, roxfox, and Shooting Star. Now just to update later with something substantial…