Thank you to my reviewers: xBadxRomancesx - yes, that is me on my profile pic lol :) - obsessivelyfanaticgw09, Severen18 and M. Cullen Hightopp :)
Chapter Fourteen
Music…
There was loud music.
I was dancing. I wasn't the only one. There were loads of people around me. We were all dancing to the music.
Someone was holding my hands, and we were bouncing and singing along with the music.
They then disappeared. I was stumbling along, calling out for someone to help me. I was alone…lost…
Look at me, freak. Look at you. I'm normal. I'm not a freaky depressed schizophrenic like you.
I spun around, trying to find the speaker of the voice. No…
They circled around me, pointing at me with accusing fingers and sneering with malicious faces.
"FREAK FREAK FREAK." They chanted, over and over again.
"No, I'm not!" I cried, trying to run away from them. All I could hear was the word freak, over and over and over…
I fell over into darkness and –
"NO!" I cried, shooting up.
Breathing heavily, I looked around. I was in my room…in bed…safe.
A few tears were slowly trickling down my cheeks, but I wiped them away. Letting out a heavy and shaky breath, I buried my face into my hands.
What was wrong with me?
Was I ill? I didn't think so. I didn't feel ill.
It wasn't a memory, I was sure of that. I had no memories. They were all gone.
Another tear trickled down my cheek, but I didn't wipe it away. My whole life was gone, practically, and I had no memory of it.
I was unable to bring up my past, mention things that made me happy and made me sad. I couldn't laugh at the silly things I've done and blush at the mistakes I made.
I couldn't remember my family, my friends, my lover. I couldn't remember anything I used to love doing or any songs I used to like singing.
I remembered nothing.
Running a hand through my hair, I paused to think.
"My name is Johanna…" My voice trailed off. I couldn't think of a surname. "I am…" My voice trailed off again. I didn't know how old I was. "My favourite colour is…blue."
That last one was easy; I decided blue was my favourite colour a long time ago. People changed their favourite colour all the time. But, still…
I sighed, turning my head to look out the window. I could hear the heavy rain tapping against the window, and occasionally a flash of lightning would temporarily flash through the closed curtains.
Without really thinking about it, I stood up and crossed the room. Reaching out, I carefully opened the curtains and gazed out of the window.
For some reason I couldn't recall, the rain seemed so…beautiful.
Sighing, I sat myself down on the window seat and continued gazing out.
After a while, I began shivering, so picked up the blanket off my bed and wrapped it around my shoulders. Returning to the window seat, I closed the curtains, hiding me from view.
After a while, I soon fell asleep.
"Johanna?"
My eyes slowly flickered open. Was someone calling my name?
"Johanna?" The voice called again. "Where is that girl?"
I heard the sound of a door opening and closing. Sighing, I rested my head against the window and fell back to sleep.
"JOHANNA."
The curtains were ripped open, I was shook awake. Yawning, I looked up at Mildred sleepily.
"Morning, Mildred." I said, rubbing my eyes.
"Johanna, do you realise everyone in the street can see you?" She demanded. "Look at you!"
I looked at my reflection. My hair was a bit messy, and my nightdress had ridden up to my knees, but apart from that I looked fine.
"Sorry Mildred." I murmured, standing up.
"Honestly, child." She said, tutting.
After I was dressed, Mildred ushered me downstairs and into an empty room, instructing me to sit and wait.
Sighing, I sat back in my chair. I was bored.
I drummed my fingers against the table in front of me, and then began tapping my hands against it.
The door finally opened, and I looked up eagerly. I didn't care who it was, as long as I could talk to someone!
"Johanna," Judge Turpin greeted me with a nod. "I trust you slept well?"
"Yes, thank you, sir." I replied, smiling up at him. He didn't smile back as he sat down. I watched him anxiously.
"Sir, have I done something wrong?"
"Is your bed not comfortable?" He asked, looking up at me so suddenly it made me jump.
"It is lovely, sir." I said, wondering where this conversation was going.
"Why do you refuse to use it, then?"
"I…I do not refuse."
Judge Turpin frowned as he stared at me with a hard gaze.
"Johanna, I do not know what to do with you exactly. You are becoming quite reckless."
"Sir, may I please have a chance to explain?" I asked.
"Very well." He said, sighing.
"I had a bad dream, a nightmare. I woke up to the storm, and so sat by the window to calm myself down," I explained sheepishly. "The sound of rain helps me relax."
Judge Turpin didn't look convinced, but nodded.
"Are you sure that is all?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yes, sir. I did not mean to panic everyone. I simply fell asleep by the window."
"And what about Miss Winters? I do not approve of the way you spoke to her."
"I shall apologise, sir."
"And this…friendship," Judge Turpin said the word as if it were something disgusting. "With the maid. What shall you do about this?"
"I don't know, sir. What do you wish me to do?"
"End it."
"E-end it?" I repeated.
"I do not approve of it."
"But Anna is my friend."
"Johanna, after this morning, I do not think you are in any position to argue."
I frowned. "But, I –"
"Johanna."
"She's the only friend I have, sir! If I am not permitted to talk to her, whom may I talk to?"
Judge Turpin didn't answer as he stood up, turning to leave.
"Sir! Whom will I talk to?" I demanded, also standing up. "Sir!"
"Johanna, I do not wish to speak with you while you are in this state. I suggest you go upstairs immediately and calm down."
"Calm down?" I cried. "Sir, you are denying me the right to speak with my only friend and you wish me to calm down?"
"Johanna."
Glaring at him, I stormed past Judge Turpin and back upstairs.
That night, I felt rather guilty. It was annoying, for I wanted to stay angry at him for a bit longer, but I couldn't.
As much as he annoyed me, Judge Turpin was still my guardian and still cared for me.
Sighing, I glanced in the mirror to make sure I looked acceptable before leaving my room. I had to find Judge Turpin.
Wandering along the corridors, I passed a few maids, each of them questioning me as to where I was going.
"I am going to see Judge Turpin. Do you know where he is?" I asked.
"Oh yes, he's in the dining room." One of the maids told me, gesturing towards the wooden door. Smiling, I thanked her and walked towards the door.
"…don't you agree?"
"Oh yes, sir."
I frowned. That was Judge Turpin and the Beadle speaking, I knew, but what about, I didn't.
I knew it was rude, but I was curious. Still frowning, I moved closer to the door.
"And she still has no idea, sir?"
"Of course not. The girl is as clueless as ever," Judge Turpin chuckled. "She got worked up about a silly servant girl this afternoon."
My mouth fell open. They were talking about me!
The Beadle also laughed. "She is a foolish girl."
"I quite agree, Beadle."
The door suddenly opened, making me fall forwards.
"Johanna."
I straightened up and found myself looking up at Judge Turpin.
"H-hello, sir."
"How much of that did you hear?" He demanded, grabbing my arms.
"S-sir, I don't know what you –"
"Don't lie to me you foolish girl! How much did you hear?"
"Nothing!"
Judge Turpin let go off me, glaring at me.
"Go away."
"S-sir?"
"GO AWAY." He roared. Letting out a small squeak of fear, I spun around and ran.