At precisely 0950, Jenny heard a knock on her door and Cynthia peeked her head in. "Director? It's almost time."
"Thank you Cynthia." Jenny brushed and hand down her outfit to smooth out any wrinkles and took a deep breath. Showtime.
The rest of Jenny's morning and early afternoon passed swiftly. First there was the hour long conference in MTAC. Then her security detail escorted her to a nearby, upscale restaurant where she met with the commander to talk about the mission and smiled in all the right places. Then she only just returned from lunch when the phone rang, SecNav was on hold for her. Grateful to be busy but starting to feel a bit frazzled, Jenny reached for the phone.
"Mr. Secretary."
It was 1500 when Gibbs and the team made it back to the navy yard. It had been a long several hours. A Petty Officer Third Class had drowned in the training pool at Quantico's military base and as of yet there was no good reason why. It being a military base with plenty of enlisted men that had worked with or knew the deceased, they'd spent most of their time going back and forth to different interviews. Ducky was now in charge of solving their main mystery. Why did a young man, known to his buddies as "Fish" for his love of and skill in the water, suddenly drown while swimming laps during his morning workout? Abby had her hands full of blood, tissue and water samples, not to mention DNA of all those that had been in the general area of the pool that morning.
McGee settled down at his desk to run financials and check into Petty Officer Jason Durington's past. Tony and Ziva picked up their phones to get in touch with contacts and speak with family members and friends. Gibbs barely broke a stride and headed for the director's office.
"Where you going Boss?" Tony asked, forgetting it was none of his business.
"I'm going to give the director a SitRep on the case if that's okay with you Agent DiNozzo."
"Oh yeah, that's fine Boss, great idea."
"Yeah, well, she was a little testy this morning. Best to stay on her good side."
"Really?" Tony looked confused. "She seemed in a very pleasant mood when I was up there..." he trailed off as the Gibbs stare was aimed full force at him from three feet away. "Not that I was checking up on the director or anything boss. No, no. I was just..."
THWACK! Gibbs hand connected with the back of Tony's head.
"Got it Boss, none of my business." Tony winced and Ziva gave him a look that said he should've known better.
When Gibbs entered the director's office despite Cynthia's protests, he was surprised to see Jenny sitting at her desk, leaning over, her head resting on her arms as if she were sleeping. He closed the door and flipped the lock.
"Jen?" He called her name before he approached her. There was a gun in the drawer beside her and she could throw the letter opener on her desk almost as well as Ziva. One did not startle the director of an armed federal agency.
Gibbs walked over and ran his hand down her hair and rubbed her back a couple of times. She shifted, rolling her head to look at him with one eye.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Oh Jethro," she groaned. "I just got off the phone with SecNav." Gibbs chuckled. "Yeah, not exactly my idea of a relaxing conversation. And I have another appointment in less than thirty minutes and my body isn't cooperating with me. You would think I didn't sleep at all last night."
Gibbs decided not to mention that he'd noticed she hadn't slept much at all last night. She'd tossed and turned all night, gotten up several times to get a glass of water or use the bathroom and often just lay on her side of the bed, away from him, staring at the ceiling. She was so oblivious to anything around her that she hadn't even noticed him watching.
He rubbed her back some more, seeing as she hadn't acted like that bothered her. Jenny groaned, though because she was tired or because it felt good he couldn't tell.
"Jethro," her voice was soft, "I hate to ask, but could you just massage my neck and shoulders a little? Everything feels so tight and knotted."
Glad for some way to help, glad to be able to touch her, Gibbs readily complied. He smiled as he gently dug his fingers into her tense muscles. This is what he loved about her locked office door. He could just come in and spend a little time with his wife, away from everyone else's eyes where they didn't have to pretend.
Jenny rolled her neck in pleasure. Jethro had the touch and she'd often been the lucky recipient of his skills. After several minutes she sat up.
"Thank you Jethro."
"Better?" he asked.
She found a smile for him. "Much."
He leaned up against her desk, handing her the coffee he'd come in with. "Mine, but you can share."
"Mmm...caffeine. Just what I needed." Lunch hadn't sat very well, what little of it she'd eaten. Better to stick with the liquid energy for now.
"So," he crossed his arms, "what's your next appointment? I hope it doesn't take you too far from the office. It would be nice if you could leave at a decent time your first day back."
