Gibbs let himself into the house silently, not wanting to wake Jenny if she was still sleeping. If someone were to look closely, they would probably notice the minute changes that had happened since his marriage to Jenny. There was a lock on the door now, though he still only used it when Jenny was in the house. There was also an alarm system, which was a huge step for Gibbs. But Jenny had insisted.
"If I'm staying at that house by myself because you're out late working a case, I want warning that someone is coming so I have time to go for my gun."
Gibbs had thought about protesting but it seemed pointless, she had made her mind up. And when Jennifer Sheppard-Gibbs made up her mind, changing it was next to impossible. Today Gibbs was grateful for her stubbornness. If he had to leave her alone, an extra layer of protection around her made him feel just a little bit better.
He heard her voice when he was taking off his coat. "You don't have to be quiet Jethro, I'm in here."
Gibbs rounded the corner to find her curled up on the couch with a novel he'd started weeks ago and had pretty much forgotten about.
"Good story?" he asked.
She gave him a half smile. "It feels like my life right now."
He sat down on the coffee table in front of her, trying not to crowd her. "How ya doin' Jen?"
Her eyes clouded. "Okay this morning Jethro. How was breakfast with Abby?"
He narrowed his eyes. Yup, there she was, trying to change the subject again. It was always like this whenever she didn't want to talk about something. This woman was the master of tangents and re-directed conversations. While it hurt that she didn't want to confide in him what had happened, Gibbs knew eventually she would have to talk to somebody. Maybe Ducky would have a few suggestions. He'd talk to him tomorrow.
"Good. She's worried about you. I wouldn't be surprised if she shows up in your office first chance she gets."
Jenny shook her head. "I don't want them hovering Jethro, I'm fine."
Gibbs just stared at her until she lowered her gaze to the cover of the book. "Jen, in my experience with women and the word 'fine', they never actually mean it. It's taken years but I finally figured it out. 'Fine' is just an acronym, kind of like NCIS. When women use it they are either Frustrated, Insecure, Nervous, or Embarrassed. Now which is it?"
"I don't know if I should be concerned that you've put that much time into analyzing one word or flattered that you pay attention or scared because you can read me so well." Jenny smiled at her husband, hiding all the thoughts racing through her brain.
He studied her carefully. "I'm thinking three out of four. Insecure, Nervous and Embarrassed. Insecure because of what happened and even though you love me you're having a hard time trusting me right now just because I'm a man. Nervous because you really don't want to talk about what happened even if you need to and embarrassed because its private and you can't bear the thought of actually giving me details. How close am I?"
Jenny shut her eyes. Never marry an observant man. Never marry a man whose gut tells him everything he needs to know about anyone. Never marry a man who knows you so well he can pick apart any defense you can come up with. But marry him anyways because even after six years apart he still could not make himself stop loving you.
When she opened them again Gibbs was still looking at her, waiting for her to say anything. Having to give that much of an explanation must have been exhausting for him, she thought wryly. He was used to giving orders in short bursts to his team and intimidating information out of suspects without having to say more than five words.
"New subject Jethro."
Her voice was taking on that "director" tone that he respected from her at work. When she used it at home she was hiding something. But he decided to back off for now. Pushing her might only make her shut him out more. He loved his wife but even after everything they'd been through as a couple and apart, Gibbs knew that this was one situation where he might not be able to help her or give her what she needs.
He leaned back and rested his weight on his hands. "What happens tomorrow Jen? We could both take the day off and hide out here."
Jenny slanted her eyes at him. "Oh no Jethro, that's not suspicious at all. The Director of NCIS and her Senior Agent, whom everybody knows she had a past relationship with, both don't show up for work on the same day. I wonder how long it will take Agent DiNozzo to start a pool for that?"
Gibbs grinned. "If he did, I'd smack him so hard his ears would be ringing for a week."
"I know you would. And I appreciate the thought. But we never take days off and I don't want to be stuck in the house for another day. I want everything to go back to being normal."
"Jen, you don't have to rush it. Everyone would understand if you didn't want to be at the office for a few days."
Jenny was getting frustrated. Why wasn't he listening to her? He didn't know what the inside of her head looked like right now. It was scary enough during the day when she could distract herself. At night when she couldn't control what memories showed up, it was worse. She couldn't be away from work for another day. Why didn't he see that she needed a distraction? When she was at work she was not Jenny Gibbs, she was Director Sheppard and the front she used for that identity was going to keep her sane.
She stood up and grabbed her mug off the couch. Trying to control the tone of her voice, she spit the words out through clenched teeth. "I am not having this argument with you Jethro. I am going back to work tomorrow and that's final." Jenny strode back to the kitchen and plunked her mug in the sink. Turning on the water, she got ready to wash the dishes.
Gibbs just watched his wife silently for several moments. Something had just clicked. The last two days he'd been looking at her like a victim, which she was. She was hurt and scared and he wanted to protect her. But just now he'd gotten a glimpse of what else was under the surface. Jenny was angry and not just a little bit either. She was seething mad at the person who had done this, at the whole situation, at him for trying to interfere in how she was handling it. If she didn't let it out soon, all that emotion was going to reach a boiling point and she was going to explode in anger or tears and lashing out some way.
He could hear the clashing of dishes as she scrubbed them forcefully. She clearly needed something to take her anger out on. Gibbs waited until she shut the water off. He glanced over his shoulder at her. She was leaning on the counter, head down, probably trying to figure out if she was supposed to apologize or stay mad at him on principle. He saved her the trouble of deciding.
"Come on Jen," he walked over and took her hand, leading her back to the basement.
Jenny glared at him. "What are you doing Jethro?" She was not in the mood for a talk, for him to help her face her demons or any other form of therapy he might try to underhandedly sneak in when he thought she wasn't looking.
He didn't answer. She followed him down the steps into the dimly lit basement and watched as he turned on the work lights around his boat. She shook her head. Jethro and his boats. She'd lost track of the number of boats he'd built, some named after ex-wives which generally got burnt after the divorce. She knew there was at least one for Kelly and that was one that had actually made it onto the ocean where it was supposed to be. She suspected there was a finished one for Shannon as well, though Jethro had never said what happened to that one and she never felt the need to ask.
The current one had her name on it and she was flattered the day he showed her the carved out letters. They both knew there was something different about this marriage. Her first, his fifth. Jenny had no doubt that, had Shannon and Kelly lived, Jethro and Shannon would have lived to be old together. The three women in his life after that were merely an attempt to fill the holes left in his heart from his family dying and her leaving him in Paris. It made Jenny feel sorry for Jethro's ex-wives, they hadn't known what they were getting into with this man. But she did and that's what made it different.
She knew about the tragedies and the messes in his life, all the baggage and he knew all her secrets and could deal with her stubborn independence and all that went with it. Jenny knew that unlike the others, she and Jethro were going to make it. But what had happened to her and everything that went with it was a big, dark, unexplored abyss and right now she had no idea how they were going to navigate their way through it. Though she was quite certain they would do it together. Even if it was on opposite sides, if he continued to push.