This is a silly dialog-heavy short regarding poor Porthos and the fallout among those who have to deal with John. ^_~ Takes place approximately six months before the end of #5/start of #6. :P

How Much is that Doggie in the Window

"Jim, we need to reschedule your next appointment. The admiral isn't going to be available today." Jim blinked at Ms. Nakashima, who was looking particularly frazzled.

"-okay..." He glanced towards the closed office door. "I hope it isn't something bad." John's secretary groaned, dropping her head into her hands; Jim shot her a worried look. "-can you tell me?" The older woman's mouth twisted, and her eyes flicked towards the closed door before nodding.

"The admiral has been working with an officer on a transporter theory project lately...and they hit an impasse." She was keeping her voice down, and he leaned over to hear her better. "The officer- errr- decided the best way to prove that he was right was to transport something." He grimaced.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" The look she flashed gave him his answer.

"So, um, said officer took poor Porthos." With that, Nakashima sighed and slumped in her chair as Jim's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"Shhhhhh!" His jaw snapped shut as she flapped a hand wildly in the air. They both looked again at the door, but when there was no sound, they sighed in unison. Jim grimaced.

"This is bad." The glare the woman leveled on him could have stripped paint.

"Welcome to my life, Jimmy." He licked his lips as he glanced towards the closed door.

"He loves that dog almost as much as he loves Dad." Nakashima's glare transformed into a pinched expression.

"-that's a whole other can of worms I don't wish to think about right now." Jim gave the older woman an appeasing smile as he patted the top of her hand.

"Speaking of, does Dad know yet?" She shrugged as she gave another blank gaze in the direction of John's office.

"I honestly don't know." Jim straightened, pulling down the hem of his jacket.

"Sounds like I have recon to do. Especially if today ends the way I think it's going to end." That got a smirk out of the beleaguered secretary, and she waved a hand to shoo him out.

"Probably a good call. Get out of here, and good luck." Jim gave a casual salute as she sat up and started looking down at her work.

"You too, ma'am." Jim all but sprinted out of the room, keeping a good pace until he reached Chris's office. Yeoman Colt gave him a smile as he walked in.

"Anything I can help you with, Jim?" He shot the woman a bright smile while giving a quick incline of his head towards the inner office door.

"Is the captain available?" Colt paused, then held up a finger.

"One moment." She called into the office, before nodding. "Go right in." Jim nodded his thanks to Colt as he entered. Chris was sitting at his desk, glaring at a PADD as he walked in.

"Good afternoon, sir." Jim grinned as Chris looked up and gave him a questioning look.

"Why, may I ask, do I get the honor of a visit?" Jim pulled over a chair in front of the desk and flopped into it, resisting the temptation to kick his feet up.

"My counselling appointment was cancelled." The older man raised an eyebrow as he gave the PADD he had been examining one last glance before setting it down.

"Huh. Any reason why?" Jim's lips twisted.

"-I'm taking that as you haven't heard the news yet." The eyebrow inched up a little further. He'd never be in Bones' league, but the parental-ly charged glare made up for it in spades.

"I suspect you'll be filling me in soon." Jim hopped to his feet and flipped the chair around, settling into a perch.

"An officer that John was working on some sort of transporter theory experiment with decided to just try and prove his case." Chris's face went flat.

"I'm not going to like this, I have a feeling." Jim shook his head and looked his dad square in the eye.

"Guy decided to use Porthos." The older man's eyes instantly went saucer-like, and Jim rocked a bit on his feet in restrained amusement.

"Oh- shit." Yep, he had definitely made the right decision by coming straight here.

"Yeah, that was my basic response." Chris got to his feet and began to pace in silence, before spinning on his heel and looking at his son.

"Did I restock the liquor cabinet?" Jim nodded.

"A week ago, unless you drank it all already." The answering glare was standard, but his dad nodded as he stared at the far wall.

"Good. Feel like crashing on Leonard's couch tonight?" Jim frowned, before letting a mischievous smile creep onto his face.

"I am not missing this for the world." Chris's expression went sour.

"Jim, be nice." The innocent look hadn't worked in years on Chris. Damnit.

"That's no fun." Jim paused, before the corners of his lips began to twitch up. "No, wait, you are completely right. I'll stay with Bones tonight." The older man rolled his eyes as he sat on the edge of his desk.

"-you are such a pain in the ass, Jim." Jim scoffed, blinking up at Chris with a beatific expression.

"I haven't a clue why you would say such a thing." Ooo, he was getting the official don't fuck with me look now. He waved a hand in dismissal. "Alright alright. But still, I'll stay with him." Chris sighed and looked towards his door.

"John is not going to be pleasant to be around for awhile." Jim tried his best to keep his face blank. He wasn't succeeding very well. "Jim."

"I didn't say anything!" Chris scowled and rolled his eyes.

"You didn't need to." Jim hopped to his feet, rounding on the other man.

"Hey, I liked Porthos! Except when he was trying to chase my wings and pull my feathers out. Then we had relationship problems." That earned him another eyeroll, but it was more for show. Chris slouched against his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Hopefully he turns up soon. I don't have enough credits to keep John distracted for long." Jim skipped back a few steps as the grin threatened to overtake his face.

"I don't think you need credits for that." Chris almost fell off the edge of his desk.

"Jim." Just as Jim was pondering an equally irritating response, the door to the office hissed open in apparent terror as John stormed in already in full rant mode.

"Chrissyyyy, I need to somehow substantiate sending one of the best engineers in Starfleet to somewhere dark and desolate for a few months." Jim watched his dad pinch the bridge of his nose again with a sigh. He hopped to his feet and worked his way to the exit, patting John on the shoulder as he passed.

"-aaaand that's my cue to leave. See you two later!" John was glaring at the window like it had offended him and made no response, but Chris dredged up a resigned expression and gestured to the door.

"Get out of here, you brat."