-A/N-

Alright, sorry I've been gone for so long. Shit went down. But I'm back now.

I do not own any of the recognizable characters presented in this story. No copyright infringement is intended. All other characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

9. ALPHA

Terry's POV

Jacob and I were at the party for hours. When two in the morning rolled around, he turned to me. "Do you wanna go home? I'm kinda tired…"

I nodded. "Alright." I stood up and starting saying goodbye to everyone.

Paul got off the couch. "Nah, Jacob. You can go home if you're tired, Terry can stay here if he wants to."

I shook my head. "I'm pretty tired, too."

"You're just saying that 'cause you don't want to hurt poor Jakey-wakey's feelings." He put his hand on my arm. "Stay here."

"I'm really tired. I'm not leaving just for Jacob's benefit."

"You were fine before Jacob-"

"Enough!" Jacob interrupted Paul with a tone of voice that I've never heard him use before. It was full of authority.

Paul just looked over at Jacob his mouth hanging open like he wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. Eventually, Paul nodded his head. "Well, that's going to take some getting used to…"

As Paul sat back on the couch, I looked around at all of the pack members staring at Jacob, with the same expression. I had no idea what was going on. "Jacob…?"

Jacob put his arm around my shoulders. "Come walk home with me."

Jacob and I left Sam's house and began the walk back to our house in the cool night air. He walked differently. I couldn't put my finger on the change, but it seemed somehow different to me. He carried himself like he was someone else. "What's going on, Jacob? What did you and Sam talk about, and what was with Paul?"

He shook his head, and laughed. "I'm the Alpha."

"The Alpha? You are?" I stopped walking, this was exciting news. I just couldn't quite figure out why Jacob didn't seem as excited as I was.

Jacob nodded. His lips pressed into a tight line as he just stared ahead of us. He turned his head to look at me and pulled a corner of his mouth up, making a pathetic smile. His eyes were as hard a stone.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to be the Alpha…" He shoved his hands into his pockets and started walking again.

You what…? I ran ahead of him and turned back, placing my hand on his exposed chest. "Why not?"

Jacob looked into my eyes, his own softening as he spoke. "I want to live my life with you. I don't want the responsibilities that being Alpha entails. I just want to be me…"

"You are you. You've never been anyone else. You never will be anyone else." I brought my hand to the side of his face, stroking his cheek with my thumb. "Where's all this coming from?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled it off of his face. "Let's go home." Jacob held tightly to my hand, waiting for me to start walking with him.

I stared into his eyes, wishing I could understand. What's wrong, Jacob…?

We walked the remainder of the way home in silence. It was a heavy silence. When we walked past the Cullen's house, into the backyard, I noticed Edward was standing in one of the windows of his house, looking out at us. I made eye contact and he looked concerned. I just shook my head and he nodded knowingly, disappearing from the window.

Once inside, Jacob let go of my hand and walked into the bedroom without a word. I followed behind and when I walked into the room I saw him sitting on the edge of the bed with his arm on his knee, holding his head up with his hand. His other hand hung freely off of his other knee.

I sat down next to him and held his hand. We sat there for a while, both suffering for different reasons. After the longest time, he turned his head to me. "I don't want to be a monster anymore…"

"You're not a monster, Jake."

"Terry, seriously. I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake!" Jacob had never swore like that before in front of me. It was a weird thing to hear, he never seemed like the type to do that. "I'm a monster, who's sole purpose and reason for existence is to kill vampires. And I'm not even doing that. No." He shook his head. "No, I'm living in their backyard!"

"Jacob…"

"I used to be a normal kid." He stood up and walked over to the mirror in the corner of the room. He looked into his reflection for a long time. "Don't get me wrong, I love the feeling of freedom when I'm running as a wolf. There's really nothing like it." He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply though his nose.

The more Jacob talked, the wider his range of emotions went. What started as just plain aggravation, began to elevate.

"Jacob Black, great grandson of Ephraim Black. Rightful leader of the La Push wolf pack." Jacob shook his head. "I don't want this. I never wanted it. I never wanted to be a… freak! I don't fucking want this!" Shards of crimson stained glass flew everywhere as Jacob drove his fist straight through the mirror, out the other side.

I jumped backwards at the sound of shattering glass. I didn't know what was going on with Jacob, but it was beginning to scare me.

He turned to me instantly, his face contorting into sadness. He collapsed to the ground, holding his head in his hands.

I stood from the bed slowly, and made my way over to him. "Jacob…"

"I was forced to hold that in for too long." He dragged his hands down his face, leaving a trail of blood on one side. Jacob looked deeply into my eyes. "I'm sorry if I scared you…"

I took off my shirt and started wiping the blood from his face. "What do you mean you were forced to hold that in?"

"When we all first phased, Sam basically commanded us to get over it. 'We have a job to do, there's no time for this'. All of my resentment for what I had become was put behind a wall." When the blood was all off of his face, I took his hand, starting to pick out the pieces of glass, while he continued. "Today when he told me that he was no longer gonna be the Alpha, I was worried about what would happen when I realized my feelings about being a monster were no longer bound."

I tied my shirt around his hand to stop the bleeding, not that it would take too long to stop. "You're not a monster. You're a protector. Protector of La Push and it's people. Protector of me." I smiled.

"I don't age."

That surprised me. "What?"

"Nope. As long as I keep phasing, I will not age. But when I stop, it will catch up to me." He stood up, taking off his clothes and laid in bed.

I put my pajamas on as I wondered about what he had just told me. "Well why don't you just stop phasing then. You won't be a 'monster' anymore." I did air quotes, hoping to show him that he's not really a monster.

"It's not that easy." He rolled onto his back as I crawled in next to him, shutting the light off. "If we get too angry, it just… happens. I was pretty close to phasing a couple minutes ago."

I laid my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. "Jacob… What're you going to do?"

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "What choice do I have?"