How can life be normal and yet not all at the same time? Jenny went to work again on Friday and scheduled a full day because down times were dangerous times for unwanted thoughts to intrude. She saw her husband three times at work. Once to ask for help getting the FBI to butt out of an investigation, once to bring coffee and another to try and convince her to have something to eat. The last couple of days had been fine and small amounts of food had been making their way into her stomach. But Friday was full on work mode and Jenny couldn't be bothered with something as unessential as eating.

The rest of the day Gibbs and his team were in and out of the building, downstairs to the lab, further downstairs to Autopsy, out for coffee and food runs and back trying to track down people and chase leads. It was all so completely normal and yet not. Jenny had the feeling that everything about them was fake today; superficial and impersonal. There were no private chats, no need to lock her office door and no spying at him from the catwalk railing. Strictly professional, except that they were married.

Jenny didn't want to slow down. She didn't want to stop the slow self-destruct spiral she found herself in. She didn't want to talk about things and deal with them, she just wanted it to all go away. On the outside she was Director Sheppard, perfectly put together and capable of handling anything the day could bring. On the inside she was Jenny Gibbs, lonely and broken and trying desperately to forget the memories that clung to the back of her mind like tar. It was better just not to think about it. Working late and catching up on paperwork was an even better way to keep the thoughts away. Nothing else could fit in her mind while she was focused on case reports and mission updates.

But when she found a single purple freesia flower in her briefcase at the end of that long day, Jenny found she couldn't keep the front up anymore. Why was she bothering to try and hide? Jethro had been showing her these past few days, by coming into her world and speaking a language she loved, that he would meet her wherever she was, that he wasn't willing to let them get too far away. Freesia, after all, meant trust. You can trust me, his message was saying. I admire your courage, I know you can do this. I love you unconditionally. How could she just ignore everything he was telling her, everything he was willing to be for her?

As she stood there, undecided about the now what?, a knock sounded at her door and she looked up to see him there.

"Hi Jenny," Gibbs sounded hesitant, as if he couldn't read her. That scared her, because he always knew her.

She looked back at him, trying to force a smile. "This must be serious. You knocked." It didn't even earn her a small grin.

Gibbs rubbed his hands together and seemed to be trying to decide something. "What's wrong today Jen? Nothing has felt right all day. You've barely looked me in the eye since we got up this morning. Did you have a bad dream? Did something today remind you of what happened? We can work through whatever it is Jen, just please," Jenny's eyes started to water when she saw the anguish in his eyes, "don't push me away. I can't be without you Jen. Tell me what's going on!"

Jenny fingered the petals on her flower, trying not to cry. Jethro hated it when she cried, but he also knew how to fix it. "I don't want to deal with it anymore Jethro, I don't want to work through it. I've been trying to hide from reality today because I just want it to go away."

Gibbs wanted to go to her, he wanted to tell her that they would fix whatever it was. But how do you fix a hurt like what she had experienced? How do you erase memories that won't go away? How do you help her heal when everything you want to do to help might be everything that she's afraid of?

They stood on opposite sides of her office, staring into each other's eyes, wondering what the other one saw. Jenny saw the moment her husband decided he could fix this and she took a small step towards him, dropping the flower on her desk. Still he waited, for what she wasn't sure, but she knew it was still her move.

"I trust you," she whispered and a moment later his arms were around her and both breathed a sigh of relief at the contact. If he could just hold her, they would make it. They would work on everything else step by step, but that was one of the most important things.

Jenny didn't want to cry, so she wiped away the tears one by one as Gibbs rocked her slowly. He held her as if she were made of glass, so fragile that she could fall apart at any moment. Inside, Jenny still held herself back from him, but she was determined to fix that this weekend. She really wanted to try.

"It's time to go home Jenny," Gibbs whispered against her hair.

She turned her eyes towards the clock and the sound she made was part laugh, part cry. "Only nine o'clock, that's practically a record for us. Do you suppose we'll ever learn how to go home at a normal time?"

It was Gibbs turn to laugh. "Only when there are no more cases. But I think we would be bored to death, so we may as well just deal with it."

