((I threatened to use this chapter heading back in Air and I knew in which context it would come. It's a song of the wonderful Carmina Burana by Carl Orff. It means Burning inside.))

Chapter 11

Estuans Interius

T'Kray watched Stal pacing. It was only a matter of time before talking to him would become completely impossible. So far, Leonard had yet to come up with a component that didn't do more harm than good. After the loss of patient zero, he had refused to test a component on a patient. The only result was that Sinek had done it instead on Vires. She had lived two minutes longer than patient seven after the treatment was applied. 'Stal. Please sit down.' The Vulcan glared at her. The guard overseeing the meeting tensed, but T'Kray ignored him. 'Do you need a break?' Stal shook his head vigorously. 'Then sit.' Stal walked over to the window and smacked his hands against the firm bars repeatedly. 'Stop that, Stal, stop it!' He did. Instead, he sank to the floor, his head on his knees and hands in his neck. Watching him, she used her communicator to contact Leonard. 'Can you join me in Stal's cell for a moment, please?' she asked. After the confirmation she waited silently until Leonard was let in with them. 'I told him to stop hitting the bars. Isn't that what you said Vires did?' Looking wary, Leonard nodded.

'Yes. I'd told her to take a seat first. Was about a minute before I decided that it really is pointless.'

'Perhaps not. Stal, turn around clockwise three times.' Leonard stared at her but watched as Stal stood up and sat down on his bunk.

'No use. Not with him or with her.'

'Come.' She narrowed her eyes. 'Sinek's place. Now. Get James, I get Spock.'

Ϡ

Spock sensed that his next defensive move was imminent. He could rely on the others not to disturb him if and when he zoned out, so he had agreed to join whatever discussion T'Kray had in mind. So far, he was successfully keeping the madness at bay. Jim had finally agreed that he needed to shield if he didn't want to be incapacitated himself.

'Len, how far are you with another treatment?' The doctor looked more drawn than Spock had ever seen him. He had dark rings under his eyes and seemed even thinner than usually.

'I don't know. We're going to have something new, but I can't tell you when we'll get there. I also think that one of the people allegedly working with me are trying to manipulate results. I found one file that was tampered with. I have to oversee every step of the way, but I don't know how long I'll be able to do that. I'm not a Vulcan, I can't stay on my feet 24/7 for days.'

'Could you make anything of the sample?' Jim had placed guards in the kitchens and one of them had actually managed to thwart another attempt to slip the drug into one of the researchers' food. The substance had been brought into the lab and to Leonard immediately.

'In fact, I could. And from the Federation data on the bacteria I can assume that the bloody stuff is even made from it, reduced to creating an effect similar to the night terrors. Without the benefit of causing rejuvenation or raising the dead.'

'I've asked Admiral Ndaga for the complete background on the Tilak we met on the Morales space station,' Jim said. 'He sent me the file earlier today. It seems that he was on the ship that picked us up from Dainam, but there is no evidence that he's the same who created the drug.'

'I think we should assume he is. So we had a Romulan spy tailing us ever since we were rescued. Great. And he wouldn't have an overly tough time hiding out here. Think he's at the VSA?'

'I do not believe so,' Spock said. 'It is much more likely that he is acting through Terik. On the VSA everyone's background is evaluated carefully. Perhaps the Tilak assigned to the ship visiting Dainam was indeed a Vulcan and was … replaced before he even reached it. But that is not our primary concern.' Jim nodded.

'You're right. T'Kray, what do you have for us?'

'A hypothesis I cannot verify at the moment. Stal and Vires reacted in the same way to two specific orders. At my request to sit, Stal started attacking the barred window. When I told him to stop, he sat on the floor in a peculiar position. Vires did something similar before she died when Len talked to her. How identical these reactions are we cannot say for certain because there is no record of Len's conversation with her.'

'Yeah, and I think that that was what I told her, but I don't know for sure. We don't have anyone else who's in bad enough shape to try this.' Spock felt the nudge of anger at Leonard and realised he had no reason for it. He prepared to deal with it, but for the moment he would refrain. There was another option.

'Doctor, do you believe that if Vires had not fought as vigorously as she did the progression would have been slower?'

'Yes. But then we couldn't have talked to her as thoroughly as we did.'

'Do you believe that she would have had significantly more or less time in that case?'

'The same, I'd guess.'

