Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe and characters.

Chapter 16

EPOV

I held her close to me, her heart thrumming wildly. To calm her, I gently rubbed her back, while at the same time, willing myself to remain as calm. There were so many things running around in my head: her daughter, the death of her daughter, and the fact that she had been a mother for more than fourteen years.

Fourteen years. It astounded me to realise that there were so many differences between the two of us. In fourteen years, I hadn't done much aside from playing music for crowds of varying sizes. I had zero experience in relationships, and I certainly could not even imagine putting myself in the position as a parent. What did I have to offer a woman like Bella Swan?

The most important thing for me in that moment was to continue to reassure Bella that I was there for her, and that the last thing that she had to worry about was myself, our current position, and our state of undress.

I could see it in her eyes, that she was overwhelmed with emotion. I had no expectations, not even when she kissed me first.

I matched her kiss for kiss, and while I desperately wanted us both to get carried away, I knew that it wasn't the right moment. I didn't want our first intimate moments to be carried out while consoling her. I pulled away first, and she closed her eyes. She slid off me, and rolled onto her back. I rolled over on my side and gently traced a line from her cheekbone to her chin.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey," she whispered back, looking regretful, but also determined to regain some form of control. The look in her eyes also told me that her decision about me was growing stronger, and I revelled in the fact that she seemed to be falling for me.

I was already lost. These feelings that I held for her were also overwhelming for me. Under usual circumstances, I would have maybe played the piano or worked on a song to express my emotions. I would have gone for a run, or encouraged Emmett or Jasper on a game of one on one so that I could burn off and wear myself out of any thought or consideration regarding inner conflict.

My conflict was not about Bella, but about how inadequate I felt in dealing with these new revelations. How could I even measure up and be worthy of someone like her? I knew that it was taking a lot for her to give up her privacy and open up to me. Damned if I couldn't do the same with her.

We went out for a late dinner, had a few drinks and talked the rest of the evening away. When we once again climbed back into bed together, it was everything just to hold her in my arms again. With each breath she drew, I felt stronger. I didn't know what this woman was doing to me, but I wasn't going to back away, now.

The first thing I did when we got home was to check my phone. However, when the automated voice droned out: "You have 23 new voicemails", I didn't even bother to listen to them. Not ten minutes later, the phone began to ring. I let the first call go to voicemail as well, but wasn't surprised in the slightest to hear it ringing again.

"Hello?" I sighed, wearily.

"Don't 'hello' me. Spill it," Alice demanded.

"Alice, I'd love to chat but I just stepped in the door and in less than ten minutes I'm due in the theatre to help Bella with some stuff."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you had better call me back the minute you're done. No, make that the second you're done," she practically spat, and then hung up on me.

I quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a fresh t-shirt, and while I was putting on my sneakers the phone rang again. Alice was becoming a giant pain in my ass, and I only hoped that she wasn't harassing Bella, too.

"What?" I yelled.

"Take it easy there, cowboy," Bella laughed, "I just wanted to ask if you would bring over your banjo for me."

"Shit, Bella, I'm so sorry," I apologised.

"Edward, don't worry about it. Am I right in guessing that you had a couple of messages since we left town?" she laughed.

"Twenty three," I sighed, "and I got a call from Alice already. I sort of expect more in the near future, too, unfortunately."

"You know, there's no law that says you have to answer your phone when it rings," she said.

"I know, but I swear, it will be a hundred times worse when they get back if I avoid them now," I admitted.

"It's a little odd, isn't it?"

"What? The fact that we went to Seattle together?" I was confused.

"No, but their reactions. It's like this huge deal now, it seems."

"It's only a big deal because they haven't anything better to do," I tried to reassure her.

"It's a lot of pressure they are putting on you," she noted.

"Us," I corrected her, "I'm sure she left you some messages as well."

Bella's silence confirmed it.

Instead she remarked lightly, "Someone told me that you've never brought a girl home in your entire life, and that you don't date much at all."

"I haven't had a date in months," I confessed, "and I've never been with anyone longer than a few weeks. Ever."

I cringed, knowing how bad it sounded, wondering where to begin. Bella waited patiently.

"I've met women, yes. I like them and I don't think that I have any great commitment issues. The thing is, though; I've never actually pursued someone long enough to be in a relationship. I've just never met anyone that I thought I could be serious about. After some time, I figured it was never going to happen. So I stopped looking. I get set up by Alice mostly, but sometimes Emmett and Rosalie, but nothing has ever panned out."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Say something," I pleaded.

"I kinda know what you mean, I think." Bella admitted, "Aside from Ren's father, I never got involved with anyone, either. Ren wasn't… uh… planned, but I knew I was going to have her right from the start. Her father didn't want to be involved at all. Less than a week after I told him, he said it wasn't for him, and when he found a decent job he'd start sending me money if I was going to keep her. He moved away for the summer to go tree-planting and that was the last I heard from him. I raised her on my own, even though Charlie helped me a lot. In between her growing up, school and then work, I never met anyone that I thought would be decent enough to share our lives with."

"He was never a part of her life at all?" I questioned, a multitude of emotions flowing through me.

"No, not at all," she told me, "but I'm glad. He would have been a crappy father, and we weren't in love. He was too much of a partier, and nothing was going to change that. He was funny, and I know he cared for me in his own way. I liked him, too, but our relationship was a mistake. Ren was better off not knowing him because he would have ended up disappointing her, I think. We had some mutual acquaintances, but I never pressed anything. I'm sure they mentioned us from time to time to him, but we never heard from him directly. He moved back to town, and we saw him around, but we've never directly spoken to each other. He wouldn't say a word to her. After she… afterwards, I was told that he had been told, but I still never heard from him."

"I would have been pretty bitter," I blurted out.

"Nah. Like I said, it would have been worse if we had stayed together. I respected his decision from the start, and the money was never an issue for me. If he had been contributing financially, I would have felt like we owed him something, or maybe he would have felt he had some right to see her on a regular basis. It would have been all kinds of awkward."

"How did Ren feel about him?" I asked.

She shrugged, "She idolized the idea of a father, but when she got older, she knew the score. She knew that he would never have been the kind of dad that she dreamed about. Later on, she made fun of him because she thought he was sort of selfish and irresponsible."

"Were you in contact with his family at all?"

"Marcus is friends with his brother, Riley. I see him from time to time. He knew Ren. When we lived on our own, he'd swing by with groceries or free passes to the movies. He took her mini-golfing and to the arcade when she got older. He's pretty decent, actually. The rest of his family, not so much. They ignored us."

"That doesn't seem fair," I told her.

"Edward, hasn't anyone told you? Life isn't fair."

I was surprised to hear a teasing note in her voice. There was a moment of silence, and she laughed, "Hey, lets get a move on. I'm sure we don't have a whole lot of time before the phones start ringing again."

"All right," I said. "Race."

A/N: Thanks so much for reading and responding. It's been a crazy summer, and I appreciate all the PMs, comments and words of encouragement. Some stuff that I'm reading right now includes: Oceanic .net/s/6194571/1/ and Dead on My Feet .net/s/6007656/1/