Chapter 24

Sian pov

I broke the kiss gasping for air.

"God I love you" I heard her say. I was frozen to the spot. I pulled back and waited for to open her eyes. "Shit she's waiting for a reply" I thought.

"You do" I stuttered. I wanted to say I love you too, but the fear that had been wrapped around my heart for years wouldn't let me.

"Uhm yeah" she answered; I could see she was hurt.

"I…" I tried to speak but it's like I was paralyzed. She sat up and turned her back to me.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that" she said quietly. I just want to hug her and tell her I loved her more than anything but I knew I couldn't.

"Soph" I tried to speak again, but I was no use,

"I think I'm going to bed, its late goodnight Sian" she said blankly as she got out of my bed and laid down on hers.

Tears started forming in my eyes as I turned out the light. I felt the tears fall on my pillow and I sniffed.

….

I woke up with not the best moods in the world after what happened last night. I looked next to me and saw that the bed was empty. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

As I got to the breakfast table I saw her sitting next to Noa. I frowned and sat next to Kathy who was sitting opposite of Noa. I tried to look at her but she was avoiding my gaze.

Kathy must've noticed the tension and nudged at me. She gestured with her eyes towards Sophie and frowned.

"I need to talk to Sian about something" Kathy announced as Sophie finally looked up. She was still looking at everything else except me.

"Sian, you coming" Kathy said as I followed her to my old room.

She quickly closed the door. "What's going on? Yesterday you were dead happy to leave me and now you look like your puppy's been run over or summit" she said.

"I know it's complicated" I stated.

"What did she take too much closet space" she joked as I looked down.

"Come on Sian, tell me. You used to help me all the time with Derek, let me return the favor" she said as I inhaled deeply.

"She told me she loved me, last night" I stated.

"Okay…. and? She asked scratching her head.

"And I didn't say it back" I told her as her eyes grew wider.

"What? Why not you idiot" she asked.

"Well maybe because I don't feel the same." I snapped at her.

"Ha yeah right and the pope ain't catholic" she said as I frowned and started fiddling my hands.

"Sian… I know for a fact that Sophie means everything to you. So why would you hurt her unnecessarily." She asked me. "Why can't you just say it" she said.

"Because if I say it…. then it makes it real, and there's no turning back" I stuttered.

"Exactly" she stated.

1 week later

Sophie came into our room and the minute she saw me, she started hovering. We hadn't talked about that night in over a week, we hadn't done anything in over a week and it was killing me.

"What are you looking for" I asked as she looked at me and just shrugged.

"Soph, let me help…" I tried but I was interrupted

"No, it's fine. I think I left in the living room" she answered as she left the room. "There she goes again, avoiding me in every possible way. It's not like I can blame her, I hurt her." I thought.

Sophie pov

God it felt so awkward, I had to get out of that room immediately. I quickly made up an excuse to go to the living room, so I wouldn't be obliged to stay there.

I went to the living room and it was empty. "Thank fuck for that" I thought. I dropped down on the couch and just wanted to disappear. I put my hands on my eyes and groaned.

"To much sunlight" I heard someone joke. It was Kathy.

I smiled at her as she went and sat down next to me. "So are you and Sian still fighting" she asked.

"We're not fighting, we're just discovering things about each other" I stated.

"Right, "discovering". Like you maybe "discovering" that she doesn't reply when you tell her you love her" she asked as I furrowed my brows.

"How do you know about that" I asked her

"Ahmmmmm well I have my ways." She smirked as I looked at her suspiciously.

"Sian told me" she stated.

"Oh well great, suppose you had a right laugh about it ay" I hissed.

"We didn't, she told what happened. She really feels awful about it" she stated.

"Great" I mumbled.

"No I didn't mean it like that. She doesn't feel awful about how you feel about her, she feels awful about not saying it back" she explained.

"Yeah well you can't help how you feel. If she doesn't love me, she shouldn't feel bad about it. Things are just the way they are" I sulked.

