Chapter 4: Don't go looking for trouble
Rick can see that her face has been healing for the past few days and the swelling has gone down, and he sees the bandage on her right cheek bone. When he looks down and sees Michonne in a partially ripped shirt exposing the bandages on ribs; he notices a dark blue and purple bruise protruding above and below the bandage around her ribs.
He puts one hand on his hip then rubs his eyes with the other hand infuriated and annoyed by what he is observing.
Rick starts to get a waning feeling of sadness his stomach and his chest begins to surge with rage. His first inclination is to throw the couch across the room he's so angry. Instead he decides to play cop and tries to remain as objective as he can about what he is seeing.
"Michonne who did this to you, why didn't you tell me about this?" He asks gently.
Michonne startled by his appearance, turns around and goes back in to the kitchen.
Rick immediately follows behind her then grabs her arm and turns her around, "Michonne who did this to you?"
She's without words, she can't bring herself to tell him who did this or why this happened because she didn't know.
Quickly, She puts the oatmeal down on the small counter top and starts to quickly limp past him; into the living room and upstairs saying, "I can't do this right now Rick, I…I'm not ready to do this right now."
He starts walking up the stairs after her and says, "What? What the hell do you mean you can't talk about this right now?! What the hell happened to your face and your ribs, Michonne?!"
She gets upstairs and sits on the bed. Rick walks in the bedroom and slams the door shut.
Michonne jumps a little when he slams the bedroom door, realizing just how weakened she has become since the attack. His yelling and slamming doors is causing her to feel even more exposed because she can't protect herself at the moment and she can't calm him down because she is too frightened.
Once Rick slams the bedroom door shut; he notices Michonne jump at the sound of the door slamming. He catches himself then slowly walks to the other side of the room to calm down before saying anything else. He sits on the floor against wall and says to Michonne quietly, "When did this happen?"
"The night you and the group went out. Look," Michonne says getting up, "I'm really tired and I need to lie down", She starts walking to the bedroom door and opens it signaling Rick to go.
He gets up off the floor and walks over to the bedroom door and shuts it again causing her to step a few feet away from him.
Rick looks at her with offended eyes, "Are you scared of me Chonne'?" He remembers dealing with domestic violence and rape victims while being a deputy sheriff; and how fragile they tend to be days after the fact, but he never imagined Michonne feeling this way, he always saw her as a warrior.
He walks up to her slowly and says again softly, "Are you afraid of me?" He walks a little bit closer to her with his hands slightly up in the air, "Are you?"
Michonne can see the change in his demeanor and says, "No. I'm afraid of what you might do."
"To you", Rick's voice start to get a bit louder.
"No, about what you may do out there. We need this place Rick, Carl and Judith need this place its stable, we can't keep running with a baby in the wild. She doesn't understand." Michonne explains.
"So you would rather not tell me at all? Does Carl…Shit! That's why Carl reacted the way he did when I had the talk with him." Rick says under his breath.
"Look I was gonna tell you once I was healed up. Once I am recovered I will take care of this myself." She says.
"So you would risk the other women out there being attacked?" He questions.
"No… they were waiting for me, they knew which way I went home from the neighborhood announcements. I started to walk in between the two boarded up houses and that's when they grabbed me. Carl came back over and saw them ripping…" Michonne stops going in to detail as it is bringing up to many memories that she hasn't decided to deal with yet.
"Carl was there? He saw what happened?" Rick asks while increasing the volume on his voice.
She discreetly walks to the opposite side of the room from Rick. In her mind she knows he would never do anything to hurt her but, she had to admit to herself that after Elysium she isn't sure what to think about Rick.
Rick lets out a big sigh then walks over to Michonne and says, 'Well, let me check your ribs and make sure the bandage is tight?"
She steps back away from Ricks' approach. "No, I am good it's pretty tight." She says.
Rick looks at her with grief, "Michonne, I would never…please you know me better than that", he pleads.
"I know I just feel real…I am just not myself right now. And I need some time to regain or…repair what I lost that night." She tells him.
Rick begins to back away slowly with his hand slightly in the air again. "O.k, o.k., would it be alright if I sent Bob and Sasha over to check out you injuries", Rick says while backing up toward the bedroom door. But Michonne doesn't respond.