Jenny cringed, feeling her muscles tighten up again. "Actually Jethro, it's not an appointment as the director, not formally."
He frowned. "What is it?"
She rolled her eyes. "My mandatory psyche eval, can't wait."
Gibbs took her hand and kissed it. "Probably not such a bad idea Jen."
Jenny took her hand back and stood up. "It's not like I killed someone Jethro, nobody tried to murder me. It was just a really, really bad two days." She turned her back to him.
He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, feeling the way she tensed. He turned her to look at him. "Jenny, you've got to stop pretending like it didn't happen. The psyche eval isn't a punishment, it's supposed to help." Gibbs brushed her hair back from her face. "Talking about it might do you some good."
Jenny fought the urge to give him a good shove away from her. Why didn't he get it? Why didn't anyone get it? "Good, Jethro? To talk through every detail, to go through it all over again...it'll be like dreaming it and not being able to wake up." She looked up at him, feeling the low grade headache that had been there all morning making a full return. "Can the director of NCIS refuse a psyche eval?"
Gibbs looked at her evenly. "Only if she wants to make a major career shift into the unemployed sector."
Jenny forced a laugh. "Oh, is that all?" Pressing her hands to her forehead, Jenny braved a request. "It's been a really rough couple of hours Jethro, and it's about to be another rough hour plus..."
Before she finished her sentence, she could feel him moving closer. His voice whispered in her ear, "Permission to hug?"
Jenny nodded, drawing her arms around his neck, feeling his strong embrace encompass her and take the weight she couldn't bear by herself. "Oh Jethro, you don't have to ask."
They stood that way several minutes, lost in each other's arms. It was so comforting, so normal and Jenny desperately needed normal right now. Finally she leaned back. "Thank you Jethro."
He gave her a half-smile. "Anytime Jen."
She looked at her watch regretfully. "You better get back Mister, this is one long SitRep." She laughed. "And you didn't even tell me about your case. I can only imagine the gossip going on in the bullpen."
He reached up to brush her cheek. "Aw, a little suspense is good for them. But if they're not all working when I get down there I'm gonna headslap the lot of them into tomorrow."
"Bully," Jen grinned at him.
"I'll tell you about the case tonight. Good luck Jen," he said, just before he left. As much as he knew the psyche eval was for Jen's own good, he couldn't help feeling uneasy. Would it really help her to talk about what happened? Or would bringing it up just make it worse when she was trying so hard to keep it hidden? His wife was a jigsaw puzzle right now and he'd barely started working on the corner pieces. There was a lot of stuff in the middle where he was still completely in the dark. Maybe they would talk tonight after work and she could shed a little light for him on what she was really thinking.
Jenny watched her husband leave, feeling bereft. She looked around her office and her eyes settled on her desk. Silly as it was she had the incredible urge to take that black bear from Abby with her to her shrink appointment. I wonder what that would look like? she mused. The director of NCIS walking around with a stuffed bear? She reached out and felt the bear's fur. Or maybe she'd just take it home with her tonight. If Jethro was on a case, he was probably going to be late, she might even be asleep before he made it. Too bad, another hug probably would be really nice after her appointment.
The director went around and started packing up everything she'd been working on today, planning to take some paperwork home for a middle of the night insomnia cure if she couldn't sleep. She used to do it all the time before she and Jethro married. After that, staying up late with paperwork held absolutely no appeal.
As she got ready for her appointment, she could just feel her stress level rising. She hated the thought of discussing those events with a stranger, yet who else could she talk to? She couldn't bring herself to tell Jethro the details, it was too awful. What he imagined was awful enough, some things no husband should hear. And certainly not Ducky, though he was sweet to offer. It would be too embarrassing, like telling her grandfather. She shook her head, no, not him. And Abby was too young and positive to be burdened with the evil men can do. Besides, there was more of a respect for her position as director there, as there was with Tony and McGee, than there was an actual friendship.
Ziva was the closest thing Jenny had to a best friend, but the need to talk to someone made her feel weak and she couldn't bear the have the Mossad officer judge her for her weakness. There just wasn't anybody left. Who knows? Maybe this psychologist was about to become her new best friend. Either that, or her greatest enemy. The next hour would tell. Sighing, she gathered her purse and headed for the elevator.