'T'Kray, how did you perceive the night terrors caused by the bacteria when you received them?' She shrugged.

'It's a long time ago and the memory isn't as lucid as I'd like. I remembered the night I realised … truly realised that I was trapped and had lost everything. I blamed myself for all that had happened.'

'How did you resolve it?'

'By allowing it to happen again. By looking at myself in the memory and seeing that there was nothing I could have done.'

'You did not fight the memory. Because I am fighting. I wonder what will happen if I cease to do so.' Jim stared at him.

'You'd … you can't stop fighting, Spock. You'd …'

'I would what, Jim?' He looked at him. 'I would not lose time. But I would give you an opportunity to verify the theory. I feel the urge to walk into the desert. And I believe I know why.' T'Kray looked anywhere but at him.

'As do I. You were all given the same order. Not to go to the caves, obviously, but something else entirely.'

'And how do we find out what order that was?' Leonard asked.

'We don't,' T'Kray said simply. 'And we can assume that the order was never changed because it did achieve one thing: It got all those that are affected together in the same place.'

'To what end?'

'To demonstrate the negative influence of humanity. To cut ties with the Federation.' She smiled grimly. 'You see, I think Terik and whoever is with him were fooled. There have always been those that don't trust humans. And for Tilak, it would be one great achievement. Imagine cutting Vulcan out of the Federation, out of Starfleet. That would be a huge loss.'

'T'Kray, please give me an order that will make it clear if our assumption was correct.'

'Turn clockwise three times.' Spock heard her, felt the obligation to follow the instruction and sat on the bed. T'Kray closed her eyes with a pained expression.

'You didn't,' she said quietly. 'Spock, you didn't.' The anger, unchecked, had dissipated, given strength to the call of the desert.

'If I let the foreign feelings take control, they allow whatever suggestion is in place to work. I shall leave now.'

'Leave where?' Jim asked in alarm.

'The desert. It appears that my chances for survival are best there, anyway.' Spock headed out of the door. If Jim tried to follow, he was held back by Leonard and T'Kray.

Ϡ

'Let me go.' Jim's tone was that of the Captain giving an order, but T'Kray maintained her hold on him.

'No.'

'This is an order, Lieutenant.'

'Yes. But I cannot. You will listen first.'

'I'm done listening!'

'Jim, sit down and start thinking with your head again!' The struggling man calmed in T'Kray's grasp, staring at Leonard as if he were the worst traitor in the world. 'Listen! Please. He's right. He's safest there. He'll have a lot more time.'

'Why?' T'Kray let go of Jim but remained poised to lunge if he tried to leave.

'Because,' she said deliberately, 'it seems this drug doesn't like resistance. Len, can you test if that is true?'

'Probably.'

'My conclusion would be that if you resist the order to go … wherever, the drug does a lot more damage. If you go with the flow, it's less virulent. You agree?'

'Yes. Jim, for now he's better off there.'

'Can't I order him to come back?' Leonard looked at T'Kray for an answer.

'Doubtful.'

'We can try.' She smiled vaguely.

'Yes. We can try. And I think it is worth it. But for now, let him follow the order. Let him go to the desert. I don't think you can stop him without force, but perhaps once he's there, you can give him a new command.'

'I hate this. Even thinking of this. He's not a puppet on a string.'

'Right now, he is, in a manner of speaking.' Jim sat down, face in his hands.

'He's blocking me completely. I can't sense that he's even there.'

'He's protecting you, Jim,' Leonard said sensibly.

'From what?'

'The effects of the drug,' T'Kray answered. 'You'd be feeling them, too, and he's stopping that from happening. As long as he can. After that you'll have to shield by yourself.' Jim stared at her.

'Shield? From Spock?' The desperation in his voice was heartbreaking. T'Kray crouched near him and placed a hand on his arm.

'Yes. You must. Once the effects are too strong for him, before he dies, you will be in grave danger.'

'I don't think I want to shield.'

'You'll die, James. That may sound tempting compared to the agony of a broken bond, but it is not something he would want you to do.'

'If he dies out there, there'll be no-one he can meld with.'

'I'm still not planning on letting him die, you know,' Leonard said casually. 'I'll get back to the lab. T'Kray, take Jim out to the caves after a bit of a delay, please. Let Spock reach there, then follow. And don't let Jim do anything crazy.'

'I wouldn't.'

