I didn't know what to do with myself now, Noodle had stalked off to somewhere, and that left me quite alone. I went to the sub and grunted as my shoulder protested the movement. I felt the cold metal chilling my body as I saw Ache-Face's note. I read it and briefly debated whether or not I should go over there but Noodle was at that location as well and I didn't want to crowd her if she needed distance.
Why did you care? I asked myself. You're Murdoc Niccals, mate. You do whatever the hell you want and god damn everyone else. My mind had a point but it was Noodle, the girl I believed I loved. But I wouldn't let anyone else know that.
I bowed my head, shame filling me as I recalled the situation again. "You are a bastard." I told myself. My mind agreed with little guilt.
I took a seat on the floor and stared out the window that was still underwater, examining the fish floating by. I idly began thinking of the lyrics to a song I'd written for her, I closed my eyes and recited them, imagining how great they sounded with 2D's voice crooning them:
I'm a scary gargoyle on a tower,
That you made with plastic power,
Your Rhinestone Eyes are like factories far away…
I truly was nothing but a gargoyle to her, an old man. I cursed Dullard's name, he had been right, all I would end up doing was breaking her heart. That song had kept me filled with hope, to write verses and then give them to the soddy robot to sing out. The hope that if she ever did come back to me, that we could be together.
It would've happened, but I was too much of an asshole. I fucked it up. Tears stung my eyes, one slipping my control and falling onto my chest. I hurriedly wiped my eyes, ignoring the ache that surged up where my heart should've been.
What the hell is wrong with you Muds? My subconscious demanded. I shrugged.
I don't know myself these days. Was the only answer I could give.