The dreams are horrible. They're full of torture, and they only stop when I'm awake, with my eyes open and in the bright light, preventing my mind from reaching the dark recesses of the filing cabinet in which every bad memory is stored. And this only happens when I'm distracted fully, not glancing at my stomach at all.
I wake up screaming in the night with the only comfort the one who wakes me and holds me. I feel like nothing but a fragile, destroyed shell of what I used to be. And maybe that's all I am.
That is all I am.
Edward is the one who wakes me up one night.
"Bella?" he asks quietly as I clench my hands around the fabric on his shirt.
I can't even cry anymore, I'm too scared. I bury my face in his shoulder.
"Bella?" he says again.
He runs a hand over my hair, trying to smooth down the back.
"It was horrible," I say.
"What?" he asks.
"That dream," I whisper after an eternity.
Thunder cracks, like in the nightmare, and I squeak, burrowing farther into Edward. He holds me, rocks me, but he can't stop the memories. I know he wants, I can see it on his face, but he can't. It's impossible for them to stop. Not so quickly after it all happened.
"Do you wanna talk?" he asks.
"No."
What I want is to go to bed. And maybe not get up in the morning. Or at noon. Or in the afternoon. Or at night. Or maybe simply never get up. Then this would stop.
But no. No, I can't do that. I will not do that. That would mean going against everything I believe in. Life. And that would mean the end of the baby. And it didn't do anything. It's an innocent child that unfortunately has to be born into this.
"Don't leave me," I whisper. "Please, never leave me."
"I won't. I promise. I won't."
He looks at the alarm on my bedside table. The harsh red numbers declare it's 5:17.
"How about we just get up and get ready for the day?"
I nod.
"Get dressed, then," he says, leaning down and kissing my forehead. He pulls me up and leads me to my closet, pushing me inside and shutting the door behind me.
I flip on the light and dig around for some clothes. I pull on jeans and a large band t-shirt for Nirvana. I pull on a pair of Vans and step out to see Edward gone.
"Edward?" I cry, the fear so evident in my voice.
I run from my room, down to his. I knock on the door and he opens it, buttoning up a shirt over his pale chest.
"You left," I say helplessly.
"I just needed to get dressed," he says. "I should have told you. I'm sorry."
"I panicked," I tell him, reaching out for his hand in the darkness.
He smiles softly at me and pulls me into the room, as gently as he can. He sits me on the couch and finishes buttoning his shirt. He sits down next to me.
"You'll be okay," he says. "And today, you and I are skipping school and going to spend the day together. Now, come on. Carlisle's at work, and Esme's still asleep, so we'll have time to get ready."
He got up and offers me his hands. I take them, and he lifts me off the couch. We walk downstairs, and he picks up a cooler from the garage. We pack up a lunch, and I find some eggs to make into an omelet for breakfast. Mm, eggs.
I crave eggs constantly. That's all I want, eggs. That's all I want to eat. Ah, cravings are entertaining.
We eat quickly and then throw the things into Edward's Volvo. We climb in, and he starts the car. He backs out, and I start fiddling with the radio. I pass between country stations and news and talk and comedy and rap and finally settle on a station playing classic rock. A song by The Rolling Stones is playing, and Edward hums along with it.
We don't talk as he drives, but it's not needed. We don't need to. It's comfortable between us without saying a word. He stops along a dirt road and pulls into it. He gets out, and so do I. We pull on our coats, and he grabs the cooler. We walk along, and I find his hand, entwining my fingers with his.
"Edward?" I ask.
"Yeah?" he says.
"Where are we going?"
A smile tugs at his lips. A very large smile that turns into a grin as he look over at me. My grasp on his hand tightens in a way of reflex.
"Sorry," he says. "It's just, it's a cool place. A calm place. It's the perfect place to think. It's where I go to . . ."
"Go to what?" I ask.
"I . . . plan," he says.
"About what?'
"In due time."
"I hate not knowing."
He chuckles and steps off the road, into the woods. He looks back as he feels me stop.
"It's okay. You won't get hurt. I won't let you."
I follow him again, still holding onto his hand. He's a constant in my life, and I love that. I'm still quite unsure of what I feel for him, but he is an amazing guy to be around.
As we walk, he keeps me from stumbling and falling. I trip a few times, but he doesn't let me fall. He keeps one arm around my shoulder, and the other holding onto my hand. He leads me into a clearing, a meadow where the snow is dazzling white and reflecting in the sun, completely untouched and virgin.
We walk out to the middle, and he sits down in the center, the snow coming up to his stomach. I sit down next to him as he's placing the cooler to his right. He puts an arm around my shoulder and holds me close.
We spend the day together, talking randomly and aimlessly. We play int eh snow a bit, and talk.
"What do you want to do after high school?" I ask as he gets up to walk back to the car to get the thick thermal blanket from the car.
Edward stops. He looks down at me and smirks. "I haven't really thought about it. What about you?"
"Probably paint a lot more. Take care of . . . the kid." My hand rests over my stomach.
He offers me his hands, and I take them. We walk back and get the blanket and then to the clearing again. He places the blanket down, and we sit down on it, getting out the food. We eat, and I look out at the woods around us.
"Wait, did you see that?" I ask, moving to my knees.
"See what?" he asks through a bite of his sandwich.
"I thought I saw someone out there," I say.
"It's probably nothing," he says, swallowing.
"Yeah, you're right," I agree. But I still think I saw something.
I take a bite of the sandwich and hear something snap in the woods. This time, Edward's on his feet, walking over.
I scramble to my feet and follow after him. He starts through the woods, and follow as carefully as I can after him.
"Hey!" he calls.
There's more footstep sounds, and then the sound of branches moving. Jake steps out.
"Hey, Bella," he says, ignoring Edward.
"Hi, Jake," I say, moving to Edward's side. He takes my hand.
"What's up?" he asks, his eyes locking on our hands momentarily and then looking back at me.
"Not much," I say. "Shouldn't you be at school?"
He rolls his eyes. "I could say the same for you two. Are you two dating now?"
"Uh, yeah," I say.
A pissed off look crosses his face and then he walks away.
"Jake!" I say, jogging after him. I grab his arm. "Look, I always thought of you as my brother. I told you. I'm sorry."
He sighs and pulls his arm out of my grasp. He walks away through the woods. Edward comes up and takes my hand.
"It's okay," he says as we walk back. "He's just upset and jealous."
I nod, and we sit back on the blanket. We finish eating in silence, and then we hear the sound of running feet.
I cock my head to the side, and Edward stiffens.
A figure appears at the opening to the clearing, and it takes a second, but I connect it with Esme.
"Oh, thank God," she says and runs forward. "We were so worried, so scared. We had no idea where you were, and neither of you would answer your cell phones."
She drops to her knees and hugs both of us.
"Sorry," we say.
"Just, come back to the house, alright?" she says.
We nod and pack up. Edward and I return in the Volvo, and Esme in her car. We return, and Edward and I sit down to play a game on the PS3.
This chapter is so shitty, and for this I apologize. I also apologize for the far too long wait. Remember, VOTE IN THE POLL. IT'S MUY IMPORTANTE (or, extremely important).
Well, anyway, hopefully the next chapter shouldn't take too long. ut I also question this as next week I have midterms. So, studying and such. but we shall see.
-xXRayneXx