"How about if I just send Sasha over and I won't tell her anything. I will just tell her that you need to speak with her in confidence, alright?" Michonne nods her head yes, then turns her back on Rick.
"Listen, I know you may not want this but, while you're like this I can't leave you alone by yourself for a while. I know this won't come out right but, I don't feel comfortable with you being here alone if you are unable to fight. So I will be back before it gets dark, I will stay down stairs on the couch and you can lock the bedroom door. But if I can't do that, then I have to find someone who will. So I'll be back later on and in the meantime I will ask Sasha to stop by alright?" Rick is saying this as he backs out of the bedroom. Right before he shuts the door. "Is that a yes?" Rick asks. She shakes her head yes and raises her hand to leave her alone.
Sasha comes out of Michonne's house and sees Bob walking toward her. As she starts to walk up the block she hears,
"Sasha, Sasha…", Rick yells while doing a light jog up to her. "How is she?" he asks while facing in the opposite direction of her.
Sasha looks up the block as Bob is coming down the block then she says, "She's pretty banged up. She wouldn't remove the bandages from her ribs but…The color of that bruise doesn't look good. As I was trying to dress the bandage on her eye I could feel her skin and she's really warm. I gave her some Motrin and antibiotics to stop the infection?"
"What infection", he asks.
"Rick?" Sasha say raising her voice a little, "Any infection. She wouldn't take the bandages off her ribs; she wouldn't let me examine her. Are you really surprised? She's been taking care of herself for a while. But…I think I know what happened", she sadly admits.
"Look, she's not gonna talk about it until she wants to Rick. We'll just have to wait to see if she ever does." Sasha says while shrugging her shoulders.
"Hey, so what's up with Chonne'? How she doing", Bob asks while walking toward Rick and Sasha.
"She's good, she said it happens every few months or years", Sasha reassures Bob.
"Did she have a fever, is vomiting" Bob questions some more.
"Chill, army medic, I was firemen and a E.M.T. I know how to examine." Sasha says with a laugh, "I gave her about 800 mg of Motrin, so she is about to go to sleep which is exactly what she needs. Come on", Sasha wraps one of her arms around Bob's shoulder, then mouths to Rick that she will come back tomorrow afternoon then starts walking up the block with Bob.
Rick, Jane, Carl and Judith are sitting at a tiny kitchenette eating plain baked potatoes and carrots. No one was speaking but Judith.
"I tat tone, I tat tone", Judith says while banging her carrots on her plate.
Rick is just staring in to his plate pushing his food around. Carl keeps eating little bites of food while glancing at his father angrily. Carl knows that he stole Michonne's spare key from him. When Carl went by Michonne's after coming back with Daryl that morning; she told him that Rick was there earlier and he has already seen her. But she still wants him to come by and see her every day.
Jane just sits with a smile on her face taking tiny bits off her plate then looks at Rick, "So how is Michonne Rick? Did you get a chance to see her...Rick?"
He snaps out of his stare then looks up at her, "What?"
"How's Michonne doing?" Janes asks once more.
"Oh, she's…under the weather, she'll be alright", he says.
"Good, I was thinking that we should all go for a walk tomorrow before the neighborhood announcements. We haven't spent any time as a family." Jane's ability to block out the gloominess in this tiny kitchen space was eerie and very unwanted.
"I'm full, I'm going to bed. Carl grunts while pushing out his seat.
"Carl wait, I want to talk to you for minute," Rick pushes his chair out and leaves the table. Jane looks at Judith with a smile as Judith says again, "I tat tone."
Rick stops Carl before he goes up the stairs and puts his hand on his shoulder, "Look, I'm not mad…"
"Well, I am", Carl whispers angrily. "First you weren't there to help her, and then you steal my key to her house. I was taking care of her. Just like I take care of Jane and Judith, Michonne is nearly two blocks away by herself. She needs to be here under the same roof as us."
"Carl", Rick chuckles a bit then whispers, "There is barely enough room for the four of us let alone a fifth person."
"Then maybe you need to get rid of the newcomer." Carl turns around and run upstairs.
Rick follows behind him a few seconds later and walks in to his room and shuts the bedroom door. "Carl, I am sorry I stole your key but I knew you wouldn't give it to me. And I'm glad you were there to help Michonne a few nights ago. You're right, I should've been there. But, I will be there for her from now on...or as much as she will let me", he explains.