"Sophie, can't you see it" she asked waving her hands in the air.

I frowned. "See what" I asked obliviously.

"That she loves you, you tit" she shouted.

"Ugh Kathy I'm not in the mood for this" I said as I was getting up.

"Well I don't care, cause I'm sick and tired of having meals with awkward silences and tension messing up the atmosphere. Look when you get to close to her, you push her self-destruct button on the way and she starts to push you away. That's just who she is, she terrified of someone getting too close" Kathy stated.

"I thought we were past that" I stated as Sian came in the room.

"Hey guys, what you up to" she asked sitting down next to me. I smell her shampoo and it send shivers down my spine. It made angry that she still had that effect on me.

"I uh I have to go help Gertie, with a couple of things" I said as I got up quickly, but Sian stopped me by grabbing my wrist.

"Soph please" she said pulling me down.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom" Kathy announced.

I looked at Sian's eyes for the first time in a week and I could still drown in them.

"Sophie I'm sorry…" she started saying.

"No don't be, you shouldn't be sorry for how you feel." I interrupted her.

"But it's not…" she started to say, but I couldn't bare to hear another rejection.

"Look, it was my fault. I moved too quickly" I said as I got up once more. "I promise I won't freak you out again" I said as I left.

…

"I'm so tired" I thought as I glanced at the clock '22h15pm'. "Suppose I could go to sleep already" I thought as I made my way to the bathroom.

I was brushing my teeth when I heard a couple of weird noises coming out of the toilet. I listened more carefully and it sounded like someone throwing up.

I door of the toilet opened and Kathy came out wiping her mouth. As soon as she saw me, her expression turned to shock.

"Kathy are you okay, are you sick" I said as she nodded.

"Well I'll go get Gertie okay" I said as I wanted to go out of the bathroom when she held me back.

"No" she hissed as I furrowed my brows.

"Why not, you're sick. It could be something serious…" I said as she huffed.

"I'm not ill okay" she said looking at the ground.

"Really then how come you were….." I that moment a switch turned in my head and I noticed how thin Kathy was. You could see her collarbone sticking out clearly. She was skin over bone.

"O my god, Kathy what…." I croaked out, I couldn't believe I had never noticed how thin she was.

"Please don't tell anybody. Especially not Sian okay, I …." She begged me.

"Kathy, I can't do that. You're ill" I pleaded with her.

"No I'm not though. I… I just don't like the feeling of a full stomach" she stated as my eyes grew bigger.

"Kathy…" I started saying

"Just don't tell, you have your problems and I have mine. I don't go around parading yours so I expect you to do the same with mine" she said as she walked off.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help her, but how. I didn't know if I should tell anybody, I know from experience that, that's not always the right way to go by.

I walked to my room and started to make myself ready for bed. "Maybe Sian knows. If she does then I have to tell her. I think I'll tell Sian, she's her best friend after all" I thought.

…

I heard panic erupting in the hallway when I opened my eyes.

When I opened my door, I could see Kathy lying on the ground unconscious. Sian was sitting next to her holding her hand as Gertie was performing SPR. I couldn't believe what was happening.

As they took Kathy away, Sian fell into my arms and sobbed. "What happened" I asked as I put my arms around her back.

"She just collapsed, they said her body didn't have enough strength anymore to cope" she whimpered in my hair.

"I don't understand how….." I started asking but Sian interrupted me.

"She has anorexia, I thought she was getting better, but turns out she's been giving her portions to Noa. She's probably thrown up too, cause I've seen her eat" she sobbed.

"Noa?" I asked bewildered.

"Yeah, that bitch knew what was going on the whole time and did nothing about it" she spat as guilt washed over me. "Just like me last night" I thought.

"Soph, I know it's been kind of awkward with us lately, but please will you come with me to the medical centre" she pleaded as she looked at me with tears streaming out of her eyes. I was hesitating, but this wasn't about us, it was about Kathy

"Yeah okay" I said as we both went to the medical centre with Gertie.