Gibbs forced himself to calm down as he stood in front of the door. If Jenny was asleep, the last thing he wanted was to disturb her. Sliding his key in the lock, Gibbs let himself into Jenny's house. Slipping out of his shoes, he headed upstairs, draping his jacket over the bannister as he went. Stopping outside of their bedroom door, Gibbs stopped and listened for sounds.
Hearing the shower running, Gibbs stepped into the room, observing the rumpled covers on the bed. There was no way to tell how much time she'd spent there after he left. He knocked on the bathroom door, hoping she could hear him above the noise of the shower.
"Jen?" he called, warning her before he stepped in. Her towels were neatly hanging on the rod beside the shower, her pyjamas lying in a puddle in the middle of the floor. "Jen?" he asked again, when he got no response. Nothing.
He stepped closer and could see by the lack of silhouette against the curtain that she wasn't actually showering. What if she slipped and hit her head? Instant panic set in and he yanked open the curtain. Jenny was sitting at the back of the bathtub, arms wrapped around her pulled up knees and head lying on her arms while the water streamed over her. Her skin was red, though whether it was from the temperature of the water or something else, Gibbs couldn't tell.
"Oh Jenny," he breathed. "What are you doing?"
She lifted her head and looked at him with empty, tormented eyes. "I can't get rid of it," she said softly, her voice broken.
Gibbs sat down on the edge of the tub, not caring about the damp mist coming off the shower spray. "Can't get rid of what Jen?" he asked softly.
Tears began to leak out of her eyes. "This...dirty feeling of him, all over me. It won't go away."
Gibbs gut clenched. It was all he could do not to see the picture she was describing for him. Another man's hands all over his wife. Hurting her, making her cry, making her scream but not in pleasure. It made him want to put his hands on her, as if his touch could cover over the marks left by another. He knew now why her skin was so red. She'd tried to scrub the feeling off of her, but it wasn't something she could see to get rid of. Just a pervasive feeling of invisible evil.
He had the feeling that Jen wasn't quite with him, like she was only partly in this world while the rest of her mind was somewhere else. Now he needed to take care of her. She was worse now than when she'd come home on Saturday. She was regressing now that she couldn't hide the truth.
"Jenny," he said her name with care, wishing to see life return to her eyes. He flipped the handle on the shower control to turn the spray off. Then he lifted her towel off the rod. "Come here Jen." He held the towel out in front of him, ready for her to step into it. He'd often been there when she got out of the shower, greeted by a kiss, getting damp as she stepped into the towel and wrapped her wet arms around his neck. He loved little moments like that. But not this time.
Jenny shook her head at him, not wanting to move and for goodness sake's not wanting to stand up in front of him while she was naked. But he insisted.
"Yes Jenny, come on. You need to get out of there."
Jenny closed her eyes. "Don't look," she whispered.
"Aw Jen," he said, feeling the request a bit silly. "Really?"
Her eyes narrowed into daggers, staring at him. "Yes really Jethro. Close your eyes."
Feeling the force of her glare, Gibbs realized this wasn't just a silly request. She was very serious.
"Fine." He closed his eyes and listened to the squeaking sounds of her standing up in the wet tub, the two steps it took for her to reach him. He felt her hesitation before she stepped out of the bathtub and wrapped the towel around herself. Gibbs sighed, hoping she'd let him help but knowing she wouldn't.
"Can I open my eyes now?"
Jenny was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, running the brush through her hair as if nothing had happened. "Yes."
He turned around and looked at her for a moment. She stared at him in the mirror until he looked away. "I'll see you downstairs."
"Who said I was coming downstairs?" Jenny muttered at his retreating back as she reached for her hair dryer.
The first thing Gibbs did when he reached the kitchen was to start the coffee maker. Jen hadn't been downstairs yet or it would already be sitting there in the warmer. Jen needed her morning coffee as badly as he did. She'd never really been a morning person, even if she did adapt well.
He changed out the filter and grinds and sat down at the table while he waited to hear the sweet sound of fresh coffee drizzling into the pot. His time with Jenny upstairs did not go as expected. Why was she turning on him now? All he was doing was trying to help. Gibbs thought back to his recent conversation with Ducky. " Jennifer may get angry when there's no cause to or cry at the drop of a hat and not even know why she is doing so."
He dropped his face into his hands, feeling his shoulders sag. How the heck was he supposed to be there for her and support her and help her heal when she didn't seem to want him anywhere near her? Memories of last night flooded his thoughts. The two of them holding hands at the ice cream parlour. Sitting at one of the tiny tables for two and eating their ice cream. The way she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder on the drive home.
Last night he had allowed himself to hope that maybe she was starting to be okay with him touching her again. He pounded his fist on the table once. Ducky was right, he was not a very patient man. Here it had been only three days since they'd gotten her back and he was wanting everything to be fine. Yes, he knew healing takes time, but he missed his wife. It was as simple as that. He'd never realized how much of his time with Jenny he had taken for granted. Seven months of marriage, with very little to undermine the joy they'd found together, and there were so many things he'd just gotten used to.
Being able to kiss her awake in the morning. Standing there to hold the towel for her when she got out of the shower and getting a kiss for his efforts. Brushing against her when they stood at the sink brushing their teeth. Holding her hand on the way to work. He loved that their marriage had stayed a secret this long, that they knew something no one else knew and all the rest just guessed at. They had such fun creating new reasons for him to be called up to her office without creating suspicion. They ranged from late reports, to tangles with the press, inappropriate tones of voice when he spoke to her and the ever popular, "Special Agent Gibbs!" in her director voice shouted from the catwalk. He smiled just thinking of how his team winced at the sound of that order, sure their boss was in some heap of trouble now. What they couldn't know but would pay big money to see, was that almost every time he ended up in her office for "getting in trouble", he usually got to make out with her for a bit, as a reward.
And what about after work? There were so many times they didn't have to say a word, they could share a look and know everything the other wanted to say. It was relaxing on the couch with her after a long day, hearing the comfort in shared silence as she snuggled up close to him after a particularly rough case or a day with too many stressful dealings. There were moments of them, sitting at a kitchen table at either of their houses, and teasing as they ate dinner out of yet another takeout container. It was resting his hands on her shoulders, feeling her fit into him when he held her, how her smile could go from serious to sensual in only a moment, and then she would trail her fingers up his arm and give him that look that dared him not to follow her upstairs.
But he always did. And being together in bed was one of the things they did best together. Not to mention the fun they had getting there. But now she was afraid of him, afraid of them. And it made him angry but it also made him infinitely sad. This was his Jenny, but then it wasn't. So many moments over the past couple of days he had looked at her and felt like he was looking at a stranger. Would he have to learn her all over again? Would she heal enough for things to be the way they were, or would it always be this tentative, hesitant way with them? Always afraid of doing something wrong, saying the wrong thing? He was afraid of what would happen to their love if that was all they had now.
Gibbs looked up, absently realizing that the coffee had been ready for awhile now. He got up and poured himself a cup and then one for Jenny, just in case. She always loved it when he met her outside of the bathroom door with a hot cup of coffee. But today he would wait for her to come down. And he wondered, who would she be then?
A/N: Please, please read and review! I love each one that I get! Thank you!