AN: just to clarify, parts referring to Leonard by his last name are from Sheldon's POV, the other bits are from an observational POV. :)

Chapter four

The next morning, he dressed carefully, choosing a blue shirt, and then a green shirt, and a black and white suit, which he though looked quite dapper, indeed, Doppler, to be precise. His shoes were two toned, brown and black, and he chose his weapon carefully, a colt 45, because it would fit in the pocket of his overcoat. Who knows where he might end up today? He carefully added another handkerchief to the many carefully folded in his pocket already, who knew what germs he might have encounter.

He shuddered.

When they had delivered the actress to her new digs next door, and she had discovered they planned to arrive the next morning at eight-thirty, she had handed them the address of her old abode, the address of the theatre in which her Director-ex had done business, and the names of his local haunts, and issued a strict order to not wake her before eleven AM, or she would cheerfully punch them both in the throat.

Hofstader had put it off as an idle threat, but he wasn't so sure. She WAS from Omaha. They would do some investigating before picking her up. Perhaps they would have the case settled by then, and then he could back to that fascinating problem of reconciling string theory to black holes. He was so near a breakthrough, he just knew it.

He entered the living room and pulled on his over coat, and his hat, it was drizzling, and a wet head meant consumption for sure, and he couldn't die yet, he was far too intelligent to die in such a common way. Not only that, but he had not yet created the dogapus.

"Are you sure we shouldn't go get Penny?" Hofstader sighed glumly.

Sighing, he glanced up at the ceiling before sending a withering glance at his short comrade. "You have fallen for her haven't you? I assure you, you have no chance with her."

"Oh yeah? And what makes you so sure of that?" Hofstader's chin was jutting out alarmingly.

"Did you not notice her shoes? Three inch heels, Hofstader, she towers over you."

"She could change her shoes."

He snorted. "Yes, and the world could spin the other way. But it doesn't, and she won't."

"You're jealous. You want her for yourself."

Oh dear, the whining was beginning. He pushed the hat down on his head more firmly and opened the door. "Don't be ridiculous Hofstader, what on earth would I do with her?"

~S~

The former residence was, indeed empty. They had even found the wife, camped out on the stairs, figuratively spitting nails she was so mad. Adeptly they had avoided her and made their search, asked a few questions of the neighbours and then let themselves out.

The neighbours were entirely useless, and knew nothing, other than the man was great hulking brute, and the woman (AKA Penny) had been known to use rodeo terminology in the most vulgar of ways at early hours of the morning.

"Yee-haw?" Leonard winced, "Really?"

"It's a common term used when one is riding a bucking beast and has a grip good enough to not fall off." Sheldon clarified.

"I know what it means." Leonard sighed.

Sheldon shook his head. "Yet another mark against you."

"That I know what it means?"

"She obviously prefers beasts to nice men, which counts you out."

"You think I'm nice?"

"No, but you can't be called a beast under any circumstances. I could squish you like a bug, and you outweigh me by twenty pounds."

"That's not true, Miss Winkle called me a magnificent beast." Leonard reminded him.

Sheldon shuddered. "Was she drunk and not wearing her spectacles?"

"Maybe. Well, yeah, but so what?"

Sheldon's eyes crossed and he pressed his fingers to his forehead resignedly. "Discussion is closed. If you wish, next we see our client, you may ask her if she thinks you beast material. I now require a drink."

"It's the prohibition." Leonard hissed. "And you don't drink."

"I said I needed a drink, not that I needed to drink it." Sheldon replied crossly. "That is the establishment which the director used to frequent, I believe we must enter and purchase libation in order to ask questions ascertaining the possible whereabouts of our clients shoes."

"Don't you mean her stocks and jewels?"

"That was implied, was it not?"

"And why can't you just speak plain English?"

"I speak impeccable English." Sheldon paused. "If I require a language I don't speak well, I use Wolowitz, you know that."

"Speaking of Wolowitz, tonight is card night with him and Raj." Leonard said as the entered the club.

"I'm aware."

"Do you think we should bring Penny?"

Sheldon sat a stool and stared at the man tending the bar which was not a bar but which used to be a bar and would probably be a bar again in the future, and in the meantime sold it's liquor in coffee mugs. The man raised an eyebrow and Sheldon laid his palm down on the counter, a folded dollar beneath it. "Hit me."

There was a nod, and a mug landed in front of him...