The drive home was quiet, but a peaceful kind and not the kind where they were trying to avoid saying something. It was chilly outside, so Gibbs turned the fireplace on when they got inside and Jenny declared she was going upstairs to change into something more comfortable. He knew she really just wanted to get rid of her heels. Other than the fact that she looked really good in them, he was pretty sure the only reason she wore them was to be closer to his height. Jenny Gibbs was short without her heels and not nearly so imposing. He chuckled. But he wouldn't be caught dead telling her that, especially when she was his boss. For the rest of the weekend though, she was his wife only and he hoped they could find a way back to each other while they were alone, even if they went no further than getting her comfortable with being touched again.

Wandering into the kitchen, Gibbs decided it was time to look for dessert. Though neither one of them had really had supper, he was pretty sure they didn't feel like a full meal either. Grabbing two bowls out of the cupboard, Gibbs was headed over to the fridge when he saw a piece of paper with Jenny's writing on it sitting on the counter. He picked it up, trying to read what she'd written. The words were just scribbled down quickly but he was pretty good at reading Jenny's in-a-hurry scrawl.

The words said:

"Lead me with strong hands,

stand up, when I can't.

Don't leave me, hungry for love,

Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me, you're willing to fight,

That I'm still the love of your life.

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone."

Gibbs stared at the words, which sounded vaguely like song lyrics or the words from a poem maybe. But given that the paper was in front of the radio, he guessed at the first. He read them again, struck by how they seemed to relate to what his wife was going through, what he was going through. The lyrics spoke for both of them and Gibbs knew Jenny had written them down for a reason, maybe he was supposed to see them. He tucked the paper in his pocket, he would have to think about that more later.

Returning to his original mission, Gibbs took the quart of ice cream from the freezer and dropped a couple scoops in each bowl. He took them with him into the livingroom and waited for Jenny to come back downstairs. When she did, he handed her the bowl of ice cream without a word and she settled on the other end of the couch, raising her eyebrows.

"Ice cream two times in one week? Either I'm in trouble or I'm getting spoiled for no good reason."

"Don't need a reason to spoil you Jen," he informed her, licking ice cream off his spoon.

She took a small taste of hers and frowned. "But you didn't say I wasn't in trouble."

"No trouble," he shook his head, "but we still need to talk."

"I was afraid of that," Jenny's voice sounded small and she finished her sentence in sign. With words?

"Yes," he said firmly, signing and speaking at the same time. "With words Jen. We haven't talked enough this week." He sighed. "I miss us Jenny."

She nodded. "I miss us too. But what do we do about it?"

"Tell me how you're feeling, what you're feeling. Tell me why I can't do things instead of just saying don't."

"Will you tell me things too?" Jenny asked, apprehension creeping over her and she shivered, even with the warmth in the room.

He looked surprised. "What kind of things?"

"Tell me what you really feel about what happened. Not just what you think I need to hear." This question was important to her, he could hear it in her tone, see it in her body language. She was afraid to believe everything he'd told her in case he was just saying it because she was hurt. He set his bowl aside and scooted forward, offering his hands to her. After a couple moments, Jenny tentatively placed her hands in his.

"Jen, you gotta believe me. Everything you've heard from me this week is true. I'm not making it up so you feel better. You are and always will be beautiful to me. I have never and will never think of you as damaged goods. I don't care how long it takes for you to feel better, I will be right here." He raised her hands to his lips and kissed them slowly. "I love you Jenny."

Although it felt good to have all those truths reinforced, it hadn't escaped Jenny's notice that he'd side stepped the question. So she asked it again. "But how do you feel, Jethro?"

"Feel?" he said harshly and she could see the frustration in his face and his eyes. He tried to drop her hands but she held on tighter. "I feel awful. I feel like it's my fault because I left you alone. You're my wife! I'm supposed to protect you and I failed." His voice got softer with each new admission of guilt. "I am incredibly angry at the man who did this to you, not just because he hurt you but because he's made you afraid to be with the man who loves you. I wish I'd killed him. And I'm frustrated because I can't fix this Jen, I can't make it better for you."

Hearing his honesty for the first time since the event brought Jenny to tears. She leaned forward kissing his face and holding him. He grabbed onto her like a drowning man holds a life preserver and she whispered in his ear everything he didn't want to accept.