Gibbs and Jenny entered her house quietly. It had been a long day. Gibbs was antsy because there was a killer on the loose and he didn't know where. Jenny was feeling stressed simply because sometimes being director of NCIS was a stressful job. She headed for the study with her bag, intending to put in another hour or two with the files she'd brought home before heading to bed tonight. Gibbs went upstairs, to shower Jenny thought.
A file and a half later, Jenny sensed she wasn't alone and looked up. Her husband was lounging in the doorway, looking at her in a way she couldn't quite describe.
"What?" she asked, a smile crawling across her face. "You look like you're keeping a secret."
Gibbs walked over to stand in front of her. "Let's take a bath Jen," he said in a low voice.
Jenny's eyes widened. "Jethro..." she didn't know where to start. "I know we've been working on things but..." How could she tell him that she was still uncomfortable with her own body? That she hated being naked now. The only time she was without full covering these days was for five minutes in the morning when she showered, and even that mad her anxious. But when she saw the look in her husband's eyes, she found it very hard to say no.
"Come on Jen," he coaxed. "It's late and you're tired, no more work. Come relax with me."
Jenny tried to keep her breathing even and forced a small laugh. "I'm not sure relax is exactly the right word." But she took his hand anyway, turned off the lights on her way out of the room, and allowed him to lead her upstairs. When they got to the bathroom, Jenny couldn't believe her eyes. Here was a man who didn't always remember the details and sometimes forgot even the really important stuff, and yet all around the room her favourite candles were lit, soft music was playing on the counter, and a bubble bath nearly filled the tub.
"Oh Jethro," she breathed, "you do know how to make it hard to say no."
"That was kind of the idea," he smiled, glad to see that she liked it. But he knew they were going to have to work on the dread that still hovered in her eyes at the thought of this kind of alone time with him.
He picked her silk robe up off the stool and handed it to her. "Here," he said, remembering last week's incident in the shower and how she hadn't wanted him to look, "you change into that and call me when you're ready. Then you don't have to look when I get in and I'll close my eyes so you can join me. Okay?"
Touched by his thoughtfulness, Jenny could do little more than nod. Gibbs left and closed the door and Jenny slowly began getting undressed. She folded each item of clothing carefully and set the pile on the bathroom counter. Tying the robe tightly at her waist, Jenny pulled the clip out to release her hair. Then she timidly called, "I'm ready."
She kept her back to the door, listening to Gibbs' footsteps across the floor. She heard the gentle ripple of water as he sank into the tub. "Your turn Jenny," he called, keeping his voice soft.
Jenny turned around slowly to find her husband smiling up at her. "The water's perfect," he added, hoping to encourage her.
"Close your eyes," she whispered and he did so without complaint. Closing her own eyes and wishing her hands weren't shaking, she undid the knot and slipped off her robe. Moving quickly, she settled into the other end of the tub, pulling her knees up to her chest, grateful the bubbles covered everything.
Gibbs felt the change in the water when she got in and waited until it was still again before opening his eyes. Jenny was as far away as she could get in a bathtub, and even though it was a nice large one, there was only so much space. Still, he didn't want her to stay over there the whole time, that would defeat the purpose of them spending some quality time together.
He picked up a wash cloth. He knew he would be doing most of the caring for this time and Gibbs was okay with that. Jenny still needed to be handled so carefully and he wanted to build her trust back up. He meant the bath to be a non-threatening way for them to be together in close quarters. He also intended her to learn that every time he tried to touch her he was not angling for something she couldn't give, just in case that was in the back of her mind somewhere.
Squeezing some liquid soap into the cloth, Gibbs worked up a lather. "Jen, let me see your foot," he requested.
Finally Jenny met his eyes. "Why?"
He sighed. "Try not to think about it too much, okay? Just let me take care of you tonight."
After a minute, Jenny sank a little lower in the bubbles and stretched out her legs. She could feel his legs alongside hers and she tried to think of it being no different than when they were laying in bed at night and their legs were touching. Except at night they were fully clothed. Here, not so much.
Gibbs reached down and picked up one of Jenny's legs. He held the cloth in his hand and gently ran it overtop of her foot and back under, avoiding the ticklish spot in her arch. He moved the cloth up and ran it down her calf and over her knee, but went no further than that. He did the same with the second leg and could feel a little of the tension leave her muscles.
