Chapter 2- How do I feel?

Remus woke much earlier than normal the next morning. He rolled over to see his wife sleeping peacefully beside him. He couldn't stand the thought of waking her, and after gently kissing her he got dressed, supposing he might as well go downstairs. It felt strange wondering around Harry's home, but Harry had insisted Remus, Tonks, and of course Teddy, stay the night at least. Remus hated to impose but he had been forced to admit it would be easier on Teddy not to be moved to a new home right away. In any case, although he hadn't admitted it to Harry, he had nowhere to take his family.

Before his marriage to Tonks he had lived with Sirius at Grimmauld Place, Harry's home now that Sirius had left it to him, and after his marriage they had lived with Tonk's mother Andromeda. He wished he had thought this through a bit more before he and Tonks had so eagerly decided to come back to the life they had left behind. He had promised his wife somehow things would work out though, and he felt sure they would.

More to fill up the time between now and when the others woke up than anything else, he started making some tea. He had always been hopeless at potions, but simple tea was nothing like making the wolf bane potion he needed every month after all. And keeping busy helped him think.

It had been more of a shock then he'd thought it would be to see Harry as a grown man. He'd known Harry was very mature for his age, part of the reason why he hadn't had any doubts about Harry being Teddy's godfather. And of course he had known that years had past since he'd last walked the earth, but the whole idea of how the people he'd known had aged and how new lives had begun without his even knowing still hadn't fully sunk in yet.

New lives. He relaxed a bit at the thought of Harry's children. There had been such a brief time in his life when he'd had friends. None of the others in his neighborhood had been allowed to play with him when he was a child because of his condition, and shortly after those seven years at Hogwarts that went all too fast James had died and Sirius had been imprisoned in Azkaban for twelve years. Sirius had been killed less then two years later. Harry, Dora, and Teddy had been the only people he'd ever had a close relationship with who hadn't ended up being taken away. So every relationship he had meant far more to him that what they'd have meant to most people, and his relationship with Harry went way back to when Harry was a baby. Now he'd get a chance to know the children of the young man he'd always considered his son.

"Well, looks like Dora and I get grandchildren, in a way, the same day we get back our son," he thought. But what about Teddy? Although neither Teddy nor Harry had said so in so many words, it was obvious how close they were. Teddy saw Harry as his father and Ginny as his mother. Although things had warmed between Teddy and his birth parents, could Teddy ever see them as his parents and not just friends of the people he'd always thought of as his parents? Maybe coming back instead of going on had been a mistake. No. He couldn't think that way. He and Tonks had to wait so long to be back with Harry and Teddy. He would never have forgiven himself if he'd taken the easy way out and never taken the chance to know his son and see the people he and Tonks loved again.

The smell of the tea must have woke Harry, because it wasn't long before the dark haired young man came downstairs. Harry looked a bit disheveled and stifled a yawn, bit grinned widely seeing Remus was awake.

"Good morning Remus."

"Good morning Harry. Feel like some tea?"

"Yes, thanks." Harry took the mug Remus filled and took a sip. He looked at Remus a moment with a look Remus couldn't quite read.

"What is it Harry?"

Harry shook his head as if dismissing a thought. "Just relieved this isn't some dream. I woke up almost afraid you and Tonks would be gone."

"Dora and I are both glad to be here. We won't be going anywhere for a while, and when we do finally leave it will definitely be to somewhere on this earth." Remus gave what he'd hoped would be a reassuring smile, but Harry gave his friend a thoughtful look rather than a cheerful one.

"You know you're more than welcome to stay here indefinitely. All three of you."

"I know, and I can't thank you enough for the offer, but I've relied on charity my entire adult life. I want better than that for Dora and Teddy. Although I can't honestly say I know what I'm going to do for a job. Is that anti werewolf legislation still in place?"

Harry nodded sadly. "Since I became an Auror though I've been doing what I can. Werewolf status has been changed from beast to being anyway. It's a small step."

"At least it's a step in the right direction," he sighed "Looks like we'll be staying here longer than I'd planed after all. I just hope it's for the best. But if I'm going to stay here we'll have to do something about my, er, problem."

"You're 'furry little' problem?" Harry asked, using the phrase he knew his father had used for Remus being a lycanthrope. Remus nodded.

"I know potions was never your favorite subject, but you were better at it than I ever was. Do you think you could make the wolfs bane potion?"

"It shouldn't be a problem. I learned a lot about potions in sixth year, and I needed to learn even more about potions in training. The wolfs bane potion was one we had to learn."

"That should be all right then." he filled a mug of tea for himself and took a sip before asking "Does Teddy know about my problem?"

Remus lowered his head as he asked, and Harry knew he must be dreading Teddy's reaction if he had been told.

"I told him four years ago. I figured he was old enough to understand then. Don't worry though. He knows that it's an illness and it's no fault of your own. He doesn't hold it against you."

Remus relaxed at that. "I don't think I'd have known how to tell him myself. You've done so much for him Harry, made things so much easier for him." To himself he thought "I just hope I don't make things harder."

"Expecto Patronum!" Teddy said in a half whisper sitting on the edge of his bed. "My parents are alive. Expecto Patronum! "The silver mist that trickled from the end of his wand was thicker than it had ever been, and instead of just being a fog it seemed like a cloud that people look at and see a shape. And that shape was definitely some sort of animal with a tail. But it was nowhere near being a true Patronus. Teddy had wanted so much to surprise his parents by showing them he could do this incredible piece of magic, but so far this was the best Patronus he had ever cast.

From the stories he'd heard, Teddy got the feeling that his parents were almost something out of mythology, people who he knew had lived but weren't quite real. Now that they were there, it felt so incredible to talk, joke, and generally spend time with them. But he didn't know if he could ever feel the way about them he did about Harry and Ginny. He knew they loved him as much, and could tell how happy they were whenever they were with him, but it didn't feel like they were his parents yet.

Maybe that's why he couldn't cast a proper Patronus. He couldn't feel the joy that was needed, even knowing his parents were alive and safe. He had never known them, and was so confused he didn't know what he should feel. And what about Harry and Ginny? Would they be hurt if he finally got close to his- real parents? An equally frightening thought came to his mind. What if he never could fully love them as more than just close friends of the family? He knew they must have hated being forced to be away from him for twelve years, and must have been overjoyed to see him again. He couldn't hurt them. But he couldn't hurt Harry and Ginny either. For now things were so perfect, but he knew his- parents- probably wouldn't stay here in this house forever. And when they left, he would have to choose who he would stay with. That meant no matter what, he would end up hurting someone.