He begins to walk over to Carl's bedroom window to look across street at Michonne's house; then turns back around to Carl, "Now, I will be staying there over night until she's well enough to fight again…"
Carl walks over to his bed and sits down then looks up at his father, "Then what? Go back to leaving her alone, by herself with walkers a few feet away and some crazy rapists up the block. Who is gonna have her back?" Carl asks. "If she can't stay with us once she's better… then I will go live with her. You stay her with Jane and Judith."
Rick stands puzzled at how the conversation has gone so far, "Look, it'll be a week or two that I'll be over there; in the meantime you keep Judith and Jane safe at night." Rick heads over the door, "We'll revisit this discussion at a later time."
Carl shakes his head disapprovingly at his father, "Kids and adults really see things differently. You know I'm right, you know she needs to be here with us… the three of us."
Ricks turns around and leaves Carl's room, just as he closes Carl's bedroom door Jane is coming toward the bathroom to give Judith a bath. He walks over to Judith in Jane's arm and kisses Judith's head but doesn't kiss Jane. "Listen, something happened a few nights ago with Michonne and she's been injured…"
"Is that where Carl has been going early in the morning?" Jane interrupts.
"Yea, so I am gonna be staying there until she is well enough to take care of herself again." Rick tells her.
"Of course, I know how much she means to you and Carl. Go we will be fine. I will make sure that James or Jimmy stops by to check on us before we lockup." Jane says lovingly.
This act of concern for Michonne felt odd considering what she said earlier that day. But he had no time to really read in to it because he needed to get to Michonne's house before it gets dark. Rick places his hand on her shoulder and says, "Thanks, I'll stop by once the sun is up."
Just as Rick hears Jane push the couch against the door he looks up the block as the evening settles on the neighborhood. No one's out on the street. At first glance it looks like any other neighborhood before the outbreak. Rick walks up and across the street to where Michonne was attacked. As he walks over to the entrance between the two houses he sees a light. Rick pulls out his gun and his flashlight and just as he is about to flash his light Daryl has his crossbow aimed and ready.
"Rick? Your a little slow on draw there chief?" Daryl says while lowering his weapon. "I was just checking out the scene of the crime."
"Find anything", Rick asks.
"Na' it's been a few days, besides tracking ain't easy after a couple of days and it's damn near impossible to do in the dark." Daryl tells him.
"Well, we can't get out here during the day it'll stir up too much attention. Look, I 'll be staying over there at night until she can defend herself again." Rick says. "
"Oh, well just let me know if you need a break or something." Daryl reminds him.
"You'll be the first to know, brother." Rick responds while walking away.
Rick knocks on Michonnes' door, "It's Rick", he says.
Michonne opens the door, looks at Rick then shakes her head bitterly and walks toward the stairs, 'I don't like this Rick. I don't need a babysitter." She snaps at him.
Rick walks in and closes the door, well prepared for this sort of response to him being there. "Well as soon as you let someone take a look under all those bandages to see that your healing properly we are gonna be roommates."
He pushes the couch against the front door then checks the knot on the backdoor in the kitchen.
He decides to go upstairs before going to sleep. He uses his flashlight to navigate the stairs leading to Michonne bedroom. As he gets to the top of the steps he sees that that her bedroom door is open. "Knock, knock?" Rick says jokingly. As he slowly pushes the door open wider he sees her pulling out a t-shirt and some pajama pants. "You alright, for the night?" he asks.
She remembers the hurt look he gave her when he asked if she was afraid of him earlier that day. Michonne didn't want Rick to think that she was. So reluctantly she says, "I could use some help putting this stuff on."
Rick didn't give away how pleased he was to see that he was able to approach her again. Without hesitation he rushs in and puts his flashlight face up on the dresser, "Sure."
Michonne leans against the wall for balance as he gently begins to pull down her beat up sweat pants so she can step out of them. Rick can smell the hint of rosewater and olive oil permeating from her soft legs. He nearly got lost in the action of pulling her pants down when he sees a long piece of blood stained gauze taped on the upper part of her inner thigh. He slightly rubs his hand against the gauze then looks up at Michonne. He sees her head is turned away as though she's ashamed but, he clearly see the little streams of tears rolling down her face.