He took a break for awhile, to give Jenny some space, and used the washcloth on himself. Normally when they bathed together, they took turns washing each other. He loved the feeling over hands all over him as she washed his back, his arms, his legs. He loved just being with her, no matter what they were doing. Often they would sit in the bath and talk, sometimes they would kiss and once in awhile they would take it further than that and really have some fun being together in the warm, soapy water. Of course, that was the last thing Gibbs wanted his wife to worry about tonight, he knew her limits. But he was going to test a few of them if the next few minutes went according to the plan in his head.
"Jenny," he asked once she'd relaxed and lain her head back against the side of the tub. She lifted her head to look at him, a small smile on her lips. "Will you come and sit with me?"
At first Jenny shook her head, her immediate reaction. But Gibbs didn't say anything, he just waited for her to think it over. Then he held out his hand to her. It wasn't like they were a million miles apart, only a few feet across the bathtub, but in thinking they may as well have been on different planets. She knew he meant well but did he have any idea how hard it was for her to sit here? To not jump out and run to someplace she felt safe?
Jenny looked at his hand and then into his eyes. Something there gave her the courage to take his hand and let him draw her across that few feet of space until she was resting her bare back against his bare chest. She tried to slow her breathing but all she could think about was the last time she had been this close to a naked man and what he had done. This is your husband Jenny, she reminded herself, your husband that loves you. He had nothing to do with the creep that created those memories. You've got to trust him Jenny. She repeated it to herself over and over and over, trying to hold onto the truth she knew was in those words.
It helped that Gibbs didn't move so much as an inch. He'd seen the struggle in her face, he knew some of what it had taken for her just to get in the bath with him, let alone get this close. So he waited for her breathing to return to normal, waited for her to relax enough to lay back against him without thinking, waited for her to be okay with this.
Poor Jenny. It was more skin to skin contact than she'd had in a week and she was severely on edge. Just to rest back against him, to feel him against her, their bodies pressed closely together, was a lot. She kept her hands still and resisted the urge to curl up into the little ball that was her comfort position when emotions overwhelmed her and she needed to hide.
Jenny kept her eyes closed and finally leaned more of her weight against Jethro's chest and even rested her head back on his shoulder. She started when she felt his arms come around her waist, but when nothing else happened, she let herself enjoy being held, just for a moment.
Gibbs was finding it very hard to be so patient. Being this close to his wife and having to censor all his movements was pretty close to driving him crazy. But the last thing in the world he wanted to do was scare her. So he contented himself with her back against his chest, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her. Once she unwound a little bit, he wanted to try something else.
Jenny could feel the tension in her husband's body, how he was working so hard to keep things comfortable for her. She knew this couldn't be easy, they were married after all. Normally he didn't need permission to touch. If only she could calm down, but her nerves were all on end, wondering what would happen next.
"Jenny," Gibbs' breath tickled her ear, "I'm going to try something and I want you to trust me. I know it's hard, but I think you need to remember what it feels like to have my hands on your body, the hands of a man who loves you and would never hurt you."
Right away her eyes flew open and she tried to move away from him, but his gentle grip kept her in place. "Jen, I promise I am not going to hurt you, but I am going to touch you."
"No," Jenny whimpered, seeing hands in her mind, feeling them rough and painful all over her.
He tightened his arms around her. "Jenny, Jenny wherever you are, wherever the memories are taking you, I need you to come back. It's me, it's your husband and I am not going to hurt you."
Gibbs decided to start somewhere safe. He moved his hands up to her shoulders and slowly ran them down her arms, first on the top and then underneath. All the while he was talking to her. "Jen, whatever I do, if it scares you, if it reminds you of something, I want you to tell me. We'll talk about it, we'll work through it but I don't want to be away from you anymore."
Jenny heard his voice trying to penetrate the cloud of remembering that surrounded her mind. It broke when his hands began to move and she sat, trying not to shudder at his touch. He was being so gentle, he was trying so hard to help. I just don't want him to push me, she thought but then she remembered Rule 18 and decided she had to work with him here. So she opened her eyes, focused on a point on the far wall and waited.
Gibbs could feel that Jenny had her feet propped up so that her knees weren't flat to the floor of the bathtub, but slightly raised. He put his hands on her knees and once again ran them down her lower legs. There was no reaction, good or bad, so he kept to the plan.
"Lean forward a sec, will you Jen?" he asked, picking up the cloth again. In slow, even strokes he ran the cloth across her bare back, loving the feel of her skin against his, but loving even more the fact that she was relaxing into his touch. The next part would be the hardest, putting his hands places that might trigger a whole lot of bad memories.