'Listen, Jim. You try and override that thing in his head, but don't take risks. This isn't over. Keep him safe, and keep yourself safe. What d'you think he'd say if you got hurt, and then I can help him and have to tell him you're gone?' Jim nodded once. 'Right. You be careful. Both of you. I'll get back to work.'

'You need rest, Len.' He snorted.

'Fat chance. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. Not now.'

Ϡ

They had intended to give Spock three hours headway before following, and Jim thought if only he had stayed put until that time, it would have worked. He knew, of course, that this was nonsense. If he had remained at Sinek's house, he would still have been informed of Stal's escape, only later. And then it might have taken them even longer to capture him.

They knew one thing: He couldn't have left the VSA. By now, security was tight enough to ensure no-one could escape. The problem was finding him within the premises and at the same time trying to determine how he got out of his cell in the first place. There was little doubt that he had been let out. However, it seemed he hadn't got the instruction everyone else had, or he would have been caught trying to leave the VSA.

In the end, it had been Charika who had run into the poor soul in a corridor. He had alerted Jim and they had returned Stal to his cell. But they had lost two days, scouring a building with many ways to hide and little to no surveillance, rather than three hours before Jim and T'Kray finally set out towards the caves in a desert flier.

They were barely out of the vehicle when three Vulcans stepped in their path. Jim noted that none of them were those who had met them when he'd been here with T'Lin and Bones. Maybe that was a good thing. 'What do you want?' one of them called.

'My bondmate is here with you. I wish to see him.' They had argued about this. T'Kray had felt it best not to announce just why they were there. Jim believed deceit would get them nowhere.

'Then come. No-one's coming out to you.'

'Unwise,' T'Kray said quietly.

'Bones came back alive, didn't he?' Jim replied. 'Don't wait forever. Go if I'm not back in fifteen minutes.' Steeling himself for whatever might come, he walked over to the Vulcans. Promptly, one of them walked with him. 'Can I have a moment alone with him?'

'Yes. I'll bring you to him.' They didn't go far. Leonard had described the interior of the cave and where they had gone. This time, they went into a different passage. 'You're bondmate is in here,' the Vulcan told Jim, indicating a small room to the side.

Spock was sitting there, and for a moment Jim thought he was asleep. 'Spock?' he asked tentatively. When Spock opened his eyes, some of his hope died. There was something about his glace that wasn't right.

'Leave. I am allowing the drug to affect me. It might give the Doctor time. I hope that you will be able to return before it is too late and apply whatever cure he comes up with.'

'I'm not going anywhere,' Jim said and knelt next to him. 'Come back with me, Spock. You wanted to go to the desert. You went to the desert. Now come back.' Spock shook his head.

'I cannot. My place is here.'

'Spock, look, it can't be that bad yet.' The bond opened wide, and Jim landed hard on his rear. He was flooded by an array of emotions.

'You see. When I came here, I believed that it would be easier. It is not. It is not as destructive, but equally violent. Not all emotions that assault me are negative any more, but all are strong. And I cannot contain them. Not after I first gave in. I wanted a stalemate. I have reached it.'

'This isn't a stalemate, Spock! This is … this is a fool's mate!'

'Perhaps. We shall see.' The room was rotating around Jim, the intensity of what was happening to Spock overwhelming him.

'Cut it out!' he said at last and the barrier came back up. Jim sat panting, staring at the man in front of him. 'How do you deal with this?'

'I do not. Leave. Leave before it targets you.'

'It? God, please. Come back with us, let us help you!' Jim didn't see it coming. Spock was there, his hands digging into his arms hard enough to bruise.

'I will not. Run. Go before I harm you. I want to.' Vulcan strength shoved him away, and he fell hard, dislocating his shoulder on the impact with the wall. Spock returned to his side, eyes wide and frightened. 'Please. I cannot fight it. I can only let it happen and survive. If you can, forgive me. But you cannot stay.' Shaking, Jim reached out with his uninjured arm and cupped Spock's cheek.

'I'll come back for you. Don't you … don't you dare die on me.'

'I shall try.' With a last glance at the figure that was somehow transforming into a stranger, Jim fled. But the fear he felt didn't lessen when he was safely outside. T'Kray noted the awkward way he held his arm.

'Len will fix this.'

'I don't care much right now,' Jim said. His arm was hurting, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was Spock in that cave, getting lost inside himself.