Harry Potter is not mine
Chapter 22- What do I fear?
September first that year was preceded by a blue moon, which meant two transformations in one month for Remus. The wolfsbane potion would make the transformations easier on him once he was able to start taking it. That would be in time for the next full moon, but for now they were very tiring.
When they'd all taken their seats on the train, Remus put his battered old briefcase with "Professor R. J. Lupin" written on it in peeling letters on the luggage rack and thought he'd just rest his eyes a moment. He leaned back and listened to pieces of what the children were saying, grateful Ron and Hermione had stopped fighting about Hermione's new cat Crookshanks being after Ron's pet rat Scabbers. They talked about Black, Harry not getting in trouble over what happened to Marge, and he heard Hermione ask about him.
"Is your dad all right Harry? He looks ill."
"Yeah, he's fine," Harry said, a little quicker than he meant to. "He's just been working too hard planning lessons."
Those were the last words Remus heard before falling into what might have been a peaceful sleep, although Harry's new sneakascope going off and Ron's rat sqeaking constantly didn't make it easy. Soon his sleep was filled with yellow eyes, claws , claws against his face, and teeth sinking into his shoulder. Now he was standing alone in the basement of his childhood home, feeling his body contort and change for the first time. Those times had been terrible, but at least the pain of them went away. The worst was yet to come, something that could never be made completely right again.
Dumbledore had just come into Remus' home looking the saddest the younger wizard had ever seen anyone.
"Remus, I'm afraid I have some bad news…"
"Not James and Lily! No, Please don't say it. It can't be. Sirius would never…"
"Peter went after him-"
The nightmare was all too real. And it was so cold. Half awake and without completely knowing it he conjured a blue flame in his hand. It wasn't helping. It was only getting colder, and that cold was spreading to his heart until it felt like he'd never be cheerful again.
Only one thing had that effect-
Now fully awake he got to his feet, holding the fire out in front of him, revealing the cloaked figure in the darkness the creature itself had created around itself.
"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go."
But the dementor inhaled a ragged, rattling breath. There was a sucking sound, and Remus knew what followed that. He thought of Lily and James, all the good times with Harry, the moment Harry had been handed over to him and the letter he'd written him reassuring Remus he loved him as much as any son loved his father no matter what.
"Expecto Patronum."
The patronus charged down the dementor, but Remus had no time to feel any relief as he heard someone shout "Harry!"
He turned and saw Harry lying on the floor unconscious. Kneeling down he clutched his son by the shoulders and shook him lightly. For a panicked moment the thought that the dementor might have kissed Harry crossed his mind. He'd never heard of anyone passing out from a dementor before, but he knew the dementor hadn't gotten close enough to use it's worse weapon. After a moment Harry opened his eyes and Remus helped him to his seat.
"Are you all right son?"
Harry nodded weakly. Actually he felt ready to either be sick or pass out again, but he reasoned he'd made enough of a spectacle of himself for one day. Remus gave his son a large piece of chocolate and then handed out pieces of the candy to everyone else, taking a piece for himself. Harry was looking better, but anyone could see the dementors had affected him far worse than anyone else.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Remus asked again.
"I'm fine Dad. Honest. Who screamed though?"
Everyone looked at each other.
"Nobody screamed, Harry."
"But I heard someone. It was a woman."
There was an uneasy silence.
"There are an awful lot of ugly things in this world son," Remus said finally. "I wish I could protect you from all of them."
Harry certainly hadn't needed to hear Dumbledore's warning about the dementors that night. He had no wish to meet one ever again and would have liked to forget the incident ever happened. Draco and his followers took every opportunity to remind him of it by reenacting how he fainted and asking how it felt to need Remus to save him. At least the first day of classes looked like it was going to be good. Harry and his friends had a feeling they wouldn't enjoy Divination, but they were looking forward to Care of Magical Creatures. As a surprise, Remus hadn't told Harry that Hagrid had taken over the job, and they had all cheered when it was announced.
Even if it hadn't been for wanting to go to Hagrid's class Harry would have wanted out of divination. Professor Trelawny started the lesson by making as many "predictions" as possible, most of them Harry could tell were either wild guesses or things everybody knew were likely to happen anyway. Harry had only taken the class because Ron had, and didn't believe in divination. His dad had told him true seers were very rare, and it was fairly obvious Trelawny was no seer. It wasn't exactly calming though when Trelawny went into a dramatic display after supposedly seeing the Grim in Harry's tea leaves and told him it was a death omen. He didn't believe in omens, but he couldn't help wondering if the black dog in his leaves might mean the only dog animagus he knew of was close by. He thought of what he'd overheard Uncle Arthur saying before he got on the train. "He keeps saying the same thing in his sleep. 'He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts.'"
