Thank you for your reviews, follows, and favorites fair readers! Sorry for the delay in between posts, pls expect a new Padmé part to go up much sooner. Fyi readers, this is a story based on the inner motivations and thought processes leading up to marriage, I hope no one is expecting major AU plot twists or turns. Trying to respect cannon in this one.

Mmbookworm – Thanks for reading. I appreciate your input. You're right, these are not truly rambling thoughts, I believe other authors have the style covered. I was (hopefully) writing in more detailed prose

Lusitana – Thanks! I hope you continue to read and enjoy

Resikat - Thanks for the thoughtful comment. Sorry for the long wait for the 2nd post, work got crazy the past couple weeks. And Anakin is not a easy character to write first-person.

sharp52092 - I appreciate your interest

"So I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."

– Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Anakin Skywalker

Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Inner peace.

Harmony.

Serenity.

That's what I'm supposed to be dwelling on. It's easier, not to mention a more enjoyable way to pass the time, to think of the person that brings me that peace and serenity. I'm tired, so very tired, of trying to rely on my own ability to procure it.

Padmé's flushed cheeks. Dewey and pink. The soft, botanical smell of her hair. A scent full of life. The slide of her lips against mine. Pure bliss…

I lick my own mouth craving that bliss again. These are the things my mind is set upon. My conscience flips through our moments together, one after another. As soon as one memory ends another detail of a moment spent with her rushes through like the Coruscant traffic outside my chamber's window. If the shades weren't closed I could no doubt see the endless speeders hastening through the city. Maybe she's in one of those speeders right now. I stop myself from irrationally peaking through the shut blinds to find out.

I let out a sigh. My injuries have confined me to the Temple ever since our return from Geonosis, but that will change soon. Right away, Obi-Wan sat me down after we were both discharged from the Halls of Healing…

"Our choices define who we are."

"Of course, Master."

"As Jedi we are expected to make decisions in accordance to the will of the Force for the better of the galaxy. That is why there is a Code for us to follow. It aids in our decision-making. It guides us so we can best identify between the Force's will and what may be our own personal, flawed outlook…"

"A lesson in will of the Force, Master? I'm not sure where…"

Obi-Wan had held his hand up in gentle rebuttal.

"You've been called by the Council to escort Senator Amidala back to Naboo. Anakin, I'm imploring you to yet again, look past your personal feelings on this assignment and to make the correct decisions as a Jedi."

My jaw clenches remembering this conversation, no, lecture. What had he said? That the Force's will could never conflict with our Jedi code? So according to his logic the most ubiquitous power in the universe was boxed in by a list of man-made tenants and rules? I don't know if I can believe that. I do however believe in destiny...It is destiny and destiny alone that has brought me to her again after all these years. Surely the Force had a role in that.

As much as I have learned to respect the Code and to live my life according to it, I still strive to follow the Living Force as Qui-Gon had iterated. I recall so vividly his words to me on that day of the pod race...

"Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don't think. Trust your instincts."

Wise words for then and for now. Instinct is something a Jedi relies on heavily; I owe my life a hundred-fold to it. Yet those same instinctive signals invoked her name within me during my recovery, they invoke it even now…Padmé Naberrie Amidala. Padmé Naberrie. Padmé. Just Padmé. My Padmé.

My feelings aren't forced or manipulated. Unlike this convoluted meditation session they don't require special learned breathing or skilled mindfulness. Our love, our feelings came naturally from within both of us. I can feel myself smiling; I'm a man in love with love returned. Who else within these Temple walls can say the same? How awe inducing! How natural! What could be more transcendent than this?

Padmé has seen me at my worst after mom's death and chose to love me still. The pain her passing still roars inside; her limp, emaciated body the heaviest weight I have ever bore. Sitting cross-legged on this cushioned platform my muscles begin to seize with tension and my jaw clamps tight.

Then I envision Padme's trusting brown eyes on me in the arena and the moment passes. She comes to blow away my inner smoke and ash like a misty breeze rolling over waterfalls from our Varykino picnic. The memory is the only balm to my discomfort. What if I didn't have those memories to temper the hurt? Would the ache inside overtake me, would it boil over like a rowdy pot? Could I be infuriated to the point that I might be violent again?

I exhale loudly wishing that my many emotions could be pushed away just as easy.

I never was very good at meditation. Undoubtedly, it's a discipline aided by time. I realize I lack a good 10 years formal training compared to other Jedi learners my age. No, I've never been the typical padawan. Maybe I should not, could NOT be held to the Code after all.

Yet I'm a Jedi, I know I'm better than this. So I close my eyes. Open my mind. I wait.

And a feeling arises.

The force is not merely nudging me. Nope, it's more like a shove.

Yes, Obi Wan I will make the right decision on this assignment. The right decision for me. The right decision for us

On this I shall mediate.