He looks back at the gauze and lightly lifts up the tape; he examines the pretty deep cut that really needs stitches. But for right now Rick gets up; goes in the bathroom and grabs the vinegar and a wash cloth. He comes back in to the room and kneels down again. He takes the wash cloth and holds it as the bottom on the gash against her leg, and then he begins to pours some vinegar on the wound.
She, groans with her mouth shut tight. He gets more gauze and tape from the dresser then redresses the wound.
He grabs the pajama pants off the bed and motions to her to step out of sweat pants and in to the pajama pants; slowly pulling the pants up to her waist; he ties the draw string in a bow while watching her face as she continues to avoid eye contact with him.
Just as he starts to lift her shirt Michonne raises her arms and winces from the pain in her ribs; he pulls the shirt over her head then leans over to look her in the eyes and say softly, "Michonne, look at me". They hadn't been this close since Elysium. She looks at Rick and sees that his eyes are full of tears too. "I am so sorry this happened to you."
Instantly, Michonne covers her face with her hands and starts to cry uncontrollably.
He wraps his arms around her squeezing her as hard as he could then slowly strokes are back.
She extends both her arms and wraps them around Rick's waist burying her face in his chest while continuing to cry. She had no idea that she was this damaged and fragile from the attack. However, when Rick embraces her she quickly felt safer, safe enough to cry. Although, she hadn't expressed any emotional breakdown from the attack before, she had no idea that it would hit her like this or this fast.
He hugs her back whispering in her ear, "I'm so sorry sweetheart, this shouldn't have happened to you." He continues to rub her back while holding her tighter and she keeps crying as if she has been waiting to cry for the past couple of years.
Michonne began to grow weaker from this outpour of emotion, so he slowly moves her over to the bed and they sat down, she's still unable to let him go. He was a little relieved that she broke down in front of him but, he kept feeling waves of fury rise within him over the fact that this happened.
He grabs the old top she had on then leaned her up a little to wipe her face and to blow her nose, "Here blow." Michonne blows her nose in the old shirt then sits up wiping her face.
As she began to calm down her sobs she lets out a big sigh, "I am sorry, I don't know what came over me just now. That was the one thing that I was trying to avoid." She says.
"Michonne, I would worry about your mental state if you hadn't. Given the times we are in…you have got to find a way to get rid of the pent up emotions. Especially from something like this," He tells her. "I understand why you wouldn't want to tell me Chonne' but it's unfair for you to assume that I would lose it to the point of losing our sanctuary."
Michonne looks at Rick, "If I would've told you what happened the minute you came back from the run…could you honestly say that you wouldn't have gone on a rampage to find out who did this? I mean Daryl, Glenn, Tyreese, any of you would have caused a shit storm in this survivor community over this… over me".
Rick gets up off the bed to help, "Why are you constantly excluding yourself from being important to our group? You know that everyone cares about you." He tells her.
"Rick, I am not going to let the group jeopardize their safety over me. I will heal and take care of this myself; I don't want Carl and Judith out there exposed to that craziness. Every time Judith starts to cry or gets irritated because she sleepy she puts everyone at risk. And she can't help that because she is still a baby. This is the safest place for them right now. For everybody right now…no one person is more important than the group, right?" Michonne says looking up at Rick.
Rick gets really silent for a moment then get's up to walk across the room, "Wrong. Not when one of our people gets hurt from an outsider", Rick says while walking over towards her. He kneels down in front of Michonne on the bed and holds her hands.
"But Rick…our group is considered the 'outsiders' here," Michonne says while touching Ricks face giving him a melancholy smile.
Rick stands up in a huff, grabs his flashlight and heads toward the bedroom door, "Michonne…we all care about you", he turns around and looks at her, "I care about you. You can't stop me from finding out who is responsible for doing this to you. And when I do I will try to remember this conversation but…", he shakes his head, "…the way I feel right now…I just can't make any promises regarding my actions when I find out."
Michonne walks over to Rick and says, "I have felt that way once before, I went looking for revenge remember? I went looking for trouble but, what I learned was that once you decided to go looking for trouble you never find it…it always finds you. And when it finds you it constantly causes a lot more damage than you expected to. So if you find the cowards before I do, just try to remember that part of tonight's conversation, alright?" Ricks shakes his head yes then closes the bedroom door.