He tried to put it from his mind as he went to their next lesson and met up with Hermione.
"You can be glad that's one class you didn't take Hermione," Harry said. Hermione seemed a bit relieved hearing that.
"I was going to try to take it, but McGonagall talked me out of taking an extra two classes. Said I would have needed a time turner just to get to all my classes and all the homework would have left me a nervous wreck. Besides, not having divination means I can spend more time on Ancient Ruins and Arithmency."
Less than an hour later they were headed back to the castle. Remus was in a discussion about charms with Flirtwick when they walked up.
"How did your first lesson with Hagrid go?" Remus asked eagerly, smiling, but Ron only groaned and said "Don't ask."
"Why?" Remus asked anxiously. "What went wrong?"
"Malfoy, what else." Harry was holding his arm a bit strangely and Remus took a closer look at it. There was a gash, not too deep, but bad enough.
"How did that happen son?"
"That git Malfoy insulted a hippogriff. Hagrid warned us all not to do that. But could Malfoy follow that one little instruction? Nooooooooo," Ron said angrily.
"Harry got scratched when he knocked Malfoy out of the way," Hermione explained further.
"It's not that bad!" Harry insisted. "Just a cut. It will heal."
"It will heal better if Poppy takes a look at it. Come on."
Reluctantly complying, Harry followed to the Hospital Wing.
Harry and his friends who already knew Remus were excited about their first Defense lesson of the year. Ron, Hermione, and Neville all knew many of the spells Harry had learned were taught to him by his dad. Even those who didn't know Remus that well knew from what happened on the train that he was bound to be the best Defense teacher they'd ever had. Only Malfoy could come up with anything bad to say about Remus as the class waited, wondering what was keeping their teacher.
"So, where did your dad get his clothes? Does he shop at a muggle costume store or something?"
As many times as Remus got new clothes, there was no real way for them to get through the full moon untattered. He couldn't help it. Harry felt his hand twitch towards his wand, but Remus stepped into the room. The class looked at him curiously, especially when he told them to put their books away, take their wands out, and follow him. Harry was willing to bet from experience the class would enjoy this. As much as his dad loved reading, he also believed in a hands on approach to learning, and Harry could guess that's what he had in mind for today. Remus led them to the staffroom and once everyone was inside they heard banging coming from a wardrobe.
"Intriguing, isn't it?" Remus said as the class stared at the wardrobe, some of them looking clearly frightened. "Nothing to be afraid of. There's a boggart inside." Some of the class looked even more worried. The lesson continued with Remus asking if anyone knew what a boggart was. Hermione was the first to raise her hand and explain that boggarts take the shape of what people fear the most. After Harry answered the next question about why it was best to face a boggart with others they all had a turn facing it with the Riddikulus charm. What might have been a terrifying experience became fun, starting with Neville putting the boggart Snape in Mrs. Longbottom's clothes. Harry knew his dad was trying to get along with Snape, but prompting Neville had definitely gotten the class in the right spirit. One after the other they turned their worst fears into a good laugh.
Harry wondered what his would turn into. He might be in Gryffindor, but there were still things he feared. Voldemort returning to full power, something happening to his dad or to the others he loved. Then he remembered how all those things seemed to be combined when the dementor attacked on the train. Those hooded demons could make him feel as if everything he feared was happening all at once. If he had to pick one thing he feared, a dementor was definitely it. He had no idea how he could make a dementor seem funny, but he never got to face it anyway. When he approached the boggart his dad immediately shouted "Here!"
It was one of the strangest things Harry had ever seen. In front of Remus, Harry saw a torn and bleeding version of himself. The boggart Harry stared into space with eyes that didn't see, obviously dead.
"R-riddikulus!" Remus said, and the boggart turned into what looked like a prop from a muggle haunted house that didn't resemble Harry at all. Steadying himself, Remus let Neville finish the boggart off before awarding points to everyone who had faced it or answered questions correctly. Harry had been going to ask why he hadn't been allowed to face the boggart, but thinking about the look on his dad's face when he's seen the boggart, he couldn't bring himself to do it.
AN: The part with Buckbeak is basically a redo of in "The Name Is Potter Black." I wasn't sure how else to do that part. PadyandMoony gets the credit.